Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Are you serious? No Really.... are you?

On Memorial Day, I decided I would surprise my husband and help dig up the back yard while he was at work. Well let me tell you. I am not the damn digging type, I think I was out there all of 10 minutes and quit! I am telling you I would have been in the house making babies for Massa, for real!!

While I was out back I noticed my neighbor and would have liked to say Hi, through the fence, but have decided after a year and a half being in the house that I did not want to keep trying to say hi to a woman who is determined not to speak back. So, I went to the front of the house to pull weed and water/feed the Lillie's that have not bloomed like the Lillie's in the back yard.

My mom stayed over the house this weekend. While I was working my mom and her shadow (Mr. Stefon) came out of the house and said they were going to the store, and I heard my mom say I am doing fine and you? I am looking around trying to figure out who in the world she is talking to over my shoulder. Well people I was shocked it was my next door neighbor and she was all cheesing, looking nice. I am like hold up, that's odd. So, I go in the house and get some mullah so I can get something too and I stop my mom in the garage and am like. She must respect her elders or high, because that woman goes out of her way not to speak, she must like you.

BACKGROUND: Her husband/boyfriend that USE to live with her ALWAYS spoke, and she would make it her business to try and turn her head or act like she did not see anyone. In the beginning I gave her the benefit of the doubt, then my husband started saying the same thing. We have never done anything to this woman, so whatever. But at the end of the day she has a right not to speak. Well, we noticed that her husband/boyfriend has not been there the last month, almost two. I assume he is gone, who knows, who cares.

Now back to the scheduled program: My mom and son leave and I am watering the flowers. I hear, um, excuse me since your watering the flowers - hold on to your horses - Since your watering the flowers I assume you live here!!! Yes, you read it right.

So, I am looking at her, like...Lord, is she special? she sound it? naw, WTF.

People, you will be so proud of me. I had all types of zingers I was ready to throw at this bitches head, but I didn't. What I did do was laugh and smile because if I didn't Professional Urban was about to be Ghetto Urban. It was an awkward moment me looking at her, her looking at me, not saying shit. And then I just said. Hi, my name is Urban, I would shake your hand but it is dirty and then she said, so is mine, my name is La.Fuckup and for fun, I said what? She repeated it. and I said excuse me? and she repeated. I heard her ass, the first time but I had to.

She then says, I have been meaning to come over and say Hi, I should be ashamed of myself after all this time (so evidently she knew who I was). She said she travels a lot and that her and the guy who use to own our house use to look out for each other when they were on travel, take out each other trash and all that good stuff and I look at her and said yeah, THAT IS WHAT NEIGHBORS ARE FOR!!.

My summation. Dude is no longer in the house and she wants someone to watch her shit while she is gone. Guess what people? No problem, because we always looked out for their house. We knew when their ass was traveling and shit. Also, I grew up the neighborly way. My stepdad use to cut the neighbors grass when he cut ours and shovel their snow.

I just can't get past - since your watering the flowers, I assume you live here. Maybe she didn't know a better ice, um. Hi, we haven't been properly introduced, my name is Dumbass.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Great weekend and a small world

Man, I had a ball this weekend. I went to Linganore Winecellars for their annual Caribbean Wine Festival and I went to a bday party. Great times. So, lets start with the wine festival.

First off, let me start off by saying that someone did not read my post about drinking too much and fighting. I saw two people fall out and this time two girls were fighting. One bust the other one upside the head with a wine bottle - oh and 1/2 the wine was still in the bottle. What a waste! One lady walked by and said give me my Jack Daniels any day, you people do not know how to act with wine (told ya). P.S. it was not one of us.... I heard someone say that they were fighting because one slept with the other husband. SIDEBAR - this has always been a problem for me, why are the women fighting? Fuck him up, HE is the one made the promises, not her. Geez, I am not fighting for Mr. Conservative, unless it is family - why because both of them made a promise, chica off the street, no ma'am.

