Seven Random Facts

7 Random Facts! Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog
2. Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself
3. Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs. Let each person know that they've been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

I have been tagged by Patrice

So, let’s see what I will share

1. I am a lefty that uses my right hand for everything (no cop out fuggly scissors for me).
2. I think someone is spying on me when I go to public bathrooms. Therefore, I make faces and wave at the vents just in case cameras are there and I want them to know I am aware.
3. I read the Washington Post everyday. If someone reads it before I touch it, I cannot read it. I HAVE to read it first, unfold it, and touch it. I do not want an ugly, creaseless paper, all wrinkled up. Once at my old job, one of my coworkers asked to read my paper, just the sports section real quick. This guy Olu, said shit, Urban is not gonna let you read her paper until she touches every section, unfold it and then she will give it to you. He ain’t never lied.
4. My mom is my bestest (I know it is not a word, remember when people use to say that) friend in the whole world (she is about to lose that status if she keeps acting up – she will be here in two weeks, cannot wait). Anyway, I am happy that she disciplined me. She has made me into the Woman, wife, mother, friend, crazy person I am today and I still call her mommy.
5. I do not believe in marriage. Funny, I should say that since I am married. Well, just remember, me and Mr. Urban has been together for almost 16 years, but we have only been married since March (got married because of the govment, I have property now). Two weeks after meeting him, he told me I was going to be his wife and have his babies, and I thought this fool was crazy. Especially since, he was not my type. I figured we could be friends, but no haps on the relationship aspect. Well, well!! I do not believe you have to be married to have a great relationship or being married JUST, for the kids….um how many kids are screwed up behind this one. I am not saying go out and get married or do not get married – do you, I did me. I can honestly say we are in LOVE, actually probably more today than 16 years ago, I was a baby, what did I know about that word. Let me just tell ya, my baby still says I am sexy (just told me this weekend), he calls me everyday at work and text me, and we are still knocking boots on a regular and enjoying each other company and that is not just blog talk. (Although, I still am holding on, I still have not changed my last name yet officially and he is pissed, but hey).
6. I believe in God, but I do not believe in organized religion and I do not attend church any more. Today’s church is not what it use to be. I was the 5 day church girl, in the church choir (can’t sing a lick), vacation bible school, banquets, all that! Do you all remember the Spring Concerts with the ugly dresses, your Aunt, or Granny made (can you say set up or HAM)? So, why am I, so turned off, you ask? I got tired of the fakery. I have so many reverends in my family that you would think that could not be possible. People claiming they are Christians, or acting holier than thou who are really snakes in the grass and use Christianity to get what they want or promote businesses, or their behavior (you all do remember slavery). I have a very low tolerance for this, hell our President was re-elected because of religion. My sister is the worst case, she has to tell me every second that she is saved and I am like um, you don’t have to tell me your saved, your action will tell me (TRUST, her actions says loud and clear that she is NOT, but who am I to judge.). Of course, it pisses her off, which means, I succeeded. (Cript walking)
7. Okay, last, quick, weird, random fact. I use to make mashed potato or spaghetti sandwiches. Do not know why, I just did, I guess I figured since it is on the plate, and they will end up in the same place. Why not just eat it together instead of separate (even though Ma Dukes had a No Sandwich Making Rule at the table - Meany). I also, still eat bologna sandwiches with plain potato chips on it – THE BEST!!!

This was fun and let me see, whom I would like to learn more about. I tag these seven Knitrix:

Lisa , Amanda , Cici , Knitfloozy , Yarnfettish , Bev Lov , and last but not least Sheila

Just a couple of questions????

Hey folks,

Since I served up that long angry post yesterday, I figured I'd keep it light for the weekend. So, I have a couple questions for ya???

1. Why do men over the age of 5, well 40 still get their hair braided? Especially when they are rocking the moon in the middle? or a snatch back? (I swear for goodness, I have seen both version and they THOUGHT they looked good)

2. Why do some women get weaves without a perm? The hair is suppose to look blended in like it is yours, right? Right? Or it is suppose to look nappy, like taco meat in the front, and silky smooth all over? I'm just asking.

