On Memorial Day, I decided I would surprise my husband and help dig up the back yard while he was at work. Well let me tell you. I am not the damn digging type, I think I was out there all of 10 minutes and quit! I am telling you I would have been in the house making babies for Massa, for real!!
While I was out back I noticed my neighbor and would have liked to say Hi, through the fence, but have decided after a year and a half being in the house that I did not want to keep trying to say hi to a woman who is determined not to speak back. So, I went to the front of the house to pull weed and water/feed the Lillie's that have not bloomed like the Lillie's in the back yard.
My mom stayed over the house this weekend. While I was working my mom and her shadow (Mr. Stefon) came out of the house and said they were going to the store, and I heard my mom say I am doing fine and you? I am looking around trying to figure out who in the world she is talking to over my shoulder. Well people I was shocked it was my next door neighbor and she was all cheesing, looking nice. I am like hold up, that's odd. So, I go in the house and get some mullah so I can get something too and I stop my mom in the garage and am like. She must respect her elders or high, because that woman goes out of her way not to speak, she must like you.
BACKGROUND: Her husband/boyfriend that USE to live with her ALWAYS spoke, and she would make it her business to try and turn her head or act like she did not see anyone. In the beginning I gave her the benefit of the doubt, then my husband started saying the same thing. We have never done anything to this woman, so whatever. But at the end of the day she has a right not to speak. Well, we noticed that her husband/boyfriend has not been there the last month, almost two. I assume he is gone, who knows, who cares.
Now back to the scheduled program: My mom and son leave and I am watering the flowers. I hear, um, excuse me since your watering the flowers - hold on to your horses - Since your watering the flowers I assume you live here!!! Yes, you read it right.
So, I am looking at her, like...Lord, is she special? she sound it? naw, WTF.
People, you will be so proud of me. I had all types of zingers I was ready to throw at this bitches head, but I didn't. What I did do was laugh and smile because if I didn't Professional Urban was about to be Ghetto Urban. It was an awkward moment me looking at her, her looking at me, not saying shit. And then I just said. Hi, my name is Urban, I would shake your hand but it is dirty and then she said, so is mine, my name is La.Fuckup and for fun, I said what? She repeated it. and I said excuse me? and she repeated. I heard her ass, the first time but I had to.
She then says, I have been meaning to come over and say Hi, I should be ashamed of myself after all this time (so evidently she knew who I was). She said she travels a lot and that her and the guy who use to own our house use to look out for each other when they were on travel, take out each other trash and all that good stuff and I look at her and said yeah, THAT IS WHAT NEIGHBORS ARE FOR!!.
My summation. Dude is no longer in the house and she wants someone to watch her shit while she is gone. Guess what people? No problem, because we always looked out for their house. We knew when their ass was traveling and shit. Also, I grew up the neighborly way. My stepdad use to cut the neighbors grass when he cut ours and shovel their snow.
I just can't get past - since your watering the flowers, I assume you live here. Maybe she didn't know a better ice breaker.....like, um. Hi, we haven't been properly introduced, my name is Dumbass.