Friday, May 29, 2009

Roses, Lillies and something oh my!!

I am telling you I do not have a green thumb at all!! I want inside plants but because of bad past experiences I haven't bought any yet. I am also the scariest, funniest gardener you will ever see. Did I tell you I hate creepy, crawlies? Yes, ma'am. I will plant anything as long as I don't see anything and when a worm jump out ITS OVER, A DONE DEAL. I can't take it. Anger Mgmt is the same way.

However, the owner before us used some excellent soil mix or something. I know he use to grow tomatoes and other plants. My roses were planted by him, but everything else is ALL moi.

Anywho, I have been so busy playing security to the front yard which has only produced one new flower the backyard has been churning out these beauties.

Red Roses

I love the dew on the roses.

Pink Roses

Lillies - I hope all the lillies aren't yellow. Last year, they were yellow, orange and white. So far they look like they will be yellow.

Front Yard Beauty (do not know the name)The kids and I were at Costco and they decided the Lillies were looking lonely after the tulip season was over, so we got all these different plants and planted most of them in the backward except for a few we put in the front and here is one of the beauties out doing the lillies (which haven't produced jack in the front).

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Pattern screw up, Lillies, Clouds, Doggie, Marvin

Pattern screw up
Okay, so I started on a new baby blanket, but I know I am doing it wrong. It is suppose to be with different colors using the slip stitch however. It is not working out right. I asked for help on a knitting site and they tried to help me, but I think I read the pattern wrong and since I just did 20 rows of 207 stitches, I think I figured out the problem. Therefore, I will be taking it ALL out. Reading is suppose to be fundamental, but not all the time when I knitting. I swear…

My lilies are about to burst on to the scene. I cannot wait. Although Mr. Stefon has decided to start keeping count of them because we see a couple holes in the ground. People.

I had to show you this picture. It’s from the wine festivals. Look at the clouds. I think this is so pretty.

Cute dog
This cute little dog was in the Dry Cleaners. I could not believe they dyed the dogs tail.

This song keeps popping up on my MP3 player repeatedly and now I am listening to it at work as well. Marvin was a genius – the music, the words, instruments. Just wow.

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The Weekend and Mr. Conservative puts his funky foot down.

Is it Friday yet? Damn I am ready already, which is a damn shame since today is Tuesday.

Friday, was okay. Did not do anything really. Went home and was bombarded by the kids – what are we doing this weekend? Are we going anywhere? Are we having a cookout? LEAVE ME ALONE. I chilled and knitted another beret for Anger Mgmt.

Saturday. Went to the Reggae Wine Festival and got a good spot under a big ass tree. Which was awesome because I was not hot like last year where I thought I was seconds away from stroking out and probably could have entered a wet t-shirt contest from throwing bottles of water on me. Woke up the next morning burned the freak up. No one acted up too much this year except the people in front of us who did not understand what personal space is. Anyone who knows me will tell you this is my biggest pet peeve. GIVE me room, damn. Do not crowd me. Their lazy asses got their late and they kept infringing on our space. My girlfriend is the same way and we had to finally tell them do not move your chair back no more. They gave us the slanted eye, but we gave that shit right back and did not have any more problems. Trust people, Urban do not have a fighting disposition, but she will correct the shit if need be. Came back from the Wine festival and found Mr. Stefon with a haircut. Thank you sweet baby Jesus. I wish I could have taken a picture of the bush. I asked his father why he takes him to get his haircut. He said he had a talk with him and he told him he wanted to get his hair cut because he was tired of me yelling at him. Well, if he took care of his hair it would not have been a problem. I hated to see his hair all matted. So score one for me.

