Sunday, July 12, 2009

Crack Tales #2

Okay, it’s early in the morning and I can’t sleep. The best part of not sleeping is good movies. I am watching Taxi Driver with crazy ass Robert DeNiro, one of my fav actors. Anywho, back to crazy conversation number two.

Were all outside, chilling, getting our grub on and because my sister is acting holier than thou, someone said how she seems much calmer than what she normally is and bought up a few things in her past. Her husband decided to tell us when he noticed he had a fighter on his hand. And here is how the story went.

Mr. TMI: I use to think she was the sweetest thing when I met her, but one day I was selling “avon” right and I was over this white girl house selling avon and your sister thought something else was going on. So, she comes down there and get me and we are talking and the next thing I know a straight jab to the face – Bam! I looked at her and I am trying to understand because I know she didn’t just hit me. Than another straight jab – Bam. After that another straight jab. Now see these were not ordinary jabs. These jabs were hard as hell, straight to the face. I decided then, I am going to have to fight her ass like a man. We tussling and I pick her ass up and while I am picking her up, she is quick and grabbed a pole. She hit me three times upside the head. My knees buckled and I was saying to myself stay awake. Were out there going at it and the next thing I knew she stabbed me in my neck. See here is the mark right here. She didn’t even care, her ass packed up my avon and sold it while I was in the hospital.

Urban: Wow, all of this and you still married her.

Mr. TMI: Well were straight now. We are not the same we talk about everything now, nice and calm. I am shocked that my little man made it here because she was pregnant with him at the time, but we didn’t know about it.

WHAT THE FUCK

Everyone was silent. I mean damn, we do not know about fighting our men in trailer parks or wally world parking lots. We do not know about selling avon. Again, dude this is the first time we are meeting you. Find out what the people are like, before you tell us your crack tales. That way you know it’s safe to tell all your damn business, if not, you will hear birds chirping after you tell your story.

2 comments:

Sheila said...

Your sister needs to share a few words with her husbands on the side... (my mom's favorite expression: Keep my mouth like your azz... closed dayumit.

LoverofWords said...

I have to tell you that I laughed so hard at this story. And after the laughter I could hear the birds chirping...
I promise you that you missed your calling you really should be a writer. because you tell a great story.

God Bless
Carla