Banana sandwich?

So, I am talking to my BFF on the phone and we are talking about the love her daughter have for peanut butter and I am confessing my love too.

YOU CAN'T TELL ME NUTHIN WHEN IT COME TO PEANUT BUTTER.

Me: Gurl, have you had the apples with peanut butter? That shit is the bomb (yes I am old).
BFF#2: I know you love it, but I never tried it. Your Goddaughter #1 loves it.
Me: Man you have to try it.....so damn good. Oh and toast some wheat bread and put peanut butter on it. GIRL it will melt right on the bread. Slamming.
B: Okay, you eat it with celery too.
Me: YES (orgasmic sounding). Oh my give me celery with peanut butter, not none of the running suspect ranch.
B: You stupid.
Me: Well, you know how Mr. Conservative is always trying to jone and talk about my taste buds, he is a trip because that peanut butter/banana shit he described as having as a child is disgusting sounding.
B: I know you not going to like this and call me country, but you know what I like the banana sandwich.
Me: WTH
B: Yeah girl it is so good.
Me: Okay, explain this to me, because I just can't rap my mind around this at all, I mean help me, how do you make/eat this.
B: You swirl it and then put it on the bread, some people put a little sugar in it to make it sweet, but I make sure I get sweet bananas.
Me: Um, kay. I will stick to my apples, you can have that nasty sounding shit. I just can't imagine that wet shit on my bread, but okay.

So how many of you out there had banana sandwiches and is it really good because I still can't see, nor do I want to taste it?

Procrastination better watch her back!!

My mind is fried.

I stayed up all day Tuesday. Did not go to sleep because I did not finish my paper that was due Wednesday. I stayed home all day Wednesday to complete my paper. Class started at 6:10, I got to class at 7:26.

Text to classmate: Are you all still there?
Classmate: Yup, but we will be gone soon, only one person left to present.
TTC: Okay, keep them there I am running now.

Ya’ll let me tell you, I took off running like Marion Jones on the stuff. It was no way in hell, I was not going to turn in that C paper and risk getting a D if I did not get it in on time (automatic 10 point penalty if late). So all a sistah could do is lace up her boots and get ta steppin. I did not care if the campus police was looking at me like maybe they should take me down with a taser because THAT is what they would have to do to stop my big ass.

My out of shape ass, took the hill, the corner and once I saw daylight had to hold my damn side because my throat was burning and so was my side. Sharp ass pain in the gut, I hear my cell phone beep, and it is a text message saying the last person read and they were discussing the finals. SHIT. I take a breath because now I have to tackle four fucking flights of stairs. I get up top and damn near bust the door down, sit by my classmate breathing heavy as hell. My professor says, "we have one more presentation from Urban, we will let her go after she catches her breath." Are you serious dude, just let me turn this shit in. I need some fucking oxygen……..I wonder if there is a defibrillator in class?

BREATHE, BREATHE…….My paper is about………BREATHE…….HR 800……BREATHE…….The Employee Free Choice Act……..BREATHE……

Man this shit is for the birds, why he start asking me questions, because this is his pet topic, and normally my nerdy ass would eat this shit up and discuss it with him and get mad points, but now when I need oxygen quick, and damn it, there is NOBODY in my class I want touching my lips. And I do mean nunca!!

Dear Procrastination,

Leave me the hell alone. See what happens when you wait to the last minute. I almost lost a fucking kidney and half a lung running to school. My heart still hurts two days later, all because you couldn’t get it together and come up with some shit for a measly ten page paper, you better man the fuck up and get it done next time. We have a deal. You can wait until the last minute, as long as you get the shit done. Were suppose to be a team and not let people know were slipping. DAYHUM!! You know I talk about people all the time, calling them names and shit and here it is you are trying to join their fucking team or sell us out. What the fuck you let us down! Get your shit together. Oh and how in the hell did you lose three papers when you were in front of the damn computer all day and night AND you called yourself saving every page. Kidney and lungs are after you ass, we might just have to get our self together and do stuff earlier.

Of course I did the please Lawd, I will never do it again if you let me get there and turn it in on time, but of course I have been saying this prayer since I was in high school...... or about never drinking again, when that occasional hang over happen.

$1,163 Cell Phone Bill - GTFOH!

My BFF Florence Nightingale and I have been friends since we were 13 and she suffers from the same disease that I do, Nogoodsisteritis. Sisters that can’t act right for shit. Although mine is in remission right now and has been acting right for the past two years, well at least she has ALL of her kids now and have found Christ (and let everyone and their momma know she's a Christian). Well, her sister is divorced with 4 kids. She works minimum wage and receives no support from ex-husband, or the state. However, she does receive support from my BFF and her mother who was retired, and is now coming out of retirement to help her.

This is so ridiculous. I told my friend on numerous occasions that she will have to learn to do what I did. Do not answer the phone. If your mom start talking about the situation, tell her you do not want to know about it. If you do not know about it, you cannot help or feel guilty about it. My mother told me I was mean, I told her I was being honest. I cannot do everything. You all stress me out and I feel helpless when I cannot help. That’s why I have a fucking sleeping disorder now AND that’s why I don’t pick up the phone. If I get a phone call from their ass it might take me a week or a month to call them back, I have to prepare myself mentally to deal with that shit. Love them all but I have to do what’s right for me. At the end of the day – can I come to you for a loan to pay my bills? Hell no.

BFF Florence Nightingale: Hey, I called you the other day to tell you, you were right.
Me: I was studying. What are you talking about I was right?
BFF: I got my cell phone bill.
Me: Okay.
BFF: You know I don’t check my mailbox everyday (me neither) and Saturday I went to the mailbox and saw my cellphone bill and was like damn this sucker feels like a book. I opened it and the fucker was 44 pages, 1 page for me and 43 pages for my sister. The total was 1,163.00.
Me: WHAT!!!
BFF: Yup, so you was right I wish I would have listened to you. I am always trying to help them and this is what she does. Of course, I bought them shit on Black Friday and I want to take it all back, but its’ not the kids fault.
Me: I am still stunned at the amount.
BFF: Yeah, so my cellphone company told me I need to pay it all by Friday.
Me: Are you serious.
BFF: Yeah, I told them, I could pay some on Monday and then pay on it and they told me they want some Friday, not Monday.
Me: You have been with them for a long time; they should let you do a payment plan.
BFF: Yeah, they told me if I cannot come up with the money to call them back, and they will work something out.
Me: Man that's fucked up.
BFF: (starts crying) You know my mother is coming out of retirement to help support them. I am always trying to help them. I have a phone in my house, I just wanted to make sure they have a phone in the house for emergencies and this is what they do. I just can’t do it any more. I am going to call my mortgage company and tell them we are going to pay them half and then pay them again at the end of the month because I do want to have Christmas for me and my family. And you know Mr. BFF cursed me out. Girl he gave me a very crazy look, I never want him to look at me like that again.
Me: That's messed up. Your mom has been working 2 and 3 jobs for years and now when it is time for her to rest she can't enjoy or retirement with her husband. You know I am going to tell you straight. Mr. Bff had every right to be mad at you. You told him to stop helping his family and you are still helping yours.
BFF: That is exactly what he said.
Me: I am not trying to take up for your sister or anything, and yes, it was foul and yes, I would want to fuck her up, but she did not do it maliciously. She just did not pay attention. She does not know responsibility. You and your mom never let her fail. You always pick up the pieces and take care of it. You all have been doing it for years. It’s like drugs she needs to hit rock bottom. She needs to stand in those lines and get assistance. It makes no since that she is not getting any assistance from dude (ex-husband) and he is living in style. I would make her get help, by not helping her.
BFF: Yeah, she told me that she will give me $100 every two weeks and then the ex-husband came over and said, he did not know they did not have a phone, he would have done something **DEAD** and then gave me $20.00 and said he will give more when he can.
Me: $20 whole dollars. WOW! Did you tell him to go fuck himself, because I would have.
BFF: Yeah, I told my husband, now I only owe 1,143.00