Sunday took the kids out to eat at Long.horn. Their steaks are always so delicious. We were having a great time until this little kid decided she wanted to be part of our table or go to the nearest hospital. How you ask? By standing up in their booth and climbing over top to get to our side. Come on people control your kids. For you out there that say I am hard on kids, well you damn skippy. There is a time and place and this was a kid friendly restaurant. However, I do not need to see little Veronica almost hurt her damn self. This was not a back-to-back booth. They were in a closed off section, probably because they had little kids and the wall was high between us. But not for little Veronica. She was determined more than once to make it across that wall. When they finally wrestled her ass down. She decided to turn the restaurant into a track running all over the place. Come on people get your kids the shit is not cute. Oh and she was not 1 or 2, her ass was probably 4. Again, yes, I have kids at least that is what the stretch marks and the bills say. Control them!

Monday took Mr. Stefon to shoot hoops at the park. I had no other choice because all weekend I kept promising to take him and since we did not go after we left the restaurant, I told him I would take him. Needless to say, he was knocking on my door at 6 in the morning. I kindly told him he would lose the hand he was knocking with if he kept it up. I finally got dressed at 10 and took him. Lawd it was hot and we only stayed for about 30 minutes. Came back did Anger Mgmt hair and went to a classmates cookout. We had a great time. Which is kinda unusual for me. I do not let people in to easily but she has a wonderful spirit and so does her husband. So, it was all good. Started a baby blanket for one of the many babies that will be arriving soon.

Foot action
Oh, wait. Something else surprising happened. Mr. Conservative told me NO. That is just so amazing to me. We were at the cookout, my friend asked me to go to a wine festival next weekend, and he whispered to me – No. WE cannot go. I am looking at him, like dude, WE do not need to go. I am going. He then explains, you don’t need to go because we are planning this big party and we should not be spending all that money, you know you are going to want to buy something (um, so what, we went to Long.horn). I had to look at him, to make sure I heard him right. Because we do not really “ask” each other if, shit is okay. We normally “ask” as a formality. How the hell he gonna say no after so many years, when he ain’t say no before. I mean hell – babe, you mind if I go to the strip club? Go head, you gonna do you. Babe, you mind if I go to ECU and stay on campus for the weekend? Go head. NOW you want to lay your little funky foot down for a wine festival!!! That is so sexy. I might let him win this one….or ego may not. We shall see……

Friday, May 22, 2009

Have a great weekend!!

I hope everyone have a great weekend!!!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

FO: Chinese Wave Washcloths

Pattern: Chinese Wave Washcloths by Margaret K.K. Radcliffe

Yarn: Bernat Cottontot (in stash SWEET)

Needle Size: U.S. 7

I LOVE these washcloths. These will be my go to washcloths for everything. I have been eyeing them for a while and the perfect excuse to knit them presented itself during the Taurus Birthday Swap.

I think the pattern is so neat, clean and textured and the best part FREE. It did not take me that long to knit. Anywho, a lot of babies are due to be born in my neck of the woods and I think they will be receiving these cloths and I will make some for my bathrooms downstairs. They are so soft and nubbly.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Surprise Party, Wine Festival and Anonymous


Was my Birthday – the big 35. It was awesome. I got my hair did, my nails done (mustard yellow) and hung out with the girls and found some clothes that actually fit. Came home and they gave me a surprise party. SWEET. I loved it, although they said they will never give me another party because I ask too many questions. Whatever. It was my first party (besides baby showers) and I truly enjoyed because I am the one always planning and doing stuff for everyone else. Did I tell ya’ll my stepdad, well I will tell you on another post. I’m a try to keep everything positive, so I will mention my dad too.


It was hard getting up since people were over my house until 3 in the damn morning (go the hell home). My body is an automatic alarm clock, so I got up a little late, um 6:00 am and started cleaning my room because if I tripped over Mr. Conservative boots one more time, I swear for Gawd…...

We went to the Wine Festival and had a ball minus one chic that I meant to blog about that works my nerves, again another post because I am going to try and keep it positive. We had great food, semi great company except for an almost beat down and the bomb crab cakes.


Went to my favorite store, and tried to rest. Played beautician, put the hair crack in my mothers’ hair, did my daughters hair (which is horrible because it is natural and we always fight) and took Mr. Stefon hair out.

That was my quick, positive version of the weekend. How was your weekend?


ANONYMOUS stated how he/she rewinded the pimp slap with the teddy bear over and over.

