Urban: In Search of Satisfaction

Who in the Hell left the gate open?

2011-06-09T09:08:00.001-05:00

Man is hot as hell in D.C......not that I know what hell feels like, but hawt DAMN!!!!

Stay cool.

Sherry

Past Weekend: Graduation and Birthday

2011-05-20T10:13:00.007-05:00

Hey folks,

I am officially done with school!!! This past Saturday, I graduated and now have my MASTERS!!! Who would have thunk it!! I remember posting anxiety of getting in and now I am done.

The day started off kinda cold, very wet and dreary. Did I tell you that the graduation is outside. Um yeah, who wants to hear their mother talk about leaving because she ain't come to get no damn pneumonia. um, mother dearest you can go inside and watch on the big screen t.v.s they have. Also, if anyone wanted to complain it should have been the graudates since we had to sit in the wet dang on chairs when the rain stopped. With all that said it was really nice once sun peeked through. The grounds at CUA are gorgeous, especially with the Basilica as the backdrop of the graduation. However, it was hectic for a moment because CUA has two graduations. So I had to attend the first one with EVERYONE and then the second one with my department. Which was pretty cool because it was more intimate and with your class and the champagne jazz brunch after was a nice touch.

I should have been with the nurses. They were so excited.

The commencement speaker was spea.ker of the h.ouse John "CRY BABY" B. he so works my nerves. He cried from beginning to end. I knew he would that's all his ass do. His speech was some garbage. His background is one of those pull yourself up by your bootstraps so I tried to have an open mind and listen, thinking - hey, he should have a great "go get em, the world is yours speech." UM, NOT.

I so am going to miss the CAT.HOLIC UNIVER.SITY OF AME.RICA

I partied like I was a Rock Star. I had a cook-out in honor of the festive occasion and I did something I never do which is enjoy the moment and accept the day as my day. I love to help everyone else, but feel uncomfortable when the attention is on me. Felt good to just STFU.

AND then on Sunday, I turned the big 37. Which is cool, because my crazy ass was telling people I was 37 last year until Anger Mgmt told me, your not 37 your 36, so I have been practicing for this number for a minute. So, now I have to take time and write new goals for myself because right now I am just floating through life trying to figure out what's next. Which can be a good thing, but for me not so much. The last time I didnt have goals I felt like I was wasting time.

P.S. now ya'll know this event was FILLED with drama. I will write about that later.

Almost Free!! .........almost

2011-04-26T18:39:00.003-05:00

Almost done!!!

I just completed my 62 page stupid paper and now only have a 3 page and 10 page paper left.

Go me!!

I can almost see the light. Almost.

I hope every one is doing okay, I have been reading blogs, even if I have not responded.

So let's do a quick update...

I am still employed at the company, almost been there a year and let me tell you them folks are more than two kinds of crazy. I am just like totally amazed. Some of the shizznit people do, I am just like damn. I will definitely have to change names and put it on here because you all CANNOT believe the stories I will share you would swear I made it up.

Family is still the most important thing to me and we are still loving each other as we are suppose to.

Until the next time......

Hello life is that you?

2010-12-13T22:00:00.000-05:00

Dang its been a minute!!

I missed writing and sharing but heck life was calling and I had no caller id so I picked up. I am finished another semester of school and I have one more to go. Go me!!

I figured the only way to get back into writing is to jump right in.

Until the next post……

College Boy is 21!!!

2010-08-21T22:50:00.003-05:00

I am so excited!!! My beautiful baby boy is a grown arse man, but I still see him as my little baby. He turned 21 today and he is having a sleepover for his bday. Him and his friends are playing video games. I swear he is stuck at 16, which is okay as long as he is close by his momma - oh and not in the house at 35 writing his name on the OJ.

I am so glad they hired you!! What? GTFOH!

2010-08-01T16:00:00.002-05:00

This is what the receptionist told me Friday. She gets a big CHILD PUHLEASE!!

I so wish I blog when I am suppose to because there are so many stories to tell with layers and I hate when I don’t blog and something else happens.

Anywho let me tell you the story from the beginning.

Part 1: My arrival

I get to work and no one is there to open the door. For some reason on Monday’s the place is locked up like a fort after the weekend after that we can use our passcodes and get in. Well homegirl is the only one with a key. So we have to wait for her because she is the ONLY one with a key except other directors who of course don’t come to work that early.

Then when she does arrive we are all met (the five people who had to wait for her who were on time).

At the end of my first day I told my good girlfriends and husband that homie was gonna be a problem. I can just tell. I got that vibe from her straight off the top but whatever.

Part II: Hazing/Disrespect

I was given my telephone and office extension on day two, but yet did not have a voicemail set up and they had me hit the ground running on my first day so when people called me back they had to talk to her - the um, what is her title again, the um, RECEPTIONIST and leave messages with her. So, let me set the stage, I am on the phone conducting business with a potential employee and she enters my office and says - Do you know your extension? If not it is x25! All I could do at that point was give her evil stare down because 1. I am on the phone, 2. I am conducting business and I really don’t have time so I let it slide.

THEN

As, I told you before we have a passcode to get into our office, however, our doors are glass so if someone comes up that is not apart of the business she has the POWER to buzz you in and she uses her powers for her own good. Okay, so it’s my third day. I go to the bathroom and I come back and this hussy sees me struggling to put in the code so I knock on the glass and she rolls her eyes and lets me in. Mind you she is on the phone do you know she SIGHS loudly (must be a personal call) and says to me and she SUCKS HER TEETH - I mean do you know the passcode?

Urban: (sick and tired at this point) NO I do not. Do I have the code? Yes I do. Do I know it by heart? No I don’t. Will I know it by heart? One day AND TODAY IS NOT THE DAY!!

Ya’ll it took all of me not to curse her ass out this was my damn third day! Biatch puhlease. I am like are you serious. I had to go in my office and walk around in circles to stop from coming out there. It was the first day I had to closed my door for a minute because I know I can go there if you take me and I wasn’t trying to go there.

Part III: BFFs- we are bestest

I went to her the next day and said can we talk when you have a moment.

Idiot: Why? Um, okay.
Urban: Okay, so what are your policies for the front?
Idiot: Huh
Urban: You know - rules and regulations.
Idiot: (trying to play dumb or was she…..) What do you mean rules and regulations? I’m not understanding.
Urban: Well, when I use to be at the front I use to have policies and procedures or a way I wanted to conduct things.
Idiot: Ohhh that….

I couldn’t stop her from talking then. I knew it was a power issue with her but it was so stupid and do you know she told another coworker. I didn’t know about the new girl at first because we had a disagreement but she is cool now.

Um, what planet is she on? WE didn’t have a issue. YOU had an issue. But whatever.

Part III: I betta watch my back - I mean, I’m glad you were hired.

She now talks to me everyday (go me) and now when she coming towards the door, before I can put my passcode in she buzz me in. Go figure. While I was getting my mail she says…….

BFF: Can I tell you I am so happy you are here.
Urban: Oh really.
BFF: Yes. I gotta tell you though. I told someone that I wasn’t sure about the new girl.
Urban: (funny how she left out the part about the disagreement but whatever) Why?
BFF: You were so quiet. You just come in and work and I like that.
Urban: Oh okay thank you. I am glad I was hired for the position.

WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSE TO DO? People kill me with that. I didn’t say much because I was sitting back observing. Sorry, I don’t give my life story to everyone only my blog buddies and friends.

Ain’t that some crapola. Have ya’ll ever dealt with stuff like that. Crazy

G.O.D is good!

2010-07-20T20:25:00.002-05:00

All the time!!

Yes! yes ya'll. How ya'll doing? Man oh man if you know the year I had!! If someone would have told me I would be living the life I am living now I would say maybe not because I have been through so, so , SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much this past year which we will get into much later. Sorry I haven't written but I am trying to be a good employee by not blogging at work. Kinda hard for me anyway being in a place that I am sure have a tracking damn device on my computer. Okay, I said I will talk about that later.

Anywho. I had a meeting this past Friday and I presented and did a great job. After the meeting I went back to the office and went to the bank to cash my check (I can't get direct deposit for 90 days WTF). Wait, let me back track. I went to my coworker office and was talking with him. Left his office went back to my office and saw my money on the floor. How the heck that happen? I pick up my money and put it in my pants pocket grab my ATM card (from another bank), my id and my money and put it. Go to the bank downstairs deposit my money and leave. As I am walking back to my job. This dude in a truck is blowing the horn at me and I am like "child bye" and keep it moving. I go to the store and get a soda. Go in my pocket. I have only my ID. No money and no ATM card. I go running out the store to go back to the bank to see if I left my money in the bank. As I walk (sprint) towards the bank the guy in the truck walks up to me and says, "here is your money, that is why I was blowing my horn." I thanked him and asked him did he see my atm card and he said no. So, I go back to the bank and I am wondering should I butt in line or just wait my turn. A worker came up to me and asked me if she could help and I told her I wanted to speak to the gentleman and ask him did I leave my card up there by him, it will not be from their bank. Right after I made that statement, a guy comes in the bank looks at me and says, "did anyone lose their atm card." I scream out ME!! I go and get it and he says, "it was laying on the ground. I heard you talking to the guy and I picked it up and bought it in here." I offered to buy him lunch or to give him money and he would not hear of it. Note to self, them pants pockets are not deep enough and bring your purse next time instead of trying to be fast!!!

I felt like I was on cloud nine Friday. Still do actually, because I made a couple poems a couple months ago when I asked God "why me" I might post it like I meant to do, but since I don't feel the same way (for now) who knows.

It's amazing, because my thoughts about humanity early in the day was really negative and at the end of the day I have a different perspective because of this.

All I could think about was G.O.D is good. Not one stranger but two strangers, of different races gave me back possessions when they could have taken it and done what they want with it.

Anywho, maybe this might change your mind about humanity a little bit, or shall I say, give a little hope to a better place/world.

BTW, I lost my phone early in the week and got that back too. Clumsy and forgetful the past week for whatever reason, but thank goodness for those Angels or whatever you want to call it.

Money cannot buy happiness!!!!

2010-07-08T21:21:00.002-05:00

Money can not buy happiness. Whoever said that ain’t never lied. I made a statement on this blog and with my family and friends that if I didn’t find a job in my field by the time I graduate from school I would take a price cut if I had to. to get into my field. Yeah right!! Easier said then done. I figured I would chill and take my time while I searched for the perfect job. WRONG! I was not trying to live without that money.

Well, when people work your everlasting nerves you do what you have to do. I spoke to my family and friends and they thought I was crazy and just needed a vacation. It got to the point where I was moping at home. I spoke to my husband and he said we will make it as we always do. He knew I was unhappy. Gotta love him.

So, my real search began. No more just sending out a couple here or there and no more just waiting for the right job.

What bought this on you asked? My relationship with my boss went straight down hill. I couldn’t tolerate him any more. He wasn’t doing anything different really when I look back on it except for the fact that he raised his voice at me twice and even though he does this with other folks sometimes it was not going to happen to me. The first time. I looked at him and told him, um, it seems like you need some time by yourself to gather yourself because I KNOW your not talking to me, buzz me when your ready. WTF.

The second time, we had a serious blown up fight. I mean, he came in my office and then started talking smack to me in MY office and of course I am sitting down and he is standing over top of me! Ur, that’s a big NO Ma’am. I’m not the one and then he closed the door. Um, okay are you sure your ready for what’s gonna happen when that door closes. We went at it like we were crazy. Then at the end he tried to be my friend. Don’t talk to my like your crazy and then try and apologize and expect for me to still be your friend, No bro it doesn’t work that way.

Well, let me tell you something. Urban might smile, and say she forgive when you give a stank ass, half apology, but she don’t forget shizznit. I know for a fact that apology was garbage so I gave him one of my special letters the next day. You know I love my letters. He didn’t see it coming at all and we had another meeting where he apologized again, but for me the relationship was DONE!!

Anywho, as I told my mother and friends who didn’t believe me when I told them I would take less money if the right thing came along. There is nothing like PEACE or HAPPINESS. They told me I was being emotional and that I had a good job (um what?) and that I just need a vacation. I know/knew what I need and I now have it.

I don’t miss one red cent…….yet. I do miss my benefits, this job is cheap as hell, but is expensive with knowledge. I can’t wait to start telling you about this job. It’s two kinds of crazy but I love it to pieces.

100 Degrees

2010-07-06T03:50:00.002-05:00

Did I just read that right? I am looking at the weather and I believe I just saw the weather report and it stated 100 degrees today and tomorrow! Well, I do not have my contacts on so I might have misread it.

However, if it will be 100 degrees what the hell am i going to wear except skin to work? Ew, I just saw a vision of myself walking outside and that's not a good look. I would scratch my own minds eye out. Vomit.

If your happy and you know it clap your hands

2010-07-06T03:02:00.002-05:00

Hey ya’ll. How the heck are you? I guess the only way to get back into this blog thing is to just get back into it.

I am so happy right now. This passed year has been so crazy. I had so many ups and downs that it is not even funny. There were times when I really thought I was losing my damn mind. I am so happy to be in a better place. I have a new job that I love and I passed my certification this week so I now have my letters behind my name. I guess I really shouldn't’t expect for you to know exactly what I am talking about since I have not written in a while. I took my Professional Human Resource (PHR) exam this past Tuesday and felt like I suffered three heart attacks while doing so. I almost cried during the exam because I felt like I didn’t remember anything at all but when I hit the last button and it said congratulations I had to ask the warden, I mean testing assistant to look at my screen and if it was real. Sounds crazy, but I was numb after four hours. She said, yes lady you passed be happy!

Now I can get back to living my life, no more studying right now. I can finally read, go to the movies or something. At least enjoy the rest of the summer before school starts again.

I have so many crazy stories to tell you.

My fourth of July was crazy. As usual we had everyone over and this year that totaled over fifty people in a teeny, tiny yard, but hey, family, friends, vittles, and spirits are always awesome together. Enough about me. How was your fourth?

Um, its 4 in the morning and after 4th of July. Why are folks still lighting fireworks? I mean seriously at 4! GTFOH. Oh well I guess I better get ready for work.

Happy Birthday to Me

2010-05-15T15:59:00.002-05:00

I am having a wonder 36 birthday weekend. I am at the Maryland Wine Festival living it up. Watching folk fall the slam out. Hi Maggie. To all my lurkers come on out and say Happy Bday!! Thanks again for all the congratulations. Another year yalll. Okay gotta go Mr. Conservative is complaining about me texting.

I GOT IT

2010-05-14T11:24:00.002-05:00

I got the job! I got the job!! Happy dance now!!

I have a lot to post about this one but it will have to be later.

I got the job!!! Pre-bday gift since my birthday is tomorrow. I might even be nice and buy my daddy something since his bday is today...um, maybe not. Okay, good karma..

Doing the Cabbage Patch!! Happy Feet and the Wop!! WHAT!!

Thanks for the prayers and good luck fam.

Second Interview

2010-05-12T08:24:00.002-05:00

Wish me luck. I have a second interview with this company today. I really like the company and the challenges. I will let you know how everthing goes.

Urban

Family Mediator: That dress is too short!

2010-05-07T08:49:00.002-05:00

When did I sign up to be the mediator in the family(and friends)? Tired.

I explained in a previous post that the kids use me to be the mediator with their dad. Again, I know why. He is a major lecturer, no one has time for that, and he yells at the little stuff. Me on the other hand will listen first and then lay the smack down. I can see issues from both sides but my hubby, um not so much. His ass is like GUILTY before you even start talking. Anywho, I am the mediator with him and the kids too.

Background: Anger Mgmt spilled gel all in her purse. We turn back around so she can change her bag. We get back to the house and instead of pulling all the way into the garage where it is dark; we let her walk in the house. Why lawd? Girlfriend had a shirt on. That sucker was not a dress.

Mr. Conservative: MAN, WTF, that shit is too short.
Mr. Stefon: Yes, it is daddy. You sure she going to school with that thang on? (Instigator).
Mr. Conservative: Did you see that? You see her dress.
Urban: (my head was down, but I lifted it up just in time to see nothing but legs) I just saw it my head was down. Tell her to change.
Mr. Conservative: Man that dress is so short.
Urban: Okay, why are you telling me. Tell her to change her shirt.
Mr. Conservative: No because the last time I said something you were in agreement with what she had on.
Urban: What? Are you crazy? That was one time, the outfit was not too short, AND that does not mean she gets to wear any ole thing. You have been saying something. Just call and tell her to change or something.
Mr. Conservative: I am not calling her.
Urban: (pissed) This is so stupid! Why am I the mediator in this family? Everyone has a problem they come to me. This is just ridiculous. Mr. Stefon goes in the house and tells your sister to either put jeans/tights on under that dress OR change all together. RIDAMNDICULOUS. That was so easy.
Mr. Stefon: Ma, you mean shirt because that is not a dress.
Urban: Do what I asked you and stop trying to get people in trouble!

JE.SUS CHRI.ST Work aint hard. Dang. I swear sometimes.

I also had a talk with her this week in reference to the skimpy crap. I told her I needed to talk with her and she of course did not want to but I told her…

Urban: I understand you are this fashionista, you are keeping up with the styles, and boys are probably starting to notice you but trust you do not have to show everything. I notice your hemline is getting smaller and smaller. Let’s keep it classy.
Anger Mgmt: I was not doing it for any boys. (She still wants me to believe no one has taken notice of her – yeah okay)
Urban: Beside the point. Did you hear me and do you understand?
Anger Mgmt: Yes ma’am.
Urban: Cool.

My husband thinks he is slick. He just don't want to be seen as the bad guy (which he already is) with her because that is his hanging partner. Since she was a dang on baby he has been saying what she can and can not wear. Its a running joke with my friends and family. When we use to go shopping and we picked out something they would be like - you know Mr. Conservative and College boy will not let her wear that. Because her oldest brother is the same way. But whatever she came out the house with different clothes on and she didn't say anything (better not have). Now she could be like her aunt and have the same clothes in her bag to change back into at school........

They Got Dealt With

2010-05-05T09:31:00.003-05:00

My daughter softball team kicked booty yesterday!!

I was so proud of the ladies because the other team called them out. Evidently, if your the number one team, you can go downtown and request to play a team.

They thought we would be caught slipping. Our team has been champions the past couple of years and majority of the seniors graduated.

WELL, they got dealt with!! We opened up a can of whip ass and gave them their first lost of the season. It was such a good game. The bats where popping and the ladies were catching balls, and hustling after every ball, which I was happy to see because sometimes, just sometims... Yeah. Anyway,freaking awesome.

Who dat, who dat, who dat, who....!!!

GO LADY TI.GE.RS!!

Today, I took off work to go and see Mr. Stefon play Rugby. I have been working, school and everything and have missed out. So I need to get back on track.....Sunday is Mother's Day. I need to get back in the running for Mother of the Year some how. Don't judge me...

I Need Your Help

2010-05-04T07:46:00.002-05:00

Okay. I don't know what I did many moons ago with the settings on blogger, or if it is just me, but I can't respond to some folks email.

People will leave a comment and when I hit reply it says no reply. Sometimes, I can still reply because I have old emails from when I was able to reply via blogger.

Do anyone no what my low/no tech self is trying to say and if so do you know of a solution? I feel bad not replying sometimes, but I can't. Boohoo me.

Puhlease help with any suggestions.

Urban

Mr. Stefon: Lucky as h.ell Part 2

2010-05-04T07:18:00.002-05:00

Saturday, the family decided to go to I.Hop for breakfast. We had a great time. When we got back I chilled on the sofa because I had the itis which is unusual for me because I am not a big breakfast eater.

Mr. Conservative goes upstairs and starts yelling. Boy I told you to stop leaving this crap laying around I just stepped on it.

Mr. Stefon comes flying down the stairs with a BIG ASS GRIN on his face holding the I.po.d To.uch. Cheesing like a mofo. I mean this boy is super excited. He then said, mommy you know what let me go see something. Goes back upstairs and low and behold he has the dang phone too. I swear.

I am so happy and relieved he found it because I was so touched by his little crying face that I was trying to find a reason to buy him a new one without rewarding him somehow. Didn't figure that one out and thank goodness I won't have to.

My girlfriend wish I would have told Mr. Conservative so we could have kept it a little longer to teach him a lesson. I told her if he didn't learn from this scare he never will. Plus, he is still a kid he will lose plenty more.