My BFF had two cellphones for her company. She wanted to cancel the other phone because she did need it any more, but she would have to pay a huge cancellation fee, so she waited until the contract was up to cancel it. In the meantime, her sister finally got her own place and she gave them her phone so that the kids would have one in the house while her sister was at work. It was suppose to be used for emergencies. When she told me this, I told her to get her phone, because you do not know what they are doing. I told her this because she told me she caught her sister sending a picture message and she told her that she does not have that in her plan. I told her again. Get your phone because how do you know that is the first time or the last time she is going to do it. I know you want to help them, but it is not your responsibility, better yet, if the bill is high, can she help you pay the bill? Not thinking that the bill was going to be THAT high, I just knew they did not care.

Guess what?

Me: So what are they going to do for a phone now?
BFF: She went and put minutes on her phone.
Me: You see what the fuck I am saying, so NOW she can put minutes on her phone.
BFF: Right. Man I am so blown right now.

This is the friend I told you about in July (I think) that took her sister kids to Disney, because they never been on vacation before and she wanted them to experience a plane ride, and being on vacation.

Weekend

How was your weekend? Marvelous, I hope.

My extended weekend was lovely. You should have seen us ushering out them kids, my daughter asked “why are we were rush them,” “can’t I rest first and then get my stuff.” Smart ass, my husband told her she had five minutes. We got them out like an assembly line. I was so excited!! I had my husband to myself, Wednesday night, Thursday and Friday. Saturday morning I was home by my lonesome (THANK THE LORD) since he had to go back to work and them little leeches were still gone until Sunday (except for Anger Mgmt, she came back Saturday evening to do her homework).

Saturday, I baked an apple pie and finished my damn ethical questions (book) for part of my final. Thank goodness, today is the final for this class. It is open book, but the professor is a lawyer, and homey don’t play that, so I am going over material at lunch and leaving early. I am so happy this semester is almost over, I have to turn in a 10-page paper (which I have not started) for my class on Wednesday, but his final is not over until next Wednesday.

Black Friday was not all that, we got up later and went. Shit, we really wasn’t searching for anything particular, so we went and I got some pj’s for the family, 2 gaming chairs for the boys and a DVD player for my mother. Of course, since we do not celebrate Christmas, everyone got his or her stuff right away. I was upset I did not get my towels and washcloths, but I am sure there will be other sales, I was not about to stand in line for a couple of items, even if they were moving. I expected to see more people and better deals, but nope. I do not know why the news is trying to hype it up, but majority of the people I saw out shopping was trying to get deals for every day life and not so much shopping just because. Normally, I would have been out there buying all types of unnecessary things, but um, no ma’am, I like a roof over my head, with plenty of food, and I like to be warm and able to read and daily baths are a must.

I have one question though. How come I felt like I didn't have any time off when I got up this morning to go to work? You would swear I didn't have any time off. I am beat!

Black Friday

Mr. Conservative: I know we do not have money, but I want to go shopping tomorrow, Black Friday.
Me: Really? I mean we can go, I do not care. But I thought you hate to window shop.
Mr. Conservative: I know, but we go to Black Friday every year and I just want to go to look at the prices.

PEOPLE, THIS IS A DAMN LIE.

My husband loves to shop…….for HIM. He loves fashion. Loves to look and smell good. I love that. However, he was an only child for 26 years and he is spoiled (by his momma and his daddy).

He think he is slick, I have known this man for almost 17 years and I know he is trying to go shopping to look for a 50 inch t.v. He has been talking and TALKING about a flat screen for a long minute now. My husband hates crowds. Did you hear me HATE IT!! NOW he wants to go shopping on Black Friday? As my BFF says, chile bye! The last time we went shopping on Black Friday……..we bought a 37 inch t.v. from Cir.cuit City for $299. Whatever, but I don’t mind. I like Black Friday, I don’t mind the crowds. Me likey the people – I expect the rudeness, straight line busting, wrestlemania, and boxing. I plan on bringing homework, and knitting to keep me sane while standing in line – oh, and earplugs so I don’t have to hear him complain about the lines. Logical people know that the lines will be crazy long, but they move. Not my husband, he will be complaining about the lines.

My list of things to buy tomorrow – pjs for the kids, boots for anger mgmt, DVD for ma dukes, home ware (finger cross for the crockpot of my dreams) for me, hopefully some bake ware and a soup cookbook. Oh and Mr. Stefon godmother made a request for the ABBA DVD (WTF) and trouser socks that is made with anything but nylon.

Are you all going shopping in the a.m.?

Thankful

Hey folks,

You know I complain, complain, complain. Today I want to give thanks.

I am very thankful for my family. My kids are my joy, Mr. Stefon, Anger Management and College Boy. They are so special, and of course I am going to write a letter to them, telling them such (have you told your kids lately?), it will be ready when they return home.

I am thankful for the relationship Mr. Conservative and I have. We have been together from teens to adults and I love him more today than yesterday - yesterday I did not know what love was, today I do. I am even thankful for the trials and tribulations, because we can sit back and laugh about our first apartment and how we only had furniture for our bedroom and College boy. Nothing in the living room or dining room. I am so happy he accepts me for me, faults (trust there plenty) and all.

I am thankful for my crazy mother. She may be crazy and don't do what I want her to do, but I am sure she can say the same thing about me. I love her because she is my mother and she loves me unconditional. I am thankful that she is still here on this earth and in my life.

I am thankful for blogfriends and my girlfriends. My blogfriends read/listen to me bitch and moan about the stories that make up my life and yet still come back and chat with me and give advice and encouragement. My girlfriends have been with me for over 20 years (wow writing that makes me sound old) and I am blessed to have them in my corner, they tell it like it 'tis and have my back, I appreciate that.

I am thankful for my job. Although I complain, I am happy to have one to complain about.

If you noticed I did not mention material things, because I know that what you have today can be gone tomorrow and you can replace them things, but you can not replace your family.

Okay folks, I hope you have a VERY HAPPY, STRESS FREE (is that possible?), TURKEY DAY!! I have to go and write my letters to the children and put my red high heels on (yes its early, but it is just me and hubby) and check on the bird.

What are you thankful for?

He loves me, No Kids on Turkey Day and Memory Loss

He loves me
My husband picked me up from work yesterday, which does not happen all the time, our hours is very different. Anyway, when I got in the car.

Mr. Conservative: I have something for you.
Me: What?
Mr. Conservative: I know you have been working hard with school and work and trying to keep the house together and I wanted to get you something.
Me: Really.
Mr. Conservative: Yeah, I bought you the perfume you been eyeing.
Me: Thanks babe that is so sweet.

Let me tell you. I was so happy. This has nothing to do with marriage (you know how I feel about that word), but more about being appreciated in a relationship. The best gifts are given on a regular day or just because.

Turkey Day and am I a bad Mommy?

The kids are getting the freak out!! My husband family is having Turkey Day on the Marina. Well, it is cold in D.C. and I ain’t going, nor is my husband. Therefore, Grammy gets the kids and College boy is going with his dad and family, which means. A HOUSE OF NO KIDS. This plan almost was spoiled, when I got home yesterday and my daughter told me she had a project to do for her entrepreneurship class.