The positives. It was a girls/ladies whatever day out. So, we got up, got our food and hit the road. Mr. Conservative was a little upset because we like to do "first" together, but he had to work and it is good to get out of the house minus the spouse sometimes. AND, we are going to the Jazz and Reggae one so he will be straight.

Small world, so we are more than an hour away, and we are about to go on a wine tour and I say to my gf, wow that sounds like my Godmother/Aunt. And I say, huh, she does have blonde dreads, but I have never seen her drink anything but water. Well, I walk over and act like I am buying something and sure nuff, it was my godmommy. Oh and she is a regular to the winery and I am in awe, because, again, never seen her drink anything. Fun times.

Here are a couple of folks listening to the music and the tent folks were smart, because the sun was out.

On Sunday, my godsister had a cookout for her sister bday, she turned 34 too and her brother was there and upset that he had to leave the next day (he is in the service). WE had a ball, we were dancing to Chuck Brown and started a soul train line and we had Crabs (which are helluva expensive right now $198 a bushel) and everything else.

Birthday girl is getting her groove on and that is my mommy in the dress.

Look at my flowers people!!! I am so stoked!! My Lillie's and Roses have come out in the backyard (thank God). I have lilies in the front, but they have not bloomed yet, which is a good thing, because someone probably will cut them (fuckers).

Oh and I have a new rule to add to the DO's and DON'T list.
Do dress according to the weather and wine festival.
Don't wear white a white shirt and miss your lips while drinking red wine! (that would be me, too busy observing people and missed my soup coolers DAYHUM!

Did I tell you I cut my hair - well this is an old picture, my hair is even shorter and my hair is colored in the front and I LOVE it.

Friday, May 23, 2008

Wine Festival

Last weekend I went to Wine in the Woods a wine festival. I had a ball ya'll. There is nothing like good food, wine and friends - oh and Mr. Stefon. We had to take him, because the other two had plans - dayum.

Anywho, I got to sample some local wines (and buy some) and had one of the best crab cakes, don't let no one fool you, Maryland makes the best crab cakes. What would have really set it off would have been some yarn for sale. There was artisans there, and I bought some of their wares.

THE best part of the festival - the end. Why, you ask? Because people don't know their damn limit!!

Here's a little do's and don'ts of a Wine Festival.

DO get a designated driver, if you know your going to drink the whole entire time.
DON'T drink your weight in wine and then think you can walk. Man ol man, we were DYING with laughter, people were falling slam out. And Mr. Stefon had the best line, why he say, I guess somebody forgot to spit!!! Oh Man, I thought I would wet my pants. Another lady fell slam out, in the mud (it has been rainy bad here) face first, gf was knocked out, her husband had to fireman carry her. Not a good luck at all, but funny as all get out (she wasn't hurt). Okay, one more. The last one I went to the lady was walking with her kids and she could not go straight. Her husband, was like I can't bring her no where and the kids were staring. We were cracking up - oh and the police was giving people "voluntary" breathalyzers. Some needed to take that test.

DO bring chairs, blankets, leashes for your kids and good eats if your not buying anything.
DON'T drink bottles at a time and then want to fight. Every wine festival I go to at the end they want to fight and it is normally the frat boys. Of course, Mr. Stefon spotted this one - Daddy, look, that man just picked up a bottle and about to hit him over the head. Sure nuff, he was. Last one I went to, same thing except they really got scruffing, all I heard was, "We need Officers at the front" damn shame. I looked at our group and was like - hell, they said don't give any brown to black people, I think we need to look into whites and wine.

DO wear comfortable shoes and be ready to have a good time, especially if you are buying food, because the lines were packed for food, I mean like an hour wait.
DON'T wear six inch heels when you know the shit is outside and it has been raining for weeks. Dirt+Water=Mud and you busting your ass.

DO volunteer if you have the time.
DON'T volunteer if you are going to be drinking the wine like their shots. Man oh man, this one chic that was helping, I swear she was going one for you 3 for me. People in line, were like damn, is she suppose to be doing that? I mean, she was taking it back to back.

DO go around to the local winery's and try the wines, that is what you paid for and is therefore.
DON'T drink up everything just because it is free. KNOW YOUR FUCKING LIMIT, many see free and just go for it.