3. Why do women still put their hair in two ponytails? I mean grown ass women with a part down the middle, hair dangling? Um 40 and over? (saw this on the bus today and she looked every bit of 55)

4. Why do women try to put their hair in a ponytail and they don't have any hair to really get in there?? They use all types of grease and all that and at the end a little tiny piece may have made it through? A wishtail!!!

5. Why are crackheads always dancing or moving? Do you remember Gator? He was a dancing fool or what about Halle Berry (she plays the hell out of a crackhead - remember her as Gator's gf and in Saving Issiah). Do they hear special music? WTF!

6. Ms. Jay Alexander? Why? Why is Miss Jay allowed in the fashion industry? Okay, so he can teach models how to walk? But what about styling? I hear him cut people up on the red carpet and I am like WHAT??? Have you looked in the mirror - come on stop playing!!! Again, please explain I'm perplexed to say the least. Oh and why you are at it explain Wendy Williams too!! HAM!!

I hope everyone have a wonderful weekend after they help me out with these questions????

In the case of beat that ass

Or what will happen if you don't.

What will this post be about? You guessed it - a crazy ass parent being run over by their child/children. I don't know where to begin because she is really a good friend of mine and a nice person, but she don't read my blog, soooooo..... that means I can put her ish on blast.

So, she calls me this morning and is damn near in tears? She says I just don't know what to do anymore. What happened? The boys were fighting in the car while I was driving and I had to pull over and put the oldest out the damn car. What?

The youngest (16) asked the oldest for his keys 3 times nicely. The oldest (17) didn't respond. Finally, the youngest said give me my fucking keys and he turned and said no bitch, don't you see I am eating. He than says you are going to give me my fucking keys and he says, here take your fucking keys and threw them. The youngest threw his backpack at him and it was on. So the youngest ends up with a bloody nose and she kicked the oldest out the car. They must have been up the street from the house because she dropped the youngest at school. And then went back home to check on the oldest because he didn't have keys to get in the house. SHE FELT GUILTY BECAUSE IT WAS RAINING AND HE SHOULDN'T STAY OUTSIDE (shouldn't he be going to school too).

I asked her, was she drinking this morning? She said, what? I said continue the story. So, she get home he is not outside BUT inside the house. She asked him how did he get in? He said the window was opened. She said the window was opened - he said, that's what i said (ya'll how come he can still talk, he would have been missing teeth with all the cussing, right 'chere he would of caught some blows to the chin and that would be the least of it).

I said, he said what!!! I said, I hoped you fucked him up, she said I just told him don't touch the car and he said well how am I going to get to work. I said did you specifically tell him that he can NOT drive and HE will not be driving under any circumstances she says - he knows. (I told her not to let him get his learners/license/car)

I said dear heart he doesn't know, didn't you tell him not to get a tattoo and both of their asses got one, saying they thought you were okay with it!!!!!!!! Yes, you read it. Let me give you the low down on that one. So, in the summer she said how the oldest wanted a tattoo and that she told him that she was not signing a consent form (she & I thought if you were under 18 you needed a consent form). His dad said he thought it was okay (he is not in the house and he also thinks it is okay to smoke weed as long as it is in a group - tell you that one another time). Well they go and get tattoos at the time 15 and 16 and she is livid, but they were like. We told you we were going to do it and you said whatever, so we got it. I said, well did you tell them that, did they tell you. She said, yeah, because I thought they couldn't get it - uuuuuggggghhhhh!!!

Okay, so after that incident the oldest was allowed to get his license and she bought him a car. I just don't get it!!! He has serious problems!!! But when he is around me, my husband other people he can be the sweetest child.