Mr. Stefon: A hard head makes a soft arse! Part 1

2010-04-30T09:45:00.004-05:00

Let me set the stage.

Mr. Conservative and I come home. When we get up the steps, Mr. Stefon is staring at me with desperate eyes. I am wondering what’s the matter, but I leave it alone. He waits for his father to go up the second set of stairs and he is watching the steps and whispering…..

Mr. Stefon: Ma can I talk to you for a minute.
Urban: Yes, what?
Mr. Stefon: Not over here, can you come over here.
Urban: Why? Just tell me.
Mr. Stefon: (starts walking towards the dining room) Over here mommy, just real quick.
Urban: (it’s obvious to me he don’t want his father to hear) Oh lawd, did you get suspended from school or something?
Mr. Stefon: No. Nothing like that. Just go in the kitchen with me please.
Urban: NO. Look boy just tell me your father can’t hear you.
Mr. Stefon: Mommy, we had a basketball game at school and we went to watch the game, Ms. Teacher told us to come on and I left my jacket when the game was over I went back in the class and my phone was gone. I told dad and he cancelled the service.
Urban: Okay, well its taken care of you know you need to be responsible but it is what it is.
Mr.Stefon: No mom, this is the thing my…..IPO.D Tou.ch was in my pocket too and now its gone. I didn’t tell dad yet.
Urban: WHAT!!!
Mr. Stefon: I know Ma. What can you do to get it back?
Urban: What can I do? Not a damn thing. Kiss it good-bye because you should not have bought it to school. I told you not to bring it. You always think you know better then us and now you will experience the pain of not listening. A hard head makes a soft ass.
Mr. Stefon: But the teacher said she was going to lock the door.
Urban: I don’t give a damn. It doesn’t make sense. You worked hard and saved your money for that IPOD and now it is gone. Why did you have it at school? Why would you leave it upstairs?
Mr. Stefon: I know mommy. I can’t believe it’s gone. Why did I have to be so stupid? (at this point he is hitting his self in the head, turning red and crying like someone stole something-which they did).
Urban: Well I’ll call your teacher on Monday. But I believe it’s gone.
Mr. Stefon: I am going to go upstairs and look in my room.
Urban: Why? You just said it was in your pocket.
Mr. Stefon: I know. But can’t I still have hope. Please don’t tell dad yet. (my kids favorite line)

I was so proud of him when he bought his IP.OD T.ouch because he said he was going to buy one and he saved his birthday and Xmas money to get it and he got it. He was so happy too. He kept saying I told you mommy I was going to get it, you all didn’t believe me. Well….looka here. I did feel sorry for him, because I knew how hard he worked. But… it is what it is.

Same night watching t.v. Mr. Stefon and I on the couch.
Mr. Stefon: Mommy
Urban: What?
Mr.Stefon: What do you think dad is going to do?
Urban: Nothing. We didn’t buy it, it was your money and I think you have experienced enough heartache and pain.
Mr. Stefon: When do you think I should tell him?
Urban: Soon I guess. I will be there with you if you want.
Mr. Stefon: I want to tell him not too soon, but I don’t want to wait too long either.
Urban: Well, why don’t we wait until Monday after I talk to your teacher or see if someone will return it. The good thing is your IP.od has a code on it and they can’t open it, so make an announcement that you will give whoever “finds” your I.Pod T.ouch you will give them $30.00 and keep it moving.
Mr. Stefon: I am tired and want to go to sleep.
Urban: Well go to sleep.
Mr. Stefon: I can't because I know all I will do is dream about it.

Poor thing, as much as I felt sorry for him it was funny too but of course I didn't laugh in front of him.

My kids are so scared of their damn father and always have me as the mediator. All he will do is lecture them to damn death. I think I would rather take a beating then to hear him talk about the same thing over and over and over. He forgets nothing this boy will be 38 and he will still talk about when he was 11 and lost his I.pod T.ouch

Freedom

2010-04-30T02:18:00.003-05:00

I's free now!!

Can't believe school is over!! At least until August. I am still debating if I should at least take one or two summmer classes. I only have 4 classes left and if I take the summer classes I can be done by the end of this year but um, my mind is FRIED and I can use the rest big time. The only thing left for me to do is take one more Saturday class for a certification test I am taking in June.

The last couple months has been crazy with work and school I couldnt tell if I was coming or going. I just completed another audit at work and it was CRAZY. So crazy that I had to hem my boss up. It was not a good look, but we have an understanding now.

Anywho, wanted to say hi and I plan on just jumping back in here like I was never gone. I can't wait to see what you all been up to.

Weekend Update

2010-03-08T14:49:00.000-05:00

This weekend was a wonderful weekend.

Friday – Anniversary Dinner

The evening started off a little bad. I took my dress out the bag and it smelled FUNKY. I mean seriously. Thank God I had some dryer clothes, put it in the dryer for 10 minutes and it was all good. The dinner was quite nice. I loved the view, my husband and the food was lovely. I guess it was a matter of one of those things were everyone tells you the restaurant it is really good and you have high expectations and then it’s not all that. Well that is how we felt especially after spending a whole heap of money but it was our anniversary and we knew it was going to be very expensive and we only went $18 over our budget and that was all good. The view was really, nice and romantic, but for real, for real. I could have went to Long Horn and got a comparable steak minus atmosphere. Oh and you know I have this thing with bathrooms. I HAVE to go and check out the bathroom when I go out to restaurants. Well let me tell you, they need to take that crap somewhere because they need to do better. I think they need to consult with the Ritz Carlton because for the type of money we spent they need to come correct with that tired ass bathroom.

Anger Mgmt took her softball pictures Friday and Mr. Stefon went to a church lock in. The kids stay overnight they talk about the Bible and other stuff and then later on the next day they took them to do laser tag. I thought that was nice, they sure aint do stuff like that when I was younger.

Saturday – Movies

Mr. Conservative and I went to see Brooklyn Finest. I like the movie thought it was going to end a little different but it was all good. I cannot wait for it to come on DVD because folks do not know how to go to the movies. Either I am getting old or something is going on. People do not know for some reason that they are NOT supposed to have conversations in the movie. I swear I wanted to turn around and snatch the lady behind me “illegal” bag she bought into the movie theater and fling it! I mean seriously you know your ass is making noise with that damn thing and then the kicking of the chair and shit. Mr. Conservative turned to me and said I am serious I am trying not to say anything…. I thought I did a post on movie etiquette but another coming soon. Oh and it is mad love/sexing scenes in this movie how come I saw so many kids. I mean SERIOUS sex scenes. I felt sad for the parents. Nevertheless, I can tell you the best part of the movie. RICHARD MOFO GERE. Let me tell you there is something about a man who ages like fine red wine. Man its so many things that I would do to him, I mean like read him a book and stuff…..

Anger Mgmt went to see The Crazies or something. She said it was good, but I have no clue.

Sunday – Rest

I worked out to the Wii Active, made some chicken quesadillas, washed and dried clothes (not fold yet) and slept from 1 pm to 6 pm, Sunday dinner got started late, but it was much needed rest. Dang that sleep felt good.

Well I am off the rest of the week from school because it is Spring break but makes no difference, I still have to study to take this exam to get letters behind my name and I have a team project to do.

How was your weekend?

Our Anniversary

2010-03-05T13:06:00.004-05:00

Hey ya’ll. I really am trying to do better, but I had two papers due this week and two presentations. I will get it together. I miss my bestest (um, yes I know its not a word) blog friends.

Tuesday was my wedding anniversary!! I told that man he stole my youth and body birthing them babies!! Sike I can’t blame them kids for nothing I got back down to my size I just ate every damn thing after the fact.

I got my freakum dress, got my nails done and hair did and we are going to RuthChris tonight. He do not know about my dress so I can’t wait to surprise him. Its hard to believe sometimes that we have been together for 18 years. That’s a long, long ass time. Check out this conversation on Tuesday………………..

Urban: Why are you looking at me like that? You trying to kill me?
Mr. Conservative: No, why would you something like that.
Urban: The same thing you use to ask me when I watched you sleep.
Mr. Conservative: Its different for me you and your daughter be watching Snapped I don’t know what you two might do.
Urban: Whatever, trust and believe I aint doing time for your ass um kay.
Mr. Conservative: Whatever.
Urban: OH SNAP!! Happy Anniversay.
Mr. Conservative: It’s not our anniversary. It’s tomorrow.
Urban: Are you sure. It’s a damn shame I don’t know for sure but I thought the 2nd and not the 3rd . Hell you know better then me. How many years is it now? I can’t remember because we been together longer and I don’t count the wedding date. So how many years have it been?
Mr. Conservative: (shakes his head) Three years. We bought the house in ’06 and we got married ’07. Damn 3 years.
Urban: Yup you right.

I know, I know we are trifling but who cares that’s my baby. Anywho, I was right though it is the damn 2nd because the 3rd was on a Saturday in 2007. SO he gets one point for knowing the years and I get a point for knowing the right day even if I really didn’t know the day I just wanted to be first to say it and since his ass was staring at me while I was sleep I figured he was looking at me because of the anniversary. Whatever.

Family update coming soon……hopefully. Until then please listen to Jilly from Philly kill this song!!! READ the words as well. Just cause you married don't mean your not independent, but at the same time I got to remember......I need that man of mine.

The Fact Is I Need You

I can pay my own light bill baby
pump my own gas in my own car
I can pay my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane (I’m very handy)
But some things just don't change
I need you
Sometimes so hard to say
I need you
Some things remain
I can buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
but I need you to help him be a man
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman or a garbage woman
or police officer or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer
and a mother and a 'good God what chu
done to me?' kind of lover I can be
I could be a computer analyst
The queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
or I could be much more and a myraid of this
Hot as the summer
Sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
(and you need us too!)

PREACH JILLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HI!!!!

2010-02-24T13:35:00.001-05:00

Um,okay. I know I have been gone got too many stories as usual but do not know how to jump back into this posting thing. Soooooo..... I decided to do one of my favorite posts.

Why don't you ask me a question and I will answer?

FO: Everlasting Bagstopper

2010-02-04T12:04:00.005-05:00

Pattern: Everlasting Bagstopper by Amy Singer (free on Ravelry)
Yarn: Lion Brand Cotton Ease
Needles: Size 5 and 10 1/2

If you all can remember, I did a post about Eastern Market many moons ago because it caught on fire and I was heart broken(can't find the post). The city was good about making a little farmers market across the street from the original while it was being reconstructed. Thank goodness the building was built in 1873 or it probably would have had to be built from scratch. The building opened back up in July with a lot of hoopla but I did not want to attend. I didn't think it would be the same or hold the same ambiance.

Well, one of my best girlfriends and I was talking and she was saying how expensive veggies and fruit was (she is thinking of becoming a vegetarian) and I was telling her to go to the market and she was like what market? She has never been to the market. I just could not believe it. I told her she has no excuse, because she grew up in D.C. – well since she was maybe 7 or 8, she is originally from Romania.

Anyway, I decided it was my duty as a friend to take her and I would surprise her with a bag. I saved this pattern in March 2007 or 2008 and can't believe it took me this long to make it. Very easy and quick knit. I made it in November/December. Well, I found the right time, reason and stash yarn to do it.

She LOVES the bag, however she thinks it is too cute to put fruits and veggies in it. I explained to her its sturdy and cotton. I had to beg her to do it and we were actually fighting in the middle of the street so I could take the dang on picture with her using it. I swear. Oh and why is she one of my best friends? She asked me was I practing for my 80's!! Gotta love her. If you can make me laugh we straight.

SEE!! I have been knitting! I have plenty finished and ugh projects just lazy as heck to post. Before I got the last two pictures are the same. They are trees behind my house the first is the natural one without the correction.

Who didn't know

2010-01-21T12:13:00.003-05:00

Your ass was the father of that damn child John Edwards.

I seriously don't think it is the public business and I would not have taken a blood test just to prove people right or wrong because its none of their business even if he is a politican. If it was me I would not have responded. You can think whatever. Plead the fifth whatever. However, if you do bite and respond, well your ass better tell the truth or the hounds will be in your trash can (which they were).

I mean seriously. You came out about cheating, you might as well came out and said you was the baby daddy to get it all over and done with at once. Why drag the crap out ESPECIALLY since nobody was buying it!?! And will people stop with the "it is bad that he cheated on his wife because she had Cancer" Um, hate to tell you that whether she had cancer or not it is wrong and just as devastating. Yeah Urb, but its ....... Bullshit.

Why am I talking about John and not Tiger and the rest. Well, because I liked John Edwards and thought he had a lot of promise and it is not so much he cheated and fathered a child.......yes it is. Dumb ass. I will never understand how people cheat and don't cover up. It's one thing to cheat, but to not use protection while doing so is just stupid. You know what I am going to end here before I continue the rant and I got work to do.

Conversation with Urb

2010-01-13T16:18:00.000-05:00

Background: Home feeling bored and my mother was depressed about friendship woes **TIMEOUT** you seriously mean to tell me that you can still have friendship problems in your 50’s? ridamndiculous!!** So we decided to go downtown on the mall - museum. 1) it’s free and 2) my mom lives right down the street and she can’t get lost on metro – 2 years she is back and still don’t know how to use (read) Metro.

I thought of a question to ask my mother and said nah, leave it alone it’s crazy and then forgot to ask her.

We meet at the metro station and was about to go in the museum when I remembered and whispered to my mother……………

Urban: Mommy you don’t have your knife or anything on you do you?
Ma Dukes: Yes, Why?

This crazy ass woman (I know she is my mother saying in a lovely way) has a damn knife on her and don’t see a problem!!! Where downtown by Oba.ma and dem house.

Urban: I knew I should have asked you before we left. You know you can’t bring that in there.

She begins to take it out of her bag! So I begin to tackle her ass and make her get OUT of the line. Yes we were that close to getting tackled.

Urban: Mommy! What are you doing? Wait..

So we start walking and I was hoping she would throw it in the trash or something. SHIT! Not my gangsta momma. She took it and hid it in the plants while I pleaded with her that they probably have cameras on the outside of the building and they probably will see her. Yes I was scared as shit but she sure the hell wasn’t. See this is why I don’t do stuff because I will get caught. When we went back in line I just knew they would zap us or something. I go through no problem, but her machine goes off, but of course she looks all sweet and innocent and they let her by. I tell you my mother is a trip. She don’t think she did anything wrong. She is a trip, my mother swears someone is out to get her and has to be ready just in case. I keep asking her what will she do to them because she had to dig in that bag to get the knife and by the time she did all that they would have already hit her ass over the head.

More conversation with Mom and pictures from the museum to come.

Anger Mgmt is SIXTEEN!!!

2010-01-03T17:10:00.002-05:00

Yes! My beautiful princess is sixteen. I love her to pieces. She is so smart and so pretty and the best part....she don't know it yet. She is always trying to help someone (unless it is her brother).

Anywho, my baby is sweet sixteen and she love lasagna and manicotti so that is what I am making for her and then we will have cheese cake with strawberries. Also, later in the month she is going to have a spa party with her friends. So, if you ladies have any suggestions let me know!!

I wrote my annual birthday letter and when she saw me she was like please don't give me that letter. Whatever! She is getting my letter. ALL positives and negatives. And she act like she don't like my letters but I saw she posted some of my writings in the inside of her closet. So whatever back to her!!

Well let me get back to cooking she will be home soon from the movies with her friends.

Happy New Years

2009-12-31T22:27:00.001-05:00

Hey ya'll! Have a happy and safe new years eve!!

Mommy and Daddy sitting in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G gross

2009-12-30T11:19:00.001-05:00

Thanksgiving Day.

My mom came over to spend Turkey Day with us and we were all having a good time except her phone was ringing off the hook. Guess who was calling? Yes. You guessed it my father (vomit). Anger Mgmt asked her why was she laughing so loud and who was she talking too? Your grandfather.

Urban: How is grandma doing?
MaDukes: I don’t know I haven’t seen her yet.
Urban: Wait. Didn’t you call me last week with dad and you were there?
MaDukes: Well, I went over your father house to go up there but we never made it there.
Urban: Huh?
MaDukes: Yeah, then it got too late and then I was going to go again but we didn’t make it.
Urban: Lawd.
MaDukes: What?
Urban: Nothing

Anger Mgmt: Grandma, how many times have you been over granddad house because it sounds like a lot.
MaDukes: Burst out laughing.
Urban: I know AM, I just was letting her keep talking because she will tell you everything. Don’t show your hand. Go on mommy keep talking.

So, I hear my mother whispering on the phone and she is telling my father that she has all her clothes with her (she washed her clothes at my house) and she is laughing and she told him he didn’t have to fold her clothes and all this crap. EWE, EWE, Muthaflucking EWE.

My mothers’ hair was looking kinda crazy so I decided to wrapped and curled it for her and she looked cute. Why did I do that? Could not tell her nuthin!!

She was back on the phone with my father and all of a sudden she started talking about how she needed to go home and all this crap and I am like WHAT. You are suppose to stay the night. Mr. Conservative told her no way, but then gave in and told her he would take her over there. DISGUSTING!!

Urb why are you so angry. You said your mother has been looking for someone to fulfill the void your stepdad left and hey it’s your dad. Let me tell you what I told my mother before she left.

Mommy, why are you laughing like this is the best thing in the world. I understand you are grown and all but this man has not changed. You told me earlier that when he saw you he said he was not gonna let you go again (throw-up) and you laughed it off and he said he would kill you first. THEN after I did your hair, and Mr. Conservative said you looked nice he said why is he looking at you, tell him to keep his eyes on me. Now he knows Mr. Conservative and I do not think he is joking. You think because he is old he can not do anything. I do not like it at all he is still talking violent and you just laugh it up like it is the coolest thing.

She responded by telling me she can handle herself and that he is too old to do hurt any damn body and that she is trying to help him get his life together he asked her too.

WTF, can a sane person beat her over the head and tell her to get her damn ducks in a row, but I digress. I told her he has been doing just fine all these years.

Whatever, just nasty on so many levels.

My father called me.

2009-12-29T21:10:00.000-05:00

I never listen to my answering machine. My house phone is around because it is older than Mr. Stefon, so I keep it for sentimental reasons.

If you want me you should call my cell phone most people knows this. However, some that know are just plain crazy. Meaning, my uncle and sister who continue calling my home number and wonder why I do not return their call. IDIOTS call my cell.

One morning I was dressed early so I decided to check my answering service and the very last phone call was from my father. Yup, you heard me, my father.

So, I waited until I got off work to call him, because I didn’t want to call him from my cell phone number. He has my cell phone number but do not remember it and I want to keep it that way. He will keep me on the phone for hours and do not understand it when you tell him I’m at work.

Anywho, during the conversation my father told me my grandmother was in a nursing home. I told him I wanted information on where she was so I could visit her. Although, I really do not have “feelings” for him, I do have “feelings” for her.

Earlier in the day when I spoke to my mother, I told her my father called and she told me she wanted his phone number. If you all remember, I told you before they both always ask for each other’s number and I always cock block. Which was easy to do in the past because my mother was in Georgia and my father was here in the city.

While I was talking to my dad I told him my mother wanted his phone number and was it okay for me to give it her and he said sure. Later, when I spoke to my mother, I told her about my grandmother and she told me she wanted to see my grandmother. I gave her my fathers number.

A couple days later I am at home chilling watching t.v. and my mother calls me and is laughing like she is 16.

Ma Dukes: Someone wants to speak to you.
Urban: No!!!!! (my mother has a habit of putting people on the damn phone)
Father: Hey
Urban: Hello?
Father: Hey babygirl.
Urban: Oh, hi.
Father: Yeah, I am here with your mother. Do you have a problem with that?
Urban: WHAT?
Father: Yeah you don’t have a problem with us hanging out do you.
Urban: (throw up a little bit in my mouth) I am busy, tell my mother to call me back later. Bye.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! Dude leave me a lone.

My sister ain't staying here!!

2009-12-23T12:21:00.003-05:00

My sister is a trip. We kept in touch kinda after she left. She would send me pictures of her and the family – like 20 at one time –WTF, send it in an email and not a text but whatever. Nevertheless, I did not say anything I have free text message and she was being cordial and I was trying to forget the shady stuff she pulled yet again with my mother keeping the girls this summer. I am not even going to talk about it or this story will be VERY long, which this one will be kinda.

