Thursday, August 07, 2008

I HAVE NO EYEBROWS!!!

Setting: 2:00 a.m. in the morning.

Roll over, cannot sleep, and cannot breathe. What the hell? Someone is trying to kill me. I think it is Mr. Conservative. What in the hell did he eat? Hmph, was it the vegetarian baked beans? I do not think so, he has eaten them numerous times with no problems. Maybe it was that nasty honeydew melon he continued to eat AFTER he said it tasted funny.

Oh LAWD, I need air, damn it. I have to get up and make it to the window. I do want to live and see my 35th bday and see Mr. Stefon grow up and move out. Nevertheless, this man beside me must be working on a secret weapon for the government and it is inside him.

This feels like an episode of Snapped. I am going to have to check our insurance papers because he might have upped the numbers without my notice. Damn shame. Well, I will not have to go and get my eyebrows waxed, since I no longer have any and if I had a mustache and nose hair that would be gone too.

11 comments:

Carmell said...

HA HA!!! gurl i woke up to a funk like that the other night!! i could have sworn something died in my husband's a$$!!! OMG it was horrible. i almost had to get up and leave. i don't know what he ate either. my husband does the same thing... keep eating stuff that doesn't taste right. DUH STOP EATING IT. to this day he still says that i tried to kill him 6 years ago when i cooked liver for the first time. no one else ate it and he got food poisoning. and he said it taste funny..

Virtuous said...

ROTFL!!!

Sheila said...

Why do this seem like dejavu!!! lol

NikkiJ said...

That just ain't riiiiight. And I guess he sleep was all the more peaceful because he was being relieved.

Knitaholictoo said...

ROTFL, no he didn't...

Cas... said...

Oh gurl! I feel for you! Was it one of those silent but deadly ones! LOL!

Hang in there!

Pajnstl said...

now see i thought id be reading abt a disaster trip to the nail salon. lol

Eryka Jackson said...

That is so funny! It reminds me of my Ron, who eats alot of vegetarian crap and gets rather expressive himself. Of course he made me swear I would never write about it. But girl the man can clear a room!

cici said...

Lord have mercy. I bet he has his side of the story to tell. ROFL

Lisa said...

Wuhloss, now you know it's off the scale when it wakes you up!

KnitFloozy said...

lawdamercy gyal!!!! you got me crying at my desk!!!!