Thursday, December 31, 2009

Happy New Years

Hey ya'll! Have a happy and safe new years eve!!

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Mommy and Daddy sitting in the tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G gross

Thanksgiving Day.

My mom came over to spend Turkey Day with us and we were all having a good time except her phone was ringing off the hook. Guess who was calling? Yes. You guessed it my father (vomit). Anger Mgmt asked her why was she laughing so loud and who was she talking too? Your grandfather.

Urban: How is grandma doing?
MaDukes: I don’t know I haven’t seen her yet.
Urban: Wait. Didn’t you call me last week with dad and you were there?
MaDukes: Well, I went over your father house to go up there but we never made it there.
Urban: Huh?
MaDukes: Yeah, then it got too late and then I was going to go again but we didn’t make it.
Urban: Lawd.
MaDukes: What?
Urban: Nothing

Anger Mgmt: Grandma, how many times have you been over granddad house because it sounds like a lot.
MaDukes: Burst out laughing.
Urban: I know AM, I just was letting her keep talking because she will tell you everything. Don’t show your hand. Go on mommy keep talking.

So, I hear my mother whispering on the phone and she is telling my father that she has all her clothes with her (she washed her clothes at my house) and she is laughing and she told him he didn’t have to fold her clothes and all this crap. EWE, EWE, Muthaflucking EWE.

My mothers’ hair was looking kinda crazy so I decided to wrapped and curled it for her and she looked cute. Why did I do that? Could not tell her nuthin!!

She was back on the phone with my father and all of a sudden she started talking about how she needed to go home and all this crap and I am like WHAT. You are suppose to stay the night. Mr. Conservative told her no way, but then gave in and told her he would take her over there. DISGUSTING!!

Urb why are you so angry. You said your mother has been looking for someone to fulfill the void your stepdad left and hey it’s your dad. Let me tell you what I told my mother before she left.

Mommy, why are you laughing like this is the best thing in the world. I understand you are grown and all but this man has not changed. You told me earlier that when he saw you he said he was not gonna let you go again (throw-up) and you laughed it off and he said he would kill you first. THEN after I did your hair, and Mr. Conservative said you looked nice he said why is he looking at you, tell him to keep his eyes on me. Now he knows Mr. Conservative and I do not think he is joking. You think because he is old he can not do anything. I do not like it at all he is still talking violent and you just laugh it up like it is the coolest thing.

She responded by telling me she can handle herself and that he is too old to do hurt any damn body and that she is trying to help him get his life together he asked her too.

WTF, can a sane person beat her over the head and tell her to get her damn ducks in a row, but I digress. I told her he has been doing just fine all these years.

Whatever, just nasty on so many levels.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

My father called me.

I never listen to my answering machine. My house phone is around because it is older than Mr. Stefon, so I keep it for sentimental reasons.

If you want me you should call my cell phone most people knows this. However, some that know are just plain crazy. Meaning, my uncle and sister who continue calling my home number and wonder why I do not return their call. IDIOTS call my cell.

One morning I was dressed early so I decided to check my answering service and the very last phone call was from my father. Yup, you heard me, my father.

So, I waited until I got off work to call him, because I didn’t want to call him from my cell phone number. He has my cell phone number but do not remember it and I want to keep it that way. He will keep me on the phone for hours and do not understand it when you tell him I’m at work.

Anywho, during the conversation my father told me my grandmother was in a nursing home. I told him I wanted information on where she was so I could visit her. Although, I really do not have “feelings” for him, I do have “feelings” for her.

Earlier in the day when I spoke to my mother, I told her my father called and she told me she wanted his phone number. If you all remember, I told you before they both always ask for each other’s number and I always cock block. Which was easy to do in the past because my mother was in Georgia and my father was here in the city.

While I was talking to my dad I told him my mother wanted his phone number and was it okay for me to give it her and he said sure. Later, when I spoke to my mother, I told her about my grandmother and she told me she wanted to see my grandmother. I gave her my fathers number.

A couple days later I am at home chilling watching t.v. and my mother calls me and is laughing like she is 16.

Ma Dukes: Someone wants to speak to you.
Urban: No!!!!! (my mother has a habit of putting people on the damn phone)
Father: Hey
Urban: Hello?
Father: Hey babygirl.
Urban: Oh, hi.
Father: Yeah, I am here with your mother. Do you have a problem with that?
Urban: WHAT?
Father: Yeah you don’t have a problem with us hanging out do you.
Urban: (throw up a little bit in my mouth) I am busy, tell my mother to call me back later. Bye.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! Dude leave me a lone.