Thanksgiving my sister called and we talked for a minute and had a good time on the phone talking about past Turkey days, like my mother ex-boyfriend putting greens in the dishwasher. Man those were the greenest greens I ever saw. He tried to convince us that that is how they do it in the south. Yes, folks he was born and bred in the south, but he could not cook. How did those greens taste? I have no clue, it was no way in hell we were eating them damn things.

Anywho, after she got off the phone with me, she spoke to Mr. Stefon and I heard Mr. Stefon say –

Mr. Stefon: Where you staying?
Mr. Stefon: Over grandma house?
Mr. Stefon: No, you must be staying over grandma house because you aint staying over here.
Mr. Stefon: No I don’t. Love you to Aunt …..

My mother the family instigator gets on the phone and she is dying laughing. I mean crying. She then says, he said what? My sister told my mother that Mr. Stefon got a smart mouth. She told him that she might come up for Xmas and he told her that she could not stay at our house. She asked him did he pay any bills in the house. She said he was too grown.

Of course, I told him he should not have said that and commenced to laughing, because the shit is funny.

A week later, my mother calls –

Mommy: Hey sweetie.
Urban: Hey mommy, what you doing (YES I still call her that and will always),
Mommy: Nothing. You speak to your sister.
Urban: No. (a here we go moment).
Mommy: Oh, did you know she is coming up here for Christmas.
Urban: Nope. I don’t know where she is staying she hasn’t spoken to me.
Mommy: I think she wants to stay at your house and she told me that she would be here for 3 weeks.
Urban: WTF. Not my house, especially for three weeks. Mommy tell your daughter the next time you speak to her that she cannot stay at my house.
Mommy: (laughing) Well she is not staying at my house, because I told her she can not sleep on my sofas and she said she is not sleeping on the floor and she was very comfortable at your house and she wants to spend time with her nephew.
Urban: Mommy don’t play with me. Seriously tell your brat to call me or tell her no. I would hate for her to travel real far and not have a place for her to stay.

This hussy did not offer to pay for NOTHING why her party of 10 was here. Granted I wasn’t expecting it either I had enough food (thanks Costco) for all their asses, but still her ass could have offered she didn’t. AND the worse part her ass would not lift a finger to do anything. She was suppose to help and she was like I don’t do anything before I put my makeup on – GTFOH. Makeup do not make you fry chicken better. I swear she makes me want to FUCK HER UP! Yes I said it.

Moving on. Guess who calls me yesterday? Yup my mother – sure was not that sister of mine.

Mommy: Hey baby girl, haven’t spoken to you (yes she has, so I know something up). How the kids and my son in law?
Urban: They are doing fine. You speak to that brother of mine?
Mommy: No, I think he is ignoring my calls (smart man), I would like to see my grandkids even if its for five minutes. (Manipulator).
Urban: Well he might have his reasons for not calling he might be busy.
Mommy: Maybe you can call him for me and then……
Urban: Okay I will when I hang up(translated HELL NO, that’s between ya'll).
Mommy: Your sister called me and said she may not come now because someone broke in her truck and…….
Urban: Mommy, you are a very bad parent.
Mommy: laughing – why would you say that.
Urban: BECAUSE you would let your daughter come all the way up here and she would not have a place to stay. You should have told her to either call me OR tell her.
Mommy: dying laughing – Well, its not my responsibility. She is not coming.
Urban: Okay, responsibility, when all 10 of them is in your 1 bedroom apt you will understand because I am not playing with ya’ll.
Mommy: I won’t be home.
Urban: Nor will I. The Inn will be closed.

They get on my nerves. Like I told my mother the hussy and her clan ain’t staying at my house. Why Urban? What is the real issue? Why don’t you call her? It’s the principality of the whole damn thing. I ain’t calling her ass because as far as I am concerned, I don’t know shit about it since she was not woman enough to call me. Therefore, I ain’t doing SHIZZNIT!! I would never think I can just stay over someone house. I would ask you first. How in the hell do you just go over someone house. Futhermore, when did schools start letting out for three weeks? That sounds fishy, she may never try to leave.

Next up. Old school - New school creeping. I just threw up a little bit typing that.

Relationship woes - Have you seen Urban?

2009-12-22T14:13:00.002-05:00

Finding Urban. Have you seen her?

Well I have, but if I wrote this post a couple months ago……not so much.

See when you’re the strong one, mommy, “best daughter”, super wife, and all around chica. You can get lost.

Well I did just that.

My relationship with my husband is tight, however, there were times around the summer when I could not find myself. My husband and the kids were working my left nerve. EVERYONE got on my damn nerves – yup if you could breathe, pretty much, yeah you got on my nerves.

Normally, I brush the shit off and keep it moving, but for some reason this shit was bothering me.

I have always communicated because I know that it is key, it is not a saying. It is true and I NORMALLY live by it but I got to the point where I did not want to hear what folks were saying and I did not want to talk about it.

One thing we both have always had is laughter. We joke all the time and we have this saying, when I do not feel like he is doing what needs to be done, I will ask him “where the hell is my pedestal?” – no I am not crazy or think I am a queen. It is just a saying to know - hey dude pay attention to me, he has a saying to when he wants me to listen, but I will leave that one out.

We never really had to make room for each other. Our parents always got the kids for weekends or my mom for the summers in VA or GA. We had 9-5 jobs for most of our coupledom and off on the weekends. It was easy to count on him being there. When I went to school for undergrad he would be there in the evening and took care of the kids. Allowed me to study until 2 in the morning and make the kids leave me alone and did not complain. When I was clubbing HARD, he was there to make sure they were well fed and homework completed. When I was a workaholic, yup, he was there doing his thang. So much so, as I told ya’ll before Mr. Stefon teacher did not know who I was and at my oldest son 8th grade graduation he gave Mr. Conservative a rose for being the one who supported him the most during the school year (still a little peeved about that one can you tell!), but it was the truth. I cannot lie, he was/is father of the year.

Sometimes, I do not know how I or he did it because I was determined to have my cake and ice cream. Meaning I wanted to be on the Dean’s List (accomplished – mama ain’t no idiot), plus I wanted to party like it was 1999 and come home and be Mrs. Cleaver and a video vixen (FOR MY HUSBAND ONLY). And I did. We made it work.

We always made time for each other. I had a schedule – work, school, study, party, take care home and repeat again.

Fastforward to the summer time and it all became somewhat of a stand still. My husband was working hard and he got a promotion. However, with working hard his schedule changed no more working early in the a.m. and home by 2. He was working all kinds of crazy hours. The kids began to complain because they missed having their dad at home and then on a couple of occasion going to sleep with both parents not home because I would be at school and he would be at work. Well, it affected Mr. Stefon the most because his bedtime is 8 – no if and’s, but’s about it.

Then it got to the point were we were not going out on our dates and spending that much needed time together. I mean damn we been together all this time and NOW it becomes a problem. I did not want to be that girl that said – how come we don’t spend enough time together –when I knew he was at work.

Of course, I do what I normally do shut down. Plus, at this time I was having issues with the world. I think my mantra was Fuck the world don’t ask me for shit (thanks Method for the verse).

My husband is a good husband asking me what’s wrong? How can he fix it? He really was/is a trooper and what did I do? Make his life a living hell.

This is why when I did write I said I was writing in my journal. I knew something was wrong with me but what. Who knows? I go through these bouts were everyone and their momma gets on my last damn nerve.

So I picked up my journal which I have not written in, but I believe I told ya’ll I found it a couple months ago. Talk about that later too. But any who, I have not written in this thing since I believe 2000 but it was calling me.

See one good trait I have, (which I have many by the way, back to the blog) Is that sooner or later, I will take a look at myself and analyze my actions. I realized that I was doing two things. One I was being selfish. Here is the one time he was being selfish enough to work on his career and I was throwing a fit because I was not getting his attention. He never complained about me working long hours or anything. If he did I didn’t hear him or don’t remember. Now the clubbing he complained about a little, but even then it was I don’t want you to go but if you want to, go ahead. You know I ran with that and laced up my nike boots and was out the door. I mean seriously, I was clubbing hard, like going to work and school full-time, and clubbing maybe 3 times a week. But I came home, and tried to make up for it by taking the kids out on the weekend and buying their love basically. I was young then. Not an excuse, but a fact. I wasn’t always clubbing but for about two years, yeah, problem.

Second problem, somewhere in the last year I lost me. I got dependent on him always being there. I go out with my friends and everything, but our time together was important; and when he was off he was tired and wanted to sleep and I would poke my lips out like I was two and had tantrums until he would say – okay lets go where you want to go, but I can’t stay out too late because I have to be to work at 5 am, which meant he leaves the house around 4:30. Now a rational person would say okay, or maybe we should stay in and make do. But a crazy woman, which would be me, would say just forget it I don’t want to go any more with all those stipulations. Yeah, I know, I know. I was being an ass. But that is what I was being - a major jackass. Now if the man would have lost his job for not working I would have lost my damn mind, but heck I was not thinking about that, well yeah I was. I was not saying do not work, I was saying make time. Again, back to problem number one being selfish.

Anywho, life is much better in our household. Once I stopped acting like an ass and taking a good, hard, long look at myself and my actions. But, in my defense like I told him, you spoiled me and made me this way and its hard being on a pedestal and then dropped kicked off. I was use to our time, and like I tell anyone, I like coming home to my husband and kids. I actually still like them. I laugh and joke and call them names, but would not trade them in. Furthermore, I had to tell him although we have each other we need to keep each other interested. I do not want one of those random relationships were people are just there and no passion or intimacy, bump all that. You need to continue acting like you met me yesterday, do not take it for granted that I am here. You need to still do them moves you use to do ya dig, and I will still do them things that got you in the first place. Just saying.

Marriage, family, relationships are not easy, but they are what you make them.

R U Ready 4 Some Football

2009-12-19T11:13:00.002-05:00

It is snowing in D.C. and I love it!! I am rounding up the troops and were about to go play football in the snow! Its been years since we did this because the snow haven't been that great. Okay gotta go find many pants and tops to put on......

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

2009-12-19T09:51:00.002-05:00

He was lying. He did not get no damn dog. He just wanted to work my dang on nerves. I swear I will have hypertension because of school, work, and his crazy behind.

However, he is not slick. I told ya'll before he has been joking about bringing a damn dog home. I think he is trying to prepare me, but he better not. A dog can not replace a child. He wants a baby, but don't want a baby and his replacement is a animal.

My husband better be lying!!

2009-12-18T16:10:00.002-05:00

I just got a phone call.

Urban: Hey, they told me you called me.
Mr. Conservative: Where you at? You left work?
Urban: No, I was away from my desk. What's up?
Mr. Conservative: I did something.
Urban: Oh lord, what?
Mr. Conservative: You promise not to be mad.
Urban: Hell no Mr. Stefon. Stop playing I am trying to leave work.
Mr. Conservative: I got a puppy.
Urban: Bullshit!
Mr. Conservative: Serious beans.
Urban: Man whatever. Stop playing. I do not have time for jokes, I am 5 minutes pass my time to roll. Bye.

Lord, I hope his ass is lying. For real. Please let this man I love be lying before I have to harm him on a Friday. I have carpet throughout my damn house and the plan was to wait for hardwood and a puppy can't stay outside tonight because it will snow.........or can it?

I swear fo GAWD!!!

Vote for what you want to hear about first!

2009-12-16T16:21:00.003-05:00

Hey ya'll. I miss you gals. I have been trying to figure out what story should I tell you all about first. Let’s see:

- My relationship roller coaster/woes. (past tense because it is back on crackalackin)
-House issues – Do you really need hot water to wash your arse or maybe not.
- People from the past.
- Conversations with Urb
- Old romance, now new romance – let me just say ewe – about to throw up.
- Haters – friend or a friend edition
- Haters – blog hate – not me, but I think I might have a passive/aggressive hater. I have been thinking about blogging about this, but um, I really do not care. I might just put it out there. Am I feeling froggy????????
- Customer service is a mofo.
- My sister what and going to stay where?
- Classmate drank who shizznit? (old, but brought it up once, but never discussed as usual)
- Apple Martini, and a shoe sitting outside – never again (old, again said I would discuss but didn’t)
- Reflections

Put your vote in, either way, I am pretty sure I will cover all these and then some.

My life, my life, my life in the sunshine. If you look at my life and see what I see....

Off to happy hour with my school peeps!!

I'm Alive!!

2009-12-15T13:04:00.002-05:00

Yes ma'am another semester down and three more to go!! I got plenty of stories coming soon.

I am so happy to be DONE.......well until January.

Hope everyone is well. What have you all been up to?

Urban

Bored

2009-11-16T11:18:00.002-05:00

Mr. Stefon school called. So I put on my Superwoman cape scooped him up and used my special powers to get an appt with his doctor. Now my only problem is getting him seen in the next couple hours. Lawd. I did not bring any knitting or a book to read. I am in impatient hell with sick people. I try and avoid dr offices and hospitals like the plague this time of year because you might walk in with nothing but might leave out with something. Well at least I can smile at the cute babies.........until I hear them crying from the back.

A job is a job is a jobbie job.

2009-11-12T16:15:00.000-05:00

I have been on vacation since October30th 2009. Today is my first day back to work. Why do it seem like I never left? Could it be the numerous phone calls while I was away? Let’s see.

Monday I didn’t receive any phone calls. It was awesome and Mr. Conservative and I hung out. MUCH NEEDED. Tell you about that later.

Tuesday, Mr. Conservative and I go shopping and are having lunch when my cellphone starts ringing. He tells me not to answer it but I could not help it because it is Shorty by Nature (the man who pays me) and I do need my damn job. Now, I know when your on vacation the phone may ring. BUT NOT FOR STUPID STUFF and what he wanted was stupid and could wait.

Wednesday, Shorty by Nature get someone else to call me and then she asked me would I be by my email. Um, NO not checking. So Shorty by Nature proceeds to blow up my phone even, WHILE I am in class. Remember I get out at 8:30. Um, yeah. Call the office back and I told him I would come to the office either late at night or early (before he gets to work) in the morning and do a favor for him. He said oh if you come later, I can come in with you – NOPE. I ain’t dumb you will give me more crapola to do.

Thursday at 5:30AM go to work and find not one that I am stupid because he STILL left me five different things to do which was NOT the one thing he requested and I was doing a favor for. Can you say WTF.

Friday, Monday, no call and if I got one was not going to answer.

Tuesday, another phone call. I did not answer nor did I call them back I figured it could wait until TODAY and it could. However, I did work. I had to do the payroll and you know I was NOT gonna skip that a sista gotta get paid ya dig!

So, I count three vacation, 1 holiday, 4 weekend days and 4 work days.

Again, I am thankful for my job, but I wonder if I can make a rule like the one we give our kids. You know the rule. Don’t come crying to me unless your bleeding or you broke something. I was two seconds from telling their ass that……….but then I remember my mortgage, how I like to eat three times a day and taking a shower is really nice.

Martin and Gina

2009-11-10T04:52:00.003-05:00

OMG I know its early but the wedding planning episode with Tracy Morgan and the other comedian competing against each other is too damn funny. When Hustle man bought out the chitterling loaf I thought I would die. Martin asked that fool did he sprinkle some basil on it like he liked it AND then had a nerve to try and charge them $19,000 for fake flowers, chitterling loaf and a harmonica.

My kids says that my husband and I remind them of Gina and Martin. I can watch Martin episodes all damn long........except the ones at the end when their ass could not be in the studio together.

Martiiiinnnn, Martiiiiinn!!

FO: Nottingham Hat

2009-10-30T12:08:00.003-05:00

Pattern: Nottingham Hat (free on Ravelry)

Yarn: Paton 100% Wool Black

Needles: Size 9 dpn

This hat was very quick. I made it for Mr. Stefon. He was complaining I never knit him anything that I always knit for Anger Mgmt. So, I decided to do something really quick so I could knit some new stuff for me. This year there are so many patterns to knit. However, make sure you have some wooden dpn because the metal was way too slippery and slowed down progress.

Anywho, I knit him this wonderful hat and he loves it. Now Collegeboy wants one and he is complaining that I was suppose to make him a hat, scarf and blanket and he never got it. Kids are a trip. The hat looks smedium on me, but I think it would look cute a little longer. Again, this hat is for Mr. Stefon.

Anywho, I finished the hat in time for Mr. Stefon birthday. BTW, let me know in the post if you want to hear his birth story. I figured Tuesday has come and gone, I can tell it next year unless you all want to hear about it.

Ya'll are two kinds of crazy

2009-10-26T15:46:00.003-05:00

The previous post is when Mr Conservative and I found out we were preggers with Mr Stefon.

Sheila and Two Cables you all would know if I was preggers again because I would ask the both of you to knit and crochet me a straitjacket ya dig!!

Knowing full well I still don't have the copper iud. I am so going to get it.

Um, you pregnant

2009-10-26T14:45:00.001-05:00

Not now damn it!

After each one of my children, I said I was not having any more. I figured after College boy and Anger Mgmt that would be it. I hit the family right on the nail. One boy, one girl. Mr. Conservative and I was doing the happy dance because Anger Mgmt was in school and we would soon be able to go to the movies after 6, because we actually listened when the movies said no kids after 6 unless it was a kiddy movie.

However, as you all know I am a big ass procrastinator. I schedule my appt with the gyn, he gave me all the new shizznit about the different birth control methods, and I told him I would look at it and do my research and schedule another appointment. WELL, it took me forever to decide on the copper IUD. I loved everything I heard and birth control pills were out of the question because they make me very sick.

Conversation:

Urban: Doc, we are going to go with the copper IUD.
DR. FINE: (Laughing) You cannot get it.
Urban: I thought you said it was my choice and I want the Copper IUD
Dr. F: Too late.
Urban: What you mean to late? Stop playing. Are we inserting it today or do I have to make another appointment?
Dr. F: You can’t get it.
Urban: Why?
Dr. F: Because you are already pregnant.

GET THE FREAK OUT OF HERE!!

Tomorrow: Mr. Stefon birth story.

One day down 57 minutes to go.

2009-10-24T10:02:00.002-05:00

Lawd I hope parents come on time. But in my experience. They won't.

I didn't have my drink, however it is setting to the side for when their ass leave.

Mr. Conservative had to be to work at 5 which means he left at 4:30. Which meant the garage door opened, hence waking up the brood and they started all over again.

The alarm man came by this morning to activate our system because they left something Thursday. Well he told me it was about to go off and I probably should let the kids know. I said no, that's okay they are good. They started screaming like banshees and I LOVED it.

One little smart ass one been throwing a balloon and when the alarm guy came, he strategically threw the balloon down the steps to see who was here as if I didn't know what he was doing. But I let him do it. I then hear him give a report that its a man AND its not Mr. Stefon father.

He proceeds to throw the balloon back by us again.

Urban: That balloon is about to be popped.
SNOT NOSE KID 1: How do you know?
Urban: I know because I am going to pop it!
SNK: Why would you do that?
Urban: Because I told you more than once stop bouncing with that balloon so when it comes over here again. I am going to POP it.

I hear them outside now playing football. I heard someone crying a couple times, but they will be okay. I just told my godson watch out for your finger he has broken it before. His mom's a nurse. He will be okay too.

I know my neighbors are like who the hell are those loud ass kids running around. But its all good, Mr. Stefon is rarely outside so deal with it because I am not,my house is already destroyed. Pizza is easy, but the HAND PRINTS I just saw on the wall is ridiculous but Mr. Stefon will be cleaning that shit up right after they leave.

The alarm guy said, you must be crazy, bless your soul. I asked if he wanted to stay and entertain them, he said no thank you, I didn't take my meds.

COME GET YOUR KIDS

LAWD HAVE MERCY!! Can I PLEASE have a dirty martini!

2009-10-23T19:32:00.002-05:00

What was I thinking when I told Mr. Stefon that he could have a sleepover for his birthday!!!

These boys! All Boys!! WOW!!

They are talking about high blood pressure and some more.

Why did Mr. Conservative have to work tonight? He will not be home untill 11. Collegeboy said he is not helping because that is not his kid. Aint that some bullshiggity!!

I must have been crazy thinking that them playing games all night would be easy. I forgot how competitive kids can be.

Is it wrong to drink a Dirty Martini while your watching other people kids?