THANK YOU. I thought we were the only one who saw that., Mr. Conservative and Goldie. Child, I thought I would die with no oxygen. Let me tell you we had the laughter stuck in our throat when that shit happened and Mr. Conservative recorded it and rewind that shizznit back and fourth. THAT was one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. My hubby stated, I know he was hot mad. I told him no he ain't he probably thought it was cute. Kids do the darnedest thing. TOO DAMN FUNNY (laughing as I type) Whoa.

Friday, May 15, 2009

Screaming in the nail shop

Okay so I am getting my toes and everything else did and I hear this loud ass scream look to see what the hell is going on and no one beside me is screaming they are looking to. Then this chic comes from the back and is rocking back amd forth I am thinking someone got their vajayjay waxed. Why do she look like she is in serious pain? Why won't I be doing that shizznit. Thank you gilette for being my friend.

Excuse mistakes still trying to figure the phone out.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

You want to know a secret?

Today is my birthday eve, my dads'bday. My mom made me remember something when she was over Mother Day.
She asked me when did I start celebrating my birthday?

Good question. I think when I turned 31. I use to be on pins and needles when my bday approached because it seemed like something bad was going to happen. An unexpected bill, my stepdad died around my bdy and other ish. I wish she never bought it up because it has been blowing me every since.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

oOMG Op.rah too damn funny

Wow. Kids are crazy. This little boy just hit Dr. Oz in the head with his teddy bear. Me and the hubby is so bad. We need life support too.damn.funny. kids.

Weekend - LOVED IT!!

My weekend was full and awesome.

Let me start with Friday. Remember, I had to leave work because my mom was in the hospital. Well, everything turned out okay. They kept her for observation for a couple hours and they released her. I found out a lot of things from my mother through the Q&A with the doc.

Doc: Do you smoke?
Ma Dukes: Yes.
Doc: How long have you been smoking?
Ma Dukes: Since I was 12.

Soon as the doc left.

Urban: Wow, mommy you been smoking since you were 12. That is a very long time.
Ma Dukes: Well, I was wrong when I told her that. I think I was like 13 and a ½.
Urban: Ma one year, I’m thinking that is about the same. You need to realize that smoking is a part of what got you here. You need to really quit, they have free programs in D.C. now.
Ma Dukes: I am, I already talked to my doctor about the smoking cessation program, I saw Darryl Green the guy from the Redskins and……

WHATEVER! Basically at this point, I stopped listening to her because all I heard was womp, womp, womp. It was the same ole damn thing.

I thought my mother was coming home with me since it was Mother Day weekend, but um she had a party to go to so she did not come over to Saturday night. Ain’t that some shit.

But that’s cool because the husband and I hung out again. We went down to the National Harbor, walked around and went to National Pastime and watched the Hockey game. Yup hockey folks. We were cheering as if we have been watching for years. They lost, but so what it was so cool.


We ran around looking for Mother Day purses/wallets. We had to buy them the same thing because they both would be at the house and they are always competing. My mother needed a serious wallet; because why when I was with her Friday, she pulled out a ZIP.LOC bag with a rubber band around it. Ridamndiculous. She said when she went to Bin.go the old bitties were laughing and pointing at her. I told her they should.

My mom and husband get a long real well, so we stayed up all night messing with her. My daughter says, they should not be in the same room together. They are always talking about each other. Before I went to bed, I told my mother not to clean nothing up it was Mom day weekend and I plan on doing stuff in the morning.


Got up around 6 because I smelled chemicals and heard fighting. Went downstairs and my mother, college boy and anger mgmt was in the kitchen. I asked my mother why did she clean up – she said what was I suppose to do I was bored. Whatever. See ya’ll don’t understand. I can hear you now. I wish my mother would do it and all that. BUT, my mother don’t just clean up. She REARRANGES. When I came down the stairs, I could see she rearrange my whole mantel piece. It did look better, but that is besides the point. Mr. Conservative can not find his charger. This is what we get - a clean house and missing stuff.

