Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Sir, would you like your balls back?

Balls served on a platter with a side of wtf!!

Now, I told you the story of my mean cousins – really the damn women, just nasty. Well, These folks I am about to tell you about is his brother (dude w/the Directv color suit that looks like a Chester and his sister who spits venom.

Family sitting on the porch, you know how the good ole southern homes are with the wrap around porches all we needed was some sweet ice tea. A discussion came up about who will look after my great-aunt (they are mean because of their daddy because she is a sweetie) who was visiting to take care of her son, but was not eating or taking care of herself.

Aunt Mean For No Damn Reason owns a couple house in N.C., but lives in M.D. She comes out to the porch to talk to us after arguing with a tenant. We know because she was loud as hell, while the tenant walked by us, saying, you better get my money right.

Mean For No Damn Reason: I don’t want momma in the house by herself down here. She is not eating or anything and I would take off work but I can not come and go like I use to since they are riffing people in Maryland, we will all have to come up with a schedule.
Butterfly: I forgot you work for the government of MD, they are riffing the county too.
Chester: I will take care of Momma, don’t worry. I have become very domesticated the past two days. Inga will love it when I get back.
MFNDR: How are you going to take care of momma? What about your family?
Chester: This is my family
MFNDR: I understand this is your family, but lets’ get real. You have a wife and kids in VA that you have to take care of first.
Chester: I understand that, but she will not mind.
MFNDR: Well, its not like you are working or anything. So if Inga is okay with you not looking for a job that is between you all.

Chester looked at her like, he wanted to slap her but he did not say anything.

DAYHUM, can you give that man his balls back. She did not have to put that man on front street in front of everyone. I can't imagine growing up with her and just to think her sister is worse.

We leave to go to the hospital to visit my cousin and I start talking to Uncle June step-son who I have not seen in years.

Urban: Hey cuz! What’s up? I haven’t seen you in a minute. Your daughter looks just like your ass. She is 17 and I have not seen her since she was a baby.
Proud Jailer: Nothing much just trying to stay out of jail.
Urban: What?
PJ: Trying to stay out of jail.
Urban: That’s a given. I thought everyone was trying to stay out of jail. I think that is the ultimate goal right. Work ain’t hard. Don’t do shit to go to jail.

WTF!! That comment really worked my nerves because it should not be hard to stay out of jail. I mean, I do not know about you, but I do not think the prisons are asking for applications or running ads for empty or crowded jail cells. Furthermore, I didn’t know this fool was locked up so why tell me all that. Why not say, I’m good cuz AND you? When we saw his dad, he was like um, I am going to talk to my P.O. and all this other shit. I just rolled my eyes. When me and Butterfly got on the road we talked about the ball cutting and that conversation was too damn funny when it got to him she was clueless.

Urban: Why was he so proud to talk about jail?
Butterfly: Who?
Urban: Proud Jailer
Butterfly: He was locked up?
Urban: Didn’t you hear him tell Uncle June about his P.O.?
Butterfly: Isn’t that the
Urban: Hell naw, that is JAIL – probation officer, parole officer.
Butterfly: Oh, I just knew he was talking about the service.



Anonymous said...

I have a cousin who spends so much time in jail, that the last time I heard about him being arrested, the police had taken him to his momma house first so that he could drop his bike and food stamp card off. That's customer service for ya!

Sheila said...

That's a new one... Butterfly thinking PO is synonymous with the