Tuesday, March 31, 2009

What are you listening to?

Hey folks!! What are you listening to?

I use to love Kanyeeze when he first came out, until he started talking and I realized he is crazy. Okay, I still love him, he is just complex, or so he says. This song did not get heavy rotation on the radio (thank GOD or I would hate it). But if you listen to it, it is one of his best songs. Especially if your job is working that nerve.



One of the best line - If my manager insults me again, I will be assaulting him....

Another - I've been working this graveshit and I aint made shit. I wish I could buy me a space ship and flllllyyyy.

So what are you jamming to today?

Monday, March 30, 2009

Chitter Chatter from the Memorial Service

Memorial Service

The memorial service was nice. I got to see family of course. Butterfly, her sister Peaches (the one I told you use to hold our lips to help us speak properly, not torture, just training) and their mom (my nana) was there. It was lovely. However, I was a little scared to attend the service because when I spoke to my mother the day before. She told me that there was going to be haters at the funeral because of what she was going to wear. Um, I was not looking forward to that. I never know what the hell to expect since my stepdad died. Lawd, what happened to my mother, who knew how to dress - like my mommy. Oh well, she is still the same person just hoochafied. Well, the day of the memorial service she looked appropriate and nice…...I wonder if I will get a donk the older I get, because Ma Dukes did not have an ass when I was coming up, but she sure got one now. Just wondering…

People are always trying to hook up somewhere after a funeral. Not my house.

Uncle H: Where are you about to go?
Urban: Over Godsister #1 house. (no hesitation)
Godsister #1: Your ass lie so easily.
Urban: Shut up
Uncle H & Ma Dukes: What you say?
Urban: I said, we about to go over Godsister #1 house and hang with her husband and kids.

NOT MY HOUSE. OH HELL NAW.

My uncle is too funny. I called my mom later in the day.

Urban: Hey mommy, where are you two at?
Mommy: Just dropped off Aunt “I don’t know to well.” (she is my great-aunt from NYC)
Uncle H: Ask Urban if she saw….
Mommy: Did you hear your Uncle?
Urban: No.
Mommy: He wants to know if you saw Count Dracula?

I am dying laughing because dude did look like Count Dracula!! Sad part he was my cousin.

Urban: Who is he talking about Iggy? Yes I saw him. Ask Uncle H if he saw Disco Dan with the Neon Blue Suit.
Mommy: Yes, we saw him.
Uncle H: Yeah. I also saw him squeeze your knee that is why I came over there. I thought you were going to hit him over the head.
Urban: No, I was not but he still scares me. Something is not right with him. (he looks like a Chester)

Mr. Stefon said he looked like the DirectTV light!! I thought I would pee in my pants. Ya’ll his suit was the SAME color as the Direct TV light.

Uncle H: Where are you at?
Urban: Um, going to Costco. (another lie)

Speaking of Mr. Stefon. When we first got to the Memorial and my Uncle came upstairs, he saw Anger Mgmt and gave her a hug and asked me about College Boy (over his dad house) and Mr. Stefon.

Uncle H: Where is baby boy at?
Urban: Somewhere around here with the kids.

Uncle H goes looking for him. Everyone loves Mr. Stefon because he is crazy. Uncle H finds him, daps him up and comes back looking disturbed.

Uncle H: Man you need to take that boy and get his damn hair cut. I told him he can’t get the ladies with his hair like that.
Urban: Uncle, I told him to cut his hair (he has a bush), but he is growing it to get dreads.
Uncle H: (remember we are in church) I don’t give a fuck, get that damn boy hair cut, he looks like a damn African (big ups to my African readers if there are any).
Urban: Uncle H you know you in a church.
Uncle H: AND. I am Catholic, what are they going to do to me. Did you get your fishing license yet?
Urban: BYE, Uncle H.

He is who he is. Always have been. He told me that he does not want a funeral because he does not want fake ass people standing over top of him lying.

Okay one more. When I had College Boy he asked me was I going to breast feed so I can get some titties. Yes inappropriate but simply him.

Friday, March 27, 2009

Road Trip from HELL

Road Trip from Hell.

Now, Butterfly and I had no problems arriving in North Carolina. The only thing I would change is our start time. She did not get to my house until 12.30. To me that is kinda late since we are going to turn BACK around and come back home the same day. I personally think we should have left early a.m.

Coming home. Lawd, it was a hot mess. We get on the road at 6 something and should be back in D.C. by 10 something at least that is what the GPS told us.

We get on the road, she forgot she did not give him his card. Do you know she turned BACK around to take the card back!! Damn, we can’t mail it to him?

Then we start back AGAIN on the road and soon as we get on it

Butterfly: Are you hungry?
Urban: No.
Butterfly: Well I like to eat before it gets too late.
Urban: Um, okay.


30 minutes later

Butterfly: Why don’t we stop and get something to eat.
Urban: OKAY


Now folks, I am a seasoned rider. I would think that we should have either a) ate before we started the trip or b) ate at least midway through. Damn!!

We pull off the highway and start searching for places to eat. I am thinking fast food so we can grab and go. Um, nope!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Butterfly: I am not eating meat for Lent.
Urban: okay
Butterfly: Do you still like pizza?
Urban: Yes


How come she pulls up to Piz.za H.ut???????????? WTF!! I try to order a personal pi.zza and she said no it would be better if we order a medium. Man what ever, I am not even hearing you right now. So, I try to keep calm. Then I hear the lady say it will be 45 minutes!

Urban: Did you hear the lady say how long it will take?
Butterfly: Yeah, it will be okay. Come on we got time to kill lets go over there.
Urban: WHERE? (a fucking parking lot, what are we going to see)
Butterfly: Let’s go into the ABC package store.


Now people the only thing she drinks is wine. Why are we going in here? Why is it not called a liquor store? Why do we discuss this?

Butterfly: Where is the wine section?
Urban: There isn’t any.


Fine ass dude standing next to us. You have to go to the Walmart if you want Wine. Butterfly begins to embarrass me by yelling out the prices of every damn thing. Dude and I are discussing the price of Patron and how he mix his drinks for the ladies. She comes and add her two cents. Urban, do your husband drink that stuff? Why, lawd? Why!! Why didn’t she just tell the guy I was married, he can tell by the ring AND I wasn’t even doing anything. Just helping my fellow American with his purchases and trying to learn something new since I have FORTY-FIVE MINUTES TO KILL BECAUSE OF YOU!! Oh and if you can’t afford the alcohol (which she can) don’t go yelling out prices. I hate when people do that shit. Look at a menu and have to fucking scream 23 dollars for shrimp. Look and don’t buy. Ugh. She proceeds to ask the owners what do ABC stand for and then look at all the miniature liquors and tell them that they were charging too much for that little bit of stuff.

We leave there and then she wants to go in St.aples, the damn place was closing. Blinking lights and all and she is STILL trying to shop. She bought a fucking reduced pen. We leave and walk back across the street to PH and get the damn pizza. It was okay, but yeah, I probably couldn’t enjoy any way.