Anger Mgmt: Mommy you know what? I think I am going to have to stay home because I have to do a 25 page slide.
Me: Your grandmother has a computer
AM: Yes, but I won’t have time, daddy said he is not picking us up until Saturday.
Me: Well, that should still give you time. Plus we do not have enough food for you.
AM: Mommy, I saw the turkey and stuff. Why can’t I stay home, what are you all doing?
Me: I am spending time with your dad, so you all need to get out.
AM: Mommy, um, we did not ask to come here. Besides I will just hang out with y’all, I know y’all going shopping.
Me: Um, you are going to hang out with your grandma and the rest of your family even if I have to do your damn homework.
Me sounding like I am five: Babe tell your daughter she has to go with your mom and your family she can’t stay home.
Mr. Conservative: I already told her, I am dropping her ass off at my mom’s house, which is your family too.
Me: (mumbling) that’s not my family.
AM: (smiling) Daddy mommy said that’s not her family.

I will still cook because you have to have your own food and the kids have put in a request of the foods they want to have when they return home.

Who the hell are you part 300?

My memory is really terrible. I told you this before. My girlfriend is always trying to describe someone we went to school with and I never know. Therefore, in another episode of, I do not remember your name, but I remember your face.

Mr. Conservative and I were in line about to check out when this girl turns around.

Former friend: Hey girl.
Me: Hey!!! (I move the cart to give her a hug because we were cool)
Former friend: So, what have you been up to Urban.
Me: (damn she remembers my name) Nothing chilling
We talk about Turkey Day and all that good stuff and I remark how the handsome little boy looks just like her.
Me: Hey, is that your son?
FF: Yes
Me: He looks just like you around the eyes.
FF: Yes girl, the only one and he should be very lucky he is here. Because his ass almost did not make it!! (I show her a picture of College Boy because I had him when I was in school)
Me: You know you wrong, how you gonna say that in front of that boy. Baby make sure you put something big on your Christmas list.
FF: Girl you know how I felt about kids. He knows I love him (she gives him a kiss on the head).
She tells this woman that she is in line and the line starts behind her, but the woman is not moving fast enough and is talking to others about line placement.
Me: I see you have not changed. Well have a good Turkey Day and do not let me see you on the news about giving people beat downs.
FF: Oh no chile I am Saved (kick me in the throat), a Christian. But the Lord ain’t say let people but in front of you.
Me: Okay, well good luck with that.

Mr. Conservative – you know her
Me – yup
Mr. Conservative – from college
Me – nope high school, and for the life of me I cannot remember her name. I remember her and how she talked about never having any damn kids (she was in childcare at school too btw), and I know we hung out, but I cannot remember her name.

However, later on, I remembered her cousin name, but still not hers. Oh well, my mother said I should have asked. That’s okay, because the perfect part of all this is we did not pretend and exchange numbers as if we were going to call each other.

Team Work

Team work is a bunch of bullshit.

I swear I always get the fuck ups. You would think being in graduate school it would be different. No Sir!! Bullshitters are equal opportunity assholes and losers.

I have a question.... Why do I always get the fuck ups? I mean really, I got them at work, in elementary, secondary, high school, undergrad and now graduate school. I mean did I do something in my past life....

See I was going to talk about these fools before, but decided to leave their ass alone, but nope not gonna do it!!

Last week in class, we talked about our last project that is due today. We finished the paper, had to redo one part of the paper because one of the team members haven't learned that coping and pasting someone else words is PLAGIARISM. Once we changed that we were straight. I did the last PowerPoint presentation, so the other team member who did not present, said she will do the PowerPoint and did I want to present. I said, shit I did my part for the whole semester, but being the team player that I am I said, straight. I will do it.

How come I get to work and my team leader shoots me an email asking me to do the power point presentation. Um, what? The shit did not get done. Um, okay, I will do it, but we will be talking about this shit. I said, so whose presenting? She said, me and you.

What's really hood people?! By the way, the presentation is tonight in about 4 freaking hours. This is some serious BULLSHIGGITY!!

OH HELL NAW!!! Dayhum, why can't I settle for a C like most folks? You know I hear being on the C side is kinda fun, living dangerously. Now, once I let that marinate on the brain and let it to slowly sink in, I remember something. I can't get a damn C in my program, nothing lower than a B.

SHIT!!!!

I swear I am destined to collect losers. If there is a swap, I probably get the loser. If it is gift exchange in school, they forgot, or didn't show up that day (lil biatches).

I have a meeting with my professor during our break. How bout I ask him if the team members get to rate the people on their team....... How bout I made an announcement last week, that I already know who I don't want on my team for the next 1.5 years. Damn that we all putting in work, ya feel me..

Did you all get the memo that its okay to wear head scarves/wraps outside?

I didn't!! I mean, seriously. I just want to know because this is blowing me. When did it become acceptable to wear head gear out the house again? I mean, WTF, I did not get the memo that said this shit was OKAY. If you are wearing the wrap thingy on your head…… I disagree with that shit too. I saw it this shit all summer and I saw this shit twice this week!! It is not okay to go out the house with that black thingy on your head!! Hell, I want my hair to lay flat too damn it. But um, if Ma dukes and them had to take their damn green or pink sponge curlers out of their hair before leaving and ditch the scarf we can take that damn wrap off our heads.

I just do not understand! Can someone please explain to me the difference between wearing rollers and a scarf on your head when you leave the house and wearing a wrap?

Are you all seeing this trend?

Speaking of mothers. My mother is too damn funny. I told you all in September when I made my list I had to tell ya some shit and since my load is lightening a little here goes.

My mother came over to the house to spend some time with us. Cool right? WRONG. That woman there!! I mean that woman right there. I tell you…….moving on. Anywho, she was over the house and I had to get some water because I just finished exercising. HOW come this woman who gave birth to me, and who told me she loved me and I make her so proud?!? Looked at me coming down the steps and died laughing. I mean tears out of her damn eyes and told me I looked like a red, Jane Fonda. I mean she was laughing so hard. If she was my sister I would have two-pieced her ass, but she is mom and I knew she would have put me six feet under. I just sucked my teeth and rolled my eyes at her and told her that she is crazy and I am glad I don’t have low self-esteem. How bout Mr. Stefon is on the floor laughing with her – her partner in crime. I went back upstairs and had to laugh to because when I looked in the mirror, I sure did look like kinda Jane Fondaish with the workout outfit.

My mothers bday is in September and I decided to take her shopping for her birthday. At the same time, I was on the workout kick (notice was), so I lost a lot of weight and wanted to get some work shirts. So, Ma Dukes, Mr. Conservative and I went shopping.

Me: Mommy let me stop in this store because I need to get a couple work shirts.
Mother: Okay
Me: How do you like this? (talking to Mr. Conservative)
Mother: He left out and is sitting at the bench.
Me: Oh, well what do you think about this?
Mother: Its okay, but I don’t know why you getting it.
Me: What? My other clothes are getting baggier and I want to get some tops.
Mother: Well your ass is just going to get big again.
Me: What? Mommy why you being a Hater?
Mother: What, I am just saying.
Me: You know you have been doing that a lot lately and I don’t like it. I want to shop by myself, so you can go sit outside with Mr. Conservative and then we will get your stuff. Oh and your getting one less gift.
Mother: Why are you acting like that? I was just joking.
Me: Mommy, you were not joking because you have been saying little stuff like that a lot lately, you would seriously think I am big and I am not. I am glad you did not say stuff like that when I was little because I would seriously have a problem.