FO: Irish Hiking Scarf

2009-10-20T10:15:00.004-05:00

Irish Hiking Scarf by Adrian Bizilia
Needles US 6
Yarn 3.25 balls Rowan RYC Cashsoft DK

I finished this scarf two weeks ago, I think. This yarn is so lovely. It is super soft but I made if for my Aunt-in-law (is that what they are called?).

I WILL be making this scarf for me. The red looks good on me and I have a couple balls left. I like skinny scarfs maybe I can drop a cable or ..... we will see.

Why Me? All Wh.ite Party in October

2009-10-16T18:11:00.002-05:00

Okay. Let me tell you quickly.

It is 46 degrees and getting colder. AND it gets colder on the water. Also, it is October, which means it is after Labor Day. Why haven't I learned to say no to crazy stuff.

Guess where I am going in 2 hours?

I am going on a boat. In all white. In October. In the freaking cold.

Can you tell how happy I am? Can you feel it with the words I just typed. Well Mr. Conservative is hawking my actions on the computer and I need to finish putting my all white on so I will hit you all back after I get back if I am not frozen to death. If you hear of people freazing to death in Annapolis on a boat. That would be my crew. Jesus!! No escape on a boat at all. I hope they have PLENTY of alcohol.

You know your tired when.....

2009-10-15T14:16:00.002-05:00

......you are typing and you say to your self.

Self, is my eyes closed? Um, Yeah. Wake the freak up before you get us fired. Who does that? Go to sleep typing.

I need a Big Ass Mocha Latte.

I miss you guys I have so many stories to tell. Maybe later when I load Irish Hiking Scarf.

FO: Ene's Scarf

2009-10-13T13:47:00.005-05:00

Pattern: Ene's Scarf by Nancy Bush
Yarn: Blackberry Ridge Wool 2 skeins
Needle Size: Addi Turbo U.S. 4

It's a wrap. I am a KNITTER ya dig!! I love this scarf (shawl). When I first saw Scarfstyle I just had to make this. However, I was a little scared because I was new to knitting. But watch out there now because I's a knitter now!!!

I wish I could get better pictures, but it has been ugly in D.C. and the only one home to pose at the time was Anger Mgmt and she will NOT be America's Nex.t To.p M.odel. I thought I was going to have to sock her because she would not listen and I just could not get pics. I wish Mr. Stefon was home but he was at stupid Rugby.

But anywho. My problem now is. Um, when am I wearing this? Most likely Anger Mgmt will be rocking it as usual.

I finished the Irish Hiking Scarf too and will post soon.

PPPPEEEEAAAACCCCEEEE!!! In my best Pam (Tichina Arnold)voice

Update: Birthdays, Kids, Ene and ME

2009-10-08T14:55:00.004-05:00

Dang it’s been a minute but you know how life is.

Birthdays
The month of September was a lot of b-days:
Mr. Conservative turned 37 on September 28th
Ma Dukes turned 50 something on September 18th
Nephew on Sept 11 and Oct 3rd and Niece on September 24th

Mr. Stefon
Mr. Stefon plays Rugby and has a cell phone (LAWD have mercy will discuss later). He got his progress report and received all 1 A, 1 C+ and the rest B’s. So right now Mr. Stefon rocks.

Anger Mgmt
Is Anger Mgmt. She is doing what she is suppose to do with school and has chosen Columbia as her college of course, however we will see at first it was NYU, then Georgetown. I just no she wants out of the house and NYC is where she wants to be located. I also overheard a conversation with her and her little friends. Now that’s one good thing a cellphone is for or is it….

Collegeboy
He is in school and I guess he is doing his school work only time will tell. I swear they should give college students progress notes. Oh well. I am excited at the fact that he will let me buy him some clothes. I’m sorry we ALL are happy at that fact.

School and Work
School is okay. I wish I was done but whatever. I am still at the same job, but I have been looking after changing my resume yet again (shut up, I had to, remember the critique from Resume Goddess) and I applied to two internships through my school and one I want oh so BAD!!

Knitting
Finished Ene’s scarf (shawl damn it). I have a couple pics I tried to take, but will take more when I get home so I can strike that shawl pose.

Me
I have been up and down over this past month. So much so, that although I did not have time to talk to you guys I picked up my old journal and used the fresh pages left in there. I even read pages of what 2000 Urban was feeling. Wow is all I can say right now.

Okay that is the end of this update. How you durin?

Weekend: Promotion, Family Day, Black Family Reunion

2009-09-17T10:06:00.005-05:00

Hi folks. This week has been crazy. We burried the dinosaur and got a new laptop so I can now write at home.

The weekend.

Friday – Surprise party

I am crazy as you all know. I waited until Wednesday to plan a surprise party for my husband. He received a promotion at work and I wanted to celebrate it with family and friends. My husband is a great guy and I wanted to surprise him. So we did a BACKWARD surprise party. Meaning, instead of him coming home and we all yell surprise, he would already be home and as people came he would be surprised. He was very surprised and thankful. I love game night so that was the theme. I am telling you Monoply Cards is the bomb. I can’t STAND Monoply board game but the cards are the TRUTH. They also made a new Scrabble card game but we didn’t get a change to play because we were playing Life, Pictionary, Uno, Wii and I taught them how to play poker.

Saturday – Beauty shop and family day

Our appointment was at 7 am and because people were over late I slept like a baby. My husband wakes me up out of my deep sleep and says.

Mr. Conservative: Hon, don’t you and Anger Mgmt have an appointment at 7.
Sleepy Urban: Yeah
Mr. C: Well you know its 8.
Urban: WHAT?

I jump up call the chica she told me to come in and I told her I would be there in about 15 minutes. I go to the my door to call for Anger Mgmt to get up. How come this child is already up watching t.v.? She knew we had an early appointment. I swear fo GAWD!

Mr. C drives us there and in the car he says. I woke up around 5 and 6 a.m. but you were sleeping so well. WHAT?!? So he was woke. Why didn’t he wake me up?
Anywho, it was all good. We got there about 8:40 and out by 10:15. I LOVE IT!! I hate staying all day and we still had the day left.

Around 1:00 the husband and I took the family out to eat which we haven’t done in awhile and then we went shopping. THANK GOD they have cellphones. We gave them money and told them to meet us at 6 p.m. So sweet! We didn’t have to go into their stores, i.e. Game Stop and Claires. We did get a phone call from College boy and Mr. Stefon asking us could we bring them 4 dollars. WTF. We also got to look at laptops for the family because we all are about to hurt College boy. He has a laptop and do not want us to touch his at all. I think I told ya’ll he told Anger Mgmt to use her phone or go to the library because she was not going to mess up his computer. Well Wednesday, we went and bought the same laptop we picked out Saturday. Why didn’t we just buy it then. Whatever.

Sunday – Black Family Reunion

My mom and I went to the Black Family Reunion down on the Mall. I try and go every year but missed the last two so I was determined to go this year. I love being on the Mall. You look one way you see the Capitol and the opposite you see the Monument. The weather was gorgeous as well.

We really had a ball. It was so much stuff to do, however, I did notice that their were less sponsors and no vendors. I remember buying art work from a vendor years before and I so wanted to see vendors that catered to my needs and likes. But I guess it was not meant to be. Oh well we did get some complimentary tickets to How Sweet the Sound.

I really loved hanging out with Ma Dukes and she said the same as well. I know I am my mothers child but the more we are together, as much as she knows how to work my nerves, the more I realize that we are not that different. My humor, stubborn and control freak surely came from this beautiful creature which is my mother.

Monday she called to tell me that she really had a good time and that we definitely need to do it more often and we will. I need to stop using the excuse that life gets in the way. It was easy to use when she lived in Georgia but now that she only lives 15 minutes away it is unacceptable. We will see…….

Girlfriend with a Wife on the Side

2009-09-11T10:50:00.000-05:00

Sunday, I go to a cookout that no one wanted to go to. Well I let me rephrase. I went because my best friend of 23 years gave the party. However, we ALL wish it was catered. Only Mr. Stefon came to the party because he wanted to play with the other kids and get in the moon bounce. Moving on.

I am introduced to these two women, and I get the evil grit down. But its whatever I don’t care. How YOU doing!

We are talking and I find out that one chica is the coaches wife and the other lady is a football mom. So we talk and chitter chatter and the Football Flousy starts working my nerves because I can see she is trying to find something to talk about and she is picking on the Coaches Wife. So I decided that whatever she says I will go against her. Just because. Also, because she says dumb stuff.

Football Flousy: Don’t you hate it when you go places and people are real quiet. Just don’t say nothing.
Urban: No.
FF: You don’t find that strange.
Urban: Nope
FF: I find it strange, Coaches Wife don’t talk to nobody she is so quiet. She just be in her own world.
Urban: Okay, so whats wrong with that. I don’t talk to people right off the bat. I normally sit back and observe people. See what’s going on.
FF: Um. I find it disturbing for people to be so quiet.

WHATEVER!!

FF: I have a question. Is game night just for married folks. I mean everyone I know who is married have a game night.
Urban: No. Why would it just be for married folks? It is for whomever want to play games. Hell a lot of times its just me and the kids playing games and every once in a while my husband joins us. But I know single people or single parents, or whomever that have a game night and it can be random or set in stone.

Ugh. I hate when single people try to make married people seem like they are shackled or a whole nother species. She told us that she is happy to be single, that way she can do whatever she want, when she want, and in the same breathe said she wants someone. Save the drama for yo momma. I can careless if your married or not do you.

She kept doing shit like that the whole time coach wife was there and then made another comment asking her how come she don’t stay at the game like all the other coaches wives and follow their husband arounds like little puppies. WTF. I figured something was up.

Coach mom left and we were left alone to talk.

Urban: Yeah, I understand what she is saying being the Coach Wife.
FF: Well, I could say a lot. No I am not going to say anything. Well. You know when I met her husband the coach. I didn’t know he was married. He didn’t have a ring on or anything. I mean the way he was acting and stuff. And she was never at the practices or the games and then one day he introduced her to me and was like this is my wife. I was like what the fuck. That’s your wife, but um, I just met your girlfriend.

Blown away. First off it’s like she was blaming the woman for his infidelities because she didn’t stay on the field and WATCH her husband – play a fake as security officer. I kindly told her that, that is not what a wife should have to do. Maybe she didn’t feel like she needed to be on the field watching her husband. I trust my husband to do whatever he says he is doing. Now, whether he is doing what he said is another thing. I DON’T know nothing about it. I also told her the other women may follow their husbands because they have a trust issue or know ya’ll biatches or better yet know their damn husbands. I ain’t got time for all that. Sorry don’t.

So, when I got my BFF by herself I asked her about the girl and she told me it was RUMOURED that they were messing with each other. He said it didn’t happen that he just taken a liken to her son. Um, okay.

But he was messing with another chick that was not a part of the team and he left his family. Funny thing is he didn’t have shit – the house HER name, car HER name. Guess who came back. Yup after playing he came back and now I hear he wears his ring and she comes to the games more often.

Shopping with El Cheapo and Wally World Clerk TMI

2009-09-10T09:30:00.000-05:00

My BFF decided she wanted to have a Hall.owee.n party. Love it! I told her she should make the invitations. She said, “no she was just going to buy them.” She deemed them too expensive and that we should definitely make them.

**fyi** It is a misconception to believe that it is cheaper for you to make invitations, then buying them UNLESS you have the equipment and all that, over time it will become cheaper, but the best part - you personalized your invitations and they look awesome. **um, fyi over**

We made a date to go Saturday. This hussy waits until 4:50 to start shopping and when my girls and I, get together we have to eat. I love seafood and since my family only eat fish, this is the time when I get to break out and eat everything in the damn sea. We decided to try this seafood buffet in VA. HATED IT!! Four thumbs and two pinky toes down. Will not eva, eva, go there AGAIN.

We then get to A.C. Moore late because we had to go way on the other side of town in MD, no biggie it was just us. While were in the car she is complaining the whole time. How she is not going to pay for this or that, she is not crafty, she ain’t got time for this or that. What the fuck? If you are throwing a party, you know your going to have to pay. Now you can pay a little or a lot, but this hussy ain’t trying to pay for NOTHING. As a good friend I offered my scrapbooking supplies, hell they are gathering dust unless I am wrapping a gift or for a school project.

We look at .69 paper she bitching and moaning. What am I going to do with this? How much paper do I need? I show her some examples. She liked them and STILL complained about the paper. Then have a nerve to ask me why I am not helping her any more. Probably, because I might hit her. I went to look at the damn yarn. Your saying, “Urban don’t be like that.” I am saying, this fool started yelling about the .99 ribbon. I had to break before I hit her with them damn ribbons. Then we went to Michaels, which we closed down. And again, complaints. While were going to Michaels we see a Halloween store. I said, you should go in there. She gave me a dirty look and said, we are going to the Dollar store. Okay then go, but do not be complaining to me. Nothing wrong with the dollar store. I got stuff from there before. However, we are talking about someone with Champagne Taste, she is not going to get anything in there. Then I receive a call from her on Tuesday.

BFF: Urban, I was looking online and everyone says I need to get the Mar.tha Ste.wart book it has great Halloween stuff. She used stamps for her invitations, but I like your idea better. It also had……….
Urban: I showed you stamps, but you thought it was too expensive.
BFF: No. It’s all good. I am going to use what I got. When are we going to go back and get the book?
Urban: What?
BFF: We need the book.
Urban: No. You don’t just look online.
BFF: Everyone says you need the book.
Urban: Wait. You want me to go with you to get a book that your cheap ass is NOT going to buy when you see the price. HELL no! Your ass want to go to the dollar store, when you were right by a Halloween shop that specialized in the shit. Hell to the naw! I am not going with you to get no damn book that you will NOT purchase.
BFF: Um, are you yelling at me.
Urban: PRETTY MUCH!

I know her she will not buy that book. She will ask my ass to go in on the shit. She told me when we was at the store “don’t you want to go half on a smoke machine.” Um, no.

When we left Michaels we went to Wally World and while we were there she reminded me we needed to do supply shopping for Mr. Stefon. See I was smart this year. Last year they gave me a generic list for a fifth grader. I did not know it was a generic list and tried to be a good parent and bought everything on the list. Needless to say, I paid around $200. It didn’t go to waste because the other kids used the items. We did not have money to throw out the window just because. This year I waited for the list.

Why is this hussy throwing in shit when I told her not too? She is picking up dividers that cost 4- 5 dollars because they are decorative. I told her to put the shit back. I will wait until they restock because of course waiting meant they were sold out because other parents did what they were supposed to do. Although I told her to put the shit back she didn’t. We are fighting in the aisle.

Urban: See, your ass don’t know how to act in public.

People are laughing at us bicker back and forth. But that’s us, we been friends too damn long. Well we go in line to check out and she is in front of me. She is blocking the whole counter so I can’t put my stuff on the counter.

Urban: Excuse me Miss. Can you move over so I can put my items on the counter?
BFF: No, you need to wait your turn.
Urban: You got all that damn room AND you are paying for your stuff. Move.
BFF: Lady, do I know you?
Urban: Oh you going to move your stuff. (I proceed to move her ass over) What the Hell! I thought I told you I didn’t want these dividers?
BFF: His school list says dividers and you need to get them for him. Stop being cheap.
Urban: No you didn’t call somebody cheap. This is going out of the cart and why are there two pencil sharpeners?
BFF: (laughing) Well he is a boy and you can’t expect him to just have one.
Urban: You play too much.
BFF: I am going to the bathroom.

WallyWorld Clerk: Are you two sisters?
Urban: Um, no. I dislike her, she is my friend.
WWC: You two been friends a long time?
Urban: Yeah about 16 years too damn long.
WWC: I use to have a friend like that but her husband broke us up.
Urban: Oh really. That’s a shame. I have known majority of my friends for over 20 years. My husband treat them like sisters.
WWC: I wish. Girl they started getting freaking in the bedroom and then that was it. Broke up our friendship.

Urban: (oh lawd, secrets) Whhhhhaaattt? (looking for Bff)
WWC: Yeah chile, he wanted her to act like her friends in the bedrrom.

Did ya’ll read that?!? Let me type it again. THIS FOOL WANTED HER TO ACT LIKE HER FRIENDS WHILE THEY WERE SEXING.

What type of bullshit is that?

Urban: Oh hell naw!
WWC: Yes, it got really uncomfortable. One day he said to me. Now I know your last name. Girl he had her act like she was me.

DEAD FREAKING STARE!!

Urban: Wow. I don’t know what to say.
WWC: Well my ex-husband……….

BFF came out at this point and I told her to have a nice night.

Look at BFF and said.

Urban: Gurllll! Wait until we get out the store I can’t wait to tell you our conversation.
BFF: Why are you always making friends? I can’t leave your ass alone for a second.

I guess being in Wallyworld after 10 P.M. and no customers in your line will give you the chance to talk to folk about everything.

My weekend

2009-09-09T14:07:00.000-05:00

Hey folks! How the heck are you? I had a wonderful weekend and beginning of the week.

Friday. I didn’t do too much.

Saturday got the car back. Went to a horrible seafood buffet and shopping with my friend who is crazy as all get out. She is throwing a Halloween Party and do not want to spend NO damn money. Then how in the hell do you throw a party?

Sunday went to my friend house for a cookout and she can’t cook. It is well known so my godsister ditched the party and my other friend just came to meet guys. DRAMA.

Monday went to brunch with the family and discovered that something is wrong with the water heater. Not stressed. Curse a little but it is what it is. Then I chilaxed and studied for one of my classes.

I have so many stories to tell you guys that I have to break them up because it was just too much drama going on this weekend. Again of course not with me but with the folks/parties I am around. Let see what some of the topics will be today or tomorrow if I have time to post. I did tell you guys that the dinosaur (our computer) is dead and I don’t feel like brining my laptop home or trying to type on the G1 so I do have an excuse.

Topics:

Conversation with the clerk at Wally world. Lawd off the chain.
Cookout included the coaches wife AND his girlfriend. Yes you read that right. COULD NOT BEEN ME.

Conversations with Urb

2009-09-03T14:22:00.002-05:00

Background: Husband and I sitting in the car. HOT as heck and we sent the little bugger Mr. Stefon home and since it is now dark we can see the mosquitoes and other flying what not gathering on the window. I am getting bored. Mr. Conservative is sitting in the backseat.

Urban: Babe - what you doing?
Mr. Conservative: Um sitting in the backseat. (he is frustrated- I am as cool as a cucumber, well maybe not cool).
Urban: Babe.
Mr. C: What?
Urban: Let me see your stuff.
Mr. C: WHAT?
Urban: You heard me.
Mr. C: No.
Urban: Come on man ain't nobody going to see you its dark.
Mr. C: I don't care about that. I don't want them things to jump on my stuff.
Urban: (dying laughing) You will be okay, take one for the team.
Mr. C: You got to be crazy if you think I am letting them bite me.

Guy who USE to live in the house at the end of the street before they gave him the boot. In the car earlier waiting for the battery jump the second time.

DumbDude: Hey man, I thought that was you. (higher than cooty brown)
Mr. C: Hey what's up.
DD: Nothing man. You ran out of gas I got some money.
Mr. C: Naw man we just need a jump we called roadside.
DD: Oh okay because I got some money for you.
Mr. C: We good thanks man.

DD leaves and comes back. I see him approaching.

Urban: Here comes your best friend.
Mr. C: Dayhum
DD: So you want me to give you the money for some gas.
Mr. C: NO, we got gas its something else. We straight.
DD: Okay just let me know because I got the money.

STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING. What part of we have money and gas don't your ass understand?! Yes I know he was trying to be helpful. But when it is hot as hell outside and your sitting in a car burning up you might want to leave people alone if you don't have jumper cables in your back freaking pocket ya dig!! Shit we getting bit by mosquitoes and some more shit! Don't tempt me.

Oh I haven't even begun to tell you the drama with v.w. that is for another post. However, they are paying for the oil pan 618 that includes the labor and drum roll please. The mechanic called me about 5 minutes ago and said it is the altenator and that will be 1150.

Fuck me very much.

Ger.man love to drive them, but a biatch to pay for. This is why we hurried up and gave the benzo back to FIL before we got really use to it. It does ride smooth though, but the maintenance, the freakin maintenance.