We get back on the road and it is STAND STILL TRAFFIC because it was an accident. Mind you it was NOT one when we exited the highway. It was a horrific accident and because of all the rubber necking it took us an hour to crawl by. I swear they really should get those white screens and put up so people can just drive and be thankful its not them.

Back on the road, happy going on. Getting closer and closer. She kept asking me about this place in VA that we passed on the way down and she wants to STOP in on the way back.

Urban: Your talking about Fredrickburgs
Butterfly: No I have been there several time but I don’t think that is it.
Urban: My parents use to take us there all the time, its Fredrickburg (I did tell ya’ll I use to live in VA, um yeah)


We drive another hour or two. She said. Here it is lets take this exit to get gas and maybe stop at the WALMART. Dude are you fucking killing me!!! WHAT THE FUCK!! I can’t say anything, so I just sit there saying how could the ride be so lovely coming down and now it has turned into Hell.

Butterfly: How do I get to the other side of the street.
Urban: I don’t know
Butterfly: I remember this I have been here before.
Urban: Well, why don’t we just take 95 South and it will put us on THAT side of the highway.
Butterfly: Good idea.


She don’t take my advice because as she is driving a little further looking for the exit she says, here it is.

Urban: No it is not we didn’t get to the other side.
Butterfly: Yeah this is it, because I have been here before. They have really changed this mall. Everything is closed.
Urban:
I give her the fucking side eye and don’t say shit. I keep my mouth closed because THIS IS NOT THE PLAZA!! I said yup, your right, we did get over here. I know for a FACT it is not the shop. Besides my parents taking us there. I had Mr. Stefon party there, other family members at parties there because it has laser tag, mini golf and all that good stuff but hell, I don’t care. Yup auntie you found it even if the one your talking about is way on the other side of the street and have BRIGHT ASS LIGHTs. If you go down 95S you have seen it, it is a big ass mall on your right hand side. Jeez.

Is the story over. Nope.

So we stop at the Wa.Wa. Stretch it out wake up and gas up and we start buying stuff. She said I need some potassium, we can stop at the Walmart. Well I got my damn voice back.

Urban: I am pretty sure they have something with potassium in here.
Butterfly: Yeah, but it will be expensive.
Urban: That’s cool I WILL PAY FOR IT.
Butterfly: I can’t let you do that and I don’t want juice.
Urban: Oh you won’t have to drink juice, look at all that stuff in the case and they got the M&M’s you wanted.
Butterfly: The bag is too small, I want a big bag.
Urban: You better get two or three bags and I will pay because we are not going to Wally World.
Butterfly: Well you said you wanted ice cream and you would have a better selection. We have to drive right by it to leave.
Urban: We are not going to Wally World I will survive.


You know she tried. You know her ass did not succeed. I did not get into the damn house until 12-1 something. That is ridiculous. If I travel with her again I will have to set some ground rules.

My cousin memorial is tomorrow in D.C. he wanted to be cremated.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Court Case Part II

Judge: Did you all come up with an agreement.
Deadbeat lawyer: No your honor I tried, but he was on the phone the entire time.
Judge: DICKWARD, I told you to go out and negotiate. If I thought calling your partner would change things, I would have called him MYSELF. I want the minor child here in 3 hours, Full Custody to Mr. Deadbeat.

BFF starts crying.

Deadbeat lawyer: Your honor we are ready to negotiate.
Judge: I want the minor child here in 3 hours, if she is not I will lock up BFF.

Deadbeat lawyer: Can I approach the bench.
Judge: Yes

I am watching this and figured that her attorney is telling the judge that the child is in NORTH CAR.OLINA and he is shaking his head and turning red.

The judge swears her in, ask if she was in school, name of school, her address, when she went down. She gave all info.

BFF: Your honor, Fuckface saw his daughter in Sept 08 and everything went downhill from there. I never meant to keep him away from his child, he always had access to her UNTIL the judge in MD suspended his visitation rights. She then proceed to talk about the harassment and stalking stuff.
Judge: We are not here to discuss the protection order, that is for another judge to decided.

GTFOH, I said to myself, hmph, so this is how women get killed.

Deadbeat Lawyer: Your honor we do not want her to leave the courtroom. She was suppose to be arrested and the orders did not go through correctly. I would like her arrested now. I do not believe the child is in North C. because she filed another claim in MD in January and she used a MD address can you ask her about that.
Judge: Frankly, I agree with her can you answer that.
BFF: Yes, I have been in North C. and still live there. I used a MD address, because my address is SEALED, remember he is stalking me.
Deadbeat Lawyer: I still don’t believe her.
Judge: Do you have some type of proof that you reside in NC
BFF: Yes, my driver license.

She hands up the driver license and it shows she moved to NC in beginning October. The judges said well, everything matched what she told us. Her address she gave, the date she moved.

Deadbeat Lawyer: Your honor we don’t want her to leave she might flee.

WHAT THE FUCK, she has NEVER been in trouble before where is she going.

Dickwad: Your honor, she has given sworn testimony and she knows that if she lied she has perjured herself, what more do the lawyer want her to do.

Judge: He’s right.

Dickwad: Your honor my client is willing to negotiate. She wants everything to stay like it is and he can keep the child on the weekend.
Judge: Dickwad. I don’t think your client wants that because I GAVE CUSTODY TO FUCKFACE IN FEBRUARY and I don’t care what your client is WILLING to do. You might want to try again.
Deadbeat lawyer: Your honor, I have practice family law for 20 years. My client would like to have her in the summer and winter holidays.
Dickwad: Your honor my client would like to go back to the original agreement with him having her on the weekend.
Judge: YOU don’t get it. I do not care what she wants. Can you talk to me the way your suppose to!
Dickwad: Your honor we propose that the child stay with the mother because she is in school and he gets her on the weekend.
Judge: That’s better, but that was the original agreement and now that she is in North Carolina I don’t see how that is going to work. Also, she is 4 so I don’t see how her being taken out of school causes a problem.

I hear Dickwad talking to my friend and I hear her say no! Well will it be permanent and he said no.

Dickwad: Your honor we propose that the child go with the father full time and my client have every weekend.

I am sitting there saying NO, why the hell are you all giving everything, when he don’t want that!!!!! Her aunt is waving her hand all over the court room like the judge is going to call on her and he finally said. I don’t know who that is raising their hand but I am not answering them this is between them. A court attendant told her she does it again, she will be held in contempt.

His attorney looked at him and said do you want her full time and they both started smiling and said that sounds good to us, however, my client wants to spend time with her too and he can’t do that if she has her every weekend.

WAIT, he has her during the week come on now.

Well my BFF agreed.

She was given 48 hours to bring the child back and she gets to visit with the child on 1st and 3rd full weekend with exchange at the police station.

When she bought her up here for the exchange she was really happy as she got closer not so much. When she saw her dad she freaked out and said she did not want to go with him and was clinging to my BFF leg. The police told him to take her.

Oh and the little girl is already in counseling in NC because of her father by the way, but um yeah.