Needless to say, I didn’t get anything because she spoiled it for me and we went and bought her stuff.

About two weeks ago I decided to visit my family – you know I don’t do that, so that’s another post. We went to pick up my mom so everyone can see her, because they haven’t seen her (or my family) in years since she has been in the ATL for the past 12 years (I think). When she got in the car Anger Management was talking about her young ass shirt she had on and she said something about losing 10lbs. PAY BACK

Me: What did she say?
Mother: I SAID (with attitude) I need to lose 10 pounds and I will be stuntin (yes she said it)
Me: Um, you might want to lose more than 10
Mother: What?
Me: Yeah, your face looks really fat, I guess you did take my advice and eat but dayhum.
Mother: Yeah I have picked up some.
Me: (feeling bad) Well you don’t look bad, I just said that because you are always messing with me, so I figured I’d give you a taste of your own medicine.
Mother: What are you talking about I don’t talk about you!
Me: **Staring into space**

My mother is not big at all and nor am I. However, I do want to lose some weight, mainly tone up, but that is up to ME. Not my mother, husband or any body else – ya don’t get a vote in that fam.

Mr. Conservative knows about College Boy

Yesterday Mr. Conservative picked me up from work and we went to get Mr. Stefon because he had tutoring – I told him about College Boy.

He was very disappointed. He thinks its a bad idea for him to work. How the hell can he work and go to school at the same time if he can’t handle a normal school schedule now.
He then starts to interrogate me, isn’t it too late for him to withdraw? What about…….when did you…..how come…….

I told him I thought he was depressed. He looked at me like I was crazy (told you). He said his ass is lazy and we are too easy on all of them, we do everything for them and we are hindering them, and, and, and……….. Me, well if you have all these questions, you need to direct them to him, because he can tell you better then I can (I told you he is a lecturer and my brain can’t take it, I will kirk out for no reason – good or bad.)

We take Mr. Stefon to get shoes because his shoes had holes in them. How the HELL do you go through shoes that dayhum quick!!! I mean his shoes seriously had holes in them and didn’t say nothing to no body, I saw it at the damn bus stop, I am like aren’t your feet cold he said no (liar). He said, well some kids said my shoes were talking. I said, I hate to tell you, but um, they are. We laughed and then he told me I was mean.

We get home and of course College Boy is in his room and not trying to come out worth a damn (he knew I told), I called him for dinner and he tried to act like his ass couldn’t hear, so Mr. Stefon went banging on his door to get him.

Afterwards, Mr. Conservative and I went to take a shower (no biggie, the kids can’t hear – right?). I am thinking we are bonding, like we normally do and then more questions – isn’t it too late to add/drop (he was on the phone with his father, he must have told his ass it was too late), so I had to explain the difference between add/drop and withdrawing – like we ain’t getting our money back because he didn’t add/drop. CAN YOU SAY KILL THE MOOD!!

He gets out the shower first, dries off and all, by the time, I make it out of the bathroom and into our room he is gone. I am thinking he must be downstairs watching t.v. or getting something. But then the family police (Mr. Stefon) comes upstairs. Mommy, do you know why daddy went downstairs? I don’t know, isn’t he watching t.v.? Nope, he went on the first floor to College Boy room. You are so nosy, why don’t you ask your dad when he comes up.

After a coupla hours he comes up and he told me their convo. They determined (Mr. Conservative did), that he does not need to work and College boy is going to wholeheartedly give it another shot because he said he really didn’t try. He also said he just wanted to work so he could have his own money. Understandable, except for the fact we give his ass money, he is allowed to work in the summer. AND Mr. Conservative, kinda agreed with me that he may be depressed, I guess from their conversation.

I am glad they talked. When I went back to school, Mr. Conservative was always at the kids school, it was so bad that I said something to Mr.Stefon at College boy graduation and Mr. Stefon preK teacher said, excuse me are you related to him. I said, um, yes I am his mother, she said – oh I never met you (bullshit), I said yes you have I met you on the first day (shut up, it was still a meeting).

Anywho, at College Boy graduation he got top honors for school and one part of the ceremony they had the kids give a rose to the person who helped them the most during the school year. My family and Mr. Conservative (not his dad) family, (His dad was there, but he knew he had nothing coming) thought the rose was coming my way but I knew better. He gave the rose to Mr. Conservative. Very beautiful, but I was still hella jealous.

Almost forgot!!

I have been waiting for this damn day. No not Sasha Fierce, but TROPIC THUNDER!!!! I am so going to get it after work.

I knew I would be buying this once the credits rolled at the movies. I am telling you, boy go get yours. This will be a classic like Friday.

Oh I so can't wait!! People have the wrong impression of this movie, but you know what - oh well.

No Little Mr. Stefons Over Here!!

Me: Um, what you doing you better get it.
Mr. Conservative: There isn’t any.
Me: WHAT (you know I am HOT MAD!!, Pissed!!)
Mr. Conservative: I thought it was some in the drawer, but it is not.
Me: Cut the light on.

Ya’ll we turned that fucking drawer up. Nothing. We looked like crack addicts, trying to come up with anything, well how about.....what if I ....... well you could......

Me: Um, I think I got some in the closet in my lingerie drawer.

I’m throwing panties, bras and some other good shit on the floor. GOT IT!!

Mr. Conservative: You found one.
Me: YES SIR
Me: Nosy as hell…..look at the package because this shit has been there a long time.

WHY THE HELL WAS IT EXPIRED by two years!!! HOW COME WE STILL USED THAT FUCKER!!

Next day leaving work…….

I go to WrongAide (I really hate this store, but hell I figure I take one for the team) because it is by the subway, and I figured let me stock up, since he can’t handle business. The security guards at the store on U Street act like the customers are Obama and they are Secret Service. I am looking at magazines and this fucker keeps walking by, I am like um, okay is he watching me. I have a suit on, very urban chic, not homeless looking, or someone willing to do time for a fucking magazine.

Why the hell this mother fucker come back and act like he is fixing the magazines?

RentACop: Excuse me we don’t allow that.
Me: You don’t allow what?
RentACop: People looking at the magazines.
Me: (laughing) Are you serious?
RentACop: Yes.
Me: Bullshit, if I am buying I am previewing. Keep your magazine.

Yes, Ma’am I said it, what type of bullshiggity is that. I am mad as hell and heading out when I remember the condoms. The hell if I am leaving without them. Of course if the secret service is spying on me looking at magazines you know the condoms are locked up.

Me: Excuse me sir, do you have a key for the condom (whispering and talking fast).
Idiot #1: What? (It sound like he yelled, but he probably didn’t).
Me: Do you have a key for the condoms?
Idiot #1: WHY the hell this fool YELL across the room to Idiot #2, YOU GOT THE KEYS TO THE CONDOM?
Me: **DEAD** Just standing there like are you serious? I mean really!!
Idiot #2: Yells back, no I don’t got the condom key ask Idiot #3. YES everyone in the store is looking in my directions.

Why in the hell Idiot #1 is about to start yelling at Idiot #3, I said, you know what fuck it, I am not coming back to this damn store. I gave my husband a good yelling out for that one. He thought it was the funniest fucking thing…………….well not for long, because when his ass rolled over that night it was no haps because THIS NEGRO DID NOT STOP AND GET ANY

Mr. Conservative: I am about to go to the corner store.
Me: Oh really, that’s’ good, I am about to go to sleep.

PEACE!! Well, it actually wasn’t peace, but ain’t no little Mr. Stefons’ over here.

