Tuesday, November 18, 2008

No Little Mr. Stefons Over Here!!

Me: Um, what you doing you better get it.
Mr. Conservative: There isn’t any.
Me: WHAT (you know I am HOT MAD!!, Pissed!!)
Mr. Conservative: I thought it was some in the drawer, but it is not.
Me: Cut the light on.

Ya’ll we turned that fucking drawer up. Nothing. We looked like crack addicts, trying to come up with anything, well how about.....what if I ....... well you could......

Me: Um, I think I got some in the closet in my lingerie drawer.

I’m throwing panties, bras and some other good shit on the floor. GOT IT!!

Mr. Conservative: You found one.
Me: Nosy as hell…..look at the package because this shit has been there a long time.


Next day leaving work…….

I go to WrongAide (I really hate this store, but hell I figure I take one for the team) because it is by the subway, and I figured let me stock up, since he can’t handle business. The security guards at the store on U Street act like the customers are Obama and they are Secret Service. I am looking at magazines and this fucker keeps walking by, I am like um, okay is he watching me. I have a suit on, very urban chic, not homeless looking, or someone willing to do time for a fucking magazine.

Why the hell this mother fucker come back and act like he is fixing the magazines?

RentACop: Excuse me we don’t allow that.
Me: You don’t allow what?
RentACop: People looking at the magazines.
Me: (laughing) Are you serious?
RentACop: Yes.

Me: Bullshit, if I am buying I am previewing. Keep your magazine.

Yes, Ma’am I said it, what type of bullshiggity is that. I am mad as hell and heading out when I remember the condoms. The hell if I am leaving without them. Of course if the secret service is spying on me looking at magazines you know the condoms are locked up.

Me: Excuse me sir, do you have a key for the condom (whispering and talking fast).
Idiot #1: What? (It sound like he yelled, but he probably didn’t).
Me: Do you have a key for the condoms?
Idiot #1: WHY the hell this fool YELL across the room to Idiot #2, YOU GOT THE KEYS TO THE CONDOM?
Me: **DEAD** Just standing there like are you serious? I mean really!!
Idiot #2: Yells back, no I don’t got the condom key ask Idiot #3. YES everyone in the store is looking in my directions.

Why in the hell Idiot #1 is about to start yelling at Idiot #3, I said, you know what fuck it, I am not coming back to this damn store. I gave my husband a good yelling out for that one. He thought it was the funniest fucking thing…………….well not for long, because when his ass rolled over that night it was no haps because THIS NEGRO DID NOT STOP AND GET ANY

Mr. Conservative: I am about to go to the corner store.
Me: Oh really, that’s’ good, I am about to go to sleep.

PEACE!! Well, it actually wasn’t peace, but ain’t no little Mr. Stefons’ over here.


Christie said...

YOu are too much...

Amanda said...


That is seriously hilarious!

Pajnstl said...

WTH!!! When did this happen? lol A HOT MESS!! and i hate that they lock shit up. If i need something and it's locked i go to a different store.

Nelly Knits said...

LOL too funny!

Knitaholictoo said...

U got me crackin' me up! OH LAWD!

Anonymous said...

ROTFL!!! They did not call you out like that, OMG. Thank goodness you weren't buying K-Y!!!