Someone looking/sitting in on this case. I was totally blown at the fact that the lawyer was SO incompetent. I could have represented her better. First of all the judge kept saying April 2007 was the last time he saw his child which was not true he saw her September 2008 that is when everything went down with him. Also, the judge in MD had her on the protection order and when she removed her, it still states that she is removing the child with prejudice and that he is a threat. AND, I never been in trouble before so I would never think that you can swear someone in over the phone. She called Rockville, problem is she needed to call DC. Also, HE ONLY WANTED SUMMER & WINTER. This dude gave away EVERYTHING. When I asked my BFF about it, she said he kept telling her to do it because they were going to lock her up. Aint that some shit.

The judge had every right to be HOT if someone is not doing what they are suppose to I am just happy that she did not get locked up and that he only have her until the end of April every thing will be decided then. I too believe a child should have both parents and I still think it is some other shady shit going on, but hey I already wrote a lot.

I told her, the problem with your case is Fuckface had a real attorney and you had a fuckup. I said you can keep using these people if you want to. She said, well the one on vacation is good. I said, oh really, the one who submitted documents and the judge didn’t know what the hell it was. I don’t think so. I said if the drug boys ain’t teach you shit, make sure you PAY for a real attorney, how else do they get out of shit when it is blatant (sometimes anyway). So as of Monday she got a REAL attorney and left them Wanksters alone. I asked her where in the HELL did she get them from and she said a mutual friend used them and got custody for all her daughters.

Men be careful who you lay down with if your not strapped and same thing ladies. His ass didn't turn into a fool overnight. I saw evil in his eyes when I first met him and so did everyone else. She chose to ignore it and look where she is. He does not want full custody of the child but hey, why not.

Court Case Part I

I have to break this up it is too big or I won't post. So here goes.

Before my BFF went to NC I asked her. Did you do everything you are supposed to do before you leave, since you both have joint custody. She said yes, the courts suspended his custody for 1 year since he was stal.king her and they put the child on her protection order. The judge was aware of the case, he even argued against it in court, but it went in her favor. This case was held in a MD court, however, the original custody order was issued in DC.

Now, I remember saying I wanted to blog about a phone call I had with my friend and did not, well here it go.

BFF: Girl, why someone call here playing. Talking about they were going to try and swear me in over the phone and all this other crap.
Urban: Can they do that?
BFF: I do not know what is going on, so I hung up. I called Rockville and asked them can they do that, and they said they never heard of that, no.
Urban: I have never heard anything like that before.
BFF: Right, so I am changing my phone number. He is always doing something.

Fast foward to court case.

She told me she hired a lawyer, but he was in Europe and his partner was coming to represent her. She asked him what happens if the judge will not allow a continuance. He said he will ask for a break and call the attorney to ask him how we should proceed (WTF).

Enter Court Room.

Judge makes a statement: Mr. Dickwad I am glad BFF have an attorney with her today, because I need to know why I should not lock her up for contempt of court, that is my plan today.

UM, WHAT THE FUCK!!


Attorney mumble some crap, and asked for the continuance.

Judge: Mr. Dickwad, I gotta tell you, I read through your partner submission and I have no clue what he is talking about.

Pump your breaks partner where in the Hell did she get these fools from.

Deadbeat Lawyer stated, your honor, I was wondering the same thing. I have tried to talk to Dumb Attorney #1, but he has refused my call. Ms. BFF does not fit under any of the reasons to continue this case, etc, etc.

Judge: I am not allowing the continuance.
Dickwad: Your honor can I have a short recess to call my Partner?
Judge: NO, if I thought that letting you call your partner would work I would. But, Ms. BFF has done everything in her power to not let this man see his child since April 2007 and she HUNG UP on me when I called her. She did not appear in court in February and therefore, I awarded Mr. Deadbeat FULL CUSTODY. I am really tired and frustrated with this case. I need you to tell me why I should not lock BFF up for contempt of court?
BFF: Your honor can I say something.
Judge: NO YOU CAN NOT! IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY, SAY IT TO YOUR ATTORNEY!!

I AM LIKE DAMMMMMMMMMNNNN,HE IS HAWT

Dickwad: Your honor she did not know that it was you, Mr. Fuckface has been harassing her and she has it noted, where she has called and complained of this. Also, until February 24th the child was on her protective order which suspended his visitations.
Judge: The judge in MD had no right to suspend his visitations; that is why after I contacted her she took the minor child off the protection order.

Judge: Look, I do not want to punish BFF. I believe a child should be raised by, both parents. We need to take a recess and have you two see if you can work out a deal because I should not have to do it.
Deadbeat lawyer: I tried your honor before, and nothing.
Judge: Things have changed, I believe it can be done.

Leave out the court room and my BFF is crying and can not be consoled because she isn’t used to someone yelling at her, and losing her child and may lose her freedom.

Deadbeat lawyer: Do you want to go somewhere and talk.
Dickwad: The judge gave us 10 minutes, I will talk in a minute.

Deadbeat lawyer shrugs her shoulder and this fool gets on the phone. WTF. He is calling Nige.ria and I am like sweetie, you need to talk to your lawyer because he is still on the phone and we need to get this resolved, you got a shot. This fool loses his connection calls again and cannot get through.

Court Clerk comes out and says the judge is ready for you. This fool says, can you ask for more time. She said I will try but I doubt it. I look at this fool and said. Sir, this is serious you were given time to negotiate. NEGOTIATE. The lady comes back out and said the judge is ready for you now. I AM HOT!! He THEN tries to talk to the other lawyer and she walks in the courtroom. He tries to talk to my BFF and hold her outside the court which means she will be late coming in. I said. LOOK, she is already in trouble, you had time to negotiate, not with her, but with the lawyer and you blew it we can’t be LATE going in, we already look bad. So he let her arm go and we go in.

You betta watch what you say to me!!

I have been on an emotional roller coaster for the past month. Don't know why. One minute tears or damn near close to it. Now I am angry. I am just irriated. I have been snapping at everyone or can't take the dumb shit. Normally I roll my eyes or whatever, but Nope. Someone looking at me too hard, I need to find out WHY ALL EYES ON ME. A classmate asking a dumb ass questions - I want to see your degree, because you should not be in Grad school asking what is an action verb GTFOH. Women and men making REPEATED dumb mistakes and then get with the dude and then come running back to you asking what should you do. Bitch leave his ass, he cheated 20 times (no joke), there will be a next time. I just can't. I have been MEAN. Mr. Conservative ain't talking to me right now, because he knows when I need my space. I snapped at his ass, so he knows after 17 years to fall back. Anywho, this is my anthem this morning.



Maybe its the music I listen too? NOPE.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Why do young girls want to be skrippers?

I would k.i.ll my daughter if I saw her on You.tube doing some dumb ass shit, like this or on Mau.ry who the baby daddy is? I can't take it.

First off I hate this song. What the hell is a stank.y le.g? I know we did crazy shit, but damn we didn't record it. I hate to see what they pull off of you.tube for the next prez in 20 years.



These little girls out CHERE!! Please mentor a young girl, because I mean wow. They record falling and getting messed up. When I was coming up, you did not want to be caught busting your ass, let alone recorded.

