Thursday, September 17, 2009

Weekend: Promotion, Family Day, Black Family Reunion

Hi folks. This week has been crazy. We burried the dinosaur and got a new laptop so I can now write at home.

The weekend.

Friday – Surprise party

I am crazy as you all know. I waited until Wednesday to plan a surprise party for my husband. He received a promotion at work and I wanted to celebrate it with family and friends. My husband is a great guy and I wanted to surprise him. So we did a BACKWARD surprise party. Meaning, instead of him coming home and we all yell surprise, he would already be home and as people came he would be surprised. He was very surprised and thankful. I love game night so that was the theme. I am telling you Monoply Cards is the bomb. I can’t STAND Monoply board game but the cards are the TRUTH. They also made a new Scrabble card game but we didn’t get a change to play because we were playing Life, Pictionary, Uno, Wii and I taught them how to play poker.

Saturday – Beauty shop and family day

Our appointment was at 7 am and because people were over late I slept like a baby. My husband wakes me up out of my deep sleep and says.

Mr. Conservative: Hon, don’t you and Anger Mgmt have an appointment at 7.
Sleepy Urban: Yeah
Mr. C: Well you know its 8.
Urban: WHAT?

I jump up call the chica she told me to come in and I told her I would be there in about 15 minutes. I go to the my door to call for Anger Mgmt to get up. How come this child is already up watching t.v.? She knew we had an early appointment. I swear fo GAWD!

Mr. C drives us there and in the car he says. I woke up around 5 and 6 a.m. but you were sleeping so well. WHAT?!? So he was woke. Why didn’t he wake me up?
Anywho, it was all good. We got there about 8:40 and out by 10:15. I LOVE IT!! I hate staying all day and we still had the day left.

Around 1:00 the husband and I took the family out to eat which we haven’t done in awhile and then we went shopping. THANK GOD they have cellphones. We gave them money and told them to meet us at 6 p.m. So sweet! We didn’t have to go into their stores, i.e. Game Stop and Claires. We did get a phone call from College boy and Mr. Stefon asking us could we bring them 4 dollars. WTF. We also got to look at laptops for the family because we all are about to hurt College boy. He has a laptop and do not want us to touch his at all. I think I told ya’ll he told Anger Mgmt to use her phone or go to the library because she was not going to mess up his computer. Well Wednesday, we went and bought the same laptop we picked out Saturday. Why didn’t we just buy it then. Whatever.

Sunday – Black Family Reunion

My mom and I went to the Black Family Reunion down on the Mall. I try and go every year but missed the last two so I was determined to go this year. I love being on the Mall. You look one way you see the Capitol and the opposite you see the Monument. The weather was gorgeous as well.

We really had a ball. It was so much stuff to do, however, I did notice that their were less sponsors and no vendors. I remember buying art work from a vendor years before and I so wanted to see vendors that catered to my needs and likes. But I guess it was not meant to be. Oh well we did get some complimentary tickets to How Sweet the Sound.

I really loved hanging out with Ma Dukes and she said the same as well. I know I am my mothers child but the more we are together, as much as she knows how to work my nerves, the more I realize that we are not that different. My humor, stubborn and control freak surely came from this beautiful creature which is my mother.

Monday she called to tell me that she really had a good time and that we definitely need to do it more often and we will. I need to stop using the excuse that life gets in the way. It was easy to use when she lived in Georgia but now that she only lives 15 minutes away it is unacceptable. We will see…….

Friday, September 11, 2009

Girlfriend with a Wife on the Side

Sunday, I go to a cookout that no one wanted to go to. Well I let me rephrase. I went because my best friend of 23 years gave the party. However, we ALL wish it was catered. Only Mr. Stefon came to the party because he wanted to play with the other kids and get in the moon bounce. Moving on.

I am introduced to these two women, and I get the evil grit down. But its whatever I don’t care. How YOU doing!

We are talking and I find out that one chica is the coaches wife and the other lady is a football mom. So we talk and chitter chatter and the Football Flousy starts working my nerves because I can see she is trying to find something to talk about and she is picking on the Coaches Wife. So I decided that whatever she says I will go against her. Just because. Also, because she says dumb stuff.

