My BFF decided she wanted to have a Hall.owee.n party. Love it! I told her she should make the invitations. She said, “no she was just going to buy them.” She deemed them too expensive and that we should definitely make them.
**fyi** It is a misconception to believe that it is cheaper for you to make invitations, then buying them UNLESS you have the equipment and all that, over time it will become cheaper, but the best part - you personalized your invitations and they look awesome. **um, fyi over**
We made a date to go Saturday. This hussy waits until 4:50 to start shopping and when my girls and I, get together we have to eat. I love seafood and since my family only eat fish, this is the time when I get to break out and eat everything in the damn sea. We decided to try this seafood buffet in VA. HATED IT!! Four thumbs and two pinky toes down. Will not eva, eva, go there AGAIN.
We then get to A.C. Moore late because we had to go way on the other side of town in MD, no biggie it was just us. While were in the car she is complaining the whole time. How she is not going to pay for this or that, she is not crafty, she ain’t got time for this or that. What the fuck? If you are throwing a party, you know your going to have to pay. Now you can pay a little or a lot, but this hussy ain’t trying to pay for NOTHING. As a good friend I offered my scrapbooking supplies, hell they are gathering dust unless I am wrapping a gift or for a school project.
We look at .69 paper she bitching and moaning. What am I going to do with this? How much paper do I need? I show her some examples. She liked them and STILL complained about the paper. Then have a nerve to ask me why I am not helping her any more. Probably, because I might hit her. I went to look at the damn yarn. Your saying, “Urban don’t be like that.” I am saying, this fool started yelling about the .99 ribbon. I had to break before I hit her with them damn ribbons. Then we went to Michaels, which we closed down. And again, complaints. While were going to Michaels we see a Halloween store. I said, you should go in there. She gave me a dirty look and said, we are going to the Dollar store. Okay then go, but do not be complaining to me. Nothing wrong with the dollar store. I got stuff from there before. However, we are talking about someone with Champagne Taste, she is not going to get anything in there. Then I receive a call from her on Tuesday.
BFF: Urban, I was looking online and everyone says I need to get the Mar.tha Ste.wart book it has great Halloween stuff. She used stamps for her invitations, but I like your idea better. It also had……….
Urban: I showed you stamps, but you thought it was too expensive.
BFF: No. It’s all good. I am going to use what I got. When are we going to go back and get the book?
BFF: We need the book.
Urban: No. You don’t just look online.
BFF: Everyone says you need the book.
Urban: Wait. You want me to go with you to get a book that your cheap ass is NOT going to buy when you see the price. HELL no! Your ass want to go to the dollar store, when you were right by a Halloween shop that specialized in the shit. Hell to the naw! I am not going with you to get no damn book that you will NOT purchase.
BFF: Um, are you yelling at me.
Urban: PRETTY MUCH!
I know her she will not buy that book. She will ask my ass to go in on the shit. She told me when we was at the store “don’t you want to go half on a smoke machine.” Um, no.
When we left Michaels we went to Wally World and while we were there she reminded me we needed to do supply shopping for Mr. Stefon. See I was smart this year. Last year they gave me a generic list for a fifth grader. I did not know it was a generic list and tried to be a good parent and bought everything on the list. Needless to say, I paid around $200. It didn’t go to waste because the other kids used the items. We did not have money to throw out the window just because. This year I waited for the list.
Why is this hussy throwing in shit when I told her not too? She is picking up dividers that cost 4- 5 dollars because they are decorative. I told her to put the shit back. I will wait until they restock because of course waiting meant they were sold out because other parents did what they were supposed to do. Although I told her to put the shit back she didn’t. We are fighting in the aisle.
Urban: See, your ass don’t know how to act in public.
People are laughing at us bicker back and forth. But that’s us, we been friends too damn long. Well we go in line to check out and she is in front of me. She is blocking the whole counter so I can’t put my stuff on the counter.
Urban: Excuse me Miss. Can you move over so I can put my items on the counter?
BFF: No, you need to wait your turn.
Urban: You got all that damn room AND you are paying for your stuff. Move.
BFF: Lady, do I know you?
Urban: Oh you going to move your stuff. (I proceed to move her ass over) What the Hell! I thought I told you I didn’t want these dividers?
BFF: His school list says dividers and you need to get them for him. Stop being cheap.
Urban: No you didn’t call somebody cheap. This is going out of the cart and why are there two pencil sharpeners?
BFF: (laughing) Well he is a boy and you can’t expect him to just have one.
Urban: You play too much.
BFF: I am going to the bathroom.
WallyWorld Clerk: Are you two sisters?
Urban: Um, no. I dislike her, she is my friend.
WWC: You two been friends a long time?
Urban: Yeah about 16 years too damn long.
WWC: I use to have a friend like that but her husband broke us up.
Urban: Oh really. That’s a shame. I have known majority of my friends for over 20 years. My husband treat them like sisters.
WWC: I wish. Girl they started getting freaking in the bedroom and then that was it. Broke up our friendship.
Urban: (oh lawd, secrets) Whhhhhaaattt? (looking for Bff)
WWC: Yeah chile, he wanted her to act like her friends in the bedrrom.
Did ya’ll read that?!? Let me type it again. THIS FOOL WANTED HER TO ACT LIKE HER FRIENDS WHILE THEY WERE SEXING.
What type of bullshit is that?
Urban: Oh hell naw!
WWC: Yes, it got really uncomfortable. One day he said to me. Now I know your last name. Girl he had her act like she was me.
DEAD FREAKING STARE!!
Urban: Wow. I don’t know what to say.
WWC: Well my ex-husband……….
BFF came out at this point and I told her to have a nice night.
Look at BFF and said.
Urban: Gurllll! Wait until we get out the store I can’t wait to tell you our conversation.
BFF: Why are you always making friends? I can’t leave your ass alone for a second.
I guess being in Wallyworld after 10 P.M. and no customers in your line will give you the chance to talk to folk about everything.