Thursday, April 30, 2009

Your Lipgloss Is Popping!! What flavor is that?

I love my kids. Since we were at the park Tuesday, I was not going to cook after being outside, so we stopped and got some Pop.Eyes to take home.

Were at the table and the kids are having a lively discussion about something and then they get in to it (as usual because Mr. Stefon always start crap, but hate for someone to say something to him).

Mr. Stefon: Why are you on the softball team you dont even like to run.
Anger Mgmt: Leave me a lone.
Mr. Stefon: They must really want to lose they even made you captain.
Anger Mgmt: You should be quiet, thats why your lip gloss is popping!!
Mr. Stefon: What?
Anger Mgmt: You heard me, what flavor is that? Grease? Chicken Grease?
Mr. Stefon: Shut up.

Lawd, I thought I would DIE.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Weekend Fun and a Beautiful Day

This weekend was awesome. Let’s see where do I begin.

Anger Mgmt is playing JV Softball and guess what!?! She is a captain on the team. Awesome. Well her first game was this weekend. They lost, but you could not tell. The girls were so excited because this was the first time they ever played.

My girlfriend went with us to the game and I found out after the game that the only reason her ass went was so that I could go with her to the stupid Befartcy movie. Well, it was cool since she paid. Let me tell YOU something, that Stringer Bell ( That dude right there!!! Can get it EVERYDAY, ALL DAY, 365. WHAT!! LAWD HAVE MERCY, I wanted to go through that screen and…… OH MY GAWD, just the way he walk, move, AND stand. He just got IT. Okay, let me calm down. STRINGER!!!!!!!! Damn I miss The Wire.

Now, we decided to go WAY out to see the movie, but it made no difference, these people were a damn fool. I mean bringing your kids to the 9:00 movie is not a good look AND then having everyone scream at you or the movie screen is just as bad. Let me tell you a little of what I heard.

- Damn why you bring your kid to the movies, they need to be home.
- Lady screaming I am putting my money on the other chick, she is going to beat B ass and then say kids ya’ll ready to see her get beat up. WTF, is she not one of the stars? Just dumb
- Kid yells out mommy
- People yell out, Im a need you to put that child to sleep.
- Guy besides me screaming no remember OJay
- Why she got heels on SMH (yes she said SMH, like it was a word, like 4 times) SMH
- Girlfriend beside me about to fight the lady beside her.

Me - yelling at people, that the damn movie is not over, and your not at home in front of your t.v. Needless to say I was not a happy camper and they did not like me. What was really sad about this whole thing? These were not young folks acting out it was the fucking parents, grown ass people. The guy who was sitting beside me had to be in his 40’s, 50’s, but whatever and we wonder why the kids are fucked up. I blame the parents of the 70’s – this shit started with your generation – smoking ganja, screwing everybody and trying to make that almighty dollar turning the kids of the 70’s to latchkey kids and retards IMO.

Anywho, the movie was okay, she did better than I thought. At least I could understand what she was saying. Also she was not in the movie a great deal – did you notice that (if you saw it of course).

Almost forgot this is what I saw when we were on our way to the movies.

WHAT IN THE HELL DO SHE HAVE ON? Glad you asked, let me tell you.

Beret, furry slippers, mix matched socks. She rocking that thang like……

Yesterday felt so good outside and Mr. Conservative was off, so we went to the park to let Mr. Stefon play basketball and practice with Anger Mgmt. Oh and I finally got to knit a little and try and finish Pride and Prejudice, it is so good right now and I hate that I only can read like a page or two a day. Well after class today, I will be reading on the train.

Oh, and of course these pictures are late. Here are some pictures of my tulips and I do not know if this is a buttercup or not. They just popped up in the yard this year with some Daffodils. Really awesome, since I did not plant them, they been marinating I guess for three years, from the old owner. Well, lucky me, except they didn’t let most of my tulips come in.

Last but not least, while I was working on my paper last week, College boy was at home studying for his finals too. Well, he decided during his break to show me how to play Olympics. Let me just tell ya’ll something. I am not a video person, I swear I don’t have hand, eye coordination, except when it comes to drinking (hand, eye, mouth). But I told him I would play if he did not laugh at me. He did and I quit. Mr. Stefon on the other hand showed me some matching games on the system this weekend and I am now hooked!! Yes, matching games damn it I have to start somewhere.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Presentation, Shocker

THANK YOU my little lucky charms.

I believe I did excellent, it would have been better if everyone stuck to five minutes or the professor hit them with something if they went over but nope didn't happen. Two people went 17 and 19 minutes. Yes I timed them. But whatever, that class is OVER!!!! Now, I have a class Wednesday and then the final next Wednesday.

Now, my shocker.