Football Flousy: Don’t you hate it when you go places and people are real quiet. Just don’t say nothing.
Urban: No.
FF: You don’t find that strange.
Urban: Nope
FF: I find it strange, Coaches Wife don’t talk to nobody she is so quiet. She just be in her own world.
Urban: Okay, so whats wrong with that. I don’t talk to people right off the bat. I normally sit back and observe people. See what’s going on.
FF: Um. I find it disturbing for people to be so quiet.


FF: I have a question. Is game night just for married folks. I mean everyone I know who is married have a game night.
Urban: No. Why would it just be for married folks? It is for whomever want to play games. Hell a lot of times its just me and the kids playing games and every once in a while my husband joins us. But I know single people or single parents, or whomever that have a game night and it can be random or set in stone.

Ugh. I hate when single people try to make married people seem like they are shackled or a whole nother species. She told us that she is happy to be single, that way she can do whatever she want, when she want, and in the same breathe said she wants someone. Save the drama for yo momma. I can careless if your married or not do you.

She kept doing shit like that the whole time coach wife was there and then made another comment asking her how come she don’t stay at the game like all the other coaches wives and follow their husband arounds like little puppies. WTF. I figured something was up.

Coach mom left and we were left alone to talk.

Urban: Yeah, I understand what she is saying being the Coach Wife.
FF: Well, I could say a lot. No I am not going to say anything. Well. You know when I met her husband the coach. I didn’t know he was married. He didn’t have a ring on or anything. I mean the way he was acting and stuff. And she was never at the practices or the games and then one day he introduced her to me and was like this is my wife. I was like what the fuck. That’s your wife, but um, I just met your girlfriend.

Blown away. First off it’s like she was blaming the woman for his infidelities because she didn’t stay on the field and WATCH her husband – play a fake as security officer. I kindly told her that, that is not what a wife should have to do. Maybe she didn’t feel like she needed to be on the field watching her husband. I trust my husband to do whatever he says he is doing. Now, whether he is doing what he said is another thing. I DON’T know nothing about it. I also told her the other women may follow their husbands because they have a trust issue or know ya’ll biatches or better yet know their damn husbands. I ain’t got time for all that. Sorry don’t.

So, when I got my BFF by herself I asked her about the girl and she told me it was RUMOURED that they were messing with each other. He said it didn’t happen that he just taken a liken to her son. Um, okay.

But he was messing with another chick that was not a part of the team and he left his family. Funny thing is he didn’t have shit – the house HER name, car HER name. Guess who came back. Yup after playing he came back and now I hear he wears his ring and she comes to the games more often.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Shopping with El Cheapo and Wally World Clerk TMI

My BFF decided she wanted to have a Hall.owee.n party. Love it! I told her she should make the invitations. She said, “no she was just going to buy them.” She deemed them too expensive and that we should definitely make them.

**fyi** It is a misconception to believe that it is cheaper for you to make invitations, then buying them UNLESS you have the equipment and all that, over time it will become cheaper, but the best part - you personalized your invitations and they look awesome. **um, fyi over**

We made a date to go Saturday. This hussy waits until 4:50 to start shopping and when my girls and I, get together we have to eat. I love seafood and since my family only eat fish, this is the time when I get to break out and eat everything in the damn sea. We decided to try this seafood buffet in VA. HATED IT!! Four thumbs and two pinky toes down. Will not eva, eva, go there AGAIN.

We then get to A.C. Moore late because we had to go way on the other side of town in MD, no biggie it was just us. While were in the car she is complaining the whole time. How she is not going to pay for this or that, she is not crafty, she ain’t got time for this or that. What the fuck? If you are throwing a party, you know your going to have to pay. Now you can pay a little or a lot, but this hussy ain’t trying to pay for NOTHING. As a good friend I offered my scrapbooking supplies, hell they are gathering dust unless I am wrapping a gift or for a school project.