My Car Saga

2009-09-01T12:09:00.003-05:00

Last Wednesday was Mr. Stefon first day of school. Well, Mr. Conservative and I went to pick him up from school.

Get Mr. Stefon and go back to the car and the car would not start. Call V.W roadside and we waited about 30 minutes. Of course, it would be the day when it was 95 degrees outside. However, it was cool once we opened the door. For some reason we were getting a nice breeze, so it wasn’t too bad. Roadside came and the guy jumped the car and we were on our way. Or so we thought.

We decide to stop at the store on the way home about 5 minutes from our house and noticed the car was starting to slow down. So we decided to nix the store and go the hell home. Well, 2 minutes away and the mofo cut off COMPLETELY. On a busy street, but by the grace of God no one was behind us.

We call the guy who helped us before because he gave us his card and he told us he was on his way. How come he didn’t show up? Did not return our calls. We had to call V.W roadside again, which we should have done the first time and he wasted 30 minutes of our time. Estimated wait time 45 minutes.

Now we are no longer receiving ANY kind of breeze. We are in the blazing sun. Mr. Conservative told us to go ahead home and he will be home later. Um, you have lost your fool mind. We are in this together. However, Mr. Stefon was getting the heck out because he was asking too many questions and it was hot as hell sitting on leather in 95 degree weather and hotter in the car. I told him to walk home and Collegeboy met him. THIS IS HOW FREAKING CLOSE TO HOME WE WERE.

A neighbor family member saw us and bugged the hell out of us, another post, too much to write. All I have to say is crack/alcohol is a helluva drug. Anywho, back to the show, I mean my life.

Roadside shows up with a carload of kids. They are screaming daddy can we get out of the car and all types of hotness and he is yelling back at them. A mess. The car starts and cuts right the heck back off. Needless to say, a tow truck needed to be called now.

Estimated wait time 1 hour. We had to pay 75 dollars to go just up the hill, but who cares at this point, just get us home. It would have been free if we sent it to the dealership or I used our insurance (idiot). Well they were not there in 1 hour and V.W had to whip some but they got their 15 minutes later.

Hooked up the car and we were in it. YES, I KNOW WE WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN. Leave me alone, I know it was stupid. Nevertheless, it was crowded at the front and just up the hill.

You have to use a code to get in our community (unless the badass kids tell you or push it in for you). We get out the car to tell him the code and Loco tow driver says.

LOCO: Man, you have a leak you need to fix that.
Mr. Conservative: BULL SHIT!
Urban: (who don’t know shit about cars except that should not happen) Dude that is oil and that is not a leak. YOU did that.
LOCO: I did not do that it was already like that.
Urban: Our car would not start because of something mechanical NOT FREAKING LEAKING and dude, there is a difference between leaking and POURING and if our car were pouring oil, we would not have any right now as long as we waited for service all day.

We get in to the community with oil going everywhere and Mr. Conservative looses his cool. Which trust me really does not happen that often. You have to push him to the edge but when you do…..

Why homie say to my husband.

LOCO: Man I was trying to help you out by doing you a favor.
Mr. Conservative: Man you what?
LOCO: I was trying to help you.
Mr. Conservative: HELP! Man you damaged my got damn car. I paid ya’ll ass to provide a service, that is NOT a freaking favor. A favor is free or a discount not making shit worse. You betta get out my face with that shit.

Imagine that is the clean version. Somebody was HAWT.

Why was I on the steps laughing? Not out loud. But just laughing, saying baby calm down. But that shit was soooo damn funny because he hardly looses his cool. But I knew I needed to get him, because he was about to loose his Conservative title.

I was very calm. I called V.W roadside and reported it and thank goodness everything was done through them so they are handling everything and could see that oil leakage (POURING) was not the problem and I called Gei.co and they know about it as well.

So, we had his father benzo until Sunday, and I think I now want a truck. But, now we are carless. Everyone is dragging their damn feet. I found out today that it will cost 615 for the oil pan which we will not be paying for, but damn, when will they fix that shit so that WE can find out what is really wrong with the damn car.

Mr. Stefon gets out of school at 3:45, we didn’t get in the house until a little after 9.

Guess whose back???

2009-09-01T08:06:00.002-05:00

ENE'S SCARF!!

Yes, the temptress is back. I have been trying to get my hands on this thing to complete since I got out of school but that damn blanket took all my time. Especially, since I said I would be monogamous. That shit is for the birds. Well we are back on and popping.

School started for me yesterday. Lawd I have so much to tell you. My home computer is dead, my car is in the shop, I have gained over 20 lbs and um, I am happy. I must be having a breakdown or something. Back soon.

I am so emotional right now

2009-08-26T06:32:00.002-05:00

I just left Mr. Stefon and he is so cute. I don't know if I am emotional because I walked up all them damn steps or because my baby is starting the six grade. I think it is the latter. Wow, my baby won't be a baby soon. He asked his sister last night if middle school was hard and she yelled at him with her mean ass and I told her don't forget you asked the same when you began high school. On the way to school this morning he told me he hated making new friends and saying his name over and over and I told him. Look just remember this. Today is the first day and everyone is new and nervous. He gave me three hugs and a kiss and one of the teachers said aweeeee. He walked up and down the steps three times until I just left so that he could move on. I have pictures but can't load because I am on the bus.

I want a new baby. Maybe I will go and play with someone elses kid. Mr. Conservative told me hell no a week ago.

Oh well my physical isn't until 10 so I guess I will be going to union station and chill. Peace.

FO: Mirbeau Slip Stitch Baby Blanket

2009-08-25T12:35:00.006-05:00

Pattern: Mirbeau Slip Stitch Baby Blanket by Brenda A. Lewis
Yarn: Loops and Threads Snuggly Wuggly Baby Sports
Needle Size: U.S. 6

This baby blanket has been a pain in my arse. However, I persevered and it is DONE!

I made this blanket for my next-door neighbor’s first baby. They do not know the sex of the baby; therefore, I made the blanket with pastel colors. If I had to do it over again, I would venture out to other colors.

This was a fun knit after I learned the pattern. The pattern is not too clear in the beginning. This was a love/hate blanket for me. Why? Here goes, let’s start with.....

Hate.

1. I should have carried all the colors up the side, but I thought it would be too bulky.
2. Damn this was a long knit, will use bigger needles if I knit it again.

Love.

1. THAT I FINALLY FINISHED A BABY BLANKET!! I started making my Godbaby blanket when she was in the womb and I believe she is five now. That yarn was taken out and used to create the SockWarrior sock for Sheri of Loopyewe. The red sock on the pattern was made with my yarn. Good damn yarn too.
2. I stuck with the pattern and did not cheat. Except for when I read a book or just left it all together. I got bored and I had an awesome summer. Therefore, I did not spend a lot of time knitting.
3. The blanket looks really nice and I am so very proud.
4. This blanket is machine washable, which I think any new mom can appreciate.
5. Grateful parents. When I told the mom, I was making her a blanket she was very excited and thankful. Always, love giving gifts to folks who will appreciate it.
6. Also, it looks like I did a lot of work but this pattern was very simple. I love simple patterns that looks difficult.
7. Thank goodness for scrapbooking. Because I might not scrapbook as much, but I am always using material I have for school projects or wrapping a baby blanket in it. It has all the colors of the blanket. SCORE!

All in all a great knit. I love the finished product, so it was well worth it.

Sorry for the crappy pictures but you should know the drill by now. One day I will get better.

My Birth Story: Collegeboy is 20 today!

2009-08-21T09:01:00.002-05:00

Urban: Mommy can you take me to get some manwich.
Mommy: I will be glad when you drop that baby because you and manwich is getting on my nerves. Come on.

My mom and stepdad drove around to get me my manwich and while doing so, every bump I hit was painful. But I thought nothing of it. Then my mom said we should go to the hospital. We went to the hospital and they said it was probably Braxton Hicks (fake as contractions). They got tired of seeing me. This was my third time coming to the hospital that week. The nurses told me to walk around so the baby will drop and don’t come back until my contractions were five minutes apart.

Oh well. I went home and the Manwich that I adored turned into heartburn so I kicked my stepdad out the bed and went to lay with my mother. She slept like a baby and I kept complaining about back pains. I woke her up and she was like did your water break. I said no, she turned over went back to sleep. However, I made plenty trips to the bathroom and all that would come out was a little drizzle. Finally, I said freak it and called my Uncle who lived all the way across town.

Urban: Unc, you need to come pick me up because I am in labor.
Uncle: I am not picking you up because your mom and dad are there.
Urban: Fine. I am not going to the hospital unless you come.
Uncle: Okay, I’m on my way.

Called baby daddy who lived in the house across the street and told him “its showtime.”

Now I really didn’t know it was time, but my back hurt like hell and I determined that this had to be it or close to it.

Everyone piled up in the car for the hospital. Today my Uncle talk about the ride to the hospital because every bump was a problem.

Urban: (screaming) Can’t you try and miss the bump!
Uncle: I am trying. I am not even driving that fast.
Urban: DANG!! You got to be hitting every pothole known to man.

We get to the hospital, and because I was a young mom they treated me like crap. They wouldn’t give me a wheelchair. They told me I needed to walk. My Uncle told them to get me one. She said it was better for me to help bring me to full labor. But we kept trying to tell her I was sick and needed the wheelchair and she would not listen. Well in true Urban fashion, I threw ALL that manwich up and I got the damn wheelchair then.

Now, folks the whole time all I dreamed about while pregnant was getting an epidural so I wouldn’t feel any pain. However, after checking me they said I was fully dilated and did not have time to get an epidural. WHAT!? My mommy and doctor told me I can have one. Well, it is too late you are delivering this baby NOW.

Ya’ll I was so mad because I wanted that damn epidural and did not want pain. I can’t STAND pain. No sir re bob.

Anywho, went into the room and on August 21, 1989 I gave birth to a big headed little boy that was 21 ½ inches and 7 lbs.

He is the same as he came in the world quiet and gave his mother no trouble. He slid right out. I didn’t need stitches or anything. However, I do remember what the nurse in the room said. That was an easy birth, but the rest will be very painful. WTF!! If I have to see it from the nurse side – maybe she was saying that because I was a young mom and that would be a deterent. My side, DAMN she cold. That is not something you say to someone after giving birth no matter what age. But, it is what it is.

Actually, I have had three natural births with no epidural and no stitches – BLESSED.

Back to my baby boy. He stayed in the hospital an extra day because he had a little jaundice.

I just can not believe my baby is no longer a teenager and is a man. He is 21.

I am so thankful to God for this beautiful gift. Although after going in his room this morning to wish him a happy birthday I was ready to strangle the heck out of him.

I asked him what happened to his room.

Urban: Boy what in the world is going on in here.
Collegeboy: Nothing.
Urban: I know you see all this stuff on the floor, how in the heck do you walk around.
Collegeboy: Ma this is a working mans’ room.
Urban: Boy please, I will discuss this room with you tomorrow.
Collegeboy: Why are you taking pictures?
Urban: So I can put it on the web and show them how trifling you are.
Collegeboy: Okay. Maybe I will go in your room and take a pictures and upload it.
Urban: Whatever. Have a great day at work and happy birthday.

Tsunami, what in the hell!!!!!!!!!!!!

I LOVE ME SOME HIM.

Why you ask?

1. He is my child.
2. He calls home when he is out and let me know what time he will be home and he calls when he is at the metro, on the bus. Overkill really. But so what, I know where he is.
3. He interacts with us. He called me last week, excited he found a new game, Monopoly Cards, for us to play, so he purchased it. We finally played the game last night and we had so much fun. I hate real monopoly.
4. Last but not least, his character. He has always had a great spirit and I love it about him. He knows it is okay to be different and he does not care what people think. He plays his “white” music and hang out with his friends with no care in the world. He will give you his last dollar (or mine).

By baby is no longer a teenager, but a grown man (not really), but he will always be my baby.

The outfit he wore home from the hospital.

Sleeping. Damn, he is a splitting image of his father. Even mannerism. Lawd, I am glad that is all he got from him. And why is he sleeping with his laptop and video games and more...

The weekend: Comedy Club, Cookout, School Shopping

2009-08-18T11:20:00.003-05:00

This weekend was great, except for some MINOR glitches. Let’s get to it. You know it has to be drama or some crazy shizznit wherever I am. The funny thing about it. I can’t stand drama and yet I am always close to it.

Friday - Comedy Club

My bff of 21 years and I went to a comedy/old ass hell club. My bff and almost everybody momma has been trying to get me to join Face.book. Well, I don’t want to. I don’t have time, plus I am not trying to reconnect with the people I went to high school with. People come and go for a reason. Well anyway, she has been going to the happy hours and kickball games. You name it - she has ditched the kid and husband to be there. She asked me to go to a comedy show because some dude from our school was performing. Do you remember???? Why must we play this game, you know I don’t. Let the drama begin.

We get there and get in the parking lot and was like DAMN, it smell like fried chicken. Man all you can smell is seasoning. While we are walking to the club these guys bump the horn. I kept walking, but she goes to the truck. She comes back looking all disturbed.

Urban: Whats up with you?
BFF: Girl, why he ask for my number?
Urban: Okay, and?
BFF: I told him, no I can’t do that I am married and he said good, so am I and showed me his ring. I just told him, okay good luck with that. Can you believe it.
Urban: Hell yeah. People are a trip and your ass was dumb going to the truck. What the hell you thought he wanted? PRAYER.
BFF: Shut up.

Get in the club and folks are hand dancing. I swear the men in the club average age was 60. Not mad at them, but damn. The comedy club was downstairs and while heading down we ran into the guy from school who was the host and a guy from school was a bouncer (maybe they have an internship for folks who went to our high school). The host stated he was going to sit us in the front because he knows we will try and hide. Damn, I sure was but we had good seats.

His set starts and he proceeds to tell us the rules of the club while he is performing. Now, while he is doing this two girls I actually remember from school comes in late (one I remember her name and the other just her mug). I KNOW Mug is about to break a rule. Why she comes in with the other girl, shock to see me she does the girlfriend thing we do. Hhheeeeyyy Girl and come and hug me. Why am I trying to dodge her grip because I know we are breaking a rule. Sure enough the comedian, gets on her. Now, if you were on time you could have handled all that. Now your interrupting my show. How come she wants to go word for word with him? Geez. After the comedy show we went upstairs to listen to the band that came later. We had a ball hanging out with Mug and the other chick.

Saturday - Hair Salon,Cookout

Hair - you already know about. I have decide to make orange, tomato and lemon juice out of the situation. It is what it is and it will work itself out. I can't stay in a negative place.

Cookout - I decided to go to a cookout my old coworker invited me to. He throws these big ass cookouts every year. Mr. Conservative, Mr. Stefon, myself and another BFF decided to go. Well while we are going in Mr. Conservative says…..

Mr. Conservative: You know we have to pay.
Urban: Stop bullshitting. No we don’t.
Mr. Conservative: Seriously, look.

Sure enough, there are ladies sitting in the corner with a money box and a sign saying $8.00. AND they even had the little orange bands to put on your wrist to show you paid.

MAN oh MAN you talk about someone who was heated!!! Mr. Conservative and BFF wanted to leave off of principle, but I convinced them to stay because I wanted to see some of the old folks.

What is crazy though. If my old homie would have told me we had to pay when he called me I would have gladly paid. I mean it was all you can drink alcohol and it was plenty. Ten bushels of crabs, Alaskan crab legs, shrimp, pig feet, seafood salad, steak. They went all out DJ, Picture Man, AND I heard an announcement that the Tattoo man was on his way (GTFOH). It was well worth the $8.00 but it would have been nice to know about it in advance, ESPECIALLY since I normally do not walk around with cash on me. I did have fun and saw some coworkers that I loved and exchange new numbers with because they were like older sisters/mommas to me. When I started working there I was 20/21 and left when I was 29. I grew up a lot there and they helped. I would have stayed there forever if the money was right, just because of the people.

Random folk, by nightfall there were about 200-300 folks there. I wonder how his neighbors felt about all the noise and parking?
Do you see the orange band and the picture background in the back?

I tried jello shots for the first time. Where the heck have I been. I love them, but them cute little cuddly things sneak up on you. I had about 6 or 9.

The purple and yellow was vicious they had rum and me no likey rum.

We also went to Columbia Mall this weekend. Anger Mgmt wanted to buy school clothes with the money she said up. So we had to go out there so she could go to one store dELIA. If you have a teenage girl, you know about this store, as well as Claires and Icing or whatever. She normally buys online but she wanted to see it in person, so we got Mr. Conservative to take us out there. She got some cool finds. It still amazes me when I see her shop an complain about the prices, because there are no complaints when she is shopping with me. One thing I can say is she goes to the clearance racks all the time. When she was little I use to always take her there first. My little mean baby is growing up.

Better Pics of Hair Color

2009-08-17T13:22:00.004-05:00

Okay, I took pictures during my lunch break. So, the only thing not orange is my roots - which Anger Mgmt kindly pointed out already. Gotta love her. Anywho,I still don't understand how in the hell my whole head is this color since I had on the dumb ass helmet cap. Anywho, without further ado, I present to you. Carrot top.

Hair

2009-08-17T12:05:00.004-05:00

Now, I got in the house about 2ish and had to be at the hair salon at 9 AND I had to take public transit because Mr. Conservative had to work. Man I was tired. I got on the wrong bus but it worked itself out.

Now, I already have color in my hair and I am trying to grow it out. I have not grown my hair out in years. I will chop it for no damn reason. It will grow back. I also color it maybe once a year – streaked. Well I decided my streaks were growing out too much and decided to let her streak it. Mind you, this is the second time I am going to her. I am in search of a new hairdresser. Well we pick the color and all that and she goes through everything and I see her looking funny.

Urban: What?
Dumbass: Your hair is um..
Urban: WHAT!
Dumbass: Well, it didn’t come out how WE thought. Its brighter, not light.
Urban: Well I am not worried too much if it is near the color. It will work its self out.
Dumbass: do you want to see the color.
Urban: No. What good would it do? It’s not going to change anything.

When she wrapped my hair I could see the color but of course it looks darker wet, so I said well its not that bad. Well when it dried and she did my hair. I was like WTF!!!! She started telling me how pretty the color is. Okay, granted the color is cute and I like it. Hell I had red/organge before. BUT I am looking for a job and not with the damn circus. OH and when I had it before, the damn shampoo girl put the rinse in and did not tell me. She made a mistake. Lawd I have so many salon tales.

Anywho, she did my hair in this funky way. Which hey, I will rock it. I am already rocking orange, yellow, red. I don’t know the damn color.

Reactions:

Mr. Stefon is playing his PSP when I come in the house. So I don’t say anything. I look at him and his mouth is WIDE open. Mommy are you okay? Can someone please tell me why I would not be okay. (asshole).

Anger Mgmt comes down the steps. I am in the kitchen. I can tell someone is staring at me so I turn around and sure enough – her ass is standing there with her mouth covered, like in a horror movie. I can’t wait for daddy to see your hair!

Collegeboy comes up the steps looks at me and says nothing (see, this is why I love him, but why his wife will be pissed with him,he doesn't notice anything). He just carries on a conversation. Then of course, Anger mgmt has to say. DO YOU SEE HER HAIR? He said yeah, its just different like all the other stuff she gets. (who is she?)

Mr. Conservative comes in and looks at it and said. Did you ask her to do that? NO. How come you didn’t stop her? HOW can I when I think she is doing what she suppose to. I like it. Didn’t you have your hair like that before? Yup, but it was a rinse. This shit is permanent. Well he likes it and so does everyone else but damn.

Oh AND this shit is not streaked its over my WHOLE head. I don’t get it. She put that little cap thing around my head. But oh well.

This was my hair for the 4th of July. I can't find another picture with the streaks. my hair looks a little darker here. See how short it is. This is when I decided to start growing it out. I call this the Five Heart Beats cut because of the Poof in the front and no hair on the sides - think Chr.isete Miche.lle.

Weekend post coming up and I will try to take a picture outside which is much brighter.

MOMMY RESPONSIBILITY VACATION ENDS TONIGHT

2009-08-15T19:13:00.003-05:00

Damn!! It has been a great ride being on vacation. I barely cleaned thed house. Less ocd. Let the kids clean or should I day half clean. You know I still wasn't cooking on a regular. Anger mgmt bought it up again. However I already decided todau would be the day. I have been on vacay since May and didn't do abday resolution or nothing. I guess back to business after 4 hours. Let me party this sucker up. I am at a cookout taking jello shots and waiting for the tattoo man. Ssshhhiiiittt! You know that ain't happening.