Moving on.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Update: Cousin, Dropoff, Mother, Backyard, Midterm

Cousin

Butterfly called me Sunday and told me my cousin died Saturday. Yup. I talked to my Uncle on the phone for like three hours Friday and we decided that we would go down next weekend once he got his car looked at to see Cousin June. Well, the decision to make now is – do we bring him back up here with family or leave him in N.C. He moved down to N.C. because his sister bought a couple houses down there and she wanted him to look after them. We really do not have family down there, well we do, but my uncle said that we haven’t seen them in over 30 years (I ain’t never seen them). My uncle said it will cost a lot of money so we might as well leave his ass down there. My husband thinks it is a waste of time as well, because he does not believe you should visit grave sites. I personally think that he should be up here, but that is just my opinion.

Mid-term

I have no clue how I did on my exams. If I had to guess I would say I probably got a C. Well, at least I am hoping for a C (I have never REALLY hoped for a C, but um, I will take it). I could not remember anything, so yeah, hoping for a C. She was not in class yesterday, she let us use her husband and I tell you I was begging people to stab me in my eye so I could leave the class. He was dry as hell and I can’t imagine he teaches History for High School. No wonder PG County have a high drop out rate – I’m just saying. My other class, I was late because of the court hearing, but it only took me 5 minutes to complete, maybe less. I hope I was not too fast, because I didn’t check over it; I had other crap on my mind, so yeah. I should get that back tomorrow.

Court Case

Well, my god-daughter had to go with her no good father on Friday. She was very excited when I spoke to her earlier in the day, but you know four year old are like that. UNTIL, she got closer to the time. She started saying she wanted to stay at grandma and grandpa house and maybe go to daddy house next time. Well, that was not the case. She got there and would not release her mother’s leg and when the father asked her to come here she screamed no, no, I don’t want you.

I will do a post tomorrow or one day this week, to let you know the whole scoop.

Bingo/Mother Health

Ma Dukes hit the lottery and have spending like she is Big Bank Harrietta. She took us out to eat and kept trying to slide me money. Now look a here. I NEED some money, but not right now. My mother needs it way more than I do. She is going to a cardiologist today, so we will see. She has habits she needs to change, say she is going to change and then don't so. You know what my mom told me and she should live by? A hard head makes a soft ASS.

Backyard

Carmell asked, what happened to the backyard, after the kids ACCURATE Description of the backyard with the gingerbread house. Well Mr. Conservative decided we needed to pull the grass up. I TRIED to tell him how hard it would be. Back breaking labor (momma ain't built for that). But nope, he said it should not be that hard because it is a small back yard. Well, he was right it is a small backyard, but it is still work. ESPECIALLY when your not using the proper tools. So, by the time he finished and half assed put down them grass seeds. Well its jacked up - except for my flowers which were not touched because they are on one side of the fence and he was not allowed to mess with them.

FO: Chevalier Mittens

One



Then there were two!!





Well I finished the Chevalier Mittens. I still don't like them that much, however they are very warm and I sure have been wearing them the past two weeks because of the up and down temps in Chocolate/Mocha City.

This was really a fast, easy knit. I just didn't have time with school and my focus was all over the place, but once you sit down, BLOW UP the chart because only an alien can read it you will be straight.

My only complaint is the thumbs. Mine looks like the head of a penis, or maybe that is just my mind, sorry it's always there. No, but seriously it does. If I made these mittens again, which I doubt, I would use a different technique for the thumbs.

The first picture is the actual color of the mittens. Luvs it, just not the penis thumbs.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!!!

She lost the case, he has full custody until they go back April 30th. She can visit for the weekend starting April 3rd every other weekend.

I am so singing this song. I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW!!! AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

Please say a prayer for me

If it is not one thing its another. Please say a prayer for me.

1. Remember my girlfriend who went to N.C. to get away from the baby daddy who was trying to do her harm and she put numerous prote.ctive orders against. Well he has filed kid.nap.ping charges. I asked her did she file her papers correctly before she even went to N.C. and she told me yes, that they suspended his visitation for one year. Well she got papers delivered to her parents house, let alone a couple weeks ago she received a text message stating her throat was going to be cut and some more crap. Well she called me this morning very nervous and now I will be taking off work to be with her.

2. My mom called me she is in the ER and they have decided to keep her. She called me last night and told me she didn't feel that good and she "might" go. I told her to please go, or I will come get her and make her. She said she will go because she has been having pains for a couple "weeks". Sigh. Well, I turned my phone on before leaving the house and it was her. They are keeping her, they don't like how her EKG looks.

3. My mid-term is today. I studied. It's only 25 true/false, but with all this stuff going on I hope I can focus.

4. My Uncle has been blowing up my phone because he wants me to do a project for him so it can look professional. However, I don't have time. I am trying to get some work done, and I have to leave. I hate telling him no, but he will get a no today unless he comes over my house to do it. I told my mother this when I spoke to her five minutes ago and her crazy self said, He got a computer he need to get his sorry wife or his kids to type it, its not your responsibility tell him no. See, I can tell him no, but I hate to disappoint him with something so small. There are only a couple people I hate disappointing and he is one of them.

What did I say about having a drama free life? Oh well, please send a couple of for me. THANKS.

The Hospital - The End

Go to the hospital to visit him, because of course we would have to get back on the road soon, since we left late (another story – etiquette of the road) and then sat on the porch for hours talking.

Get to the hospital – the architecture was beautiful (I’m a sucker for architecture), it looked better than a normal hospital.

Get to the room and before we could go in we had to put on a gown and gloves. I can not lie, I got really scared then. Not because I could get something, but because I was scared of what I might find in the room, since my aunt scared me with the “I don’t know what we may find when we get down here.” I never really faced death – except for my step-dad, which was sudden – a heart attack. My grandma died when I was really young and if I knew someone was dying, I would prepare myself for it – my uncle (my real one) is sick, and I have been trying to separate from him, so I will not feel the pain, but I can’t do it I love him too much to do it, he is constantly in my life, I will have to deal with it when it comes and I am scared.

Back to the story I do not want to talk about my Uncle any more.

See Uncle June is like my mom and Uncle he was able to work both sides. The men in the family never chose sides. They did not give a damn they just all hung together. Oh and let me say this, I am not using Christians as a bad term. I love them wholeheartedly, I am the person I am today because of them. My ethics, values and morals are all because of them. They were not the Bible thumping Christians that judge and say this or that person are not a Christian – TRUST, I was waiting for the hammer to drop, when I got pregnant with College Boy, but it never did. I know other friends who got pregnant and they had to stand in front of their church and ask for forgiveness and stuff, not I. They live their lives in a righteous way. Do they make mistakes? Sure. They are human. See this is why I told you I had problems with my sister always claiming to be Christians. As I told her, you do not have to tell nobody you are a Christian all the dang time. People can tell by the way you carry yourself and how you act. She got real pissy, but who cares I got tired of her telling me she was Saved, Sanctified and filled with the Holy Ghost – I can put something right here about that, but I am going to leave it alone.

