Monday, March 30, 2009

Chitter Chatter from the Memorial Service

Memorial Service

The memorial service was nice. I got to see family of course. Butterfly, her sister Peaches (the one I told you use to hold our lips to help us speak properly, not torture, just training) and their mom (my nana) was there. It was lovely. However, I was a little scared to attend the service because when I spoke to my mother the day before. She told me that there was going to be haters at the funeral because of what she was going to wear. Um, I was not looking forward to that. I never know what the hell to expect since my stepdad died. Lawd, what happened to my mother, who knew how to dress - like my mommy. Oh well, she is still the same person just hoochafied. Well, the day of the memorial service she looked appropriate and nice…...I wonder if I will get a donk the older I get, because Ma Dukes did not have an ass when I was coming up, but she sure got one now. Just wondering…

People are always trying to hook up somewhere after a funeral. Not my house.

Uncle H: Where are you about to go?
Urban: Over Godsister #1 house. (no hesitation)
Godsister #1: Your ass lie so easily.
Urban: Shut up
Uncle H & Ma Dukes: What you say?
Urban: I said, we about to go over Godsister #1 house and hang with her husband and kids.


My uncle is too funny. I called my mom later in the day.

Urban: Hey mommy, where are you two at?
Mommy: Just dropped off Aunt “I don’t know to well.” (she is my great-aunt from NYC)
Uncle H: Ask Urban if she saw….
Mommy: Did you hear your Uncle?
Urban: No.
Mommy: He wants to know if you saw Count Dracula?

I am dying laughing because dude did look like Count Dracula!! Sad part he was my cousin.

Urban: Who is he talking about Iggy? Yes I saw him. Ask Uncle H if he saw Disco Dan with the Neon Blue Suit.
Mommy: Yes, we saw him.
Uncle H: Yeah. I also saw him squeeze your knee that is why I came over there. I thought you were going to hit him over the head.
Urban: No, I was not but he still scares me. Something is not right with him. (he looks like a Chester)

Mr. Stefon said he looked like the DirectTV light!! I thought I would pee in my pants. Ya’ll his suit was the SAME color as the Direct TV light.

Uncle H: Where are you at?
Urban: Um, going to Costco. (another lie)

Speaking of Mr. Stefon. When we first got to the Memorial and my Uncle came upstairs, he saw Anger Mgmt and gave her a hug and asked me about College Boy (over his dad house) and Mr. Stefon.

Uncle H: Where is baby boy at?
Urban: Somewhere around here with the kids.

Uncle H goes looking for him. Everyone loves Mr. Stefon because he is crazy. Uncle H finds him, daps him up and comes back looking disturbed.

Uncle H: Man you need to take that boy and get his damn hair cut. I told him he can’t get the ladies with his hair like that.
Urban: Uncle, I told him to cut his hair (he has a bush), but he is growing it to get dreads.
Uncle H: (remember we are in church) I don’t give a fuck, get that damn boy hair cut, he looks like a damn African (big ups to my African readers if there are any).
Urban: Uncle H you know you in a church.
Uncle H: AND. I am Catholic, what are they going to do to me. Did you get your fishing license yet?
Urban: BYE, Uncle H.

He is who he is. Always have been. He told me that he does not want a funeral because he does not want fake ass people standing over top of him lying.

Okay one more. When I had College Boy he asked me was I going to breast feed so I can get some titties. Yes inappropriate but simply him.


Carmell said...

awww Uncle H sounds like cool people! my "Uncle H" is gone. i miss him terribly!
sounds like it was a nice memorial anyway!

Anonymous said...

SMH. Funny how Uncle H thinks that since we ain't in Africa, and ain't never been to Africa, that we are not African. He got me cracking up.