Weekend, Homework Hell, My Goodies

This weekend was great. Didn’t do too much.

Mr. Conservative and I went to the movies Friday and then went out to eat. We went to PING. It was okay. I got the Kung Pao mix and hubby got the sushi. He loved his, me no likey mine. Too damn salty, but it was a nice atmosphere so all was good. Also, I liked the fact that you could order sushi or Chinese food at the table because a lot times its one or the other.

Saturday, stayed in bed funky as hell. I told myself no t.v., no shower, now food until I completed my paper. I jumped on the internet a couple times. But I got it done by 2:30. I was so happy to see water and soap. DAYHUM!!!

Homework Hell

Well, after I got out of the shower Mr. Stefon wanted help with his homework - math. Mr. Stefon works my nerves when he ask for help because he is a KNOW IT ALL and don’t know shit. So here goes our convo.

Me: Mr. Stefon what is 2x =10

Mr. Stefon: Oh that’s easy.

Me: Okay, well what is it.

Mr. Stefon: Let’s see, that is so easy it is 5.

Me: So, X=5

Mr. Stefon: Yes mom, can we move on.

Me: We could if you didn’t put the wrong answer you have 2.

Mr. Stefon: No, I don’t. SOMEONE, must have changed it because I know the answer

Me: **BLANK STARE**

Me: What?

Mr. Stefon. (Dead serious) someone must have erased it.

Me: Look, are you trying to say I did it, because the only people who could have done it is ME or YOU.

Mr. Stefon: Mommy, I know the answer.

Me: OKAY, but don’t accuse me of changing your damn answer, I don’t even have a pencil, AND you just handed to me and is sitting right here. Why can’t you just admit, you made a mistake, you know the answer, but just fast.

SEE!!! Remember he accused me of stealing before the same way, I think I told you all about that, if not, I can. Little flucker.

OH LAWD!!!

Oh and I think I ruined him for all woman. This morning I gave that boy everything he needed to take a shower (body wash, deodorant, lotion, sock bag), so I could have peace when I get in the shower, but nope that is not what happened. I am in MY room with the door closed, in MY bathroom with the door slightly open, assed out and have the shower running. I am in the BIG ASS MIRROR washing my face before I get in – I know wasting water (working on it), when I hear. Um mommy to my horror the fucking door is ajar. I am screaming remembering my lumpy body is visible in the damn mirror which means he can see me.

Me: WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM!!

Mr. Stefon: (EYES AVOIDING ME) I knocked but you couldn’t hear me, I need my uniform.

Me: So, why are you in here, go downstairs check the dryer, your room, I don’t have them. Don’t come in my damn room.

Ya’ll I can laugh now, but not then. That boy saw my goodies. How do I know? He looked like he wanted to die, when I opened the door, he was stammering and everything. Here his father got me thinking I am a 10 and from the look of that boys frighten face, I look more like a beat up copper penny.

A brand new day!!

Thank you all for commenting.

I have made a decision. I cannot keep this child lie, and I will not betray him. I will do what most mothers do. Talk to him and tell him that he has to tell them, but I will help him out, as I always do when the kids need to tell their dad something. I am also setting up an appointment with Kaiser Behavioral Health, nothing wrong with a little counseling if you need it.

I will tell my husband first, so that it lowers the blow. I will also tell his dad the same way for the same reason. He is going over his dad house this weekend so I will tell him Monday – that way he has a whole week before he sees him again.

It is not as bad as it seems – but for a kid (yes I know he is 19, but have you ever disappointed your parents?), I guess it seems like it; I just do not want to hold the lie.

Moving on!!

What do you all have planned for today? Me?

Well, I have been up since 3 a.m. I could not sleep (I wonder why). Therefore, I got up and made Anger Management (and fam) some breakfast to take with her on her trip to NYC. Of course, the food woke up Mr. Stefon as well. Since I was up, I got a head start on one of two papers I need to complete. The husband and I are going out when we get off. I cannot wait.

Anger Mgmt is in New York today with her Entrepreneurship class. They are giving the kids money to buy items they can sell once they return. Isn’t that just nice!! I wish someone would give me money to spend!!! I told her she needs to figure out a plan before she gets there and do not share her idea or someone might take it (yes her mamma is competitive) and she might have competition. She said, she thinks she is going for hats and scarves for the girls.

Mr. Stefon has been excellent lately (knock on wood hard as hell). I asked him if he wanted to read Harry Potter together and he said he would have to let me know.

I NEED YOUR HELP!!

Okay lovely people I need your help. I do not lie to my husband, I feel no need. When I use to run the streets – Babe where you going – um, to the strip club, food done and I’m out. But if I did tell a lie damn it, he’d never no. Deny, deny, deny – moving on.

So, here’s what I need help on.

I noticed some things with my oldest son – College boy. He has been very aloof and just to himself. I told you he is a different cat. He has always been quiet and to himself, and the kids laugh at him because he likes “white”music, and talk “white” (some bullshit, no such damn thing). He is a cutie, not just because I am his momma, anyone who has seen him will tell ya (I might try and slide a picture on here, but um, you know Mr. Conservative says no – he is not the boss of me). Anyway, he can not tell a lie. He won’t just come out and tell you some shit, but if you ask him straight out, he will give you the answer, even if he knows he will get in trouble – trick is asking the right question. Well, let me get to the meat. Mr. Conservative, asked him about school and I noticed that he gave a kind of loose answer, so when I was off last week and he was home too, I asked him straight out how was school. He looked at me and he looked like he was going to cry and said, Mommy, I can’t lie, not good. He went into all this stuff and we determined that he is depressed, which I already knew by his appearance and his separation. He said he was happy to finally tell me because it was hard trying to keep up appearances (that is why he has been locked in his room except for meals, so we would not ask him anything).

I am so hurt by this, because he should have come and talked to me in the beginning, but I know I have a strong personality and sometimes this scares the kids (and Mr. Conservative). I do not know why, because I personally think I am the kindest person in the world, I just give it straight. I am also hurt, because I can’ t give him medicine or kiss it and make it better.

Well, I advised him to talk to his professors and we determined that he should withdraw from his classes instead of failing them. I do not think drugs, and all the other stuff is involved, but I do know he is depressed. I also talked to him about his plans for college. He knows our plans for him, they have to get an education. We have always preached college, graduate school. However, I also know that college is not for everyone, so I asked him how he felt about college – was it the school, his major or if he wanted to just quit. I told him, that if he decided to quit, I would be upset, but if he did, he would have to get a job and go to a trade school and learn a skill. He said no that was not it, he wants to go to school (Hallelujah!! I do not know what I would have done, if he said otherwise).

So, the deal is as long as he goes to school he does not have to work. However, since he is withdrawing from school I told him he has to get a job, he has to come out of the room and get dressed everyday and by the end of this week (tomorrow) he has to present to me a 1 month, 3 month and 1 year plan and how he plans to reach these goals.

My dilemma is this. Mr. Conservative do not know and anyone who can do math should know that Mr. Conservative is not his biological father, we met when he was two and his been in his life every since. His father is also in his life, he has been blessed with two awesome men that care about him. HOWEVER, they both did not go to college and they have all their hopes and dreams riding on his back.

I asked him when were we going to sit down and talk to Mr. Conservative about this and he told me, I can’t deal with it right now, can I find a job first and then talk to him and dad. People I understand where he is coming from, but it puts me in the middle. I was okay with knowing and not telling them when we were trying to figure out what he should do. However, I am very uncomfortable knowing this and smiling in my husband face and not telling him that your son gets up every morning brush his teeth, wash his face and acts like he is going to school when he is not. Oh and he might be depressed.