Hair still red trying to get a good pic

Why me? My freakin hair is orange/red

2009-08-15T12:40:00.002-05:00

My freakin hair is red. Spice. Orange. Hell you pick one. Lawd what am I going to do. Oh and its permanent. I just don't get it blonde and orange is not the ame color. Will take a pic after she finish. Thank gawd I don't sweat my hair but I am still pissed.

DRAMA!

say something else about my mustache!!

2009-08-14T19:01:00.002-05:00

If her ass ask me about my mustache one more gin. We are going to play "eye say hi to the fist." I am going out so I go get my eyebrows did and homie says you want me to do your mustache too. Hell muthafreakin no. First off I don't have a damn mustache and if it is one iits gonna stay there. Hell I shave everything else ya dig. Anywho she got one more gin to ask me that crapola. So I will ask the husband. Let's see

A. Babe you think I. Have a mustache?
B. Is my mustache long enough to braid?
C. Do my mustache tickle you when I do that thing you like?

Get the fuck out of here! I'm off to the club. We be clubbing!!

My baby is growing up!

2009-08-11T10:30:00.002-05:00

Mr. Stefon and I was walking to tennis camp and he spotted his little friends ahead of us and he said....

Mr. Stefon: I don't know why they are standing there.
Urban: I think they are waiting for you.
Mr. Stefon: I don't know why? I am walking with you.
Urban: If you want to walk with them you can. I can walk behind you guys because I am going to go to the store.
Mr. Stefon: You sure mommy? Because I can just stay back here with you.
Urban: No. Go ahead.......

Damn before I could finish the boy took off. I can't believe my baby will be 11 this year, let alone his brother will be 20 in a couple weeks.

Mr. Stefon is so sweet when he is not driving me crazy. He always want to hold my hand (still) and he loves to give hugs and kisses as well as letters and notes. AND he is so CUTE. Well at least I think so.

Here is my baby walking away with the red shirt and his crew. I am walking the required steps behind them.

Job Interview

2009-08-07T06:21:00.002-05:00

The phone interview went well two weeks ago and today I am going to have a interview with the COO.

Hope all goes well. I am surprisingly not nervous, but I think I practiced enough to be ready.

Tell me a little about yourself?
What are your weakness/strengths?
Why you?
Why are you leaving your current job?

So on and so fourth.

The interview is suppose to last for two hours. Why me? Hopefully it won't I hate the fake smile on my face - like a cheerleader.

Anywho, I am off so I can be on time.

Good Times

2009-08-05T17:04:00.002-05:00

OMG!!

I am going to hurt myself. Anger Mgmt asked me to turn to Good Times and I am amazed at James. His frank and beans are all on display in those tan corderoys. My great aunt would say all his business is hanging out. Man oh man them suckers are tight. I wonder if they had to put powder on him to get the pants on. Oh and do he have any kids?

Wow!

MP3 versus IPOD

2009-08-04T10:58:00.001-05:00

I can careless about name brand items except for my applesauce. Some things have to be name brand. I can only do Motts. I love peanut butter as we discussed before and I have not noticed a big difference in taste between the brands. Moving on from food.

Everyone in my household has some sort of Apple product, shuffle, nano, first generation, and all the others except me and I can care less. I can do all types of stuff with my MP3 player however, I call my player an Ipod. Not because it is one or I want it to be one. Its just because that is what I known them to be before saying MP3 player. I love it because I can play FM radio and all that good stuff.

Conversation with family.

Urban: Anger mgmt pass me my Ipod.
Anger Mgmt: You mean your MP3 player.
Urban: You know what I mean.
Anger Mgmt: No. You said Ipod. Why do you keep calling this thing an Ipod? You know it is a MP3 player.
Urban: So what! Just give it to me. My MP3 player is just as good as ya’ll funky IPOD.
College boy: Mommy, why don’t you stop being cheap and buy you an IPod.
Urban: How am I cheap? Who bought yours? Your sister and brother’s? I believe it was I. I don’t want one! If I want one I could have one. Dang all this because I called it an IPOD.
Anger Mgmt: Yes, because it is not an IPOD. Be proud of your little MP3 player.
Urban: Whatever. Stop hating on my player because it has a FM radio.
College boy: Yeah we are really hating. Especially the fact that you need a battery and we don’t. Darn.
Urban: Man whatever.

They get on my nerves.

Conversation with Mr. Conservative on our way to workout.

Urban: Dag, my IPOD won’t come on. My battery must have run down. Oh wait I got a battery.
Mr. Conservative (smirking): You want to use my IPod.
Urban: No I am good, I told you I took a battery from the remote.

We go running and you know the damn thing didn’t work because the batter was run down. (shut up). We are about to get in the car and I am joking with him.

Urban: You could have let me use your Ipod since you were not using it.
Mr. Conservative: Here we go. I asked you did you want to use it. I thought your “thing” was working?
Urban: Naw, the battery had no juice.
Mr. Conservative: I swear, I am just going to buy you an Ipod that thing you have is crazy.
Urban: Whatever. I like my Ipod.
Mr. Conservative: That is not an Ipod. I wish you would stop calling it that.

I still like my IPOD/MP3 player or whatever the hell I call it. I am so use to saying it, I am trying to be better, but guess what I don’t give a hell. It is whatever I call it damn it and if they want me to have a real one, then damn it they better buy me one because I have invested enough in all their asses.

Step on a crack break your momma back

2009-08-04T08:00:00.002-05:00

........or maybe a heel. Remember that old rhyme. I do.....I wonder if kids still do that stuff. Anywho. What it do folks!?!

I truly believe that a crack is what caused my heel to break. This is the second heel I have actually broken and I have had numerous heels almost stripped of its leather due to the cracks in D.C. sidewalks. I always try and look down so I do not step on a crack because your heel will get stuck - at least downtown where I work at anyway. I have never had this problem before working down here or maybe because the heels are skinny now and they can fit through the cracks.

I did not have a second pair of shoes at work because I call myself cleaning house about a month or two ago. Since Mr. Conservative was getting off work I just had him come and pick me up. His ass laughed while I dragged my leg to the car. He told me it look like I was trying to do the Stanky Leg. See how much spousal support I get from him. Gotta love it.

Why Me? #14542 My heel just broke!

2009-08-03T12:44:00.003-05:00

WHAT THE FUCK!?!

Is it somewhere written that I am not suppose to have a good Monday freaking morning? I mean seriously WTF!@!

So, I am having a good day and decide to go get something for lunch. Ready to read up on some ish and take a break. Have it all planned out that I would I would wait later so by the time I get back it will only be two hours for me to leave.

SIDENOTE: Got up this morning and decided I would look too cute today. Do a little something extra so the husband can be like damn when I got home. Put on a nice dress, some MAKEUP (don't really wear) and some heels instead of wearing my sandals. COULDN'T TELL ME NUTHIN YA DIG!!

Grab my shit to eat lunch. Briefcase - Check. Money - Check. Book to read - Check. Okay, let me stop in the restroom and I am out!!

Leave and strutting because I KNOW I look good. Got that walk going and I hear a little noise look down and noticed I stepped on a little piece of wood, so I straighten myself and keep it moving. Okay, chest out back straight now strut!! How come I cross one street and the next and bam a bitch almost lose her balance - which would have cost me my cool card because I am downtown and surrounding my cars.

I look down and am like WTF!! Lift my leg up and sure enough I BROKE MY FUCKING HEEL and today would be the day that I did not bring my "if my feet starts hurting I will switch to these" shoes. So now I am walking back to the office with one leg looking longer than the other because I am not trying to put any pressure. So instead of looking cute, I look all gimpy and have to walk all slow. Why ME?

This is so not cool. I love these sandals because of the little flower detail and decided to let them come out and play because I only wore theme once the whole damn summer and now they are broke. DAMN! DAMN! DAYHUM!!!

Job Search, Fair, Information

2009-07-30T13:38:00.003-05:00

Job searching.

I have been complaining for years about getting a new job. However, the only thing I have done to get said job is bitch and moan and make twenty different resumes. We all know that will not get the job done.

I am in graduate school (as if you didn't know) and decided I wanted a new job in my field by February of next year or maybe stick it out at my current job a little longer – until I graduate. Nevertheless, I realize I cannot do it. I just cannot. When you know, it is time to go you need to go and I have known for the past three years. So, what am I finally doing about it beside bitch, moan and make more resumes. I went and talked to Career Services at my current university. Before I go any further, if you are currently attending a university or an alum and looking for a job you should contact your school. I do not know about my undergrad, but my graduate contact says she is handling a lot of alum right now. As she stated, “you pay a lot of money to attend this university and this is what you pay for.” Can the church say Amen. I think information sharing is great and although I knew a lot going into the meeting, she listened, gave me a lot of confidence and another view of the situation. Although I can listen to other peoples problems, analyze and give feedback. So, let’s get it cracking.

Networking

I know, I know. Who sucked their teeth? Majority of jobs come from networking. You need to make sure you are building that network. We all know it is all about who you know. That is why Ant Man is working for the F.BI and you know damn well he probably should not, but hey, it is what it is.

Urban, I do not know how to network? I do not know anyone.

Sure you do. Do you belong to any professional organizations? If not you probably should and start attending some meetings. What about Church organizations, the PTA, or other groups? You are communicating all the time; make sure you are keeping those lines of communication opened. In addition, there are professional networking websites like LinkedIn. Try it out.

As the CareerGuru (let’s call her that) asked me.

CG: If someone called you for help, would you help him or her?
Urban: Absolutely.
CG: So why wouldn’t they help you.
Urban: Point well taken.

Resume

Ugh. I hate them with a passion, but you need one. You need to read your resume to make sure it reflects you. Now I have done my resume a trillion time and I want to get out of finance but guess what when I look at it, it screams finance. I know this and was hardheaded and reluctant to change it until I went to a Job fair and everyone kept telling me they were hiring in accounting.

Make sure your resume is tailored to the job you want. Your marketing yourself. Get a group of trusted friends to look at your resume and let them critique it for misspelled words, grammar issues – and it should not be ten pages. HR professional don’t have time and will toss your resume and we don’t really need to know what you were doing in 1972 unless its really significant (not).

There are plenty of places on the web that you can get free samples of resumes. I am about to change my resume yet again (shut up) to a functional one. Career Guru suggested the change. I do not totally agree with her, I am thinking of doing a chronological/functional. You know what they say about hard heads and a soft ass.

Clothing

We did not talk about dress code I got that one covered, but you know it is a BIG pet peeve of mine. I cannot tell you how many people I see at job fairs and coming to my place of business for interviews dressed inappropriately. Yes, in 2009 there is still a dress code. Hell I was just reading somewhere that some companies ban sleeveless shirts or that they have to be 3 inches (who is measuring). What I am trying to say is dress as if you got some damn sense. Leave the club gear at home. I still stick with the navy, black or dark suit and heels. That’s just me. Small earrings. No Mr. T. My yellow polish is taken off for a neutral.

Job Fair

I know I gave up on job fairs, but CareerGuru talked me into going because AGAIN, she had some great points.

Here are my complaints. They do not take your resume – majority of the time. Their famous words – if you go on our website. My thoughts – why are you here, hell I knew that already.

CareerGuru response. I hear you and I understand what your saying. However, you can get their card, which have their name on it and you can follow up. In addition, you can practice your interviewing techniques. Introducing yourself and NETWORKING with other job lookers in the crowd.

She had a point. That’s’ why I went to the Federal Job Fair, which was much better than the other ones I attended. Everyone was dressed in their dark clothing and shoes (until I took mines off because I was not trying to get a corn – sorry. Yeah, I know I broke my own rule, but I got a card). All in all it was okay. It was crowded and you had to wait in long lines (6,000 people attended the fair), but out of the six places I stopped at, I gave away three resumes. Sweet.

This is my – I am trying to get a job gear.

Almost forgot. In conclusion, you need to set goals and treat your job search like a job. Schedule a day or two and in the words of the CareerGuru you only need one job - so get them resumes out there and get your one job. I hope mine is right around the corner. I hope this can help someone, it sure helped me.

I had a phone interview last Friday. Will talk about that later this is already long as heck.

Back Down Memory Lane 2

2009-07-29T14:40:00.002-05:00

Back down memory lane part 2. Includes – bus driver companion, hummer guy and professor.

I guess I start with the professor because it wasn’t a biggy.

Professor Logic and Religion (2 diff classes)

I went to Anger Mgmt school to register her AGAIN. Can I tell you all how much I hate the registration process annually for my kids in D.C. One reason why I hate it…….IT DEFEATS ITS OWN PURPOSE!! Purpose – to catch people who do not live in D.C. putting their kids in D.C. school and making them pay if they want them to continue going to the school. However, they never catch the people. Same with the summer job program – still a whole of people from MD and VA working. Anywho…

I come down the hall an see my old Logic and Religion (or something like that) Professor.

Excuse me sir do you know the way to my university? We had a good time catching up. I have a crazy story about the boy in my Religion class who drank everyone stuff when they got up from their seat, but that will take too much time – another post.

We be clubbing!!

Okay, so Friday I went out with one of my BFF for happy hour. We started out at Jas.pers and then ended up at that Lounge Freaks – remember Hummer dude. Now let me tell you. I was LIT!! I am too damn old to start off drinking at one club and then go to another Jeez. I had three DELICIOUS margarita at Jaspers (and was so busy at work I did not eat lunch – can you say disaster). Thank Gawd I am married and was not looking for any dudes because I ate so much food at the bar they either thought I was preggers or damn right greedy. When it came time to leave, the guy I was talking to said, I can’t wait to see you get up, that’s the best part! What son, they don’t know me! I will hold on for dear life not to be embarrassed.

Get inside of the Lounge and it was boring and funky. I am sitting at the bar and this chica says.

Crazy Club Chica: Hey Gurl!!!!!!!
Urban looking at my friend like Biatch she is talking to you.
CCC: Gurl, don’t you act like you don’t know me!!
Is she talking to me, because I KNOW I never met her old ass!!
Tell me why she get up, come over where I was and started hugging me!! What happened to personal space. I really don’t know you girl. But of course, I just blank stare.
CCC: We use to ride the bus together in the morning! I started the petition!
Memory snap – thank goodness. HEY GURL!!! Phony as hell. She then whisper in my ear.

You know my son got five years. Nope. BINGO! No wonder she looks so damn old. Last time I seen her she was slim and trim, every bit of 40 something giving 20 year olds a run for their money. Um, not any more, that worrying has put a major whip ass on her.

Okay, I have a question. Why do people tell me shit? I mean I really don’t mind but I just think some shit I would leave out. For instance, BIL mamma buying weed like its tictacs or my sister hitting him upside the head with a pole and stabbing his dumb ass in the neck OR CCC son getting five years – I can go on and on. I’m thinking I probably would not share some of those things with a stranger but okay.

By the way, while we were there we did run into Hummer Dude but he tried to play dumb because he was with his girlfriend. I had fun chatting her up. He tried to talk when she went to the bathroom all innocent. He still looked like he put ALL of his money in that gas guzzler.

They had this jukebox in the place that took me forever to play music. Maybe 15 minutes to pick stuff. When I got back to the bar my BFF was talking to these two dudes. Scrubs.

I heard their convo and was not interested. She tried to introduce me and I was not having it. I could just tell ewe. So, this is what I hear.

BFF: Wait. You have a wife, baby momma and a girl.
Scrub #1: yeah.
BFF: Wow
Scrub #2: You can hang with that right.
BFF: Nope not at all.
Scrub #1. It wouldn’t be so bad if she (girlfriend) wasn’t so stupid. I mean I can’t hold a conversation with her ass.
BFF: So why are you with her?
Scrub #1: (laughing) Why you think?
BFF: So why not stay with your wife then? Convo and booty.
Scrub #1: Different reasons shorty.
Scrub #1 and #2: Nice meeting you – ya’ll have a good time.
Scrub #1 phone ringing: This her right here. This should be you calling me. What’s your number so I can put it in my phone.
BFF: No, no thank you. Ya’ll have fun.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ex coworker called and wants me to come to his cookout and a old friend like middle school got in contact with me.

I feel like my husband that fool ALWAYS run into people. It’s a running joke. If we go somewhere he will run into someone and sure enough he does, but DC is small and he is a native Washingtonian. The big difference between me and my husband - he knows EVERY single one. If not, he has no problem telling them. How do I know? This guy came to him, called him by name, gave him dap and Mr. Conservative was like dude I don’t know you. Remember the championship game, blah, blah. Yeah, I remember it and everyone on the team. When we were out of earshot I said are you sure you don’t remember him. He said I remember everyone that was on that damn team and his ass was not on it unless he was wwwaaaayyyy down on the bench and I still don’t think he was on the team.

Whatever. An old friend is trying to come back into my life. I don't know how I feel about that - we'll discuss later - you know I am slow with posting. And an old enemy too. I don't really have enemies, but this one girl. I.Just.Don't.Like!

Back Down Memory Lane

2009-07-29T11:04:00.002-05:00

Back down memory lane!! I stumbled on this photograph..... Love this song by Minnie Ripperton. Did you see the Unsung show on her. By the way LOVE Unsung. About damn time BET has an acceptable program.

I have ran into so many people lately. Of course in the beginning as usual I didn’t know who the hell they were but I did end up recalling who they were in the end. Who shall I start with…..the ex.

After Mr. Stefon award ceremony I leave out and this fool in a city truck is blowing the hell out of his horn. I look and wave back at him and kept it moving until he said. How is Dumbass (my brother) doing? So, I stop walking to look since he knew him by name means that I know him too. People started getting really rowdy because he is trying to talk to me while his ass is still in traffic. He parks the big ass truck.

Ex-boytoy: Hey Urban. What’s up?
Urban: Hey (not knowing who the hell this is). Nothing.
EBT: Damn you look good.
Urban: (not knowing what to say) Thanks.
EBT: So what has your crazy brother been up to.
Urban: Shit. Being him, you know he lives in VA.
EBT: Naw, give me his number. Man oh man. (feeling raped about now).
Urban: Okay here is his number.
EBT: I knew I should have wifed you up when I had the chance.
Urban: WTF – who the hell is this dude, because saying that means we must have dealt with each other.

EBT: Man you don’t know who I am do you?
Urban: No. I mean you look familiar but I can’t remember.
EBT: You don’t remember the kiss we shared. Damn, I always remember it and I am remembering it right now. (so inappropriate)
Urban: (blushing). Man whatever.
EBT: Eight Ball.
Urban: OH! Hey what’s up? Man I haven’t seen you in a long time. (shit you didn’t have DREDS back in the day, you had a low fade).

Why this fool grab my hand? Of course the one with the wedding ring and says, Damn. I knew it. I was supposed to have put that on there. Um, kay. Well you didn’t. I don’t remember a bad break up or anything. I know my brother didn’t like the idea of us going out and that is why we stopped….I think. But this is not the end of the conversation.

Of course he asked for a hug (free feel) and then said the same tired line when one finds out the other person is married.

EBT: So are you happy? You deserve to be happy?
Urban: YES. VERY. I am leaving OUR son school now.
EBT: Damn. So are you going to give me your number so I can call you. Get a cup of coffee or something. I RESPECT the fact that your married. Your good people. How is your mother?
Urban: Naw, like I said it was nice seeing you and my mother is crazy as usual.
EBT: Okay, well take my number just in case Dumbass phone ain’t working and if you want to call you can too. Damn, look at your little fat face.
Urban: That is not nice.
EBT: Naw, it is. You really look good girl. You know we never got a chance to do the other thing but that kiss was something else.

Um, kay at this point I am leaving. Who brings up the fact we didn’t have sex? THANK GOD we didn’t if he is stuck on a damn kiss. Actually once he kept saying it, I thought back and I do remember it. But this would not be an Urban story if funny shit don’t happen – at least through my eyes. While I am talking to him and like I said he drives a city truck this elderly lady walks up.

Elderly Woman: Excuse me. Do you work for the city?
EBT: Yes ma’am. (very happy he showed respect to her at least).
EW: Okay, well I have two big dead rats on my porch. I need someone from the city to clean it up. Do you do it or who shall I call?
EBT: No ma’am I don’t do it but if you call 311 I am sure they will send someone to clean it up.

