Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I want to be like Mike or maybe not...

Mr. Stefon: Mommy, I want to be like daddy when I grow up.
Me: You should your dad is a great man.
MS: I know he does everything for me.
Me: Yes, he gets up every morning and goes to work to make a better life for us.
MS: Mommy, did you know a lot of kids do not meet their father until they are adults.
Me: Yes, and some do not meet them then. Did you know I did not meet my father until I was eight?
MS: Is that why we do not go see granddaddy on your side?
Me: Well yes and no, I just do not go around because we do not have a relationship like you two. Remember Pops, grandma husband that died, he was my dad, he was the one who took care of us like your daddy, give us medicine, and go to our schools and stuff.
MS: Well, daddy yells sometimes and punishes me, but I am happy he is here for us.
Me: Yes and you remember that and make sure you are there for your kids no matter what.

I told my husband what he said because I believe that is the ultimate compliment. Of course, my husband turns around and says he wants him to be better than him, but to me that is not the point. Kids just want to be safe.

I did not meet my dad until I was 8 years old and it was not one of those reunions where we kept in contact all the time. The next time I saw my father my daughter was 1 years old and we began to keep in contact. However, I do not talk to him all the time. Right now, he is kinda beefing with me because I will not pick money up from his house. I just do not feel like it is my place and I am not hurting for it so its whatever. Although, he has not been a father, I respect the fact he spilled his seed and I am here so I do call him daddy even though he has not been a father or a daddy to me.

Dad: Hey, I miss you how are you?
Me: Fine, how are you?
Dad: Okay, I no longer have prostate cancer, the surgery went well.
Me: That’s good.
Dad: So, you going to come over here to get this money? I told you I have $50 for you and your old man and the kids – how many do you have again?
Me: Three. Thanks dad, but you do not have to give me any money.
Dad: You need to come on over here and get this. I have been holding it for you and you need to get it, it is not much but the kids can buy themselves something and you can get a little something for yourself.
Me: I know, but you keep it.
Dad: Just call me and let me know when you are coming to get it. How is your mother doing?
Me: (UGH) She is doing fine.
Dad: Tell her to call me when she comes back in town.
Me: Okay, I will.

My mother lives in Mocha City about fifteen minutes from his ass since she moved from Hotlanta in April, but he do not need to know that. This man always ask me about my mother is doing and truth be told, if I told her I spoke to him, she ask about him. Well guess what? I do not tell the other anything about each other; they can try to hook up on their own time.

I know my father reason for trying to give me the money but honestly, I do not care. I feel sad sometimes that my kids do not get to see that side of my family; I mean my grandmother is a trip and it would be nice for them to see their great grandmother who is still spunky and tells everyone she is 50 with 28 years of experience. She is so beautiful, she is the only one I miss, and I see so much of myself in her – my height, my complexion, my looks, my humor, but with all that said I am content. I speak to her occasionally, the last time we talked was Sunday, before that I do not know.

I am seriously okay with our relationship and he needs to be too. My husband, friends and mother (of all people) tell me I am wrong and I should not be like that (do not know what they mean).

It would have been nice to grow up with my father, but at the same time, I had my uncle in my life and my stepdad, so I do not feel like I missed much because they were always there. When I went in labor the first time, I would not go to the hospital until my uncle came all the way from Chocolate City to the other side of MD to take me to the hospital and he did it and soon as I got there I had College boy, his father was not to pleased that I could not leave until my uncle got there but tough cookie. Sang for joy when I graduated from high school and then college. When I bought my house, my uncle was there crying and told me how proud he was of me and then turned around and told me what I needed to do with my damn yard and then showed me how to garden correctly (this man gets on my nerve in that department).

So, for me I am happy I had men in my life who picked up the slack when another man didn’t feel the need to and yes he may want to make amends now, but I AM A GROWN AS WOMAN and really just don’t see the need. I am never mean; I always answer his calls, sometimes call him, and say dad or daddy and I love you when he says it to me. I mean him no ill will at all, so why do I need to let him in as everyone says? I just do not get it. I am always accused of been hard and I am not, I am just logical.

Damn, how in the hell did this post switch from my son and his dad to me and my dad. Anywho.


RealHustla said...

I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't know why people think it's okay to tell you how you are being when they haven't had to live the life you had. It's like, he wasn't a father to you, and now that he's in your life, you're supposed to start today as if there was never anything wrong.

About Stephon and his admiration for his dad. After reading that, guess I don't have to be jealous that I've never been written about as my little man's hero anymore. I'll try not to be. But damn, can I make one school paper?!

Brothers Blog said...

That's great. I wish more kids had fathers/father figures to look up to and inspire to be like. Although I understand your husband's point because I want my son to be so much greater than I am. But that's just a man thing.

As for your dad I am sadly in that same boat. He recently sent a couple of gifts for my son's 5th bday last month. They arrived 2weeks after his day and were nothing major at all. I compared that to what my mom who is here in his life did for him and it just didn't even compare. But I guess I was thankful this is the first time he's ever done anything and my son played with them and enjoyed. But it's a difficult situation much like you described here.