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

My sister ain't staying here!!

My sister is a trip. We kept in touch kinda after she left. She would send me pictures of her and the family – like 20 at one time –WTF, send it in an email and not a text but whatever. Nevertheless, I did not say anything I have free text message and she was being cordial and I was trying to forget the shady stuff she pulled yet again with my mother keeping the girls this summer. I am not even going to talk about it or this story will be VERY long, which this one will be kinda.

Thanksgiving my sister called and we talked for a minute and had a good time on the phone talking about past Turkey days, like my mother ex-boyfriend putting greens in the dishwasher. Man those were the greenest greens I ever saw. He tried to convince us that that is how they do it in the south. Yes, folks he was born and bred in the south, but he could not cook. How did those greens taste? I have no clue, it was no way in hell we were eating them damn things.

Anywho, after she got off the phone with me, she spoke to Mr. Stefon and I heard Mr. Stefon say –

Mr. Stefon: Where you staying?
Mr. Stefon: Over grandma house?
Mr. Stefon: No, you must be staying over grandma house because you aint staying over here.
Mr. Stefon: No I don’t. Love you to Aunt …..

My mother the family instigator gets on the phone and she is dying laughing. I mean crying. She then says, he said what? My sister told my mother that Mr. Stefon got a smart mouth. She told him that she might come up for Xmas and he told her that she could not stay at our house. She asked him did he pay any bills in the house. She said he was too grown.

Of course, I told him he should not have said that and commenced to laughing, because the shit is funny.

A week later, my mother calls –

Mommy: Hey sweetie.
Urban: Hey mommy, what you doing (YES I still call her that and will always),
Mommy: Nothing. You speak to your sister.
Urban: No. (a here we go moment).
Mommy: Oh, did you know she is coming up here for Christmas.
Urban: Nope. I don’t know where she is staying she hasn’t spoken to me.
Mommy: I think she wants to stay at your house and she told me that she would be here for 3 weeks.
Urban: WTF. Not my house, especially for three weeks. Mommy tell your daughter the next time you speak to her that she cannot stay at my house.
Mommy: (laughing) Well she is not staying at my house, because I told her she can not sleep on my sofas and she said she is not sleeping on the floor and she was very comfortable at your house and she wants to spend time with her nephew.
Urban: Mommy don’t play with me. Seriously tell your brat to call me or tell her no. I would hate for her to travel real far and not have a place for her to stay.

This hussy did not offer to pay for NOTHING why her party of 10 was here. Granted I wasn’t expecting it either I had enough food (thanks Costco) for all their asses, but still her ass could have offered she didn’t. AND the worse part her ass would not lift a finger to do anything. She was suppose to help and she was like I don’t do anything before I put my makeup on – GTFOH. Makeup do not make you fry chicken better. I swear she makes me want to FUCK HER UP! Yes I said it.

Moving on. Guess who calls me yesterday? Yup my mother – sure was not that sister of mine.

Mommy: Hey baby girl, haven’t spoken to you (yes she has, so I know something up). How the kids and my son in law?
Urban: They are doing fine. You speak to that brother of mine?
Mommy: No, I think he is ignoring my calls (smart man), I would like to see my grandkids even if its for five minutes. (Manipulator).
Urban: Well he might have his reasons for not calling he might be busy.
Mommy: Maybe you can call him for me and then……
Urban: Okay I will when I hang up(translated HELL NO, that’s between ya'll).
Mommy: Your sister called me and said she may not come now because someone broke in her truck and…….
Urban: Mommy, you are a very bad parent.
Mommy: laughing – why would you say that.
Urban: BECAUSE you would let your daughter come all the way up here and she would not have a place to stay. You should have told her to either call me OR tell her.
Mommy: dying laughing – Well, its not my responsibility. She is not coming.
Urban: Okay, responsibility, when all 10 of them is in your 1 bedroom apt you will understand because I am not playing with ya’ll.
Mommy: I won’t be home.
Urban: Nor will I. The Inn will be closed.

They get on my nerves. Like I told my mother the hussy and her clan ain’t staying at my house. Why Urban? What is the real issue? Why don’t you call her? It’s the principality of the whole damn thing. I ain’t calling her ass because as far as I am concerned, I don’t know shit about it since she was not woman enough to call me. Therefore, I ain’t doing SHIZZNIT!! I would never think I can just stay over someone house. I would ask you first. How in the hell do you just go over someone house. Futhermore, when did schools start letting out for three weeks? That sounds fishy, she may never try to leave.