What’s a mother to do? What would you do? ALL opinions are welcomed, I’m not feeling this lying shit.

WOW!!!

OBAMA WON!!!

Pleasantly Surprised!!

Yes Ma'am!! My peoples proved me wrong and I am sooooooo damn happy about that!! D.C. only get 3 electoral votes but so damn what, we count too!! We stood in line for 2 hours, but it was a good two hours. The line moved, until I got to the front. Why didn't I marry a man with the last name of an A or a Z DAMN!!!! Was totally hot seeing all the Andrews and Youngs moving past me.

I swear for God I got a little agitated when I saw a pregnant woman move ahead - um, that is NOT a disability, her ass can stay in line. Sorry, that was the bad side of me talking, although Anger Mgmt said the same thing. I even started looking at people with canes, like her ass is carrying the cane, not using it, but again, that is the Urban that was in line for 2 hours and the kids working my nerves. I had to tell them - I hope you know, I am on to you guys, I am not letting you leave just because your fighting with each others, so you might as well act right!! One

One of my coworkers who live in Virginia walked right in and out. What is that about?

College boy was so scared, didn't know what to do, but he got it done AND I AM A VERY, VERY, UM, VERY PROUD MAMA!!!

Mr. Stefon, asked how come there were no drive through lines, people shouldn't have to stand long. Then he wanted to know if you could go and vote somewhere else too. I told him, you get one vote, he said, how are we gonna get his man Obama in if you get only one vote - um are you trying to cheat? I then asked him, to stop complaining about the line, what will you do when your older and the line is this long? He said, get in his car and drive off, then said he was kidding. Anger Mgmt said, no your not. That is why me and College boy will have to scoop you up, because we don't trust you.

A nice story I heard about on the radio.

There was an elderly lady standing in line and one of the poll workers went to her and said, excuse me, if your elderly or disable you do not have to stand in line, you can come to the front and she said. I am 80 years old and I waited all these years to do this, therefore, I am going to keep standing in line like I was doing. I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT!!

So many people were taking pictures (did I sign a waiver?) and so was I. A beautiful, beautiful thing.

Now we wait.

My Thoughts

Today is the day people. Make sure you go out and do your civic duty. Now back to me.

I just did something, I have not done in a VERY long time. I got on my cracking knees and prayed. If you have been reading this blog you know how I feel about religion right now. Don't get me wrong, I pray, I just haven't been on these squeaky joints in a minute.

Why, you ask? I really don't know. I was doing my hair and looking in the mirror and I just started reflecting on today and a dream/nightmare I have been having the last couple of days and I was told to drop the flat iron and get on my knees and pray, so I did what I was told. I prayed for BOTH candidates, and my fellow Americans. I am scared, not so much for the future, but for my people. My mother is superstitious and told me when I was little that if you have a bad dream tell it because it won't come true, so I am going to tell you this. Black people please be safe, I just feel a need to say that, so I am.

On another note, I am very happy today, because I am SO DAMN TIRED OF THIS ELECTION, I am ready to move on, especially, when you start appearing during Monday Night Football. I hate to say it, but I think this will be copied, and depending on the outcome it may start before 2 years next go round.

Well, I am dressed, everyone in my house is getting dressed - Anger Mgmt, Mr. Stefon and College Boy, we are about to go to the polls and today will be the first time College Boy will be casting his vote, he hasn't told me who decided to vote for yet, which is cool, as long as he is voting today. Mr. Conservative and College Boys are independents (losers). Mr. Conservative is voting after work.

Folks, I have to go so I can get in and out, I hate to say it, but I do not think the line where I live will be that long, this is my first time voting in this area, but they never seem to care about anything. I hope they prove me very wrong. In my old neighborhood I would have to be in line already.

Make sure you cast your vote today, I can care less who you vote for, just do it, be a productive member of society in the rain or cold. I believe that weather plays a big part on who comes out to vote, so grab your knit gear and umbrella and do the damn thing.

Oh and Shitbucks are giving away a free T.all coffee on the honor system.

MR. STEFON BIRTHDAY

Yes sir, Mr. Stefon is 10 years old!!!!




Here he is as a drummer 2 years ago and this summer with the Hulk. Mr. Conservative is serious about the pictures not being on the net, I will discuss that tomorrow.

This morning I told him Happy Birthday and he said Thank you. I was shocked, no extra talking. So, I asked Anger Mgmt did you tell your brother Happy Bday and she said, yeah, I been told him, he said, FINALLY, dang. I said, okay sounds bout right. I told Mr. Stefon, usually you walk around the house screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY, SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME' (he does this BEFORE you have a chance to say it) He said, I am too old for that, that was so last year mommy. Um, kay.

I would not trade my baby in for anything....................................or would I?.......I kid, I kid!!

Sorry for everything being quick and jumbled up, wanted to post about his bday, I'm out grammatical errors and all. (the usual)

You betta WORK!!

DAYHUM!!!!!



Just wow. Freak what you heard he is rocking whatever the hell he is working that retarded ass song. Just wow. No damn words...........except...........um...........when does class start? I mean I think I would lose at least 20lbs and a couple inches.

Remy is good for your body

Hey,

I had class tonight and my husband picked me up and made me a drink and I am feeling good as hell right now!!! The kids are sleep and we are watching the slow as debate where McCain might sell a kid or something to get into office. Oh my Remy VSOP is the bomb!!! I am suppose to be studying for my exam but um, that is not going to happen. I spoke to my bestest girlfriend and I cursed her out and we laughed - typical me. The best thing I love about her - she is not only beautiful on the outside she is so genuine on the inside. She is one of those people that always see the positive side - as we all know I am not, I see ALL sides damn it. Anywho, back to the debate and me seducing the husband.

I hollah!!

Let them fight!!! Lace up your boots!!!

Why won’t they just give them gloves and let them fight. McCain look seriously mad and Obama got that laugh like whatever, you don’t know me for real.

McCain look seriously desperate. He is grasping at straws. OMG this is so funny.

Oh and who the hell is Joe. Senator Obama, do you know Joe. Man get the fuck out of here. He is Joe got darn it.

My best friend is gone!

I am really, seriously, sad right now. I am writing this post through some crocodile tears. As, I previously stated in my quickie post that my bestest girlfriend in the Whole Wide World has moved. She called me today and told me she moved to Wilson, North Carolina. Ya’ll I know she had to do it because she was being harassed and stalked and she needed to do it for her and her children (my god babies) safety, but still.

We have been friends since we were 13 years old. I moved to the neighborhood and to a new middle school and I remember this girl with this twang in my French class and I use to tease the hell out of her (yes, I did be quiet).

She has two gorgeous little girls (and I am not saying that because I am their god mommy) and the last ones father is a BIG asshole. He has always been hateful and from the first time I met him I told her AND him that I HATE him. He has done so many hateful things, so I will just tell you a little.

1. He told her when they were out that her daughter; a 4 year old at the time was a snob. I told her to kick his old ass to the curb he was in his 40’s (I know he is not old, but I am saying).
2. Another time when she was pregnant with his child, he threw her across a table.
3. Another time when it was the coldest day of the winter 3 years ago and his daughter was a month old he threw her, the baby and her daughter out of the house with socks and t-shirt on. How do I know? She called me from a neighbor house. I know he is not the only one at fault she should have left. I told her when she called to please go home (she had her own place still – another story), or come to my house and stay. She said she would and she did not.
4. She has also caught his fat ass cheating more then once- the internet, and more.