Then I go in the kitchen and Anger Mgmt and College boy are arguing while they are cooking me breakfast. My mother told me that College boy came looking for Anger Mgmt and she start complaining saying she needed another minute to sleep that it was too early. Anyway, I thought that was sweet, but the best part was just listening to them fight. I swear they sound like an old married couple. She was on the waffle station and he was on the omelets. Mr. Stefon, they got rid of by saying he was sick and he didn’t care because he played the WI.I all alone. Let me tell you. Anger mgmt first waffle looked like a waffle fry. It was so FUNNY. I took a picture and told her I would tell you guys and she said only if I promise to tell you, that it was her first time making waffles and that she was just warming up and to take a picture of her next one. That girl was not listening to the beep when it was time for her to take it out or anything. I told her and she told me I was never satisfied. Whatever. My mother went and helped College boy cut up his veggies better for the omelet because she said we would have all choked, but he insisted that the veggies were better bigger and he should have left it that way. Um, no. She also had him cook the mac and cheese from scratch for dinner he was so excited.

I love the picture of them together.

How did their food taste you ask? I have no damn clue. I was not going to eat it, sorry. I ate SALMON CAKES. I finally got my salmon cakes. Who needs Mr. Conservative when I got my momma? Well…..I do, but I needed those damn salmon cakes too.

After that, Mr. Conservative and I had to go back to the first store I went to on Saturday for my mother purse. Because I thought I could get a better purse (for my mommy) and went to 10 other stores on Saturday and didn’t. I hate when Mr. C is right he told me to just get a purse from there when we got his momma purse, but I didn’t because I am hard headed. Anywho we stopped at – you know it’s not a weekend with out stopping there. Eyed Jo.Ann but didn’t stop and then hit up Safe.way to get some more beef ribs because they had two slabs on sale for $9.00 and $10 can you believe that? I invited my girlfriend over so we could play spades. Man we whipped that ass. So much so, that they kept taking blinds, AND my mother snatched the paper so we could not show anyone. P.E.T.T.Y My MIL got hooked on W.ii Bowling. Too damn funny, all I heard was they are cheating. Anger Mgmt told her that she needed to give it up, because every game she plays is not cheating.

Nice form.

Friday, May 08, 2009

Mr. Conservative is the bomb and my momma

Did I ever tell you all how much I love Mr. Conservative? Well, I do.

He knows when I need a pick me up. Yesterday, he sent me a text in the morning that worked my nerves, so it was awesome when he picked me up after work (its so nice to have older kids). We went to this new bar we saw vearlier in the week and then we went to a new sushi bar Asian Spice. The sushi was not all that but they had my favorite beer which is hard to locate sometimes. The best part is when he said, he missed spending OUR time together minus the kids. Yes, dang it he said minus the kids. Don't judge us, yes we are parents, but hell parents need love too.

Dang its hard typing on this phone. I don't think I will do this too often, but I have no choice because I am in the Er with my mother. If it ain't one thing its another.

Happy Mommy Day to all you mothers and preggers soon to be mommies. Also. A big ups to women who have been mentors to kids that may not have been yours. You never know what it means to a kid. I love all my mentors. I have had many ladies in my life that has shaped Urb.

Ma Dukes - work ethic, strength, control freak and how to be a mother.
Butterfly - my love of reading (I know why the cage bird sings), class (how to curse people out professionally)
Godmother nyc - travelling and a new world
Great aunt - introduced me to HIM
There has been many women in my life but these are the ones who had front row tickets to the URBAN reality show and when they work my nerves and when I work theirs I kindly let them know they created this monster.

Excuse all mistakes this phone is a monster. It has taken me so long to type that my mother is now in a room.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

The fight and another one begins.....almost

As I walked to the car after work. I evaluate the situation. Mr. Conservative in the front seat jammy to something (looking mighty sexy I might add) and Mr. Stefon is smiling and waving at me.

Pump your breaks. Didn't I get a text that he was fighting? How come he isn't crying? Hmmm....

So, Mr. Stefon tells me what happened. Mommy I could not take it any more. I tried. I really did. You told me to be a bigger person and ignore people, but this time I just could not take it. He is always messing with everyone.

