My sister ain't staying here!!

My sister is a trip. We kept in touch kinda after she left. She would send me pictures of her and the family – like 20 at one time –WTF, send it in an email and not a text but whatever. Nevertheless, I did not say anything I have free text message and she was being cordial and I was trying to forget the shady stuff she pulled yet again with my mother keeping the girls this summer. I am not even going to talk about it or this story will be VERY long, which this one will be kinda.

Thanksgiving my sister called and we talked for a minute and had a good time on the phone talking about past Turkey days, like my mother ex-boyfriend putting greens in the dishwasher. Man those were the greenest greens I ever saw. He tried to convince us that that is how they do it in the south. Yes, folks he was born and bred in the south, but he could not cook. How did those greens taste? I have no clue, it was no way in hell we were eating them damn things.

Anywho, after she got off the phone with me, she spoke to Mr. Stefon and I heard Mr. Stefon say –

Mr. Stefon: Where you staying?
Mr. Stefon: Over grandma house?
Mr. Stefon: No, you must be staying over grandma house because you aint staying over here.
Mr. Stefon: No I don’t. Love you to Aunt …..

My mother the family instigator gets on the phone and she is dying laughing. I mean crying. She then says, he said what? My sister told my mother that Mr. Stefon got a smart mouth. She told him that she might come up for Xmas and he told her that she could not stay at our house. She asked him did he pay any bills in the house. She said he was too grown.

Of course, I told him he should not have said that and commenced to laughing, because the shit is funny.

A week later, my mother calls –

Mommy: Hey sweetie.
Urban: Hey mommy, what you doing (YES I still call her that and will always),
Mommy: Nothing. You speak to your sister.
Urban: No. (a here we go moment).
Mommy: Oh, did you know she is coming up here for Christmas.
Urban: Nope. I don’t know where she is staying she hasn’t spoken to me.
Mommy: I think she wants to stay at your house and she told me that she would be here for 3 weeks.
Urban: WTF. Not my house, especially for three weeks. Mommy tell your daughter the next time you speak to her that she cannot stay at my house.
Mommy: (laughing) Well she is not staying at my house, because I told her she can not sleep on my sofas and she said she is not sleeping on the floor and she was very comfortable at your house and she wants to spend time with her nephew.
Urban: Mommy don’t play with me. Seriously tell your brat to call me or tell her no. I would hate for her to travel real far and not have a place for her to stay.

This hussy did not offer to pay for NOTHING why her party of 10 was here. Granted I wasn’t expecting it either I had enough food (thanks Costco) for all their asses, but still her ass could have offered she didn’t. AND the worse part her ass would not lift a finger to do anything. She was suppose to help and she was like I don’t do anything before I put my makeup on – GTFOH. Makeup do not make you fry chicken better. I swear she makes me want to FUCK HER UP! Yes I said it.

Moving on. Guess who calls me yesterday? Yup my mother – sure was not that sister of mine.

Mommy: Hey baby girl, haven’t spoken to you (yes she has, so I know something up). How the kids and my son in law?
Urban: They are doing fine. You speak to that brother of mine?
Mommy: No, I think he is ignoring my calls (smart man), I would like to see my grandkids even if its for five minutes. (Manipulator).
Urban: Well he might have his reasons for not calling he might be busy.
Mommy: Maybe you can call him for me and then……
Urban: Okay I will when I hang up(translated HELL NO, that’s between ya'll).
Mommy: Your sister called me and said she may not come now because someone broke in her truck and…….
Urban: Mommy, you are a very bad parent.
Mommy: laughing – why would you say that.
Urban: BECAUSE you would let your daughter come all the way up here and she would not have a place to stay. You should have told her to either call me OR tell her.
Mommy: dying laughing – Well, its not my responsibility. She is not coming.
Urban: Okay, responsibility, when all 10 of them is in your 1 bedroom apt you will understand because I am not playing with ya’ll.
Mommy: I won’t be home.
Urban: Nor will I. The Inn will be closed.

They get on my nerves. Like I told my mother the hussy and her clan ain’t staying at my house. Why Urban? What is the real issue? Why don’t you call her? It’s the principality of the whole damn thing. I ain’t calling her ass because as far as I am concerned, I don’t know shit about it since she was not woman enough to call me. Therefore, I ain’t doing SHIZZNIT!! I would never think I can just stay over someone house. I would ask you first. How in the hell do you just go over someone house. Futhermore, when did schools start letting out for three weeks? That sounds fishy, she may never try to leave.

Next up. Old school - New school creeping. I just threw up a little bit typing that.