Arlen Spec.tor switching to the Democats. GTFOH!! Can't be possible. I am officially blown. Why? Well, I don't believe one party should have absolute control. It didn't work under Bush and its not going to work under Ob.ama. Sometime we should not agree. No party should have a blank check.


Monday, April 27, 2009

Good luck charm!!

Hey fellow bloggers!!

Wish me luck!! I have to hand in my paper and give a presentation today. So, in the past every time you wished me good luck/send up a prayer, use a voodoo doll like Mr. Stefon, or rub juju beads, great things happen for me. So once again, I ask you to make it happen for me!! Please.



Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I wonder.......

I am home the rest of the week to write my paper and presentation, but I just can't do it. I wonder what will happen on Maury today.....I hope paternity tests or lie detectors...something.

I guess I should turn the t.v. off. That might just work.

Or maybe turn off the internet. I have been gchating all morning with numerous folks.

Oh I forgot to tell you the mid-term grades. Two b's ain't that some shit 84 & 89. I have gone to grad school and became average. Dayhum. I wonder if it has to do with my wondering mind....

Well Mr. Conservative gets off at 1:30 and he should arrive here at 2, and the kids will still be in school.....I wonder what time College boy arrives to the house.....we could probably.....

I haven't eating anything, maybe I can make me something extra special, shit I should have went to Shitbucks, I wonder if someone can bring me something home.........

I wonder whats on Ravelry....... Maybe I will knit a couple rows of some of projects so it can make me "think". I wonder if that will work? I wonder......

Well I guess I get back to my 1 sentence paper. That's all I have done. I have class tonight, but don't feel like going. I wonder if I can use doing my paper for another class even though its not due until Monday as an excuse not to go tonight. I wonder.........

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

How I feel?

THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING ABOUT ME!! At first, I was like what do they mean how I feel. They know I don't want no more kids. Do they read the crap I put up with Mr. Stefon?!?! I am two seconds from being a cellmate with Big Bertha now, I swear for Gawd I can't do time. Will you all put a lil something on my commissary?

Let’s see. How do I feel?

Well, I guess I would say a mixture of relief and then again who knows.

As much as I say, I do not want any more kids. I must admit, I was kinda excited about maybe having another bambino (hopefully a girl to even it out). Then once the dreaming was over, I know I really do not want any more kids. I am happy and looking forward to spoiling/playing/ignoring other people kids.

HOWEVER, what was surprising was Mr. Conservative reaction. See, you all know I am lazy and have been meaning to post – then don’t – then put it on the back burner – then don’t. I think Mr. Conservative wants a baby. He claims he does not, however he is the first one to fight me off to hold a damn baby. I have to wrestle a baby from his Kungfu grip to get to the baby and now he has been trying to get a little, tiny dog. Which I told him he better not and he keeps saying what will you do if I just came home with one. I hope his mother has room for the both of them. He wants one of those dogs that are so ugly its cute. I told him I might be preggers and he was all excited. I felt kinda bad, when I said, uh, that was a joke.

As I stated before I have been EXTRA salty lately and anyone who knows me will tell you I have bad sleeping habits. I can never sleep through the night, however the past couple of weeks/month I have been sleeping SO.DAMN.GOOD!! So good that Mr. Conservative pinched me in my damn sleep. I was like WTF was that, oh, I was trying to turn you because you were snoring…hmph, I wonder if he beats me in my sleep. I was so pissed, because I could not go back to sleep, once, I am up. I am up.

I have been exercising my ass off, and instead of losing weight, like I was doing I feel like I gained around the stomach area – maybe it is the weights. I have been eating EVERYTHING and am/was addicted to Shitbucks (talk about later). Again, mean as a mother to the world but ESPECIALLY Mr. Conservative. He cannot win for losing. He told me he was sorry for whatever he did and I truly felt bad because he did not do anything, he was just the closes thing to me, so he got it. I did make it up to him though, still am. I know when I am wrong, but hell.

Anywho, I think I was just depressed because of the weather, I get like that sometimes but not this bad or attacking others. For example, I came home and Mr. Conservative, College boy was in the living room, and I came up the steps, went in the kitchen, popped popcorn and headed for the second set of stairs to go to my room.

Mr. Conservative: Where you going?
Me: Upstairs.
Collegeboy: Why?
Me: Because I want to be by myself, and do not feel like being bothered.

Needless to say, they both looked at me like I was crazy. College boy sent me a text asking me was I okay and I assured him I was, just cranky. He said he hoped I felt better soon.

So, instead of being preggers, I have been a total asshole and a bitch. At least I recognize it and can rectify the problem. Some people are assholes and cannot admit it.

Do you all remember this song?