We look at .69 paper she bitching and moaning. What am I going to do with this? How much paper do I need? I show her some examples. She liked them and STILL complained about the paper. Then have a nerve to ask me why I am not helping her any more. Probably, because I might hit her. I went to look at the damn yarn. Your saying, “Urban don’t be like that.” I am saying, this fool started yelling about the .99 ribbon. I had to break before I hit her with them damn ribbons. Then we went to Michaels, which we closed down. And again, complaints. While were going to Michaels we see a Halloween store. I said, you should go in there. She gave me a dirty look and said, we are going to the Dollar store. Okay then go, but do not be complaining to me. Nothing wrong with the dollar store. I got stuff from there before. However, we are talking about someone with Champagne Taste, she is not going to get anything in there. Then I receive a call from her on Tuesday.

BFF: Urban, I was looking online and everyone says I need to get the Mar.tha Ste.wart book it has great Halloween stuff. She used stamps for her invitations, but I like your idea better. It also had……….
Urban: I showed you stamps, but you thought it was too expensive.
BFF: No. It’s all good. I am going to use what I got. When are we going to go back and get the book?
Urban: What?
BFF: We need the book.
Urban: No. You don’t just look online.
BFF: Everyone says you need the book.
Urban: Wait. You want me to go with you to get a book that your cheap ass is NOT going to buy when you see the price. HELL no! Your ass want to go to the dollar store, when you were right by a Halloween shop that specialized in the shit. Hell to the naw! I am not going with you to get no damn book that you will NOT purchase.
BFF: Um, are you yelling at me.

I know her she will not buy that book. She will ask my ass to go in on the shit. She told me when we was at the store “don’t you want to go half on a smoke machine.” Um, no.

When we left Michaels we went to Wally World and while we were there she reminded me we needed to do supply shopping for Mr. Stefon. See I was smart this year. Last year they gave me a generic list for a fifth grader. I did not know it was a generic list and tried to be a good parent and bought everything on the list. Needless to say, I paid around $200. It didn’t go to waste because the other kids used the items. We did not have money to throw out the window just because. This year I waited for the list.

Why is this hussy throwing in shit when I told her not too? She is picking up dividers that cost 4- 5 dollars because they are decorative. I told her to put the shit back. I will wait until they restock because of course waiting meant they were sold out because other parents did what they were supposed to do. Although I told her to put the shit back she didn’t. We are fighting in the aisle.

Urban: See, your ass don’t know how to act in public.

People are laughing at us bicker back and forth. But that’s us, we been friends too damn long. Well we go in line to check out and she is in front of me. She is blocking the whole counter so I can’t put my stuff on the counter.

Urban: Excuse me Miss. Can you move over so I can put my items on the counter?
BFF: No, you need to wait your turn.
Urban: You got all that damn room AND you are paying for your stuff. Move.
BFF: Lady, do I know you?
Urban: Oh you going to move your stuff. (I proceed to move her ass over) What the Hell! I thought I told you I didn’t want these dividers?
BFF: His school list says dividers and you need to get them for him. Stop being cheap.
Urban: No you didn’t call somebody cheap. This is going out of the cart and why are there two pencil sharpeners?
BFF: (laughing) Well he is a boy and you can’t expect him to just have one.
Urban: You play too much.
BFF: I am going to the bathroom.

WallyWorld Clerk: Are you two sisters?
Urban: Um, no. I dislike her, she is my friend.
WWC: You two been friends a long time?
Urban: Yeah about 16 years too damn long.
WWC: I use to have a friend like that but her husband broke us up.
Urban: Oh really. That’s a shame. I have known majority of my friends for over 20 years. My husband treat them like sisters.
WWC: I wish. Girl they started getting freaking in the bedroom and then that was it. Broke up our friendship.

Urban: (oh lawd, secrets) Whhhhhaaattt? (looking for Bff)
WWC: Yeah chile, he wanted her to act like her friends in the bedrrom.


What type of bullshit is that?

Urban: Oh hell naw!
WWC: Yes, it got really uncomfortable. One day he said to me. Now I know your last name. Girl he had her act like she was me.


Urban: Wow. I don’t know what to say.
WWC: Well my ex-husband……….

BFF came out at this point and I told her to have a nice night.

Look at BFF and said.