Next up. Old school - New school creeping. I just threw up a little bit typing that.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Relationship woes - Have you seen Urban?

Finding Urban. Have you seen her?

Well I have, but if I wrote this post a couple months ago……not so much.

See when you’re the strong one, mommy, “best daughter”, super wife, and all around chica. You can get lost.

Well I did just that.

My relationship with my husband is tight, however, there were times around the summer when I could not find myself. My husband and the kids were working my left nerve. EVERYONE got on my damn nerves – yup if you could breathe, pretty much, yeah you got on my nerves.

Normally, I brush the shit off and keep it moving, but for some reason this shit was bothering me.

I have always communicated because I know that it is key, it is not a saying. It is true and I NORMALLY live by it but I got to the point where I did not want to hear what folks were saying and I did not want to talk about it.

One thing we both have always had is laughter. We joke all the time and we have this saying, when I do not feel like he is doing what needs to be done, I will ask him “where the hell is my pedestal?” – no I am not crazy or think I am a queen. It is just a saying to know - hey dude pay attention to me, he has a saying to when he wants me to listen, but I will leave that one out.

We never really had to make room for each other. Our parents always got the kids for weekends or my mom for the summers in VA or GA. We had 9-5 jobs for most of our coupledom and off on the weekends. It was easy to count on him being there. When I went to school for undergrad he would be there in the evening and took care of the kids. Allowed me to study until 2 in the morning and make the kids leave me alone and did not complain. When I was clubbing HARD, he was there to make sure they were well fed and homework completed. When I was a workaholic, yup, he was there doing his thang. So much so, as I told ya’ll before Mr. Stefon teacher did not know who I was and at my oldest son 8th grade graduation he gave Mr. Conservative a rose for being the one who supported him the most during the school year (still a little peeved about that one can you tell!), but it was the truth. I cannot lie, he was/is father of the year.

Sometimes, I do not know how I or he did it because I was determined to have my cake and ice cream. Meaning I wanted to be on the Dean’s List (accomplished – mama ain’t no idiot), plus I wanted to party like it was 1999 and come home and be Mrs. Cleaver and a video vixen (FOR MY HUSBAND ONLY). And I did. We made it work.

We always made time for each other. I had a schedule – work, school, study, party, take care home and repeat again.

Fastforward to the summer time and it all became somewhat of a stand still. My husband was working hard and he got a promotion. However, with working hard his schedule changed no more working early in the a.m. and home by 2. He was working all kinds of crazy hours. The kids began to complain because they missed having their dad at home and then on a couple of occasion going to sleep with both parents not home because I would be at school and he would be at work. Well, it affected Mr. Stefon the most because his bedtime is 8 – no if and’s, but’s about it.

Then it got to the point were we were not going out on our dates and spending that much needed time together. I mean damn we been together all this time and NOW it becomes a problem. I did not want to be that girl that said – how come we don’t spend enough time together –when I knew he was at work.

Of course, I do what I normally do shut down. Plus, at this time I was having issues with the world. I think my mantra was Fuck the world don’t ask me for shit (thanks Method for the verse).

My husband is a good husband asking me what’s wrong? How can he fix it? He really was/is a trooper and what did I do? Make his life a living hell.

This is why when I did write I said I was writing in my journal. I knew something was wrong with me but what. Who knows? I go through these bouts were everyone and their momma gets on my last damn nerve.

So I picked up my journal which I have not written in, but I believe I told ya’ll I found it a couple months ago. Talk about that later too. But any who, I have not written in this thing since I believe 2000 but it was calling me.

See one good trait I have, (which I have many by the way, back to the blog) Is that sooner or later, I will take a look at myself and analyze my actions. I realized that I was doing two things. One I was being selfish. Here is the one time he was being selfish enough to work on his career and I was throwing a fit because I was not getting his attention. He never complained about me working long hours or anything. If he did I didn’t hear him or don’t remember. Now the clubbing he complained about a little, but even then it was I don’t want you to go but if you want to, go ahead. You know I ran with that and laced up my nike boots and was out the door. I mean seriously, I was clubbing hard, like going to work and school full-time, and clubbing maybe 3 times a week. But I came home, and tried to make up for it by taking the kids out on the weekend and buying their love basically. I was young then. Not an excuse, but a fact. I wasn’t always clubbing but for about two years, yeah, problem.