The verse:

I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, i do not feel a shame

I'm your hell I'm your dream I'm nothing in between you wouldn't want it any other way

Monday, April 20, 2009


Ya'll know I don't get on the internet on the weekend. Well not that often, Mr. Conservative is a stalker when I am at home when I get on the computer, but that is for another post.

The results came back negative.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Pregnancy Test

Guess whose taking a pregnancy test?

Yes me damn it.

I have been mean as a Rattle Snake and I feel like I am gaining weight even though I have been exercising. So, yup, I will taking a mutherflucking test.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Are you married, married? and more...

Am I a snob?
Two weeks ago me and the ladies went out for the day and at the end of the day we went to a bar. Now, I never been to this bar and when we pulled up looking for a parking space, some old geezers came out the club and were about to fight or at least they were exchanging words. So I am looking at her, like what the fuck is going on – are we going in there????

Friend: Why are you looking like that?
Urban: Like what? Have you been in there before?
Friend: OMG! Are you going to act like a snob? Get it together?
Urban: What! I am not a snob.
Friend: You are. Look how your acting.
Urban: Acting like what? That I want to make it back home to my family. That’s not being a snob. WTF is really hood over there - are they about to fight? I mean come on. We are too old for this shit.
Friend: We have been in worse and they are just talking.
Urban: Okay (dumb, yes I was dumb and went in)

At the bar, having a blast. Drinking dancing on the barstool – when a great song came on, which was rare. Oh snap – do you know these grown, old ass people put on the stanky leg? Then had a nerve to ask someone to come down and show everyone because the couple fools up there trying to dance could not do it. Lawd, I was laughing real hard.

Are you married, married?

This dude came up and was really pressed trying to get at my friend and all I kept hearing was do you want anything and she would say no she’s good. But dude kept coming back asking the same damn question. Are you hungry? This your girl right are you hungry? Nope. Ya’ll sure. Yeah dude, damn.

Bugaboo – Excuse me are you married, married?
Urban – What?
Bugaboo – You know are you married, married? This is my brother and he has been trying to get at you, but your ring has been staring at him.
Urban – Yeah, I am married, married. I didn’t know it was any other way.
Bugaboo – Well are you happy because he is a good dude and will treat you right.
Urban – For real? Damn. Oh well, he is 17 years too late, my husband already got me on a pedestal and treats me real good.

Yeah, I already hear ya’ll. Well you were in the club. Tough titty. I can go out if I want to. Furthermore, if his brother had any balls, he would have stepped to me and not asked me dumb questions either. Just talked and see where it went. Hell the average dude on the street see your ring and don’t ask you that. If anything they hit you with, can you have friends? You mind if I call? Whatever.

I Got Your Back
At some point with Bugaboo, he tried to bring me in the conversation and since they were talking for so long I figured maybe she was feeling him if for any reason because he had a Hummer (that he constantly kept telling us, but his shoes said pinto).

Bugaboo: Hey, how old are your friend kids?
Urban: Let’s see my son will be 20 and her sons should be like 17 & going on 19
Bugaboo: What? You ladies can not have kids that old
Urban: You can if you had them early.
Bugaboo: Wow. I have been talking to your friend and she seems like a nice person.
Urban: She is. She is an excellent catch. She owns her own home, nice job, car. Doing big things, no man.

Fight breaks out – at least they went outside. While he was outside, she is looking at me like she can kill me.

Urban: What’s up? I am surprised by your choice. Ew
Friend: What the fuck is wrong with you? No more drinks.
Urban: What are you talking about? I should tell you that.
Friend: I told his ass that I had a boyfriend, but naw you tell him all this shit about me and now I gave him my number.
Urban: Oh snap, I thought you liked ol’boy you been hemmed up over there for a minute.
Friend: YES with me telling him, I was in a happy committed relationship.
Urban: Damn. Well, you know its been a minute. Although I was wondering why the hell you was talking to this dude, I figured you decided to lower your standards for the Hummer.
Friend: Bitch we ain’t 18.
Urban: Pretty much, plus he might have a hummer, but he lives out of it, did you see his shoes and the fur coming up out of the shirt.
Friend: Exactly, so why was you giving him my damn info.

I really thought she was trying to get put on, plus I was not paying them any mind. I was talking to my new friend.

New friend
While at the bar, this regular chick comes and sits beside me at the bar. She looks at me and ask if the kitchen is still open.

Urban: I have no clue. (HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW)
NewBFF: Kim, is the bar still open? (YELLING) Kim, I know you heard me. Girl I am hungry.
Kim tells her no.
NewBFF: Shit, I finning to get me something to eat. Aw shit that is my jam right there. You like that song. (bumping me the whole time, while she dance and scream the words)
Urban: It’s okay.
NBFF: Man, I am about to get something to eat. Watch my spot.
Urban: Um, okay. (when did we buddy up?)