Perfect ending. I called my mom and told her about Eight Ball and she was too damn excited. Whatever.

Okay this one was too long I will tell you about the other people later.

A Thin Line between Love and Hate: Mirabella

2009-07-27T14:46:00.003-05:00

It's a thin lineeeee between love and hate!!

Love that song AND the movie with Martin Lawrence. Which I saw a couple weeks by the way. Too damn funny. Lynn Whitfield did her thang. When she messed up his car in front of the police station. wow. He was crying like I don't know what.

Anywho, this baby blanket is driving me crazy on these little ass needles. I hope I am finished before the baby comes at the end of August.

This is Mirabella bad ass chilling on the printer. I swear for Gawd it's a thin line - one minute I think about putting it in the UFO bin, but another says, its so cute keep it moving. We shall see, we.shall.see.

E Lynn Harris Dead

2009-07-24T15:35:00.002-05:00

What in the world? Just wow!!

I learned from him that gay (for a lack of a better word) relationships were similar to heterosexual relationships and that gay men were not all flaming. That you could not judge a book by its cover....snap!! Thuggish dudes are gay too!! Aanywho. Thank you for giving me Kyle, Raymond and Basil and all the other characters.

Well there is only only one thing that is permanent in this world....DEATH.

Mr. Stefon will be my Sewing Teacher!!

2009-07-22T11:04:00.001-05:00

Mr. Stefon will be my sewing teacher. Imagine that.

He HATES tennis camp and let us know about it every chance he gets. Well at the beginning anyway. His biggest complaint. He is out of school and he doesn’t understand why they are forcing him to do work. Um, because you should. He wants to go over my moms house so he can hang with his cousins. NOPE. He needs the extra work. Plus, I like the fact that they make their behinds run everyday too WHICH HE HATES. Oh well, life is oh so hard for him. He has met Se.rena and went to see her play FOR FREE when she was in town, he was not impressed. A trip I tell you. At 3 they are allowed to do extra activities, chess, sewing, computers or more tennis.

He came home the other day and told me he knew how to thread the sewing machine and everything. I said, wow you can teach me. He says he loves it!! Here is the surprising part. Mr. Conservative is all for it. YES after the boy start knitting, I thought the man was going to have a heart attack.

We were on our way to Safeway to get 4th of July crap and the convo went like this.

Mr. Stefon: Mommy we did “whatever” in sewing class and I think I want to do my own t-shirts and sell them.
Urban: Well it sounds like you have a plan. We can look into it. Maybe, get you a little machine and then you can teach me.
Mr. Conservative: Yeah, I will help you if you serious.

HOLD UP!! Is that my husband? My baby fava? Mr. Why you teaching him how to knit?!

Anywho, I am happy he jumped onboard. I don’t believe in that old crap a boy is suppose to……. And a girl is suppose to…… Nope not I. But I think you all knew that about me anyway.

Breakfast Date: Collegeboy and Me

2009-07-19T17:47:00.002-05:00

I suppose to have the house to myself this weekend. Anger Mgmt and Mr. Stefon went over their grandma’s house for the weekend and Collegeboy was suppose to go over his dad’s house and Mr. Conservative have to work. Well Collegeboy at the last minute decided he didn’t feel like going over his dad’s house so he stayed behind. Not a problem he is on the first floor I am on the third floor. I only seen him twice on Saturday and both times involved eating. This morning I got bored and figured I would fulfill one of my birthday resolutions (although I am 2 months behind posting) and date my kids.

I texted him and he did not reply. I call him, he did not pick up. Called him again and he said sure. I said okay let me check to see what time the bus comes because our driver - Mr. Conservative is not home. Here is our conversation.

Urban: Do you think you can be ready in 10 minutes because the bus will be coming soon?

Collegeboy: Yes, I have to brush my teeth.
Urban: Okay, let’s try and catch the bus.

Ten minutes go by.

Collegeboy: Mrs. Ten Minutes. You ready?
Urban: Yes, here I come now.
Collegeboy: Where is your shoes? Were not going to catch the bus?
Urban: They are on the way out the door. If we miss it, it will be your fault. Are you taking your keys?
Collegeboy: Why?
Urban: Because I don’t want to take my keys.
Collegeboy: I don’t know why people wear skinny jeans. You know you can’t put stuff in your pocket. I bet you can’t put your hands in your pocket.
Urban: Excuse me. I can put my hands in my pocket. I just wanted to know if your taking your keys, because I am not taking my purse. Let’s go.
Collegeboy: Let me see you do it? Come on ma.
Urban: Look boy, let’s go, you are not my father. I can do it, I just don’t want to take my purse. If your bringing your keys that’s fine.
Collegeboy: Yeah okay, but both of us should bring keys just in case one of us loose theirs.

Whatever, that boy is worrisome. We leave and up the street we see the bus coming.

Urban: Oh well, I guess we missed that bus.
CB: No we didn’t

This fool takes off running.

Urban: Why are you running! (breathe, cramp) We are not going to catch the bus.
CB: Mommy come on, we can catch it.
Urban: My side! You know I am fat! We are not going to make it.
CB: Your not fat, come on. All them Tae Bo tapes you do.

Sure enough the bus driver looks at us, smile and keep it moving. Collegeboy sucks his teeth. I am trying to suck up air. He turns and looks at me and says, “I knew I should have ran.” I am looking at him, like damn I thought we were running. Shit, my side hurt and I was hot. He then tells me – well you said you wanted to exercise. He then starts complaining that I didn’t plan well. Is this the only bus you looked at? When is the next bus? You should have planned better? Okay, I am the mother not him AND it was last minute. I HATE IHOP. I was just bored and of course I was not cooking – remember my vacay.

We then catch a bus and then had to walk. This boy complained the whole time and told me I was spoiled by the car and that I needed to walk more often. We FINALLY get to the IHOP and of course shit don’t work out right. It took forever to get our drinks and then finally got food and the waitress didn’t think she needed to come back to refill our drinks or anything. We had to track her down and then she bought the check before asking if we wanted anything else(I HATE THIS). AND we had to get our going away boxes from another waiter because she would not come back. So, we are now about to leave and he said he will pay and he asked could I pay the tip.

Urban: Well, I don’t want to give her the whole thing because she didn’t know how to act.
CB: Mommy please pay the lady she can do something to our food.
Urban: No she can’t because we already ate, slow boy.
CB: Well your picture is going to be on a wall in the back.
Urban: I will take that chance, she didn’t work for her money.
CB: Mommy please.

Man whatever. I pay the full price, plus a little over and then we leave. When we leave out the door, a bus is out there across the street. I said to Collegeboy I think that is our bus. Why this fool take off and I am looking like OMG, my son is one of those crazy people who almost get hit trying to run for the bus. He is screaming for me to come on and I am like, um, that’s okay I am not running in that street unless no car is coming. The bus driver waited for me and I SAFELY get across the street and ask Collegeboy if I needed to snatch one of his eyes out for running in the street like that. Of course he told me he knew what he was doing. WHATEVER.

We get off the bus and have to walk up a hill. Damn I am out of shape. Thank God we started an exercise program this week that suppose to incorporate the kids, but it looks like I might need to get some alone time. So of course he tells me I am walking to slow. I tell him he is like his fathers and I don’t care. I then told him that our date sucked – of course I was kidding. Once I got in the A/C drank some waters, relaxed on the 2nd floor (too many steps to go to my room) and then made it to the 3rd floor. I sent him a text.

Urban: Thank you for going to breakfast with your old mother. I enjoyed myself.
Collegeboy: LOL. I enjoyed going too. It was nice spending some one on one time like we use to.

I heart him and will make sure we do it again. Just maybe next time plan better if you let him tell it and wear jeans that fit.

Mindless Vacation

2009-07-17T13:42:00.005-05:00

Staycation

That is what my husband and I took. Well not actually. It wasn’t planned. I was taking days earlier in the week and he later in the week and we would only have two days to enjoy together because we both needed a vacation to do nothing. Our jobs have been working our booty.

This is my office during the audit.

Well because of the audit, it moved my vacation during the same time as his so we have spent the last week and a half acting like fools.

Remember his complaint that I only cook big breakfast on the weekend when he has to work. Whatever! Homeboy went and bought all the ingredients for the pancakes so I can make them because we were out of the mix. So, I decided to be a good little wife and make him turkey bacon, pancakes and an omelet and when he got back from dropping the kids off at tennis camp, work and the subway. I served him the pancakes wearing nothing but these.

Needless to say, he wanted his pancakes served that way everyday that we were home. Unfortunately, I could not oblige him because Mr. Stefon got sick at camp and had to spend two days home with us. Well, we tried everything to get him better so he can roll out. He loves my homemade chicken soup and requested it. Well, momma sure obliged and pulled out the orange juice, medication and then some. I think what really cured him was the no t.v. In all honesty, I knew he was sick because when we got him from camp he went right upstairs, took a shower and went to sleep……..with no t.v. on. No cartoon network – yup, sick. Called Kaiser, worked it out with advice nurse and sent him on his merry way after the second day.

It was nice being home. Running around the city doing whatever, even if it wasn’t planned. Especially since the real vacation is with the leeches. – Oh did I tell you I am making the oldest two spend some of their hard earned money. Gotta love it!!

omg

2009-07-16T17:10:00.000-05:00

My feet are killing me. Well was. I took them thangs off and have on suit and sandals. Damn I can't wait toget home and soak them.

Job fairs

2009-07-16T15:42:00.003-05:00

Well. I am on my way to a job fair. I know I swore them off but today is a new day and I am trying to be positive. I got my hair did. Blue suit on (in 90 degree) weather and my black pumps that hurt my damn toes. But I am going so. I will let u know how it goes as well as my meeting with the career service peeps at my university. Good advice actually.

You are the weakest Mom - good-bye!

2009-07-15T05:39:00.001-05:00

Anger Mgmt: What is for dinner?

Mr. Conservative and I, act like we do not hear her. As far as I am concerned, she is not talking to me because she was not specific, so I did not answer her.

Anger Mgmt: Mommy (all damn!), what’s for dinner?

I am now faking sleep on the couch and Mr. Conservative is on the computer.

Anger Mgmt: Mommy I know your not sleep, I just saw your eyes open when I came down the steps.

Urban: I was sleep, what do you want.

Anger mgmt: Yeah right. What are we eating for dinner?

Urban: I do not know. Why are you asking me? You have a father. I do not feel like cooking. Make a sandwich or something or we may go get something.

Mr. Conservative: I am tired too; you had better make a sandwich.

Anger mgmt: A sandwich? I am tired of sandwiches.

Urban: I am tired leave me a lone at least you have a sandwich to eat (remember when your parents use to say that). I said, we might go and get something fast to eat.

Anger mgmt: Do you two ever plan on cooking again? Ya’ll do not cook any more. Especially, you mommy. I mean is this new.

Urban: What? I do cook. Right now, it is hard for me with school.

Anger mgmt: Mommy you have been out of school for over a month (this convo took place in June).

Urban: That is beside the point. That is my story and I am sticking to it.

Anger mgmt: Seriously mommy, do you plan on cooking ever again, because I am tired of this stuff.

Urban: First off, you have two parents, and where is it written that I have to cook? How come you are not saying this to daddy, he is right over there. And second, you would think you would be happy with the fast food. Most kids like fast food.

Anger Mgmt: (trying to whisper) You know daddy can’t cook and fast food is good once in a while but you get tired of it.

Urban: Well I believe you are 15 and should be cooking too. I was cooking at 10, so you need to cook more. Right now, I am busy at work and will try and cook. But when I am tired, I am tired.

Kids!! Look. I have been tired as hell. We are two years behind on our audit at work and we have been changing our accounting system MORE than once because I am working with crazy people. So, I have been working more. Also, that is a damn excuse. I have got comfortable with not cooking. Feels quite good by the way, but I do feel guilty sometimes when I do not cook and they give me this look like AGAIN – or smart ass Anger Mgmt comments - I guess I won’t eat. But you see it’s a rhythm, like exercising and I have gotten out of my routine and guess what I LOVE IT!! However, she is right. Fast food is good every now and again, but after awhile it gets boring, nasty and costly. I think one week we ate out 5 out of 7 days and then followed the same trend the next week.

Like I said this conversation happened in June. It is now July. Does that mean I am back to cooking every damn day of the week? Um, no, she is not my mother and I am still on mother/cooking vacation damn it. Although, I do run the risk of getting voted off the family island and I am pretty sure the little misses is forming alliances with her brothers. They have begun to complain – there is no food in the fridge. Um, yes it is you need to COOK IT – College boy, come on man.

Oh and their dad still gets an easy out, because they are scared of him. Famous line from the kids – you know daddy do not care. He is just going to look at us like were crazy. Um, that is what I am going to start doing – I thought I was, but I guess I need to start practicing my mean mugging look in the mirror.

You are the weakest mom, good-bye.

Wesley Snipes+ Sugar Hill= Hot Damn

2009-07-14T14:19:00.002-05:00

I use to like Wesley until I heard all the dumb stuff he supposedly said against beautiful black women. Anywho, I do not find him attractive. However there is one time when I think he is FINE as HELL!! Sugar Hill, Sugar Hill!! That man is a cutie. All clean shaven. In suits. Just hot damn Romello and his brother Ray Nathan was dumb as hell. A fake as Fredo. Luvs it!

Crack Tales #2

2009-07-12T04:06:00.000-05:00

Okay, it’s early in the morning and I can’t sleep. The best part of not sleeping is good movies. I am watching Taxi Driver with crazy ass Robert DeNiro, one of my fav actors. Anywho, back to crazy conversation number two.

Were all outside, chilling, getting our grub on and because my sister is acting holier than thou, someone said how she seems much calmer than what she normally is and bought up a few things in her past. Her husband decided to tell us when he noticed he had a fighter on his hand. And here is how the story went.

Mr. TMI: I use to think she was the sweetest thing when I met her, but one day I was selling “avon” right and I was over this white girl house selling avon and your sister thought something else was going on. So, she comes down there and get me and we are talking and the next thing I know a straight jab to the face – Bam! I looked at her and I am trying to understand because I know she didn’t just hit me. Than another straight jab – Bam. After that another straight jab. Now see these were not ordinary jabs. These jabs were hard as hell, straight to the face. I decided then, I am going to have to fight her ass like a man. We tussling and I pick her ass up and while I am picking her up, she is quick and grabbed a pole. She hit me three times upside the head. My knees buckled and I was saying to myself stay awake. Were out there going at it and the next thing I knew she stabbed me in my neck. See here is the mark right here. She didn’t even care, her ass packed up my avon and sold it while I was in the hospital.

Urban: Wow, all of this and you still married her.

Mr. TMI: Well were straight now. We are not the same we talk about everything now, nice and calm. I am shocked that my little man made it here because she was pregnant with him at the time, but we didn’t know about it.

WHAT THE FUCK

Everyone was silent. I mean damn, we do not know about fighting our men in trailer parks or wally world parking lots. We do not know about selling avon. Again, dude this is the first time we are meeting you. Find out what the people are like, before you tell us your crack tales. That way you know it’s safe to tell all your damn business, if not, you will hear birds chirping after you tell your story.

2009-07-11T08:24:00.004-05:00

Saturday, I cooked breakfast for everyone. Pancakes, Turkey Bacon and Eggs. Thank goodness for Costco. I did not need to buy anything extra because I had the shit in the house already. Hallelujah! It aint easy feeding fifteen people on the same damn day as the cookout. I was not trying to buy anything else.

It took me a whole damn hour to cook breakfast. Mr. Stefon came down and helped me cook the pancakes and clean up some.

After cooking breakfast, my brother-in-law, let’s give him a name – Mr. TMI asked me if I had any coffee.

Urban: No, I need a coffee machine.
Mr. TMI: I gots to have my coffee.
Urban: Well if you go get some, I want something.
Anger Mgmt: You can’t have any coffee I thought you were addicted to caffeine.
Urban: No, I am good. I told you that. That was months ago – shut up. (will explain later – a post I never did). If you go, get me a vanilla latte. I swear Shitbucks has crack in their coffee. (LAUGHING – a jokey, joke right? Wrong.)
Mr. TMI: (serious as a heart attack) It probably do.
Urban: Naw man, I was just kidding this ain’t coca cola in the early century.

This fool here said, naw sista in law your right look.

Down in Georgia this guy named Sunshine sold weed and joints. My MOTHER use to always so down and buy from him. Everybody did. Well, she got sick once and had to go to the doctor. They asked her how long she been smoking coke and she said that she don’t and they told her that is what they found in her system. Man we like to beat the mess out of Sunshine. So you see, the reason why my mother and everyone kept going back to him is because he was lacing the shit.

WHAT IN THE HELL!! All I could answer with was a – Wow. That’s messed up.

This fool told this story in front of my kids and his. I am just looking at him, like what the fuck is wrong with you. Since this is like the first damn conversation face to face, I have had with him. I am just like wow. Okay, your ass do not have a fucking filter or don’t know what’s appropriate. See, I don’t say everything in front of my kids. Their ass ain’t grown, that’s grown folk talk. Anger Mgmt was looking at me with this look on her face, I could no longer look at her because I knew I would burst into tears - laughter.

This is before the cookout – early in the damn morning, well early for them. They didn’t get up until 10.

After they left on Sunday. We were playing Uno and Mr. Stefon brought up Sunshine. I told him that it was inappropriate and do not mention his name. He was talking about him as a joke. Anger Mgmt said, correct me if I am wrong, but isn’t weed a drug and if his mother wasn’t doing drugs in the first place she would never have smoked the wrong stuff and that was not a story to tell kids or anyone. I would have kept that to myself. Collegeboy said, it reminds him of the movie First Sunday, when Lee John tells the story about how he got his name. His mother didn’t know which one was the father so she named him after both of them.

But guess what this is not the best story. His ass told another one in front of my guests. Will try to type that one later, I have a family reunion to go to that I found out about this week ain’t that special. G.H.E.T.T.O.

I don't see the light!!

2009-07-10T12:27:00.002-05:00

As usual my mother was right. Very unapologetic. She says to me. Oh this is my godson honey, and he goes everywhere we go. WHAT? That is besides the point. I specifically asked that hussy how many people she was bringing the night before 8+1 = 9 and she said yeah 9. But you know what I didn’t argue with her because I knew it would make no difference it would go over her retarded ass head and the boys stayed over my mom house the first night and the girls stayed over there the second night. Now lets get to the conversations.

Sister: Do you have a Bible in this house?
Urban: Yes. Why? (here we go)
Sister: Where is it?
Urban: I don’t know.
Sister: (roll her eyes at me and shakes her head) Do you two have a Bible?
Collegeboy and Anger Mgmt: Yes.
Sister: Where is it?
Anger Mgmt: I don’t know I think it is with the rest of the books downstairs.
Sister: I know what I am getting you all for Christmas.
SIDEBAR: This hussy haven’t bought any damn thing for my kids in 8 years, so they might want to continue with their old Bibles.
Anger Mgmt: You don’t have to Auntie, we have Bibles and when my grandmother comes tomorrow I am pretty sure she will have five of them with her.
Sister: Who Mr. Conservative Mother? When did she get saved? That’s good, I will have someone here with me.
Urban: Wow. I didn’t know she WASN’T saved and how do you know you will be the only one at the cookout saved. Just because my friends don’t wear it on their chest and have to tell everyone doesn’t mean they are not saved. Question. How can you tell when someone is saved? Because as I told you before just because someone claims to be saved and says it 3 million times does not make you saved. Its your actions, how you carry yourself. (She hates when I say that).
Sister: Well you see a light.
Ma Dukes: What? You see what?
Sister: You see a light over them? It burns bright.

Although my sister has turned into an asshole (actually always have been) we all have humor in our lives. That is how we communicate. I have to bring that out because I am laughing the whole time and she is very heated and now Ma Dukes the master comedienne is brought into the conversation.

My mother turns around looks at my sister and declares she does not see a light. I thought I would die. Anger Mgt and I are on the floor dying laughing. She looks at my mother and tells her that she don’t care if she sees it because 300 soldier strong sees the light. Man whatever. My mother said well its my eyes and dammit I don’t see a light. How come my sister in turns tells my mother not to tempt her, then starts talking about how she is prayed up AND have her oil.

