Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Are you married, married? and more...

Am I a snob?
Two weeks ago me and the ladies went out for the day and at the end of the day we went to a bar. Now, I never been to this bar and when we pulled up looking for a parking space, some old geezers came out the club and were about to fight or at least they were exchanging words. So I am looking at her, like what the fuck is going on – are we going in there????

Friend: Why are you looking like that?
Urban: Like what? Have you been in there before?
Friend: OMG! Are you going to act like a snob? Get it together?
Urban: What! I am not a snob.
Friend: You are. Look how your acting.
Urban: Acting like what? That I want to make it back home to my family. That’s not being a snob. WTF is really hood over there - are they about to fight? I mean come on. We are too old for this shit.
Friend: We have been in worse and they are just talking.
Urban: Okay (dumb, yes I was dumb and went in)

At the bar, having a blast. Drinking dancing on the barstool – when a great song came on, which was rare. Oh snap – do you know these grown, old ass people put on the stanky leg? Then had a nerve to ask someone to come down and show everyone because the couple fools up there trying to dance could not do it. Lawd, I was laughing real hard.

Are you married, married?

This dude came up and was really pressed trying to get at my friend and all I kept hearing was do you want anything and she would say no she’s good. But dude kept coming back asking the same damn question. Are you hungry? This your girl right are you hungry? Nope. Ya’ll sure. Yeah dude, damn.

Bugaboo – Excuse me are you married, married?
Urban – What?
Bugaboo – You know are you married, married? This is my brother and he has been trying to get at you, but your ring has been staring at him.
Urban – Yeah, I am married, married. I didn’t know it was any other way.
Bugaboo – Well are you happy because he is a good dude and will treat you right.
Urban – For real? Damn. Oh well, he is 17 years too late, my husband already got me on a pedestal and treats me real good.

Yeah, I already hear ya’ll. Well you were in the club. Tough titty. I can go out if I want to. Furthermore, if his brother had any balls, he would have stepped to me and not asked me dumb questions either. Just talked and see where it went. Hell the average dude on the street see your ring and don’t ask you that. If anything they hit you with, can you have friends? You mind if I call? Whatever.

I Got Your Back
At some point with Bugaboo, he tried to bring me in the conversation and since they were talking for so long I figured maybe she was feeling him if for any reason because he had a Hummer (that he constantly kept telling us, but his shoes said pinto).

Bugaboo: Hey, how old are your friend kids?
Urban: Let’s see my son will be 20 and her sons should be like 17 & going on 19
Bugaboo: What? You ladies can not have kids that old
Urban: You can if you had them early.
Bugaboo: Wow. I have been talking to your friend and she seems like a nice person.
Urban: She is. She is an excellent catch. She owns her own home, nice job, car. Doing big things, no man.

Fight breaks out – at least they went outside. While he was outside, she is looking at me like she can kill me.

Urban: What’s up? I am surprised by your choice. Ew
Friend: What the fuck is wrong with you? No more drinks.
Urban: What are you talking about? I should tell you that.
Friend: I told his ass that I had a boyfriend, but naw you tell him all this shit about me and now I gave him my number.
Urban: Oh snap, I thought you liked ol’boy you been hemmed up over there for a minute.
Friend: YES with me telling him, I was in a happy committed relationship.
Urban: Damn. Well, you know its been a minute. Although I was wondering why the hell you was talking to this dude, I figured you decided to lower your standards for the Hummer.
Friend: Bitch we ain’t 18.
Urban: Pretty much, plus he might have a hummer, but he lives out of it, did you see his shoes and the fur coming up out of the shirt.
Friend: Exactly, so why was you giving him my damn info.

I really thought she was trying to get put on, plus I was not paying them any mind. I was talking to my new friend.

New friend
While at the bar, this regular chick comes and sits beside me at the bar. She looks at me and ask if the kitchen is still open.

Urban: I have no clue. (HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW)
NewBFF: Kim, is the bar still open? (YELLING) Kim, I know you heard me. Girl I am hungry.
Kim tells her no.
NewBFF: Shit, I finning to get me something to eat. Aw shit that is my jam right there. You like that song. (bumping me the whole time, while she dance and scream the words)
Urban: It’s okay.
NBFF: Man, I am about to get something to eat. Watch my spot.
Urban: Um, okay. (when did we buddy up?)

About 10 minutes go by and she reappears. How come she went next door or somewhere and got some chicken wings, mumbo sauce and French fries? The shit smelled good, but did you really just go some where else buy food and come back into the club?

NBFF: You want some wings? I got a lot? Come on girl get you one.
Urban: Naw, I’m good. I ate before I got here.

Just Wow all around. My friend is still mad at me.


Sheila said...

You got me laughing at my screen, when I should be working on an XL sheet...haha

Too dayumm funny.

LoL @ Driving a Hummer with pinto shoes.

Cas... said...

Girl you are crazy! Seriously crazy! New BFF! LOL! Hummer man! LOL! married, married! LOL! That's some kind of funny! LOL!

Adrienne said...

Girl a MESS! LOL

Carmell said...

haha oh well she'll just have to be mad. she could have dropped a clue or something!!