Whoa, partner. What do you mean he has been messing with you? The only person you ever told me about is Machu Picchu. When did this kid come into the picture? Well he messes with the girls and the boys from all the classes and I just had enough. I asked him, if this is the case, did he alert a teacher or something (I know, I know, but i'm saying I have to ask).

SIDENOTE: I always tell my kids they are not allowed to fight in school because there is a zero tolerance policy. I tell them, if someone is messing with you that much you need to tell me and I will take care of it or tell the teacher. HOWEVER, there is an exception to this rule, as it is for all rules. If someone puts their actual hands on you and no one is doing anything about it, handle your business. PERIOD and then I will still deal with it. Back to the program.

At this point I am looking at his father. He then tells me that they have been having problems out of the little boy and he has been putting his hands on quite a few little kids. He also, said they want to suspend him, but they can't because if they did, they would have to suspend Mr. Stefon as well. They also said, that he must have really irked Mr. Stefon because they never seen him act like that.

This bully stuff is really crazy. I think about the kids I have heard of recently killing themselves because they could not take it any more. So.damn.sad.


So while we are in the car on the ride home. I was in a playful mood (after I found out it wasn't my child starting fights). So, I scratched Mr. Conservative hand, and kept at it.

Mr. Stefon: Mommy you all holding daddy hand. Leave his hand alone.
Urban: I am not trying to hold your father hand, he has cooties. I am scratching him.
Mr. Stefon: You can't scratch daddy like that.
Urban: Yes I can. See. Daddy is my property. I can do whatever I want to him.
Mr. Conservative: See Mr. Stefon, remember what I told you earlier. All you have to do is ignore people. I could go to jail right now. But, I choose to ignore your mother.


Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Mr. Stefon School................

So, I hear my phone go off, and I am thinking YEAH!! It is 4 and Mr. Conservative must be close. He texted me earlier and said he is picking me up today. So, when my phone makes a beep, I reach for my phone and read this bullshit text.

Mr. Conservative: At Mr. Stefon school, he was fighting, call you when I get out.


How do I start the day off with being happy, with recieving my A and now this......

Am I selfish, to be pissed that I have to stay at work longer, I mean I am suppose to do 8 damn hours, not a minute after......i'm just saying.

Ugh, where's the JAMIE!!!!


My classmate emailed me and told me the grades were up.

Well I got an A in Legal Environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now 1 class to go. SWEET.

Monday, May 04, 2009


This weekend was okay.

Switched the clothes from Winter to Spring/Summer. Looks like I could have waited a little while, but whatever.

I studied. Finals are Wednesday and I can not wait. I also thought about writing a speech for my HOA, I am running as one of the directors, but then figured, hell I already know what to say, I really don’t have to write it.

I have been reading a lot this semester. I finished, World Without End, Catchers in a Rye and Pride and Prejudice. Can’t say I am too mad at any of them, oh wait that damn Pat,terson. I hear he has a new book out, but I am scared to get it after that last one, so I started To Kill A Mockingbird this morning.

I also got a chance to knit a little something. I am in a swap so, I finished one wash cloth and started a new one this morning. Sweet.

Saw Wol.verine, with the men in my life. It was okay.

I went to one of my favorite stores Cos.tco. I so heart the damn place. Played in the yard, pulled some weeds.

I cooked this weekend. Well somewhat. I made waffles and all that Saturday. So when Sunday came I asked Mr. Conservative to make breakfast and he had a fit.

Mr. Conservative: (huffing and puffing AND sucking his teeth) Man, I ain’t cooking.
Urban: Why? I was up studying.
Mr. Conservative: Well, I ain’t cooking. You always cook lately while I am at work. I saw waffles, eggs and meat left over from yesterday when I got home. I am going to get some coffee.
Urban: Are you serious? Can you cook some salmon cakes?
Mr. Conservative: Naw man. That’s messed up AND you jumped out the bed this morning.