Of course her and Mr. Conservative got into it a little bit, but that is how everyone is with my husband. He gets a long very well with my family and friends. So he helped her loosen up a little bit so we can like her a little.

All of this late at night on Friday. Okay I have to finish a long ass Federal application. I will try and post today about the crack ass conversations I had with her husband. I mean so very inappropriate, but so damn funny – well kinda.

8+1=9 not 10

2009-07-03T22:31:00.003-05:00

Ain't this some shit. My mother was right. Her ass boght two extra people. She bought her spirtual daughter and her godson which was never discussed. And had a nerve to say that's my godson he goes everywhere we go. Get the fuck out of here. 10 people in a gmc. I swear they looked like the clowns in a funny car getting out it would not stop. Now I am up waiting for their ass to return from my mothers' house. I need to buy some damn calgon or take up smoking. She already told me she is prayed up and have her oil. All because I asked her did she pick a song for our bobby and whitney show. She has been souch an ass that I am about to get the real party started.

tw

2009-07-03T12:37:00.000-05:00

My sister is coming................and her spirtual daughter

2009-07-03T05:03:00.004-05:00

Shit. What in the hell was I thinking? My sister is coming for the weekend and her basketball team are staying at my house. Let me tell you how we got here.

First off, she was invited to my surprise party - which of course I knew nothing about. So she was talking about coming to visit and all that since she could not make it to the party. I said, well if you want you can stay at my house. Of course she can stay at my house, hell she is my sister, even though I feel no connection to her AT ALL. Except for my nieces and nephews and of course that is the real reason she can stay with me any time (I have to get something out of the deal - time with my babies and meet the last two 3 and 4 - and the husband).

However, after extending my home to her, I had to get the "Christian" thing out. Look don't tell me what to do. We all grown and I don't want to hear you saying - you shouldn't curse or drink (from a woman who smoke weed like it was a national sport and drank until passing out). Her words, "oh honey chile, I ain't that kinda Christian. I know what I use to do." She is a damn lie, but whatever, maybe we can work on our relationship. Please.

Anyway, I am feeling all warm and fuzzy inside and trying not to listen to my mother and her drama. She does not treat my mother right and I told you all this, that is why I can't do it. Anywho, I said well I haven't seen her in over four years, so its on.

THEN THE EMAILS STARTED!!!

First she emailed me and asked if I would ask Mr. Conservative if it was okay for her to bring her "spiritual son." What in the Hell? I hate when people do that shit. Can you ask your husband? Why? I am the one that will tell your ass no, even if he says yes. Ask me damn it because your talking to me and then I will confirm with him. WTF. Second. What is a Spiritual son? Is it the same as godson? Not fully understanding. But anyway, I emailed back and said cool. I could have sworn she said, that he was 20 years old, in the service, and his wife lived here.

NOW, I get another email from her saying she is no longer bringing her spiritual son, but will be bringing her spiritual daughter. WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN?!? I haven't been to church in awhile, but dang it ain't been that long.

Oh and get this - her email said. She is the girlfriend of the boyfriend that was suppose to come she is in college and she is good people. I want to say hell no, but i am like, i said yes to the son and since he is not coming she takes his place. Man whatever.

I asked Ma Dukes what is a spiritual son/daughter? She has no clue and said my sister is crazy and still a liar (she has always been a master manipulator).

THEN, Ma Dukes leaves me a message to call immediately. I didn't get the message because of the auditors. When I finally call, she says I don't think it is right that your sister in bringing ALL THESE PEOPLE to a family function. I asked her did she clear it with you and she got upset and start screaming family is a trip, but that's your house.

WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Call my sister and asked her what was up and who was she bringing and she was cool, she said just the daughter along with her family.

My mother told me she is bringing a fourteen year old boy too. So, I really don't have time to be frustrated because my family of five, plus my sister family of eight and then her extra is a whole lot of people in a four bedroom house, but I was willing to do it and my mom was going to stay the night so she can help me prepare everything, but now if her ass is bringing extras I asked my mother can her retarded ass and that girl stay at her house and I keep the kids.

I don't understand people. You, your husband and six kids equal eight damn people. Why would you bring somebody else? I mean seriously. Especially since we have a lot of stuff going on this weekend. I would like to say something to her, but if I do it will not be pretty, so for now I am just going to divide her damn basketball team up if she shows up with a rack of people. And what type of bus are they driving up here? TWO extra people. I hope not, but I have a game plan set up.

For some reason, I can see us eight and ten rolling in the backyard. Oh, and she wants to sing at my uncle church this Sunday, can I call him. Um, hell no, here's his damn number.

Let me get back to cleaning up.

From the Heart

2009-06-26T09:56:00.002-05:00

Michael,

I have so many fond memories of you. How do we go from talking about a Michael Jackson dance off to saying good-bye? I remember when everyone was rocking the red thriller jacket and the zippers, the penny loafers – which by the way saved me in a fight with a boy who was picking on me. This fool jumped on my back while I was walking home from school. Well Michael let me tell you. I took my loafer off and socked him a couple times with it. He got the picture and left me alone. I also remember the glove. How can I forget that? That glove was magical. Who knew you could wear one glove as an accessory! Well, that has been a fashion craze for the past two years, but it didn’t work out to well. I saw Bey.once and Len.zy Lo.han try and do. But it didn’t last because they were not you. The jheri curl. Just wow. The curl was the first time I went to the hair salon. My momma let me get one and I remember it not taking properly. I had to go back to the salon and the beautician was not to happy she said, look young lady you have sandy brown hair, and it is difficult to work with. Um, whatever, I got my jheri curl fixed and was rocking the activator glo and all. COULD NOT TELL ME NOTHING!! Hell it was even cool to wear the highwater pants while dressing like you, but um after that no sir.

I remember when I first had the hots for you. My godsister had posters of you on her wall. It was a poster of you in this yellow sweater and lets not forget the Thriller cover. Claude Have Mercy I swore you were now on Prince level. I mean we knew you were great, but Prince was the one with the sex appeal – although, he was the one that should have been suspect with the high heels and ass out jeans. You had me with the sweater, but there was another one of you that I cannot find, with you in a towel with your bare chest, I know I am not dreaming.

Anywho, you have touched many – the girls wanted you and the boys wanted to be you. I thought my godsister had it bad with the posters until we went over her cousin Tony house. She was a nut and if she was older she would have probably been a st.alker or at least she had stalker tendency. We went into her room and EVERYTHING was covered, her walls, the door, and I want to say ceiling but I can’t recall. She had you everywhere. I was so jealous of her because her mom let her wild out like that, were my mother wouldn’t let me hang up a poster because she didn’t want tape or nails messing up HER walls. Tony is a mortgage broker today, but when I see her or hear her name I think of her room.

I thank you for giving my family something to share. When the news broke on the radio yesterday of you possibly having a heart attack, we were all in shock. Mr. Stefon was very upset and I think that says a lot. I have to tell you. I did not know my kids knew who you were musically. I mean, I knew they knew your name. I remember coming home last year and saw Anger Mgmt on the computer watching your video and I was like wow, how did they know you. I assumed my kids perception of you was of a crazy, freaky person. Lets be honest Michael in the 2000’s some crazy ish was being said about you. So, it surprised me when I saw them watching your videos. I was even more surprised when the 25th Anniversary of Thriller came out. I did not buy it, nor did I plan too. My friends called me and asked me was I getting it and the answer was no. Not because I didn’t like your music, but I hear it all the time, so I didn’t think it was necessary. Well, when I came home my kids gave me a what for. I thought they were joking when they said they wanted it. Mr. Conservative went out and got it for them. When I heard we had it and they were all excited I was looking at them like they were still crazy. I asked them are you serious? And they were like yes, that’s Mike. I remember when we put the CD in to listen to the new songs with Fegie and Kanye and we were like ew, this is horrible. We only listen to the old Michael songs, the revamped ones with the new artist suck major butt.

If anyone sees us on the road when we are going to Costco, or any other store we are in the car rocking to one of your songs on full blast. It is so nice to hear Mr. Stefon say, Mommy go to number six.

I thank you for all that you have meant to me and my family. There are so many videos that you have for me to say which one is my favorite. But one that I really love that shows your persona is the one with you and Janet – Scream. When I saw this video, I fell in love with you again and it’s because you seemed so human to me and showed a lot of your personality – confidence, humorous and love for your sister. You and Janet fighting while playing the video game, classic. If that was not me and my sibling or my kids. I felt like you were finally having fun.

Thank you and you will definitely be missed by everyone.

RIP.

I was/am very shocked at my emotions. When I see people going crazy over celebrities when they die. It baffles me. I am normally like why? You don't know them and now I understand.

Scream Video

Michael Jackson Face Off - Mr. Conservative battle Mr. Stefon

2009-06-24T13:48:00.002-05:00

Yesterday was SOOOOO fun.

My job has been very busy and stressful this past month, almost two. It took my blood pressure reaching 156/88 for me to realize that enough is enough. I was so sick that day. But now, my attitude is – it’s whatever – like momma said you can’t get blood out of a turnip. The best thing for me right now is to enjoy my home life and work is now slowing a little. Go figure I say it is slowing and our audit starts Monday.

Anger Mgmt bought up the fact that our cookout is coming up and we have not practiced or picked a song we agreed upon.

Anger Mgmt: we need to pick a song and start practicing, because I don’t want to look stupid in front of everybody and this is our house.
Urban: Oh snap, I forgot. Do you think we have to still do it?
Mr. Conservative: Yes. I called my mother the other day and she told me to call her back she was practicing.
Anger Mgmt: See this is what I am talking about.
Urban: You need to calm down Joe Jackson.
Anger Mgmt: I’m serious mommy. When are we going to start practicing?
College Boy: The day before and we will be messed up. (that boy ain’t never lied)

They decide on a Michael song, but one problem. Mr. Conservative AND Mr. Stefon wants to be Mike. Now. I have never seen Mr. Conservative be Michael his family talks about when he was little and how he had the outfit and had to fight him to get it off. But that was before my time. Now, I have seen Mr. Stefon and brother gets down. In December for a going away party, they had him do it and he is awesome. However, last night Mr. Conservative was adamant that he was going to be Michael and that was final. WHATEVER!!

Urban: (instigator) How you just going to say your Michael? I haven’t seen you dance like Mike.
Anger Mgmt: Yeah Daddy, when do you dance. Mr. Stefon is serious when he does it.
College boy: Yeah, he might want to slow down a little bit but he does a great Michael.
Mr. Conservative: Ya’ll heard everyone at the party. When I was little I use to get it too.
Urban: Key word is little.
Mr. Stefon: I challenge you daddy to a dance off. Yeah daddy come on.
Mr. Conservative: No, I am Michael.
Mr. Stefon: That’s not right. Your all old and stuff. You are going to be slow and everything.
Mr. Conservative: Whatever, leave me alone.
Anger Mgmt: Daddy you know you going to need some help. Maybe College boy can be the guy like James brown had.
Mr. Stefon: No. What daddy is going to need is some of Grandma joint juice.

Lawd I thought I was going to die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Urban: Babe, I know you are not going to let him call you out like that. You have to battle him now for the older generation. I will ice you down the next day if necessary.
So, a challenge has been born. They will do one song at the party. We still don’t know what the hell we are doing as a group. I chose We Are Family and I was voted down hard. So we put all out names in a hat and picked who gets to pick the song and guess who name came up………………..College Boy. Now remember he only listen to rock music, Lawd help us. We might be rocking to My Ch.emical Romance or Gorillaz who knows. He did say maybe a Black Eye Pe.as song.

Working children

2009-06-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

Anger Mgmt and College Boy are working this summer.

College Boy is a program analyst and a team leader, so he loves his job. Anger Mgmt is an environmental specialist. Anger Mgmt has been on my case since last week trying to be transferred. Well guess what? She can’t. She then tried to petition her father to let her take extra classes at school so she would not have to work, because it is too hot outside to pick up trash. Um, it did not work.

Yesterday text:

Anger Mgmt: Hi mommy
Me: Hey whats up.
Anger Mgmt: I hate this job so much.
Me: That’s good. At least you know what you do not want to do for a living.
Anger Mgmt: Ha ha very funny. Seriously mommy, are you sure, the lady said no transfer.
Me: Pretty much. Think of your paycheck – remember your sweet 16 you want to have.
Anger Mgmt: Why? I thought you and daddy were paying for it.
Me: Hahahahahaha

Todays text:

Anger Mgmt: Hi there
Me: Hi princess. How is everything going?
Anger Mgmt: Very funny. We are going to hang door hangers on people doors. Around Congress heights so I might die.
Me: You will be paid for your efforts or at least I will – may you rest in peace.

Anger Mgmt is too funny AND a trip. We discussed her Sweet 16 last year. She came to me and had a plan about how she will save up money when she worked next summer for her party and would we contribute. I told her if she puts forth an effort so would we. NOW she acts like she has amnesia and said, I thought you were paying and bought it up again when she came home. I told her she must have been dreaming you know you have to do half. I said remember the convo and your father said you need to stop watching MTV and that you are not Par.is Hi.lton? I definitely remember the conversation. Then she tried to hit us with. Well if I have to save half I earn, then how am I going to help with the party. Um, the other half. WTF.

I do not believe in giving them EVERYTHING. Dang work for something and she know we will help but she will be doing something as well.

Aggressive hand clapping

2009-06-22T08:54:00.002-05:00

If theey throw this lady out of the award ceremony for clapping and shouting like a fool, I will die. She has been put on notice and she ain't happy. All I heard was can't nobody tell me what to do.

Too damn funny!

I miss Collegeboy

2009-06-22T06:52:00.002-05:00

Collegeboy has been over his dads house for the past two weeks and I miss him dearly. I know he will be 20 this year and his dad deserves just as much time with him as we do,but damn he goes over every weekend and most holidays. I know it is selfish but so what.

What will I do when he moves out? I probably grab on to his leg and he will have to drag me while he carry his bed out.

I hope he comes home today, since his first day of work starts today. Actually for him and Anger Mgmt. She is not happy at all. I will explain later after Mr. Stefon award ceremony.

Poll: Cookouts are suppose to be held inside or outside?

2009-06-19T10:51:00.002-05:00

Mr. Conservative and I can not see eye to eye on this one, and his little twin Anger Mgmt agrees with him.

We are having a 4th of July cookout and I keep trying to explain to them that a cookout is suppose to be held outside. I understand people will come in the house I have no problem with that, everyone are family and friends. But, why should the entire cookout be in the house?

I have spoken to a couple friends and they agree with me - it should be outside. However, his sidekick Anger Mgmt says outside. So, my fellow blog friends. What is your take on a cookout - is it held inside or outside?

How old is too old to p.ee in the trash can?

2009-06-18T20:00:00.003-05:00

I have not spoken to You Must Be Crazy yet because I want to see if it is a mistake. If she hasn’t changed it by Friday it is on like butter, pop, pop corn.

My friend with the bad ass kids I have told you about before. I don't think I told ya’ll a couple of the last dramas. However, here is a gem. What would you do if your child urin.ated in the trash can at school? Conversation went like this.

Urban: Hello
I NEED AN ASS WHIPPING TOO: Girl, guess what your boy did now.
Urban: Which one?
INASWT: Your boy?
Urban: What? Let me guess get suspended again? (It has been over 10 times this year alone, and that is not a joke).
INASWT: Pe.ed in a trashcan.
Urban: WHAT?!
INASWT: Well he had to go to the bathroom and they wouldn’t let him
Urban: I don’t give a hell that’s not normal he ain’t two. He is seventeen. (I said this because I can tell she is about to start taking up for him).

His version of what happened:

He asked to use the bathroom. They told him no. He asked again. His teacher said no. He then said he would pee in the trash can and she ignored him. He said it again and she said she didn’t care. He said okay took the trash can. Peed in it and then took the bag out and took it to security and said see, I told you I had to pee.

OH NO HE DIDN'T!! WHAT THE FUCK!!

So, she called me back later.

Urban: What’s up?
INASWT: Guess who is suspended until the rest of the year.
Urban: I was waiting for that to happen.
INASWT: Well, its not right because she told him he could p.ee in the trash can.
Urban: **birds chirping**
INASWT: How come your quiet? I guess you don’t agree with me?
Urban: You think? I don't care what the teacher said. She didn't expect a soon to be grown ass man that is 6'3 to pee in the trash can. I mean we don't do shit like that in society. We have societal codes - take your weener or pocketbook and do that in private.

So, last I heard she was fighting for him not to be suspended, she think it is too much. Parents. This is why the youth are like this. Hold your kids accountable. If not you AND them will learn the hard way. I chose to bust mine in the head now.

What would you do if..............

2009-06-17T12:23:00.000-05:00

you sent out an e.v.ite to people to come to your cookout and they put they were bringing six people.

Back story: When I was in undergrad in my Spanish class, these two homies and I clicked. We started hanging out, clubbing and all that good shizznit. Let’s call them Home Slice and You Must Be Smoking. I was the only one that graduated, the other two dropped out. Since we all worked downtown, we still met up for Happy Hour and if something were going down, we would go over each other homes. Home Slice and I hung out much more, because she was a true homie, came to my graduation and anything else I had and me for her, i.e. being dragged (you know that’s a lie) to a male strip show.

A couple weeks ago, I received an email from You Must Be Smoking and it was invite to her graduation. I was very excited for her. However, she sent the invite on like a Wednesday and the party was that Saturday. I was trying to do everything I could to get out of prior engagements to go because I know it was hard for her at least back then it was. Needless to say, I did not go and we talked about hooking up for happy hour. Drinks can make the heart grow fonder.

Present: I sent out e.vit.es to folks inviting them to our annual par - tay. Well, before I went to bet I decided to check to see if anyone replied because I am so excited. Well I see I have 14 people coming and this does not include my family. I look at the replies and it has her and six guests. WTF!!

Analysis: Bitch done lost her mine. Now listen, if it was her, her husband and five kids I would be straight cool. But how in the hell do you bring yourself, and six other people to a party. Did I tell you she is not married, unless she got married recently and she ain’t got no kids! Yes I said ain’t. So, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt and say she got a significant other. Who in the hell is the other five? I mean I cannot wrap by brains around this shit. I would have even been cool if she said hey, I got family in town and would like to see you, is it okay that I bring them. I mean I would like to see her, but not that damn bad.

So, what would you do? Let her come and bring all her guests or would you tell her no and if so how would you tell her?

Thank You!!

2009-06-15T14:38:00.001-05:00

Thank you!! My uncle is out of the hospital and telling inappropriate jokes as usual. We also made a date, so I am excited about that. Gotta get back to work. Again many thanks.

My Uncle

2009-06-12T10:17:00.002-05:00

I look at my phone and realize I have two missed messages. Didn't pay attention and finally decided to listen to the messages.

1. My Uncle

Hey baby girl, this is your uncle and I don't feel good. I am leaving work now and going to WHC. I just wanted to call and let you know just in case this is the last time, I am walking... damn this hell is a killer.....laughter.

My family are all comedians, shit not funny, but I guess nervous laughter and why is he walking up a hill when he have a car. I don't understand.

2. My Mother

Toy (shut up, long story) I am on my way to WHC I just got off the phone with your Uncle something is going on with his heart, they were rushing him off the phone and taking him to surgery.

I call my mother and talk with her and she said he was in good spirits but he was complaining yesterday of chest pains, my aunt and cousin are on their way up to the hospital.

As usual, I am writing to ask you all to send one up for me please. Thank you.

Urban

Whatever

2009-06-04T07:17:00.003-05:00

You pulled some tricks out your sleeve last night
Everything I fantasize about
You had me climbing up a wall
How many ways was God called
You represented in the fashion of the truly gifted
You put it down last night
Knocked me out then had me dreaming bout waking up, alright
Do you want some money baby?
How about some chicken wings?
Do you want some fish and grits?
I'll hurry and go get it
Whatever

We made a groove last night
A poignant rocking forth and back alright
Anything I can do for you?
Just ask sometimes you wont have to
I'll be happy just to make you happy
And that's true
Oh
We made powerful
Love last night
Never knew passion could taste so sweet alright
I made a vow to you
Everything I do for you is a joy and a gift
You got my whole life lifted

Lyrics of course Jilly from Philly

AMEN!!! Um, AMEN again.