One last one.
DO try new stuff - hey again, that is what your there for.
DON'T ever in your life try Chocolate Zinfandel, as I stated everything was free to sample, except special shit. They had the Chocolate Zinfandel for $1 and I was not going to pay for it because it didn't sound like my thing. My friend got in line to get it and this girl over to the side was talking to me and telling me it is ssssooooo good, like she just had an orgasm, so I'm like hell I want one. SHIT, should have followed my instincts, she must work for the damn place, my friend and i spit ours out at the same time.

Here is my wine and my most prized possession, my wine glass holder. Put it around your neck and bam you don't have to carry it. I got it at my first wine festival and I got stopped numerous times, my husband broke his (truth be told, that was actually mine...ssshh). So, I tried to get him another but they didn't have them at this one.

Me wearing my best friend.

My wine glass and holder and Precious tried to sneak in the picture.

Beauty is her name!

This weekend I will be attending the Caribbean Wine Festival at Linganore Wineries, I am so stoked because this will be my first visit to a winery. Oh boy! Can some say DESIGNATED DRIVER! Not it, you know I don't drive.

What do you have planned this holiday weekend?

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Conversations with Urb

Mommy Dearest & I

That good ole holiday – Mother’s Day, came and I wanted to buy my mother some clothes, but I needed her size. So, I called her.

Me: Mommy, what size do you wear?
Mother Dearest: Why?
Me: Because I want to know. (as if it wasn’t obvious)
Mother Dearest: Get me a size 12/14.
Me: Mommy, I am not buying you a 12, you are too small. (me to self, she is smaller than me she has to be a 6).
MD: I know what I want get me a 12/14
Me: I am not buying that, look you are smaller than me. If I wear a 8 (depends) or 10 you have to swear a size smaller than me.
MD: (Laughter) Who wear a 10? Your ass wear a 14/16.


MD: Hello
Me: I have never worn a 14/16, where do you get that from.
MD: Well it looks like it, I have to look at you again.

What the fuck? I always go through this shit with my mother and sister. By the way, they have always been bigger then me. I used to be a 0, and no I was not sick or anything, just didn’t gain shit. I was a 0 until I had Mr. Stefon and then I went to a 6 and have fluctuated between an 8/10 and when I am about to go to a 12 diet like mad or exercise. My sister is fat. Cutie, but fat. I say that to say, she should never worry about my weight, but she do. I don’t care about size, but with them you would think I was the biggest person walking this earth.

Mr. Stefon & Urb

Mr. Stefon lost his metro pass. I pay $26 for the month for him to catch the train and bus unlimited for the month. If you lose the pass your short. Well he lost his and I know it is in his room somewhere. So this morning on the way to school, I said something about the pass again.

Me: We would have more stuff to bring on our trip if you didn’t loose your pass, and I didn’t have to shell out extra money (me and him might go on a date this weekend to the monument)
Mr. Stefon: Mommy you are making me feel bad.
Me: How?
MS: You keep talking about the pass
Me: I’m going to keep talking abut the pass do you know how much it cost, If we don’t have the pass, I pay 6 dollars a day for you that is 30 dollars in a week, 120 for the month.
Mr. Stefon: Well you told me to tell you when you make me feel bad and you will stop.
Me: Did I have a glass in my hand? Because I am going to keep talking about it until you find it. Have a nice day at school sweetie – oh and look in your locker and see if it is in there.

Furthermore, the boy don’t feel bad. He said that after I told him I am not buying a video game, because the money for the game is being spent on his travels.

Urb & the cleaning lady

Me and the cleaning lady chit chatting talking about life.

Cleaning Lady: I love your hair, it looks so nice.
Me: Thank you
CL: You should keep your hair short like that and the color is nice.
Me: Thank you
CL: Are you pregnant
Me: Um, no….
CL: You are just glowing and beautiful girl, keep on doing what cha doing.
Me: Ah, thank you – what I wanted to say – Maybe, I look like this because my husband was laying pipe 2 in the a.m., but, but um, I didn’t and I will keep on doing what we were doing!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Its my birfday!!