Urban: Gurllll! Wait until we get out the store I can’t wait to tell you our conversation.
BFF: Why are you always making friends? I can’t leave your ass alone for a second.

I guess being in Wallyworld after 10 P.M. and no customers in your line will give you the chance to talk to folk about everything.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

My weekend

Hey folks! How the heck are you? I had a wonderful weekend and beginning of the week.

Friday. I didn’t do too much.

Saturday got the car back. Went to a horrible seafood buffet and shopping with my friend who is crazy as all get out. She is throwing a Halloween Party and do not want to spend NO damn money. Then how in the hell do you throw a party?

Sunday went to my friend house for a cookout and she can’t cook. It is well known so my godsister ditched the party and my other friend just came to meet guys. DRAMA.

Monday went to brunch with the family and discovered that something is wrong with the water heater. Not stressed. Curse a little but it is what it is. Then I chilaxed and studied for one of my classes.

I have so many stories to tell you guys that I have to break them up because it was just too much drama going on this weekend. Again of course not with me but with the folks/parties I am around. Let see what some of the topics will be today or tomorrow if I have time to post. I did tell you guys that the dinosaur (our computer) is dead and I don’t feel like brining my laptop home or trying to type on the G1 so I do have an excuse.


Conversation with the clerk at Wally world. Lawd off the chain.
Cookout included the coaches wife AND his girlfriend. Yes you read that right. COULD NOT BEEN ME.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Conversations with Urb

Background: Husband and I sitting in the car. HOT as heck and we sent the little bugger Mr. Stefon home and since it is now dark we can see the mosquitoes and other flying what not gathering on the window. I am getting bored. Mr. Conservative is sitting in the backseat.

Urban: Babe - what you doing?
Mr. Conservative: Um sitting in the backseat. (he is frustrated- I am as cool as a cucumber, well maybe not cool).
Urban: Babe.
Mr. C: What?
Urban: Let me see your stuff.
Mr. C: WHAT?
Urban: You heard me.
Mr. C: No.
Urban: Come on man ain't nobody going to see you its dark.
Mr. C: I don't care about that. I don't want them things to jump on my stuff.
Urban: (dying laughing) You will be okay, take one for the team.
Mr. C: You got to be crazy if you think I am letting them bite me.

Guy who USE to live in the house at the end of the street before they gave him the boot. In the car earlier waiting for the battery jump the second time.

DumbDude: Hey man, I thought that was you. (higher than cooty brown)
Mr. C: Hey what's up.
DD: Nothing man. You ran out of gas I got some money.
Mr. C: Naw man we just need a jump we called roadside.
DD: Oh okay because I got some money for you.
Mr. C: We good thanks man.

DD leaves and comes back. I see him approaching.

Urban: Here comes your best friend.
Mr. C: Dayhum
DD: So you want me to give you the money for some gas.
Mr. C: NO, we got gas its something else. We straight.
DD: Okay just let me know because I got the money.

STOP DRINKING AND SMOKING. What part of we have money and gas don't your ass understand?! Yes I know he was trying to be helpful. But when it is hot as hell outside and your sitting in a car burning up you might want to leave people alone if you don't have jumper cables in your back freaking pocket ya dig!! Shit we getting bit by mosquitoes and some more shit! Don't tempt me.

Oh I haven't even begun to tell you the drama with v.w. that is for another post. However, they are paying for the oil pan 618 that includes the labor and drum roll please. The mechanic called me about 5 minutes ago and said it is the altenator and that will be 1150.

Fuck me very much. love to drive them, but a biatch to pay for. This is why we hurried up and gave the benzo back to FIL before we got really use to it. It does ride smooth though, but the maintenance, the freakin maintenance.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

My Car Saga

Last Wednesday was Mr. Stefon first day of school. Well, Mr. Conservative and I went to pick him up from school.

Get Mr. Stefon and go back to the car and the car would not start. Call V.W roadside and we waited about 30 minutes. Of course, it would be the day when it was 95 degrees outside. However, it was cool once we opened the door. For some reason we were getting a nice breeze, so it wasn’t too bad. Roadside came and the guy jumped the car and we were on our way. Or so we thought.

