Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Diary of a Mad Ass Knit Pattern

Will someone please come and get this fake ass knitter!! This is Starsky, and I am sick and tired of Urban cheating on me. I mean, for real ya’ll, how long does it take to finish knitting a damn sweater.

Granted, I see her writing her essay for her Masters (but, I believe she has been doing this before me – hell she started me in September 2006). I also know she is working with her Homeowner Association, and trying to whip their ass into shape (she really should quit because these folks are ignorant and I can see her catching a case). Then home girl has a nerve to try and pick a paint color – how many greens do one person need, you need to see her wall, I think it is about 5 or 100 shades of greens on the wall (who knew) and she did some crappy ass resume.

Oh and what really set this post off!!! This bitch right chere is a polygamist knitter – she really has a problem. This hoochie has a nerve to start knitting other shit, she thinks her ass is slick. I knew she was knitting Ene’s Scarf, I mean she was woman enough to apologized, remember her posts in the past. Humph, well, well, I caught the chica left-handed, knitting a sweater for her daughter – ain’t that a blimp.

Well, you know what, I can’t wait until her Mom’s get here tomorrow, I heard her talking to her BFF (more than one, I wonder if they know about that), telling them she may give me to her mother – THANK GOD, I don’t want to be with a bipolar knitter any ‘ole way. Look how she did her husband’s scarf and the last clapotis she knit – she did not like them in the beginning, it had to GROW on her, she said!!

Well, I hope the apple does fall far away from the tree, so her mom can take me to the ATL with her when she leaves (maybe I should tell her mom what I heard her say about HER – she don’t want to mess with me).

Please tell her to complete me, I mean damn, its’ been a year and the yarn she needed to complete me came over two weeks ago from Canada. Urban is always telling people, you can not pick your family members. Well guess what? Knitting patterns can’t pick their knitters either, how bout that! I probably should start a petition, she loves politics – maybe then her ass will pay attention to me. Hmph.

Uh, wait a minute… I think the heifer is coming and she can be mean, she might unravel me (I heard her slick ass say that before), so, um. I have to end here.


Anonymous said...

"Knitting patterns can't pick their knitters"...LOL! Too true. I'm with you, Starsky, baby! But she's threatened to boycott my site, calling me an enabler, so we'll keep it on the DL.

Karine said...

That knit pattern needs to learn some manners ROTFLMAO!

cici said...

that's the way to do.. You are the boss. Make Starksy bow and beg to you.

Virtuous said...

ROTFL!!!! Gurl you are HIL.A.RIOUS!!!!!

@ Remember being woman enoughto apology durng Ene’s Scarf. - YEP! I remember that!! :oD LOL Another funny post!

urbanknitrix said...

I seriously need to complete this sweater and give this thing to my mother!!!

Amanda said...

Girl you are so funny! Poor Starsky, feelin like the neglected little pattern...

What is up with green paint? I have been eyeing about 6 different shades of green for my bathroom as well. Let me know what you pick, we seem so much alike that I may just copy you and make my decision that much easier.