Blogger was acting up, so I had to split the post.

So, my bday resolution for 34 is to complete all the resolutions I did not complete last year and I want to add a few more.

v Gain knowledge on a business venture I want to start and to take steps to making a business plan.

v Join Professional Association

v Politics, politics – love it!! Need to attend more functions that I am invited to.

v Get a new job.

v Spend more time with Mr. Stefon, and try to exercise some patients (prayer).

v Family trip

v Read at least three classics.

v Organize house projects

Biggest accomplishment of year 33 was watching my oldest child, College Boy, attend his senior prom, graduate high school and attend college.

Goals reached at year 33

HELLO 34!!

Well peeps it is official, I am 34 years old. Let’s see what I have accomplished during my 33rd year on this planet.

  • Get into somebodys damn Master Program, this was on the list last year and as you can see I did not complete it. Technically, I did receive the admission papers to attend Catholic in the fall
  • Do a new resume, everyone needs an updated one. (Completed Federal & Private)
  • Date my kids more - especially my daughter (13 and is starting to develop - need I say more) and the 8 year old - my 17 year old and I are already close. (Sure did, they are now 14, 9 and 18)
  • For the husband keep everything as is, we have a wonderful relationship, so I don't want to change anything there, he respects me and I respect him. So keep doing whatever I have been doing. (Yes ma’am, surely did and I have a closet full of……)
  • Exercise more and I am going to set a goal of losing 30 lbs. (I ran consistently for a while and am off track, so no I did not lose 30 but I did lose something. Can’t tell you what because I do not weigh myself, but a lot of people say it look like I lost something)
  • Drive more. I AM GOING TO DRIVE TODAY (we will see) I did drive more, but still need to make it a habit and not 3 times a year.
  • Continue to save money and try to stick to a budget. Please, I was so bad, did not do.
  • More me time (please) Again, did not do.
  • Travel more Nope
  • Swim more Nope
  • Read classics, expand my reading. I already read a lot, but I would like to go back and read some of the classics. I did read more, even if it was close to the end and the classic – Anna Karenina, I think that counts.
  • Expand knitting technique (double knitting, dying, steeking, etc...), um, I know I did more than I have before so yeah and I started a blanket.
  • Learn to crochet. Child please, did not start and it is a damn shame because I bought all the needles and book 2 years ago.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Birthday Eve

Well, well. I am getting older folks and I am not kicking and screaming today. I am actually looking forward to it, because let me tell you. Birthday 29 - 30 was pure drama. I was depressed like hell. And then all of a sudden I started looking forward to bday 31 (everyone was happy).

So, today is my daddys bday and his brother (my grandparents must have LUV that day - ugh, sick, don't want to think about that any more).

Any who today is the last day I will be 33 and tomorrow I will be brining in 34. Oh and I will post my 34 year old revolution. Here is last years goals for 33 that I posted or you can see the entire post here:

Okay, so what are my goals for 33

  • Get into somebodys damn Master Program, this was on the list last year and as you can see I did not complete it.
  • Do a new resume, everyone needs an updated one.
  • Date my kids more - especially my daughter (13 and is starting to develop - need I say more) and the 8 year old - my 17 year old and I are already close.
  • For the husband keep everything as is, we have a wonderful relationship, so I don't want to change anything there, he respects me and I respect him. So keep doing whatever I have been doing.
  • Exercise more and I am going to set a goal of losing 30 lbs.
  • Drive more. I AM GOING TO DRIVE TODAY (we will see)
  • Continue to save money and try to stick to a budget.
  • More me time (please)
  • Travel more
  • Swim more
  • Read classics, expand my reading. I already read a lot, but I would like to go back and read some of the classics.
  • Expand knitting technique (double knitting, dying, steeking, etc...)
  • Learn to crochet.

Okay enough already, let me get started on this damn list.

Oh and let me say HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD!!! His birthday was yesterday. He told me when I was little that I was his present. Please!! We will go there another day with my father.