Oh and the killah, she is drop dead gorgeous, and very intelligent (well questionable now, do not judge me) and he is a hood rat and ain’t cute (everyone who meets them wants to know what are they doing together). He chased her for three years and she told him no, finally she said okay and this is what she gets for it. Ugh, you would think with all that chasing he would put her on a pedestal, but um no.

Well, he does not want to pay for child support so he is always trying to find away out, want to file for custody and all types of shit and he has tried this so many times. Last time he filed her for his taxes and he was not allowed to, he just called her AFTER doing it, talking about, I know your going to be mad, but I thought it was only fair. WTF!!! I mean how fast can you dial the IRS….ssssssshhhhhhhiiiiiiitttt!!

Well, he is now taking her BACK to court again. The reason, he does not want to pay child support, he is so sickening, and by the way, this is his only child. Old men are just as bad as young men. He went to her church (were her father is a reverend) acting a full, her job acting like a fool (did I tell you she works for child support enforcement - yup), he showed his ass and they called people on her.

So, her mom and dad pick their child up from the daycare and watch her until she comes and get her. She pulls up in front of her mom and dad house and she sees this car racing up to her car. Of course it is him, she believes his next door neighbor in his car, and he says to the guy throw that shit at the bitch (subpoena). She did not say anything to him, she just continued getting her daughter out of the car (yes the muthafucker did it in front of her). The guy gets out of the car and throws it at her, she looked at it and kept walking. He starts saying how he should kill her and that he hates her and this bull crap and she took it very seriously – which she should. She filed a protective order and while completed it, a domestic.abuse organization got involved and helped her be very detailed and specific which went from a protective order to harassment. But she still did not feel safe, so she got out of dodge and I told her I understood. I did/do, but I can’t help but be selfish.

Remembering the time, when she taught me how to drive in her brand new car and not caring that it was new. Falling asleep while we were on the highway from B’more to D.C. or better yet driving to North Carolina and me waking her up telling her I don’t want to drive because it was raining and she told me to man up (ya’ll know I don’t drive, but I did with her). OOOh Lord, the time we went to Tyson Corner and the car was tied down with a hanger or something and the hood came up while we were driving on the highway - dying, her father and my husband wanted to kill us, we did not care, we were going to Nordstorm and needed to get there. Being there threw each one of my kids birth and me for her. Throwing her a baby shower for her first daughter who was suppose to be a boy so we did the whole damn thing BLUE - oh my. Remembering, when we rode on the back of bikes (ssshhhh!!!!, um a little someone don’t know) to East Carolina University with my clear high heels (couldn’t tell me nothing) and partying. This post did make me laugh a little, I think I will call her. Have you spoken to one of your good girl/guy friend in awhile? Thank God I have other good friends in the city.

Did you know Mr. Stefon was a barber?

This one is for Patrice. Earlier in the week she commented on how cute Mr. Stefon was and all that good stuff. He does stuff and because of his cuteness, people always say, "give him another chance" well, here is the story I have been meaning to post about good ole Mr. Stefon. It's long but well worth it.

Imagine….

One of the hottest days of the summer. The weather man said it was going to be 97 or 98 and the humidity will make it feel more like 110 and its already 82 degrees at 7:00 in the morning.

Imagine….

You wake your child up for tennis camp (indoors/outdoors so he will not be in the sun) and say, “come on get ready” and you go take care of business, so you look, so fresh and so clean even though your hair is going to fall, but as Snoop says, "ya got ta do it." (I know that's right)

Imagine…..

You finish and you see your son MR. STEFON WITH A HOODIE ON and it is zipped ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.

WTF, no imagine, what the hell going on!!! It’s already hot in the damn house. Anger Mgmt of course is sitting ringside.

Me: Um, why do you have that hoodie on its going to be VERY hot today, take that off.
Mr. Stefon: I want to wear it.
Me: Why? It’s too hot.
Mr. Stefon: I want to wear it for fashion. (yes this is what he said, I wish I was making this up)
Me: (thinking maybe its cold in the building so, okay (sucker)) For fashion? (Anger Mgmt is laughing) Whatever, but your not walking down the street with me, with that damn hoodie on its already 82 degrees.
Me: Take the damn hoodie off.
Mr. Stefon: Okay (starts walking fast as shit)
Me: You need to brush your hair.
Mr. Stefon: (walking around)
Me: Did you brush your hair, come on let’s go!!
Mr. Stefon: I can’t find the brush.
Me: It’s right there, come here and let me brush it real fast so we can get out of here (his tennis camp cries if your not there at 8, start threatening to kick your kids out).

I start brushing Mr. Stefon hair and it normally lays down, but um, I just can’t get it to all move in the same direction.

Me: Um, what is wrong with your hair?
Mr. Stefon: Huh
Me: (BELLS ARE SOUNDING THE FUCK OFF). What do you mean huh?
Me: WAIT. What happened to your damn hair? Did you cut your hair?
Mr. S: No, some boy at school did.
Me: Oh hell no, see now I have to be late to work because I don’t have time for this.
Me: Why did he cut your hair?
Mr. S: Well we were playing and he just did it.
Me: Your trying to tell me that you LET someone cut your hair.
Me: (PISSED, mumbling all types of smack wait until I get there, all that).
Mr. S: Yeah, well we were playing and he did it.
Me: (Mother intuition rings again, something is not quite right.) Stefon, did you cut your hair?
Mr. S: Huh
Me: You heard me!!! Your father would have noticed your hair and so would I! I don’t remember you looking crazy yesterday.
Mr. S: (lower his head)
Me: DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!!! Don’t have me go up to your school ready to give some kid a beat down and you did this to your self!
Mr. S: Yes, I did it.
Me: WHY?????
Mr. S: looking at the damn floor.
Me: I know you heard me, why? You better answer or I will hurt you!!!
Mr. S: I WAS BORED!!
Me: (GTFO) You mean to tell me, you were so bored, you decided to cut your own hair.

HOLD UP PEOPLE, what really makes this bad. Mr. Stefon has a curfew, even in the summer time, during the school year, he has to be in bed by 8 (thank God), and the summer 10. He came to me and asked could he stay up and watch a show, I said sure you have been good and we have been leaving the house on time so fine. His father said please don’t let that boy stay up, you know he gets in to stuff. BUT , NAW I overrided dad and said, look he has been good, no crazy shit, so let him chill. Well folks THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED!!

Me: TAKE THAT DAMN HOODIE OFF!! You will go to school just like that. You will not get a hair cut. Your ass looks like you have ringworms!!! For the life of me, I don’t understand why you would do this!! You need to come up with something better than you were bored, I swear for God!
Mr. S: Well, you all have me surrounded with all those bad kids. (Yes, he said it)
Me: Excuse me? What bad kids?
Mr. S: The kids at the camp, they always do bad stuff (lie, they would kick them out)
Me: Um, I probably would believe you, if you cut your hair at camp with them, but no you did it at home, by yourself. They were no where around!! (full of it).

We did not get that boy hair cut for a long ass time (both his grandparents was pissed at us and some family members but who cares), he walked around looking like he had ringworms and his beautiful sister, Anger Mgmt gave him the lovely nickname of Patches O’hoolihan. Isn’t she lovely. I thought I would have to give her some oxygen she was laughing so hard. College boy, was really concerned with the boy mental status - mommy, why does he do stuff like that, that boy is scary.

Ya THINK!!

I know what you all will say, maybe he is doing it for attention and all of that. Well, yeah I would say the same except he gets ALL of the damn attention.