I had to jump out the bed in the morning or I would never have gone down and studied. I have to study when it hits me or the ain’t gonna happen. And I do better either real early in the morning or very late at night.

Anywho, I cooked his crybaby ass some breakfast while he got some damn coffee. His ass is freaking spoiled. It ain’t my fault he works on Saturday. Shit, I can’t let the damn kids starve. I had to make them some breakfast and truth be told, waffles are just easy as hell when you have a waffle maker AND quicker. He makes the best salmon cakes, next to my momma. His ass will be making them for dinner one day this week.


Friday, May 01, 2009

Can you be fired for ga.ming and some more ish at work?

Hey folks, do you remember the HR Tidbit many moons ago, well if not click here.

People. READ your company handbook policy. You know the thing you signed when you went to work for the company that is now collecting dust or filling up in a landfill somewhere. IN ADDITION, if you did not sign anything, remember that your laptop/computer/cell phone is their property. Do not tell me about your state laws, because you better read them again, oh and see if your state has cases were they sided with the employee and not the employer. You are an at-wil.l-emp.loyee, unless you are in a union and THAT does not guarantee you protection.

Most companies have policies stating zero tolerance or automatic termination if your caught “misusing” the company Internet or playing games on the computer. Well, I told ya’ll a couple months ago this was an issue.

My BFF has been having problems with her subordinate; she has been cutting up some type of terrible. We will get to that in a moment.

Picture this:

IS: I need to see your computer.
Gamer: Wait, I need to close some screens. I have too many opened.

Phone Rings

IS: I need to see you in my office
BFF: What’s up?
IS: You need to give Gamer a warning she was playing games on the computer.

BFF is a new manager, so she really did not know what steps to take, especially since she has been having problems with this girl. So, she decided to contact HR. They told her to give her a verbal or written warning.

BFF: I talked to HR and they told me to give her a written or verbal warning.
BFF Supervisor: So what are you going to do?
BFF: Give her a written warning.
BFF Supe: No she will be fired.
BFF: Are you serious?
BFF Supe: This was her last chance and she blew it.

See, this girl has been a hand full. She has only been there for a couple months and she has not been productive at all. My BFF wanted to fire her a while ago and I told her she should from the crap she was doing, but HER supervisor would not fire her and then they put her on an action plan. THEN, she started calling in/leaving early. Well, that lead to a final warning and then the girl filing a grievance against my BFF, because she did not feel a final warning was necessary. Well the grievance amounted to nothing. It has only been a little over a month and she was caught on the computer.

When they talked to her to fire her she said she “accidentally” clicked on it, but IS, said, um, no when I came to her desk she was playing it and not one, but two games was opened.

People assume you are being tracked by your employer, and no, they do not have to tell you they are doing it. They track your emails, Internet usage and don’t forget that hard drive you save your resume on.

So all you twit.ters, face.bookers, ravel.ers, blo.ggers, ga.mers and por.n watchers, be careful, because its’ hard out here and its’ even harder if you lose your job over something as simple as this.

Oh and how come she told me one fool did get fired for watching smut. What the fuck is wrong with you? At work? Is it really that serious? How do you go home and tell your wife/chick/main squeeze? Because I would flip the hell out.

Furthermore, people when you are fired for cause, you can be denied unemployment. Some of you will read this and say, it is so wrong for her to get fired. It was just a Well some will tell you it is a loss in productivity and stealing time. It is, what it is.

Have a great weekend!!

Braggart = ME

Class. Today we will learn about the word braggart.

Webster definition of the word goes a little something like this.

: a loud arrogant boaster

Well honey, if you look in the dictionay there will be a picture of me cheesing real hard holding MY NEW CELL PHONE!!! I GOT A G1 YA'LL AND I AM BRAGGING LIKE A MOFO. IF YOU WAS IN D.C. I WOULD LET YOU LOOK AT IT BUT NO TOUCHING, OR GETTING TOO CLOSE YOU MIGHT GOT THAT ISH.

Sike, I kid. I kid.

Oh I got a post coming later about someone getting fired because of the internet. See I told ya'll.

Back later.