One of the hottest days of the summer. The weather man said it was going to be 97 or 98 and the humidity will make it feel more like 110 and its already 82 degrees at 7:00 in the morning.
You wake your child up for tennis camp (indoors/outdoors so he will not be in the sun) and say, “come on get ready” and you go take care of business, so you look, so fresh and so clean even though your hair is going to fall, but as Snoop says, "ya got ta do it." (I know that's right)
You finish and you see your son MR. STEFON WITH A HOODIE ON and it is zipped ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP.
WTF, no imagine, what the hell going on!!! It’s already hot in the damn house. Anger Mgmt of course is sitting ringside.
Me: Um, why do you have that hoodie on its going to be VERY hot today, take that off.
Mr. Stefon: I want to wear it.
Me: Why? It’s too hot.
Mr. Stefon: I want to wear it for fashion. (yes this is what he said, I wish I was making this up)
Me: (thinking maybe its cold in the building so, okay (sucker)) For fashion? (Anger Mgmt is laughing) Whatever, but your not walking down the street with me, with that damn hoodie on its already 82 degrees.
Me: Take the damn hoodie off.
Mr. Stefon: Okay (starts walking fast as shit)
Me: You need to brush your hair.
Mr. Stefon: (walking around)
Me: Did you brush your hair, come on let’s go!!
Mr. Stefon: I can’t find the brush.
Me: It’s right there, come here and let me brush it real fast so we can get out of here (his tennis camp cries if your not there at 8, start threatening to kick your kids out).
I start brushing Mr. Stefon hair and it normally lays down, but um, I just can’t get it to all move in the same direction.
Me: Um, what is wrong with your hair?
Mr. Stefon: Huh
Me: (BELLS ARE SOUNDING THE FUCK OFF). What do you mean huh?
Me: WAIT. What happened to your damn hair? Did you cut your hair?
Mr. S: No, some boy at school did.
Me: Oh hell no, see now I have to be late to work because I don’t have time for this.
Me: Why did he cut your hair?
Mr. S: Well we were playing and he just did it.
Me: Your trying to tell me that you LET someone cut your hair.
Me: (PISSED, mumbling all types of smack wait until I get there, all that).
Mr. S: Yeah, well we were playing and he did it.
Me: (Mother intuition rings again, something is not quite right.) Stefon, did you cut your hair?
Mr. S: Huh
Me: You heard me!!! Your father would have noticed your hair and so would I! I don’t remember you looking crazy yesterday.
Mr. S: (lower his head)
Me: DID YOU CUT YOUR HAIR!!! Don’t have me go up to your school ready to give some kid a beat down and you did this to your self!
Mr. S: Yes, I did it.
Mr. S: looking at the damn floor.
Me: I know you heard me, why? You better answer or I will hurt you!!!
Mr. S: I WAS BORED!!
Me: (GTFO) You mean to tell me, you were so bored, you decided to cut your own hair.
HOLD UP PEOPLE, what really makes this bad. Mr. Stefon has a curfew, even in the summer time, during the school year, he has to be in bed by 8 (thank God), and the summer 10. He came to me and asked could he stay up and watch a show, I said sure you have been good and we have been leaving the house on time so fine. His father said please don’t let that boy stay up, you know he gets in to stuff. BUT , NAW I overrided dad and said, look he has been good, no crazy shit, so let him chill. Well folks THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED!!Me: TAKE THAT DAMN HOODIE OFF!! You will go to school just like that. You will not get a hair cut. Your ass looks like you have ringworms!!! For the life of me, I don’t understand why you would do this!! You need to come up with something better than you were bored, I swear for God!
Mr. S: Well, you all have me surrounded with all those bad kids. (Yes, he said it)
Me: Excuse me? What bad kids?
Mr. S: The kids at the camp, they always do bad stuff (lie, they would kick them out)
Me: Um, I probably would believe you, if you cut your hair at camp with them, but no you did it at home, by yourself. They were no where around!! (full of it).
We did not get that boy hair cut for a long ass time (both his grandparents was pissed at us and some family members but who cares), he walked around looking like he had ringworms and his beautiful sister, Anger Mgmt gave him the lovely nickname of Patches O’hoolihan. Isn’t she lovely. I thought I would have to give her some oxygen she was laughing so hard. College boy, was really concerned with the boy mental status - mommy, why does he do stuff like that, that boy is scary.
I know what you all will say, maybe he is doing it for attention and all of that. Well, yeah I would say the same except he gets ALL of the damn attention.
See ladies, I have plenty stories to tell.... like the time he climbed up the wall like Spi.der.man, or jumped off of a very high place when he was with his grandma and she was scared he died and didn’t know how to tell us (Anger mgmt tells this story laughing so hard she is crying). Oh wait , did I tell you he is not allowed to plug anything up because he electrocuted himself 2 times or maybe 3, I lost count.And you know I got some pictures! I took them while we were walking to camp, he said, why are you taking them pictures......are you going to put them online......yes, sir. He is still my baby, and we can all laugh about it now, but then.....
By the way a tool of choice is a pair of KNITTING SCISSORS!! Ain't that some shit, the boy used my sharp ass knitting scissors.