Uncle June was cool. When we first moved to Virginia, we moved about a mile from his house, so I remember going over and visiting. I remember him as being a fast talker and the life of a party. I loved to be around him as a child he was a trip. He did not bite his tongue, he talk straight, except when he would tell me crazy stories. For instance, once when he was in jail (I have no clue when he was I guess I wasn’t born yet), but he was telling us how you can dispose of a body in jail by cutting a person up and then breaking up the bones in a pillow case by banging it on the toilet to break it up. After doing that you can flush it down the toilet. GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. Aren’t they going to notice the other person missing? Will the guard hear you making all that noise? Whatever dude. I know it was damn lies, but that was the type of dude he is/was he would have you dying laughing. Pure comedy. The last time I saw Uncle June was at my other Uncle (Butterfly brother) funeral. I also know he was using drugs (that is why his wife left him) and that is how he contracted AIDS.

So, I am dressed head to toe, can feel the tears coming and I just told myself you need to man up, its not about you, his wife, son, and grand-daughter is here let them have their time as well.

The door opens.

He is sitting in the bed and he has his food in front of him. He looks smaller, thinner then I can remember, but he looks the same. He started smiling and said, its so nice to have family care about you. Look at this.

My dumb ass god-mother Butterfly says Hi. How are you? You remember Urban don’t you?

Why this fool roll his eyes and say of course I know who that is, that’s Ma Dukes oldest girl.

I so wanted to slap Butterfly. Yes, I have not been around, but hell I did not know they were so tight. Plus, what if he did not remember me.

Everything was lovely after that. He was the same ole Uncle June, he ate his food, and the stuff he didn’t like he hid in other containers or threw in the trash, but he did eat a lot for us and then he said, Hell if they wanted me to eat this shit they would have put some flavor in here. He used some other flavored words, but that’s him. The nurse came in and laughed it up with him, because he is such a character, everyone loves him. He has been getting major headaches and when one came on, we did what my family does best and what I have not done in a long time with them. Pray together. It was a beautiful prayer. His wife led the prayer.

I felt really good leaving and glad that I came. I think what really made it good for me was the fact that he was still himself. Later, he asked who the hell turned the damn television off, and we were like well we came to see you, you need to spend time with us. He said, the hell with that I can look at ugly people any time. He then said, I can’t believe you asked me do I know who the Hell she is. The only thing she did is get darker. Damn girl you been in that damn sun with your red self. I just smiled and said Uncle June, I don’t know why she asked you that, I knew you would know who I was (if he wasn’t sick I would have said something about the color comment but whatever).

We left the room so him, and his ex-wife could spend some time together. Then we left and while we were leaving I noticed her walking by herself (minus her son and grandchild) crying. Now let me tell you, I know I am selfish emotionally sometimes, and I would run the opposite way when someone is crying because I do not know the exact words, but I went to her and I consoled her because she has always been so good to me. I thought it was beautiful to see them interact with each other the way they did. They are divorced and from what I hear he has a girlfriend that lives down there and I don’t know if she was told to stay away this day or what, but I just thought it was nice that two people who were no longer together could put their differences aside to be there for one another.

After leaving the hospital, we stop by the house and talk to everyone before we got back on the road. It was nice to hug family members that haven’t worked my nerves.

Once back on the road I thanked Butterfly and told her I am so happy she called me and I am glad that we had a chance to talk. She told me that she feels like once Uncle June is gone she will no longer have any connection with that side of the family. He was the glue for her. I found out that when she was younger she would go down to King George, VA (where that side lived), and would visit for the summer and that she loved it until she got older and didn’t want to go any more. That when she was old enough to drive he taught her and that she has been going to Rocky Mount for the past couple years to visit him. So, I understand why it was important for her and I am glad I went with her.

The ride home was HORRIBLE. The talk was cool, she wants to learn how to knit and I actually forgot that she sews. She was talking about different sewing machines and I was like um, when did you learn how to sew and she brought up the Spring concerts at church and them ugly, I mean beautiful dresses she made for me and my sister. So maybe, I might get that sewing machine after all.

I got home at 12:40 and my husband was in the living room waiting for me and I went and gave him a big hug. He asked me what was that for and I told him for loving me unconditionally and for being here. Of course he is a smart ass like me and said I need to go to NC every weekend if I was going to come home like that. Ya’ll don’t know I have been a handful for YEARS and he has always been there and has allowed me to be the strong/stubborn person that I am, if I had this blog years ago, you would be rooting for his ass to leave me.

There should be some rules of the road and we will be discussing THAT.

Road Trip Part III

So, I packed my textbook, notebook, pens, pencils, highlighter, book - Sense and Sensibility, knitting projects. Just in case I got bored. I am trying to figure out what the hell we are going to talk about.

We get on the road. Hook up the I.p.od because she does not know what she is doing and then work out the Gar.min so we don’t end up in Timbuktu.

The awkwardness was not there though, we fell back inline. Started asking regular questions. She said she wanted to see my cousin because the doctors said there was nothing else they can do for him, and when they said that about her brother (my godfather) she didn’t get back in enough time to see him before he died. She figured we could use some bonding time.

Talked about school, family, life. BOOKS. She is one of the reasons why I love books. I remember as a little girl climbing in to bed with her and reading together and when I got older I still climbed in the bed because we were both scared reading Mary Hig.gins Cl.ark earlier books (before the watered down crap she does today). Of course when I was older it was easier for me to climb into bed because at this point her and my uncle got a divorce. I can say one thing about her and my great-aunt, once they were divorced I never saw them with another man, meaning they never brought anyone around. If they were doing their business they did it without the watchful eyes of kids and I think that is a good thing. I think women bring too many men around their kids before they even know if they want to be bothered with them.

I enjoyed the conversation the whole way down UNTIL she said. I don’t know what to expect when we get down here. Well you know it is not talked about but uncle got AIDS.

Ya’ll I got really pissed!!!!!!!! I did not say anything to her but mentally I am thinking WHAT THE FUCK!!! Don’t you think you should tell someone that BEFORE just taking them on a ride just in case they have a problem with that. I mean seriously, I can’t deal with shit like that.

Then, I had to say hold up BIATCH (yes, I talk to myself). You have been doing reports on HIV and AIDS since you were in the sixth grade. You know how it is contracted and you know how it is spread. Furthermore, you have worked in a dialysis office with AIDS patients AND I would never have met Me.thod M.an, my favorite rapper back in the day if it wasn’t for a patient who daughter was kicking it with him, (I still got my picture). This is your family, what’s the problem? I stopped being pissed because I realized I was being stupid and ignorant.

We get to the house and I was shocked to see other family members there that I haven’t seen in a long time. I mean these little babies are little girls with boobies and BIG ASS BUTTS. My family have them, but I was missed, I have a tiny one and let me tell you I am not jealous any more because them donks were too damn big, like two kids can ride at the same time big. I got much love from everyone and another great-aunt was there – she is so beautiful.

So, my grandma sister was there, her son, and her daughter (the meanies), and her children (minus my fav cousin) and her children. Even my uncle who is in the hospital wife (found out she has been a reverend since 2000 w/her own church) was there, although they have been divorced for years.