We decide to stop at the store on the way home about 5 minutes from our house and noticed the car was starting to slow down. So we decided to nix the store and go the hell home. Well, 2 minutes away and the mofo cut off COMPLETELY. On a busy street, but by the grace of God no one was behind us.

We call the guy who helped us before because he gave us his card and he told us he was on his way. How come he didn’t show up? Did not return our calls. We had to call V.W roadside again, which we should have done the first time and he wasted 30 minutes of our time. Estimated wait time 45 minutes.

Now we are no longer receiving ANY kind of breeze. We are in the blazing sun. Mr. Conservative told us to go ahead home and he will be home later. Um, you have lost your fool mind. We are in this together. However, Mr. Stefon was getting the heck out because he was asking too many questions and it was hot as hell sitting on leather in 95 degree weather and hotter in the car. I told him to walk home and Collegeboy met him. THIS IS HOW FREAKING CLOSE TO HOME WE WERE.

A neighbor family member saw us and bugged the hell out of us, another post, too much to write. All I have to say is crack/alcohol is a helluva drug. Anywho, back to the show, I mean my life.

Roadside shows up with a carload of kids. They are screaming daddy can we get out of the car and all types of hotness and he is yelling back at them. A mess. The car starts and cuts right the heck back off. Needless to say, a tow truck needed to be called now.

Estimated wait time 1 hour. We had to pay 75 dollars to go just up the hill, but who cares at this point, just get us home. It would have been free if we sent it to the dealership or I used our insurance (idiot). Well they were not there in 1 hour and V.W had to whip some but they got their 15 minutes later.

Hooked up the car and we were in it. YES, I KNOW WE WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE IN. Leave me alone, I know it was stupid. Nevertheless, it was crowded at the front and just up the hill.

You have to use a code to get in our community (unless the badass kids tell you or push it in for you). We get out the car to tell him the code and Loco tow driver says.

LOCO: Man, you have a leak you need to fix that.
Mr. Conservative: BULL SHIT!
Urban: (who don’t know shit about cars except that should not happen) Dude that is oil and that is not a leak. YOU did that.
LOCO: I did not do that it was already like that.
Urban: Our car would not start because of something mechanical NOT FREAKING LEAKING and dude, there is a difference between leaking and POURING and if our car were pouring oil, we would not have any right now as long as we waited for service all day.

We get in to the community with oil going everywhere and Mr. Conservative looses his cool. Which trust me really does not happen that often. You have to push him to the edge but when you do…..

Why homie say to my husband.

LOCO: Man I was trying to help you out by doing you a favor.
Mr. Conservative: Man you what?
LOCO: I was trying to help you.
Mr. Conservative: HELP! Man you damaged my got damn car. I paid ya’ll ass to provide a service, that is NOT a freaking favor. A favor is free or a discount not making shit worse. You betta get out my face with that shit.

Imagine that is the clean version. Somebody was HAWT.

Why was I on the steps laughing? Not out loud. But just laughing, saying baby calm down. But that shit was soooo damn funny because he hardly looses his cool. But I knew I needed to get him, because he was about to loose his Conservative title.

I was very calm. I called V.W roadside and reported it and thank goodness everything was done through them so they are handling everything and could see that oil leakage (POURING) was not the problem and I called and they know about it as well.

So, we had his father benzo until Sunday, and I think I now want a truck. But, now we are carless. Everyone is dragging their damn feet. I found out today that it will cost 615 for the oil pan which we will not be paying for, but damn, when will they fix that shit so that WE can find out what is really wrong with the damn car.

Mr. Stefon gets out of school at 3:45, we didn’t get in the house until a little after 9.

Guess whose back???


Yes, the temptress is back. I have been trying to get my hands on this thing to complete since I got out of school but that damn blanket took all my time. Especially, since I said I would be monogamous. That shit is for the birds. Well we are back on and popping.

School started for me yesterday. Lawd I have so much to tell you. My home computer is dead, my car is in the shop, I have gained over 20 lbs and um, I am happy. I must be having a breakdown or something. Back soon.