See ladies, I have plenty stories to tell.... like the time he climbed up the wall like Spi.der.man, or jumped off of a very high place when he was with his grandma and she was scared he died and didn’t know how to tell us (Anger mgmt tells this story laughing so hard she is crying). Oh wait , did I tell you he is not allowed to plug anything up because he electrocuted himself 2 times or maybe 3, I lost count.

And you know I got some pictures! I took them while we were walking to camp, he said, why are you taking them pictures......are you going to put them online......yes, sir. He is still my baby, and we can all laugh about it now, but then.....




By the way a tool of choice is a pair of KNITTING SCISSORS!! Ain't that some shit, the boy used my sharp ass knitting scissors.

Mr. Stefon and his letter to me

Mr. Stefon, Mr. Stefon. I do not know what to do with him. I love that boy dearly and he expresses his feelings like me (and my mother) through writing. Some times when I get on him he will write me a letter saying he is sorry and he loves me. WELL. Here is the new one.

Background: The kids have been in school for more than a month. He wears a uniform and he just cannot get it together. He will forget his belt, deodorant, brush his hair, something. So I snapped.

Me: (Standing at the bus stop) Why is your pants looking like that? Where is your belt?
Mr. Stefon: I don’t know
Me: Your punished for two days, no t.v., I am sick of talking to you about that. You have to do better.
Me: (Getting off the bus) I can see your drawers, you have on blue undies with black writing.
Mr. Stefon: mumbled something, I didn’t quite catch it.
Me: I’m serious, don’t let me find out you were watching t.v. while I was at school. I want your homework on the table so I can check it when I get in.
Mr. Stefon: I know (I hate when he says that), it will be on the table.
Me: Have a good day
Mr. Stefon: Rolled his little eyes and didn’t say nothing to his lovely momma.

So, I get home after taking my mid-term which I was studying until 2 in the damn morning – so, of course my mind was fried.

I grab a damn Corona (yes damn it! I earned it….I think) and head over to the table to look at his homework.

Well, I see this essay or something and I begin to read it and it was about not having T.V. privilege. I showed the husband and he said – Don’t fall for the banana in the tail pipe! Whatever!!!

Here is the letter with the title, No TV for 2 days!

I think I should have privilege to watch t.v. because I respect my elders at school for 4 hrs. I love school, as much as video games, comics, water, and fruit. For a couple of times I just want a privilege to do everything in my house. Most of the time barely not in trouble at home and on the bus. If I have no TV I’ll feel like I’m trapped or slaved. I know television is not good for my but at least a privilege.

Before, I dissect this letter, I will give Mr. Stefon some props for taking the initiative to write me a letter stating his feelings. Gotta love him.

First - the boy is in school for more than 4 hours, so what does he do the other 4hours, curse at them, not listen?
Second – he does not like school more than no damn video game and comics or water and fruit, if he said vegetables, than yeah.
Third – I did not know it was his house, his lease is almost up.
Fourth – Did he say barely not in trouble @ home???? I have a post I so need to write. I am pretty sure Anger Mgmt will not agree about the bus, she is always complaining about picking him up.
Fifth – Did he say slaved?
Sixth – My biggest problem………Did he mention the belt? What he will try and do in the future? Something for me to release him from punishment?

This is too funny, I will be holding on to this letter like the rest to show his bad ass kids, when he try and chastise them for the wrongs I KNOW their ass will be doing. Oh and by this letter, was his birthday list that amounts to $1,000 of dollars. Boy please.

This morning

Mr. Stefon: Did you look at my homework?
Me: Nope (he just want to know if I saw his letter)
Mr. Stefon: I thought you said you was going to look at my work.
Me: I was sweetie but mommy was tired, where is it?
MS: He give me the work and try to quickly pass me the letter.
Me: Is this your homework?
MS: No, just read it, I wrote it for you.
Me: I said, oh well I will read it later.

I know your saying, why you just ain’t tell that boy you read it. Well, I didn’t because that boy is spoiled!! I always sell wolf tickets (as my husband say) and tell them damn kids they will be on punishment and never follow through, well got dang it, he is serving his two days and I will respond to his letter. It is never a dull moment with that boy, I guess God saw fit to break up the boredom with the oldest two.

MAVERICK

If I hear that damn word one more 'gin. I will go CRAZY!!!!!! Yes, I am tired of Change as well - since John shaky ass has been saying it too, but that damn MAVERICK word is just messing with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UNCLE!!!

Life broke opened a can of major whip ass and my name is the first on the list.

What it do yarny folks? Man, oh man, I miss you gals (guys?). Here’s what your friendly neighborhood blogger been up to:

Stress – I actually been holding it at bay by exercising. Yes got damn it, you read that right. I started exercising in the middle of August BEFORE school started. I figured I would be stressed out and did not want the people around me to think I was a cold B-I-T-C-H, so I started Tae Bo (again, for the three millionth time) and I like the original VHS one better, and I use my DVD one for weights (2 lb weights are a killer). I am not going to lie, a sistah was in straight pain the first week, but now I look forward to it. Especially since, I get to drop kick professors, classmates, husbands and coworkers (of course while tae boing an imagination is a beautiful thing). I have lost something, but I do not know what (I do not get on a scale – too negative for me). However, I have been able to fit in jeans I have not worn in 5 years and some dress pants I bought 3 years ago and never wore.

School - started for everyone in the house. I am love/hating it because I do not like slow people. If you are medically diagnosed with a disease then fine. Nevertheless, I swear people just do not think and guess who is on their team. Yup that would be me. I am an excellent team player, however, I DESPISE being on a team. I have asked the Lord to work with me in this area, because I am slam calling these educated people stupid. DAYHUM. More on their stupidity later.

Oh and bragging about my professor not giving us any exams in my Labor Relations class went out the window. The department told him that he could not put a lot of pressure on folks. He had our papers valued at 50% of the grade; people failed his class before because they for whatever reason did not turn in a paper. UM, the Department needs to mind their own business!! These are grown ass folks in Grad school, they better man up and do their papers. So, he moved on and said it will be open book exam that we can take home. Sweet, I can study more in my other class. UM, wrong Urban. Why? This man came to us yesterday and said there will be no open book or take home because something happened. OMG, now I have to study very hard for his class, because I have been playing and giving all my attention to my other class (which I have a mid-term exam on Monday w/an ethical question). Killing me softly.

Knitting – I have my mojo, however, I just do not have time and it sucks monkey balls, because I really want to knit Ene so dang on bad. I hope that after studying this weekend I can pick it up next week. I will take a picture, I stopped on chart 3.

Family – So many bdays this month – Nephew – September 11^th, Mommy – September 19^th, Niece – September 24^th, Husband – September 28 (and I threw him a big ass party! DRAMA) – separate post. Nephew tomorrow, and many more this month. Were all good I guess, Mr. Stefon is not feeling me in school and he told me so AGAIN this morning. OH – we painted the house!!! Finally, well that is another post and me and my mommy is talking again, and she might get that #1 spot back, but um, she is on a 1 year probation with me right now! One of my bestest friends in the whole wide world is fleeing the state and moving to N.C. I do not know what I am going to do without her she has been in my life for 20 years, but she has to do what she has to do - another post.

Work – I have learned to re-like my job. How? Well, I am trying to act like its’ a new job. My coworkers are not bad people, hell it is only a couple of us. It has been working, until today. I broke one rule. Blogging. I have not posted because I am trying not to blog at work, but I missed you all so much. I have been following you and will get better and get on the computer at home.

PEACE!!!!