Solution: What difference do it makes if you are not going to put your foot down (or up his ass)!!! I would have caved his damn chest in. How dare you use such language around me, I am 33 yrs old, and I have never, EVA used language like that around my mother. She would give me the back hand and you know the older generation know how to work that back hand like a weapon, won't even see it coming. She is talking about putting him out, but when he go over his dad's house she goes back and forth picking him up and allowing them to do whatever. Besides the fighting, I can't get over the blatant disrespect in front of me and guess what??? She never bought up the language, I HAD TOO!!! WTF!?!?!

So, the question is what would you do? We already KNOW what Jesus is going to do!!!!

Oh and for now on I will be comment jacking Patrice style. So if you want a response you will be able to check back, I tried replying to emails, but some are blocked.

Weekend Foolishness

How was the weekend you ask? (it's now the middle of the week - no one is asking anymore)

Well it was okay. It started out with me and husband trying to get the Worst Parents of the Year Award. Before we left to go out we were trying to determine what to give the kids to eat. I thought we were going to go to Costco and shop and get a pizza (their pizza is delicious). But the hubby was like no, we can give them some Oodles and Noodles, I said that is messed up!! How are we going to go out and give them some noodles, oh wait, hell they can make sandwiches. And we bounced!!

So, we love this Mexican resteraunt but we didn't feel like going all the way out there so we decided to go to this Bison place Ted's Montana Grill. The place was really nice, atmosphere was gorgeous for a chain. What did we order - I had the bowl of New England Clam Chowder and Crab cakes, asparagus and a avocado relish. He had the Chili and Prime Rib. Now remember we went there for the Bison (or at least he did). And they had CUCUMBER salad instead of the free bread that most places shove down your throat.

Well people I am a very picky person and ask me if I liked the place. Okay, well thanks for asking. I give this place an A for atmosphere and a Nope for the salty ass food. I will give it one more try - Only because I should have known better - you don't go to a bison resteraunt ordering seafood, I should have order what they specialize in. What I did enjoy besides the atmosphere - the margarita on the rocks with Patron.

Oh an Maryland is the land of the crab cakes - why was Cumin in mine (wtf), at least that is what it taste like. It was not good, the aparagus was so delicious, and I LOVE avocados so the relish was good. Cumin crab crakes and rubbery clams was not a good look. Husband loved all his food.

We leave the place and "try" to go to the movies to see Tyler's new movie and we think we should be okay because we are in VA and it's not the opening weekend. The tickets are $20.00 and we are full and figure we will top it off with ColdStone after. WELL, well, let me tell you.
We get in and sit down and people are acting up. Someone thinks they're a comedian and their old ass is not funny and then this old lady comes in and start yelling CURTIS, CURTIS where are you, STAND UP, I CAN'T SEE YOU. We look at each other and are like are they serious!!! Still, we don't want to leave, but a baby is starting to cry and Ma and em are ignoring the chile. I looked at him he looked at me and was like let's bounce!!! Stand in the guest line and get our damn tickets.

Because it was early we were able to stop on the way more at Burger King to get the BeyBey kids some food. Karma is a motherflucker (or three kids that didn't go out to eat with us).

Saturday - me and husband hung out - got our shop on (but this is normal, so it doesn't count as a date)

Sunday - I went to the Redskins Game. Hail to the Redskins!!

I was shopping with the husband and she called and was like - let's go look at some Men's ass and I said okay, I am down. For free - why not!! And my MIL lives right by the stadium, so we parked at her house and walked right in.

This should have been posted already but I was waiting to get the pictures off of my phone, however Karma is still playing tricks on me - having issues with tmobile - so maybe later.

Watch out there now!!!

Two posts in one day!!!!

My day is getting better!!! Hubby just called and said, I want to take you out tonight - just you not the kids (until the past year we use to do it this a lot). Than he is going to hit me with - but, I know you want to take the kids.

