Friday, March 07, 2008

Last Night

My plans for last night was to - in this order:

Knit, help Mr. Stefon with homework, try a new turkey meatloaf and cheese recipe (a keeper), knit to In Treatment and stay up until husband comes home.

Well, you know what they say about the best laid plans. I helped Mr. Stefon with homework. Tried the recipe and did the head bob while watching In Treatment - I have no clue what happened I woke up at the end - I guess I will get caught up this weekend.

What happened you asked?

Mr. Stefon has been constipated for the past three days. I have been giving him water and veggies and trying to let it pass naturally. He goes to the bathroom and he is screaming at the top of his lungs. What do a good, caring, loving mother like me do? Laugh - not out loud so he could hear me, but yes laugh. Don't judge me people, the shit was funny. He is known to talk to his bowel movement when he is NOT constipated. On more than one occasion I have asked him who is he talking to and yes he has imaginary friends and one of them is named - guess what - Stefon. How the hell do you name your imaginary friend after you. College boy had an imaginary friend too.

He goes to bed @ 8:00 (on the nose, believe me I do a count down - you want what? oh you have 1 min.) Fastfoward - I fall asleep around 9:30, hubby probably got in around 10 and my whole house is sleep. At 11:45 (I know cause I looked at the damn clock), someone (Stefon) is screaming at the top of their lungs. Husband - WTF, shut that damn noise up. In defense of the husband earlier the same day Mr. Stefon woke us up at 4:00 saying his throat hurt!

Parents Conversation:
Me: Don't yell at him, he is constipated, he has been for three days.
Mr. Conservative: Well, I didn't know.
Me: I know, I will go talk to him. Mr. Stefon, I know your stomache hurt but you can not yell at the top of your lungs - someone may call the popo on us. He says, okay. And, I am hoping to go back to sleep.

My husband is hardheaded. Love him dearly, but sometimes, he thinks his ass knows everything ( I do too, but....I am normally right LOL), remember, what the old folks use to say - A hard head, will make a soft ass.

Mr. Conservative: He needs more water and veggies.
Me: He drinks plenty of water (although, you didnt bring any home and I asked you too), but he do need to eat more veggies.
Mr. Conservative: He needs to stay away from sodas.
Me: Um, when we went to Costco we only bought Cranberry and Apple juice.
Mr. Conservative: Gets out of bed, gets Stefon and commence to giving this child water. I am upstairs listening to him explain the importance of water and how he HAS to drink it even though he don't want too.

I say to myself, this shit is child abuse why am I allowing this shit to go on - the warm bed maybe. Hell, he is his daddy too. Rolling over. Both of them come back upstairs and the husband tells him to sit on the toilet for a minute and he comes and lays back in bed. We hear this big boom in the kids bathroom.

Me: What the hell is that?
Mr. Conservative: I don't know.

Well guess what bloggers - it was PAY BACK.

Backstory: Daddy has been better taking care of sick kids. I am lazy, especially when I am trying to sleep I am a very light sleeper and I suffer from insomnia alot, so he gotta know I am faking (remember earlier, we're not judging). Whoever gets to the kids first normally take care of the problem. Well.

Mr. Stefon threw up everywhere in the bathroom, not in the toilet or the trashcan. EVERYWHERE.

What do I say when husband gets back in the bedroom - see, that's why you should not have been making him drink all that damn water. It was dark in the room, so I didn't see his face, but I am pretty sure he wanted to choke me. I would. He just went downstairs got the gloves and the mop and went to work. I laid in the bed, but then I felt bad so in solidarity I sat up in the bed...and commence to giving orders/suggestions. You might not want to use that mop, use the other mop. Do you have gloves? What are you going to do with the clothes? Hey, you need the Lysol? At this point, I believe he had ENOUGH of me. He said, um, yeah - YOU can go get it. I figured Hell he did everything else, I could at least do that.

God I love my husband!


Christie said...

Ugh. So getting the plumbing pulled.

Amanda said...

Poor Mr. Stefon...hope he is able to go soon. Poopin issues are no fun.

Anonymous said...

Girl, as someone with mucho experience in both departments (coming out of both ends), I truly symphathize.


Pajnstl said...

I hope this was supposed to be a funny post, b/c I'm over here CTFU laughing at yall! LOL

Nelly Knits said...

poor Mr. Stefon,but that post was comedy.

NikkiJ said...

Ahh, Mr. Stephon is really sufferin'. I find that hot tea kinda works like a gentle and quick lubricant (just one cup). Little Man suffers from constipation sometimes too. He was holding it in all day because the school toilets grossed him out. Well, if you don't let it out it gets hard, and when it's ready to come it's all bad. He almost caught a bladder infection from this last bought.