Second problem, somewhere in the last year I lost me. I got dependent on him always being there. I go out with my friends and everything, but our time together was important; and when he was off he was tired and wanted to sleep and I would poke my lips out like I was two and had tantrums until he would say – okay lets go where you want to go, but I can’t stay out too late because I have to be to work at 5 am, which meant he leaves the house around 4:30. Now a rational person would say okay, or maybe we should stay in and make do. But a crazy woman, which would be me, would say just forget it I don’t want to go any more with all those stipulations. Yeah, I know, I know. I was being an ass. But that is what I was being - a major jackass. Now if the man would have lost his job for not working I would have lost my damn mind, but heck I was not thinking about that, well yeah I was. I was not saying do not work, I was saying make time. Again, back to problem number one being selfish.

Anywho, life is much better in our household. Once I stopped acting like an ass and taking a good, hard, long look at myself and my actions. But, in my defense like I told him, you spoiled me and made me this way and its hard being on a pedestal and then dropped kicked off. I was use to our time, and like I tell anyone, I like coming home to my husband and kids. I actually still like them. I laugh and joke and call them names, but would not trade them in. Furthermore, I had to tell him although we have each other we need to keep each other interested. I do not want one of those random relationships were people are just there and no passion or intimacy, bump all that. You need to continue acting like you met me yesterday, do not take it for granted that I am here. You need to still do them moves you use to do ya dig, and I will still do them things that got you in the first place. Just saying.

Marriage, family, relationships are not easy, but they are what you make them.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

R U Ready 4 Some Football

It is snowing in D.C. and I love it!! I am rounding up the troops and were about to go play football in the snow! Its been years since we did this because the snow haven't been that great. Okay gotta go find many pants and tops to put on......

Liar, Liar Pants on Fire

He was lying. He did not get no damn dog. He just wanted to work my dang on nerves. I swear I will have hypertension because of school, work, and his crazy behind.

However, he is not slick. I told ya'll before he has been joking about bringing a damn dog home. I think he is trying to prepare me, but he better not. A dog can not replace a child. He wants a baby, but don't want a baby and his replacement is a animal.

Friday, December 18, 2009

My husband better be lying!!

I just got a phone call.

Urban: Hey, they told me you called me.
Mr. Conservative: Where you at? You left work?
Urban: No, I was away from my desk. What's up?
Mr. Conservative: I did something.
Urban: Oh lord, what?
Mr. Conservative: You promise not to be mad.
Urban: Hell no Mr. Stefon. Stop playing I am trying to leave work.
Mr. Conservative: I got a puppy.
Urban: Bullshit!
Mr. Conservative: Serious beans.
Urban: Man whatever. Stop playing. I do not have time for jokes, I am 5 minutes pass my time to roll. Bye.

Lord, I hope his ass is lying. For real. Please let this man I love be lying before I have to harm him on a Friday. I have carpet throughout my damn house and the plan was to wait for hardwood and a puppy can't stay outside tonight because it will snow.........or can it?

I swear fo GAWD!!!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Vote for what you want to hear about first!

Hey ya'll. I miss you gals. I have been trying to figure out what story should I tell you all about first. Let’s see:

- My relationship roller coaster/woes. (past tense because it is back on crackalackin)
-House issues – Do you really need hot water to wash your arse or maybe not.
- People from the past.
- Conversations with Urb
- Old romance, now new romance – let me just say ewe – about to throw up.
- Haters – friend or a friend edition
- Haters – blog hate – not me, but I think I might have a passive/aggressive hater. I have been thinking about blogging about this, but um, I really do not care. I might just put it out there. Am I feeling froggy????????
- Customer service is a mofo.
- My sister what and going to stay where?
- Classmate drank who shizznit? (old, but brought it up once, but never discussed as usual)
- Apple Martini, and a shoe sitting outside – never again (old, again said I would discuss but didn’t)
- Reflections

Put your vote in, either way, I am pretty sure I will cover all these and then some.

My life, my life, my life in the sunshine. If you look at my life and see what I see....

Off to happy hour with my school peeps!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

I'm Alive!!

Yes ma'am another semester down and three more to go!! I got plenty of stories coming soon.

I am so happy to be DONE.......well until January.

Hope everyone is well. What have you all been up to?