SSSSSHHHIIITTTT - them leeches can stay right at home!!! College boy is 18 and the other two is 13 and 8. I will cook something for them or buy something on the way home (so they don't burn down the dang house) and leave them with plenty of junk food and cable (parental block). There should be no fights because they have there own rooms (is this a prayer - I made myself laugh writing that one). Note to self turn my cell phone off!! That way they will have to call their father and TRUST they will not be calling him. They know off the top his answer is Hell NO. Me - I cave in because I just want you to be quiet and half the time I am ignoring you (glad no one has bought a rifle or drugs).

I'll holla!!! Have a great weekend!!!

What's in a word....

My day has been really crazy this morning and I don't have time to discuss all that. So, to make my self laugh or to feel better I am going to tell you about this lady on the bus and two on the train.

Train first: Can someone tell me the definition of screet and scremf?

I am on the train this morning and this LOUD ass woman, was telling all her business talking about her baby daddy. Nothing wrong with that, we (passengers) just feel like it's early in the damn morning can you keep your conversation on the low and between you and your intended target (but she was proud ya'll and didn't see anything wrong with it). Anyway, back to the schedule story. So, she said yeah gurl, I was running for the bus and asked the Lawd to give me scremf I picked the baby up and ran down the screet. Her friend said screet? You mean street. Gurl you know what I am saying screet/street whateva. I am slumped in my seat, like damn - correct strength!!!

Bus next: Can someone please tell me who in the Sams Hell is Bamarama?
Okay, after I got off the train I got on the bus. And another LOUD lady, she is known to be loud, I swear she is deaf and don't know when someone is ignoring her ass. She said hi 10 times to this lady before the lady spoke (like DAMN, Hi Bitch, we ain't friends). I was about to say DAMN, will you please answer her loud ass, I know you hear her, because I hear her her ass all the way back here!!! I ring the bell for my stop and am about to get off when I heard the funniest got damn thing. Loud ass said, are you going to the thing today - the program, the ignoring lady said what thing, Loud ass said - get this people, hold on to your mutherflucking chairs. The ceremony today with President Bush and Bamarama.

Who in the Sams Hell is Bamarama - do she mean Obama!!! I am so happy I was getting off, I almost fell - seriously it took all my scremf and if she wanted to beat the hell out of beat she sure cudda. The bus driver was laughing so hard and looking at me and Loud ass was CLUELESS.

Thank God because she looked like she would shank a sistah and I would NOT have been able to make it down the screet.

I might have to create a WAMA (bus/metro) corner - I have so many stories! Like the time when.......

Have a nice weekend!!!!

My weekend went a liitle something like this.

Switch summer clothes out of EVERYONES closet to fall/winter clothes and put unwanted/donated clothes in the closets on the 1st floor. So, I got my exercise running/walking to the first floor ALL the way up to the 3rd floor.

Me and the hubby went to Home Depot and took a tiling class. I had to tell Mr. Cool to stop jumping in front of the ladies and let them do it too. Every time Mr. Home Depot said who wants to try, I swear he look like he was going to take one of the ladies out - elbow to the tatas or something. I asked him about it later and he said, well no one act like they wanted to do it or get dirty (I believe he was referring to me, when we left the house he said, why do you have on those pants and are you wearing heels - YUP). The class was really good and we learned a lot - so foyer, kitchen & bathrooms here we come!!! We also picked another paint color - we will see.

Sunday, we watched football and hubby cooked a potroast - it was his first and it was pretty good. I don't know if i am saying that because I didn't have to cook or what.

I also started on my resume AGAIN!!! People redoing/adding to your resume is hard work. Ugh, well wish me luck I am still working on it.

Knit news: I have decided that I will work on Starsky on the bus to/fro work. I am finished one sleeve and am making progress on the second. I don't believe I will be wearing this sweater, I believe I will be gifting this to my mother (who will be here in Nov- yeah!) or a girlfriend. Ene is starting to look lovely, I started her over because I thought I made a mistake, well I am now on row 9 and love the way she looks on the Knitpick Options. I will try and take a picture but you know she won't look pretty since the lace will look all squished up.

AL GORE FOR PRESIDENT!!!! So.....what did you do??