My uncle was not there, they did not release him from the hospital because his pressure went up so we went to visit him.

Hospital Visit coming next.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Phone Call - Part II

I returned Butterfly phone call.

Butterfly: What are you doing tomorrow?
Urban: Since it is warm, I will probably take the kids to this black/white photo exhibit downtown featuring this black artist from the early 20's.
Butterfly: Our cousin is dying and I wanted to know if you would ride with me tomorrow. I just want some company. I am going down to Rocky Mountain, NC and I am not staying the night, we will come back the same day. Can you ride with me?
Urban: Yes, I will go.

Hang up the phone. Look at Mr. Conservative and said, GOT DAMN!! Why do she want me to go with her? She has two daughter in laws. Furthermore, my mother wants to go down there. Why not ask her? I haven't done anything with her for years!!! NOW she wants to bond going to someone house who is dying!! you know I don't do good in that type of situation, I am going to fall apart.

Shit, it is going to be hot tomorrow and I really wanted to see that exhibit, I have been putting it off. PLUS, I have to study for my mid-term. UGH. I fucked up, I didn’t follow the rule of law. I should have asked her why, THEN, tell her I had to get my leg operated on or something.

See, I talk all this shit about keeping it real and then I punk up and say okay!!!!!! Give everyone else advice and then I bitch up.

So, in the morning I figured I could get out of it since my mother talked to me before about going down and seeing him, that is her age group and by the way that is the two families merging because Uncle June is from that crazy, now Christian side.

Called Ma Dukes EARLY in the a.m.

Urban: Hi mommy, what you doing?
Ma Dukes: Nothing.
Urban: Butterfly is coming to pick me up and we are going to North Cakalacky, you want us to pick you up.
Ma Dukes: You going with who? (um, did I tell you my mother is jealous of Butterfly & I old relationship because there really isn’t one now). How that come about? When did you start talking?
Urban: (I told her about the phone call) So you want us to come get you or better yet you can ride down with her and I will stay here and study. Where are you at? What is all that noise in the background?
Ma Dukes: Oh, I am on my way to Baltimore, I am going to Bingo.

GOT DAMN.

La Familia Part I

Friday (2 weeks ago), after we got home from our outing Mr. Conservative told me I had a phone call from my Godmother/cousin Butterfly.

I thought that was odd because we have not spoken that much. I speak to her mother faithfully because she is like my grandmother. I actually sent her a curt email a couple months ago. I guess I should give some background story before I get into the juice of this so this may be broken into parts.

Okay, I told you all before that I really do not deal with family. Not because they did anything to me, just I do not have time for drama. I LOVE my drama free life. Call me when there is a wedding, funeral or graduation and I will put my best foot forward and will be there for support other than that keep my name out your mouth and I will do the same. See, I have witness many relationships where it’s he said she said, you know Carolyn sleeping with so and so and Uncle Buck is locked up again. I do not have time. I learned a long time ago, if you surround yourself with positive people you will bring about positive things. Really. I will cut you off QUICK, with no problems. You can only be in my life if I let you.

Last November there was a family meeting with the Christian side again because my cousin/godbrother moved back up from Florida with his beautiful family and my mother was back up from Georgia so they had a dinner for both of them. It was nice and all and we said we would keep in contact. Okay cool. I sent Butterfly an email and she didn’t respond. THEN she finally sends me an email months later trying to get info on my mother. So, I kindly sent her an email and said, How come you are responding to my email now, I emailed you months ago furthermore why are you treating me like a bald head stepchild, if you would prefer for me not to send you emails I will quit and if you want information from my mother call HER. She was hurt by my email and said such and that she wanted to do something for her mom with my mother and all so I jumped the gun but I do not care. I told her I talk straight up so I said what I felt. Whatever, you was pissed because I called you on it.

Family

My family is/was broken into two sections when I was growing up the Christians and the Non-Christians. I grew up with the Christians. That meant I went to church almost EVERY day and 2 or 3 times on Sunday. I performed in the church plays, choir (can not sing a lick) and performed in the Spring Concerts with our Spring dresses and all. Fun times. My aunt was married to a reverend and her three daughters all married reverends, the only one who didn’t follow the trend was my cousin/godfather.

Off topic: I come from a family were the cousins, if they are a certain age are called your aunt or uncle. Also, I have three sets of god parents (THANK GOD) two were brother and sisters, my mother told me they fought all the time on who was going to be what so I had my Uncle Crazy and his Wife, his sister Butterfly and her husband and my godmother from NYC and her husband. Okay back to the story.

Well, I started hanging out with my favorite cousin Blackie because we went to the same High School. We had a ball together he took me to my second concert with New Edition, and then BBD and I didn’t have to pay nothing. You could not tell me NOTHING. I was in that piece. Although I was ready to hurt him because he tried to set me up with one of his friends that looked like he was special. How come I faked sleep the whole weekend I was over his house. If we were on the front porch and that fool came on the porch my ass would fall out like I was sleep. NOT ME SON!! So, I returned the favor and hooked him up with a gremlin. Anywho, HIS family was the not Christian yet side. LAWD their mouths were like mine now. They would curse the neighbor, family member AND their kids slam out and I am not talking the little ones I am talking EVERYTHING. Damn!!! My mom could and still does curse her ass off, but she never used the language with us I was shocked. Oh and the time I went over one of his aunts house and she punched her daughter in the chest and also called her a Bitch AND she also walked around smoking a funny cigarette!!! By the way her daughter was young and did nothing to be treated like that, it was just how they were. They are ALL now in the church too.

Um, I was allowed to go over no more after I told my mother and stepdad what was going on. However, my mom was close with both sides at certain times in her life. But the problem I began to have is they were so MEAN, like would talk about my other side of the family in front of me when they knew how I felt and shit. I was just a kid.

With all that said it did not mess up my relationship with my cousin, we are still tight.

The phone call, road trip and family again coming soon.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Booty Call

OMG!!!

I am dying over here. My husband and I are watching Booty Call. You know Tommy Davidson, Jamie Foxx. That shit is too damn funny.

Why them fools come out wrapped head to toe in Syran Wrap. Who in the hell cover their mouth AND nose. oh lawd too got damn funny and when Tommy Davidson came out acting like a dinosaur. Just wow.

Okay, I am suppose to be doing homework.

The Weekend

This weekend I discovered a lot about myself. It is time for me to evolve again. Damn. Just when I was loving the independent, crazy, I do not need nobody but my hubby, uncle, great-aunt, mommy and kids. I have learned that I want need HIM in my life and my family. Do not get it twisted he has always been there, but this weekend we had a heart to heart, somewhat, but that is for another post.

Friday, Mr. Conservative and I went to the National Harbor and since it was still warm outside we walked the harbor and was able to see the sunset. It was really nice and we picked the best restaurant, Grace Mandarin. I love these new Asian places where you can get your sushi and your other Asian food. So, he got his sushi (and I ate some of his) and I got my Triple Enlightenment (he couldn't have none of mine because of seafood hehe). It was aight. Although, I am known to be picky so whatever. We had fun though, I always do when I go out with him. We did note we need to upgrade our couple list because our group we have now is not cutting it, they are not trying to try anything new.