About 10 minutes go by and she reappears. How come she went next door or somewhere and got some chicken wings, mumbo sauce and French fries? The shit smelled good, but did you really just go some where else buy food and come back into the club?

NBFF: You want some wings? I got a lot? Come on girl get you one.
Urban: Naw, I’m good. I ate before I got here.

Just Wow all around. My friend is still mad at me.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Mr. Stefon is Practicing Voo.doo

Here me out. I do not know if he is after me or Anger Mgmt......or both.

Anger Mgmt and Mr. Stefon room is next to each other. I noticed a couple times this thing sitting by her door, but kinda thought nothing of it. Then I saw it again and decided to check it out.

Urban: Whose thing is that?
Mr. Stefon: Mine.
Urban: Why is it in the hallway and in front of your sister door?
Mr. Stefon: No reason, its just there.
Urban: I said, ain't that sweet you are trying to protect your sister.
Mr. Stefon: No I am not. I mean I love her and everything, but she just not right.
Urban: All that is so sweet!! Anger Mgmt, you hear your brother say he loves you.
Anger Mgmt: So, I don't care he better move that thing.
Mr. Stefon: Ma see what I got to deal with.
Urban: That's not right, he was really being nice to you.
Anger Mgmt: I know, I was just playing (yeah right), I love him too.

I go downstairs get some water come back up the steps and what is in front of my door......


Urban: Mr. Stefon, can you come get your friend, I am cool daddy will protect me.

That shit is scary.

Sir, would you like your balls back?

Balls served on a platter with a side of wtf!!

Now, I told you the story of my mean cousins – really the damn women, just nasty. Well, These folks I am about to tell you about is his brother (dude w/the Directv color suit that looks like a Chester and his sister who spits venom.

Family sitting on the porch, you know how the good ole southern homes are with the wrap around porches all we needed was some sweet ice tea. A discussion came up about who will look after my great-aunt (they are mean because of their daddy because she is a sweetie) who was visiting to take care of her son, but was not eating or taking care of herself.

Aunt Mean For No Damn Reason owns a couple house in N.C., but lives in M.D. She comes out to the porch to talk to us after arguing with a tenant. We know because she was loud as hell, while the tenant walked by us, saying, you better get my money right.

Mean For No Damn Reason: I don’t want momma in the house by herself down here. She is not eating or anything and I would take off work but I can not come and go like I use to since they are riffing people in Maryland, we will all have to come up with a schedule.
Butterfly: I forgot you work for the government of MD, they are riffing the county too.
Chester: I will take care of Momma, don’t worry. I have become very domesticated the past two days. Inga will love it when I get back.
MFNDR: How are you going to take care of momma? What about your family?
Chester: This is my family
MFNDR: I understand this is your family, but lets’ get real. You have a wife and kids in VA that you have to take care of first.
Chester: I understand that, but she will not mind.
MFNDR: Well, its not like you are working or anything. So if Inga is okay with you not looking for a job that is between you all.

Chester looked at her like, he wanted to slap her but he did not say anything.

DAYHUM, can you give that man his balls back. She did not have to put that man on front street in front of everyone. I can't imagine growing up with her and just to think her sister is worse.

We leave to go to the hospital to visit my cousin and I start talking to Uncle June step-son who I have not seen in years.

Urban: Hey cuz! What’s up? I haven’t seen you in a minute. Your daughter looks just like your ass. She is 17 and I have not seen her since she was a baby.
Proud Jailer: Nothing much just trying to stay out of jail.
Urban: What?
PJ: Trying to stay out of jail.
Urban: That’s a given. I thought everyone was trying to stay out of jail. I think that is the ultimate goal right. Work ain’t hard. Don’t do shit to go to jail.

WTF!! That comment really worked my nerves because it should not be hard to stay out of jail. I mean, I do not know about you, but I do not think the prisons are asking for applications or running ads for empty or crowded jail cells. Furthermore, I didn’t know this fool was locked up so why tell me all that. Why not say, I’m good cuz AND you? When we saw his dad, he was like um, I am going to talk to my P.O. and all this other shit. I just rolled my eyes. When me and Butterfly got on the road we talked about the ball cutting and that conversation was too damn funny when it got to him she was clueless.

Urban: Why was he so proud to talk about jail?
Butterfly: Who?
Urban: Proud Jailer
Butterfly: He was locked up?
Urban: Didn’t you hear him tell Uncle June about his P.O.?
Butterfly: Isn’t that the
Urban: Hell naw, that is JAIL – probation officer, parole officer.
Butterfly: Oh, I just knew he was talking about the service.