Husband Never Ending Scarf

So....

Coach coupon/Husband scarf, I won't bore you too much It's Fridddddaaaayyyy!!!

A little background, remember the Coach coupon - well here is the bag. I love this bag. I love it because it is big and I think classy - you can dress it up or down. The inside of the bag have all the C's and I think that is a cute touch and sterling feet (I forgot to take pics and the buckle is cute too). Okay, enough bag love, but she is the reason I got the coupon and traded the coupon to get the Noro Kureyon.

Fuggly pictures - as you can see I only have brownies left after buying the bag.



Here is the scarf. Remember how I said I could not STAND how rough it was, well after handling it for awhile and after washing the scarf it soften up.



And here I am trying to style in my downstairs bathroom (my daughter walked by rolling her eyes - she told me I was pressed - I should have said do you remember our contract, and popped her, but than that would be abuse - DAMN!!)



Husband Never Ending Scarf - 4 balls of Noro Kureyon #164 , needle 4.5

So, I cast on 96 stitches, slipped the first stitch of every row and knit this baby up EVERY row so it was boring, but easy as hell and the Noro did the work with the colors. The slipped stitch gave it a nice finished touched

I had to stretch it out to get to 9 inches wide and 52 inches long. I wish I had another ball but hey, I got it for free. Results - the husband loved it, I was worried about the colors and he loves it - now my daughter wants one.

So, as you know, I have to give some shout outs: I want to thank my mama and 'em. Placenta and the twins and AntMan. Hey, I knits a pretty damn good scarf for FREE!!! Priceless.

AL GORE FOR PRESIDENT!!!!

Have a great weekend!!

It's FRIDAY!!!

Hey knitrixs I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I will leave you with a list of names.

Need I say why....
Orenthal Simpson

This was just too hilarious!!!
Michael Jackson mugshot
James Brown mugshot

Oh and Michaels brother Jermaine because he is greasy (Chris Rock was right).

Have a good one!!!

Do you have a contract with your kid/s????

Contract much??? HELL TO THE NAW

First of all, not much knit news, so you might want to read this paragraph and than keep it moving if you just came for the knitting (can't be possible, I am slow as heck - still love ya, please stay). I am still working on the husband never ending scarf, hopefully I will finish today.

Real news - contracts.
This weekend the MIL came over for her son bday (he is so spoiled). Anyway, she asked us how was our daughter doing mouth wise since she is a teenager - you know how teenagers can be. We said, she is doing fine, we don't have problems like that. Don't get me wrong, she is your semi-typical teenager, but she knows her parents are not having it. We just aren't I believe in discipline - PERIOD.

Anyway, so MIL said, that is good, I figured, but I was wondering if you had a contract. We were like a what? a contract (we said it at the same time)? She said, yeah a contract, I said I have never heard of a contract, what the heck is it. She said, well you know Brandy (his 1st cousin, actually the chic who hooked us up 15 and counting years ago.. anyway, let's keep it moving.. dang, I say that too much), is having a problem with Brittany (same age as my daughter). She said Brit's mouth is off the hook (um, saw this coming that is why I make excuses so she can't come over my house - no dear heart, I will be slitting my wrists this weekend, or playing with traffic, hit me up next weekend).

So, a contract was made between this child and her parents. I said please tell me what's in the contract? Is the child giving permission to get flucked up if they sass me? And I don't have to feed them? If the police is called, what will they say - oh, you signed the contract little girl your mom can whip your ass? Someone please tell these folks that a contract with a minor is not legally binding!!! When did we start making contracts with our kids?

THIS IS SOME BULLSHIGGITY!!!

I told his mother that we already have a contract with our kids. We work our ass off everyday so that they can eat, have a roof over their heads and some other good stuff. Their part of the contract states that they will be well behaved in and out of our presence, clean up and go to college. Now, if they get out of pocket and act up, we will handle our business, does not mean a spanking, not that I am against them, but my kids really don't act up that badly to receive them (but that little one, I'm just saying, I can see him trying us and messing up the damn program - I will do a post on him alone).