Did I tell you that I grade restaurants on their bathrooms? I HAVE to check the bathroom out and you will get points deducted. Well this bathroom was BEAUTIFUL!! I would have taken pictures, but I accidentally left my phone on the table.

While we were eating, I saw this guy get up and sit on the other side of the table with his lady friend. I pointed to my husband and was like look, he is sitting on the same side, as she is aint that sweet. Why my husband say, he better move his punk ass back to the other side of the table. Lawd, I thought I was going to die laughing. Shit was coming out my nose and I was supposed to be all lady like, I could not help it, it was too damn funny.

Saturday was my awakening; I went to North Carolina with my cousin/god-mother. I have to do a whole nother post on this one. I kinda realize I missed both sides of my family, but I should have seen this coming. Damn, this is why I try and not let my guard down. Oh and it was the road trip from hell.

Sunday, we took the kids to breakfast and then went to visit my MIL. Fun times, she pulled out the photo book and we looked at old pictures and some included me, how come some old pictures make you look like a hot mess, but when you took the picture, you just knew you were the shizznit. Oh and I saw this old couple - how come he slapped his wife booty - they had to be in their 70's. I was like damn they still doing it. I guess that is what my kids say. I asked my husband did he see that and he was like yeah I saw that shit. Vomit.

Oh and thanks for sending one up, but um, I am hoping for a C that test was vicious, I totally blanked out.

Monday, March 09, 2009

Cross your fingers, toes, eyes er'verythang - please

Lawd.

I have my mid-term today and the sucker is worth 40% of my grade. I tried to study Lord knows I did and I took over hundred pages of note, but I swear I am not ready.

So, please cross your fingers, toes, eyes, legs for me. Send one up to the big man. Every dang thing.

Urban

Friday, March 06, 2009

Ran.dom Dr.ug Tests - Pure Comedy

It is only 11:05 how can I hear so much drama already.

Drug tests

My husband works at a grocery store and they decided to do ra.ndom dru.g tests. PURE COMEDY.

Druggie #1 – Druggie you need to go and take a drug test. His response - oh well, took his apron off and was like I’m out. WTF. They were like damn dude you might as well get tested and get a couple more days work before the results come in. He said, shit, I know my shit dirty. Bye.

Druggie #2 – Druggie we need you to come back and get tested. Her response – to go and ask other coworkers could they pee for her. Finally, someone gave her some urine in a plastic glove, of course the lab techs said this urine is diluted we can’t take this AND other coworkers ratted her out saying she was asking me for pee. They told her we need to do a swap of your mouth. How come she went and ate a pickle and then didn’t do the second part of the test. Hold up. But came back the work the next morning like shit was cool. Bitch you fired.

Druggie #3 - Druggie we need you to come back and take a test. This fool go and get Listerine. Fired.

He said people were getting ghost quick as shit. Could hardly find people.

People what is Lis.ter.ine and a pickle gonna do to a damn test? The shit stays in your system for a very long time. Companies are not playing out here and it is easy to fire you for it. What is really sad…..most companies require a drug test to GET a job let alone keep. So, um, won’t they have to wait a couple months before trying to get another job.

Dayhum

So much to write today, I got another story about a guy who just had a baby and telling the whole family and um, its not his wife. Just wow.

Men are too funny

My girlfriends wanted to go out last night and I told them I will think about it. I rather go get drinks with Mr. Conservative so I called him.

Urban: What are you doing?
Mr. Conservative: Nothing.
Urban: You want to get a drink?
Mr. Conservative: Dang, I wish you would have said something earlier I started cooking.
Urban: GTFOH. What you cooking?
Mr. Conservative: Roasted Chicken, Jasmine Rice and Chard.
Urban: Dang, let me find out. You got tired of fending for yourself this week huh (I have been tired from studying so they have been making their own stuff).
Mr. Conservative: Well we can go out for drinks tomorrow or Saturday.
Urban: Yeah that’s cool, but I really feel like being out today, so I might go out with the girls tonight. They are talking about hooking up.
Mr. Conservative: Oh, okay.
Urban: I will be at the metro in about 30 minutes, see you then.

Get to metro, get in car.

Mr. Conservative: So where do you want to go to get drinks?

WTF, now didn’t you say you didn’t want to get drinks today, so why now you want to get drinks. Whatever. I get home, food is cooked. He then asked me do I want a drink. I tried to play hard to get and said, no I didn’t want anything. He made me one anyway, he knows my fickle ass by now. Nice, but the point was not to stay in the damn house.

My girls did call, but hell I was already pretty toasty so I stayed my ass home. Got cool points from the husband because he thinks I stayed home to be with him, but ur, nope, was tired.

Thursday, March 05, 2009

Highwaters, Mr. Stefon, Swagger

How come we can’t give up stuff sometimes? Like when MJ came back and played for the Wizards. Come on it was over, you should go out on top. Speaking of such...

Last night I decided to put on my pj’s before my telephone meeting with some classmates. While getting my regular ole pj’s I spotted some old ones sitting on the side and was like oh snap, I forgot I had these pj’s. Dang, where have they been – top and bottom and they are Donna Karan. Wow, I got some named pjs, let me slide in these. Welcome back to the team pj's. Hmph, why haven’t I been wearing them? Here’s why!!



Lawd, do you see them high waters. I called Anger Mgmt and said, ur, do you need some pj’s? She came out her room, took one look at me and fell on the floor dying laughing. She said, YES if you are talking about them smedium pajamas. I so wish I could have took a picture of her laying on the ground laughing. I had College boy take a picture of me stuntin in my pj’s which I did not take off, until I went to bed damn it…my ankles were kinda cold.

I got my swagger back ya’ll!! Today is my last day on the steroids. I can now get into Major League Baseball, oops, I forgot they let you in regardless. Some bullshit, they knew and condoned people taking the shit. Whatever. The only mark I have left from that day is the bruise from one of the many needle sticks.




Mr. Stefon still has no clue. I told Mr. Conservative what happened. I left something in the garage, so by the time I got in the house I head Mr. C questioning him – of course he did not see me and when his father said I heard you were acting up this morning, is there a problem. He said, I wasn’t acting up. WTF. I am in the stairwell listening and Mr. C repeated it and he said again he didn’t have a damn problem., nothing happened. An intelligent person would assume that when I showed my face and I asked him the same thing that this child of mine would say, oh you mean this morning and spill the beans. But NO, not my child, this fool, with his baby face, looked at me and said, what are you talking about? Mr. Conservative said, well look man someone is telling a lie, gotta be you or your mother. Why I swear that boy looked at me like he wanted to say – dad, it’s her.

Did I tell you how my Christian side of the family shook my brother before saying “I rebuke you.” Why I wanted to do it to him Lord, Jesus. When I was little that scared the mess out of me, but I thought that was the funniest thing, I still do, I tease my brother about it today… remember that time when…... dang that bought back another smile, I think I will call him.

The snow from my kitchen window. Yeah, and good riddance.

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

I swear for God Mr. Stefon is going to make me hurt him!

I need a break.

Mr. Stefon made me use curse words this morning that I never used at a kid. I finally told him that the next time he raise his voice at me I am going to steal him in his face. Anger Mgmt looked at me like I was crazy. Was I wrong for saying it? Nope and if he does I am two piecing his ass. No, I am not proud of saying it and I may apologize later when I can deal with him, but not right now.

See what had happened was.

5:30 I hear Anger Mgmt wake up Mr. Stefon and he is not trying to get up, so I go to him and say get your butt up and go get into the shower and get your stuff out of the dryer.

He said okay.

5:45 I hear he is out of the shower, but I know him, he is probably back in bed. Mr. Stefon are you dressed? No, I am buttoning up my shirt. Okay, how long does that take.

5:50 You brush your teeth, pick your hair, put your socks, shoes and lotion on. YES.

6:00 You finished? No, I am picking my hair. Why is it taking you that long?

6:24 Unwrap Anger Mgmt hair, styling it and when Mr. Stefon hears I am coming down the steps he starts moving to the bathroom at the bottom of the steps, BAREFOOT, polo shirt open ala Rick James and pick in hand. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM SEEING RED GOT DAMN IT!!!! WHY IN THE HELL AREN’T YOU READY!!!

Mr. Stefon: I need help picking my hair.
Me: What the hell you mean, ALL THIS TIME!! Why didn’t you ask earlier, now we will be late! Where are your socks and shoes?
Mr. Stefon: I could not find a match.
Me: What? I just washed all your clothes, you have socks. You have been down here watching t.v. and not doing what your suppose to do. You are getting your hair cut. You were only allowed to grow a bush if you kept it up – the damn boy wants dreads.

At this point I don’t remember too much because that little mofo started screaming some shit about needing help (fucking excuses) – because I was at the top of the steps. See, I almost lost my damn mind and jump down all them steps and mess him up, but I KNEW I was not in my right mind and I didn’t want to be bunking with Big Bertha and holding on to her belt buckle and shit. So, I walked in my room for a minute and came back out and then proceeded to tell him that if he raise his voice at me again, I will punch him in his face, no questions asked. He said yes ma’am.

Of course he apologized and I am sure I will receive another letter, but I don’t care.

This boy brings out a whole other side of me. Anger Mgmt is 15 she ain’t even tried to raise her damn voice at me, I have no problems with that child except she cost too damn much. College boy is 19 and never tried to raise his voice. Actually if he was upstairs he probably would have given him a what for because he thinks he is their dad too.

Where was Mr. Conservative through all this? At work of course. When I tell him, he will laugh and say his favorite line. I never have problems like that, when I tell him to get dressed in the morning he gets dressed. That is not always the case, but whatever.

Mr. Stefon has no care, he has such a little attitude/temper. I swear he gets it from his father, but everyone says me. I never did anything like that, I was too scared of my mothers’ lethal backhand. That shit was automatic.

BEST PART!!! They have a book fair at school and on the bus he says to me.

Mr. Stefon - Well I guess that is out of the question.
Urban - Look I don't have time for games and trying to figure out what your talking about, spit it out (yes I was still mad AND I knew what he was talking about, but, why is he talking to me).
Mr. Stefon - Oh the book fair, so you think you can give me some money.
Urban - WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No, I am not giving you no money. Why should I? You want something from me and I want something from you and if you can't give me what I want you sure ain't getting what you want.
Mr. Stefon - How about tomorrow?
Urban - Don't talk to me.

Mr. Stefon is too much, I swear for God, but I love him though.

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

Teamwork = Wii and Gingerbread house

Teamwork gone right.

As you all know we do not do Christmas in our house. Meaning, for the third year in a row we just gave the kids money and let them handle their business. No Santa for us, they had the WII for about two months now. They had to wait because it was sold out when we gave them the money on the 25th. I must say I do miss the shopping, but at the same time it is funny to watch the kids look for discounts when they are spending their own money. When Mr. Conservative asked them about it they said they were trying to make their money stretch. WTF.

The kids have been asking for a Wii and I told them that I was tired of buying video crap. They have everything, Playstation, PSP, Gameboys, Nintendo DS, again you name it they have it. Therefore, I told them, if you really want it put your money together. Well they did. I thought that was awesome, although me and Mr. Conservative did fork over money too, we split the money five ways, however Mr. Stefon did at the last minute tell us that he may not be able to put in with us, because he had a Lego set he needed to buy. Um partner, you are coming up off that cash.



Of course, I should have never put any damn money in because I never play the damn thing. I played boxing once and was tired as hell after the fact. They do like it though.

Gingerbread house

The kids made a gingerbread house and I never showed you. It was too funny. Anger Mgmt, was in charge of course. College boy tried to help and then finally I heard, you know what, you two do it I do not have time for the arguing. Then I had to go and referee because Mr. Stefon thought Anger Mgmt was controlling everything and she threatened to do bodily harm to him and I had to let her know who the HBIC was. I have no clue why she is so mean or where she gets it from. You meet her and she looks like an angel – well – not really. I asked them what happened to the backyard of the gingerbread house and her smart ass said she was trying to keep it real. I said what does that mean, she said look how daddy messed our yard up, so that is why I left it like that. He did mess our yard up.





Yes this an overdue post but you all know I am lazy. Cut me some slack, can I use sickness? What about mental?

Monday, March 02, 2009

It's Our ANNIVERSARY!!

Hot damn another year in the books!! Well it depends what books, as you all know I have to break it down - 17 years together, 2 years by the government. I am not going to go into the marriage thing, if you have read this blog many times before you should know that I think having an excellent relationship is better than anything. Moving on.

People always ask us, how do we stay together so long and all that good stuff. We are not psychiatrist or anything so I can only tell you what I know works for us, so listen up, I am about to tell you an ancient Chinese secret. It's One word. COMMUNICATION.

Definition of communication by merriam-webster = 3 a: a process by which information is exchanged between individuals through a common system of symbols, signs, or behavior.

ANY relationship, whether it is work related, school, significant other, whatever can not work if there is no communication. If you don't have it, you better get it. We communicate even when it is hard, and let me tell you it have been hard times, but that is what we do, communicate even if it hurts the other feelings.

Now, enough of that, I planned on doing a segment on communication separately, but hell, better do a sample now, will have another post later in the week.

Anywho, today is seventeen years of us being together and I would not trade his crazy ass in for the world, actually to be honest, I forgot (typical). He is my everything, even when he farts(I swear he is secretly trying to kill me). He takes care of me when I am sick. He tells me to man up when I am ready to throw the towel in. He still thinks I got it going on and lets me knows it (hallelujah and amen).

My favorite song since I was a little girl - Always and Forever. I remember hearing this song, when my mom would have her parties and stuff and just fell in love with this song. I still tell people to shut the hell up so I can hear every.single.word in this song. I hope you all take a minute to listen to it. Gotta love their outfits.