However, if my kids believe that they cant handle our rules and I did hit one of them upside the head (not abuse) and they decide to call the POPO, it is on like butter POPpopcorn, I will give them a reason to really dial them digits and they got to go. I do too much for you to be calling someone on me. I can't tell you how many parents I know use the POPO as a excuse for not disciplining their kids - you can't spank these kids now a days, they will call the police on you. WHATEVER, damn do something. I know parents who are getting cussed out by their kids and some more - again another post.

Little story before I go.

The last asswhipping I received (I wasn't a bad kid - just sneaky as my mother always said and, if you told me I was going to get a spanking I damn near had a heart attack), I really got a good one, a double one. Here's why.

After getting my asswhiped, I went in my room and took out one of the childabuse brochures and put it on the bed beside me (just so happen we had a thing at school about it, you should know by now that I am a smartass, just a tad and a little sarcastic). Well, my mother had to walk past my room to get to the bathroom. She walked back to her room and low and behold, Ma Dukes came in their and wore my ass out again and told me - NOW YOU GOT SOMETHING TO CALL THEM FOR!!!

A sistah ain't pick up that phone and that is why I am hear today to tell this story. Again, I am not advocating spanking, or abusing your kids. I'm just saying Man the FLUCK up and handle your business with these bad ass kids and discipline them.

Phew, I know I said that was it - but heres the kicker, about two months ago this child was on the phone with this boy at 1 in the morning and her mom was like - she said they were studying?????? AND her mother is always talking about everybody hates her because she has everything - And you wonder why you and her father are makin bogus ass contracts.

Contract much??? So, have you made your contract with your kids?

Oh My Goodness

How I missed you!!!! Let me tell you it has been a crazy month!! This is NOT the first time I tried to post. I don't know what's going on with my laptop, but it won't let me post to my blog at work or at home!!! At first, I thought my boss was trying to set a sistah up, until I tried at home and could not get on. I still can't get on with the laptop, so I am on the home dinosaur (you know I am lazy).

Anyway, so I have a lot to tell you, but I am going to keep it to a minimum today (we will see). So, let's keep it moving.

Coach
Okay, so when I went to Myrtle Beach in July I bought a Coach for me and my daughter (a starter - nothing big, really, however, I did get a talk'in to from the dh), I meant to show you the bag (cousin to Precious) but as you know I am lazy (not proud of it, but it is, what it is).

Coach is about that dollar and know how to make a girl feel special. I get to work and I have a message that they are having a preferred customer sale (which normally don't happen) AND I had a coupon waiting for me at the house (DEVIL - I rebuke you). Of course my mouth is watering, because I need a wallet (than I have to remember the money mantra from one of my fav financial guru's - sister's say it with me if it is not on your ass it is not a asset), or a scarf, um they got some nice flats right now and with a 25% coupon the price was looking right (Lawd, fo Jesus)

Okay, let's get this story moving, I go on Ravelry to get my stalker on and I see this post asking to trade Coach coupon for Yarn. Bam, a trade is born. She got the coupon (and a cute bag) and I got 4 skeins of Noro Kureyon for my husband scarf. I gotta tell you though, I was kind of blown by the scratchy ass yarn, very pretty, but it will need to soak. I am almost finish and hopefully will have something to share (um, if I feel like sitting at the dinosaur). I should of went for the STR or IRO, but the yarn was kinda girly, BUT NO, I tried to be all wifey and stuff.

So, I am damn near finished knitting his scarf - his birthday was Friday, but don't fret or feel sorry for him - he got something, much, MUCH better - ya feel me!!

I will write about the weekend tomorrow and hopefully get back on track - 2 post in September...hum who do she think SHE is....um....procrastiknitrix.

I have to say in my defense though, I have been keeping up with everyone else and posting. See ya on your blog PPPPPEEEEEAAAAACCCCCEEEE